tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post1770450543800809871..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Second Letter to the Other Woman...Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-15830538140607447372019-07-15T23:39:14.793-04:002019-07-15T23:39:14.793-04:00What I hate is the fact that my family also adores...What I hate is the fact that my family also adores my h. I don't think they'll continue to love him if they are to know what a cheat he was. I don't know if they had noticed my more that half a yr struggle last yr when I was miserable and silently raging especially my mother whom I meet on the daily basis. If they did they didn't tell me that they noticed (or maybe I am a talented actress). I knew that I could make my h come clean if I have a solid evidence and if I confronted him personally and not just via chat or call since I will not be able to see his body language and facial expressions. But confirming that truth hurts more than the suspicions. <br /><br />Thank you Elle for letting me vent here...you don't know how helpful this is to me.Artemis 14noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-24044627135730835192019-07-15T23:38:39.250-04:002019-07-15T23:38:39.250-04:00What I hate is the fact that my family also adores...What I hate is the fact that my family also adores my h. I don't think they'll continue to love him if they are to know what a cheat he was. I don't know if they had noticed my more that half a yr struggle last yr when I was miserable and silently raging especially my mother whom I meet on the daily basis. If they did they didn't tell me that they noticed (or maybe I am a talented actress). I knew that I could make my h come clean if I have a solid evidence and if I confronted him personally and not just via chat or call since I will not be able to see his body language and facial expressions. But confirming that truth hurts more than the suspicions. <br /><br />Thank you Elle for letting me vent here...you don't know how helpful this is to me.Artemis 14noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-82942231846482281832019-07-15T23:04:45.411-04:002019-07-15T23:04:45.411-04:00Yes I decided to give my h another chance since I ...Yes I decided to give my h another chance since I can see and feel that he is truly remorseful. I also believe that our relationship deserves another chance since we rarely were together these past 14 yrs. We were together 4 yrs as bf/gf (2 yrs of the 8 yrs were spent on LDR since we were already working at the time) and 12 yrs working away from us. I think being away from me and having a lot of oppurtunity gave him the idea to cheat but who knows? I told him that he should look hard inside of himself for the hidden reason that resulted to his cheating on me. Another reason is my children who adores him. I grew up without a father who died when I was only a 2 month old baby and I don't want them to be without a father. But if he acted poorly and/or an asshole then I won't even consider taking back his cheating ass. Actually Jan this yr I was contemplating on telling him to fuck off and don't even come home but decided against it when my boys told me repeatedly that they were looking forward to being with their dad again. It feels like a stab to the heart. Artemis 14noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-14948117673018838612019-07-15T19:14:59.166-04:002019-07-15T19:14:59.166-04:00Thankfully that thing never happened again and I r...Thankfully that thing never happened again and I really pray that the bitch finally got tired of pursuing my h and look for another to whom she could bring all her craziness. But if something like this ever happen again I swear I'll ruin her life! I know I promised her ex not to drag their children into this but the bitch is asking for it! Sometimes I am rational and is trying to talk sense into myself that doing that is just inviting problems but I can't seem to stop myself from fantasizing about ruining her life! Help!Artemis 14noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-51673318162260666802019-07-15T14:57:52.520-04:002019-07-15T14:57:52.520-04:00Sigh...yep pretty normal. You've been through ...Sigh...yep pretty normal. You've been through hell Artemis14. Like HELL!! What a lunatic that woman is. And dangerous. Bringing your son into it is beyond the pale. <br />So, give yourself time to stabilize after so much instability. Try and focus on what your husband is doing now - sounds as though he truly recognizes the price you've paid for his dumbass choices. <br />Time will tell -- you'll either regain your respect for him or you won't. But, for now, it sounds as though you're willing to give him the time to prove that he's worthy of the second chance you're giving him. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12947780870490110663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-38535650999184632642019-07-12T23:41:46.473-04:002019-07-12T23:41:46.473-04:00He immediately gone No contact with the ow after c...He immediately gone No contact with the ow after calling her via messenger in front of me saying that he love his family especially me his wife. The ow was bitter but consented to parting ways but I am wary since before the call we (me and the ow) engaged in a heated argument. I told her that she was a cheap and desperate slut that opens her legs to every married man who comes her way. Which is true but she claimed that she was pained by what I said. I also told her that she should be on guard because she has a teenage daughter that looks up to her and that maybe the girl will get the idea that it is okay to be as loose as her mother when she grows up.<br />I braced myself to her breaching the no contact agreement and true to my intuition she created a fake account on fb and messaged me nonstop from Feb to May. I knew that it was her since she sent pictures of them together, claiming that "she" "found" an account of my h and that he posted it. But I know that it can't be since he surrendered his phone to me on dday. (jan 26th) the pictures were posted on feb. So I knew that its not him who posted them. She told me things that I felt that was designed to taunt me and to make me engaged her again but my h told me it is better if me ignore her and stick to NC. I deleted my account and he also deleted his. But this May my 11 yr old son received a message from another fake account asking for his dad. It was just fortunate that we already told our sons to tell us anything weird that might happen to his account and to not respond to any message from anyone that he doesn't know of. So he told us and I made sure to secure my son's account. (It turned out that our youngest made our family pic as his profile pic that's why the bitch found him. I was disgusted! The bitch was so desperate to contact my h through my son's account. How could she! My son is just a boy and she wanted to drag him to this mess that she and my CH made?! Unbelievable!<br />My husband was also disgusted and told me that he hated himself for all this mess and for bringing us to this mess. I told him that its too late and that he should be 100% accountable and that he should face all the consequences and drama that ensued from his mistake. <br />He was very remorseful and did everything that will make me feel whole again such as ditching his cp and internet altogether. The thing lays forgotten in a drawer somewhere around the house. Refused to leave us again and take steps to build a small business in our place vs going to work overseas again. Did all the work around the house and such. Leave the house only when necessary and always with one of our sons (if not with me) etc...<br />But the thing is...I still wake up hating him some of the days but other times I feel okay...is that normal?Artemis 14noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-21664485614232615432019-07-12T23:05:51.643-04:002019-07-12T23:05:51.643-04:00Ours was a relationship riddled by physical distan...Ours was a relationship riddled by physical distance for so many years because my H had to work on another city about 8 hrs from where we live at that time for 8 yrs. After that he worked on another country for 6 more yrs making our 12 yrs of married life an LDR. It was very hard and very lonely for the both of us. We were looking forward to being together Jan. this yr. But around this time last yr I came upon an anonymous fb message from someone who claimed to be a friend of the ow. My world crushed down all around me and I had to put on a brave face alone for the sake of our children . I also had to stay sane for the children that I teach and under my care..I can't falter because of them. I had to stay strong for the sake of my young children that until now were oblivious of all of the drama. I don't want to divulge anything to anyone including my family because I believe that this is OUR problem and ours alone. I don't want to risk having my children learn of my H's mistake, I don't want them to be feel the same pain that I felt. <br />I confronted my H but he vehemently denied the accusation. I also sent a friend request to the Ow and a message in which the bitch answered about a week after..the ow also denied being involved with my h and had the gall to befriend me! Imagine that?<br />I stalked her fb and had to scoof at her attempt to entice my h to "pick her". What a pathetic low life. I befriended her on fb to keep tabs on her and to discourage her on posting anything about my h and her. <br />Jan. this yr my h told me that he will be home on the 21st but I later learned that he came back a week before the said date and spent that time with the ow. The ow's ex partner informed me through messenger sending me a picture of them together.<br />I confronted my h and told him that if he continue denying it I will leave him and I will want nothing to do with his cheating ass again. He broke down and confirmed what I already know, apologized fervently but was hesitant to tell me everything. (to be continued)Artemis 14noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-26176227466924196682019-07-12T10:08:37.090-04:002019-07-12T10:08:37.090-04:00Artemis 14,
I'm glad you found us...but sorry ...Artemis 14,<br />I'm glad you found us...but sorry you needed to. And I'm so glad to hear that you've found advice here helpful. All of us here have been where you are. We've learned, some of us the really hard way, how to move forward with self-respect and self-compassion. <br />It can take a long time before you feel truly past this but it sounds as though you're making good progress. And I'm glad your husband is being honest and open -- that makes a HUGE difference. <br />Keep posting here and reading. As you've already discovered, the women here are incredible and have much wisdom and kindness.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12947780870490110663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-59089375492289604322019-07-12T05:19:02.795-04:002019-07-12T05:19:02.795-04:00Hi everyone...
I just wanted to say thank the gods...Hi everyone...<br />I just wanted to say thank the gods that I found this site. I am very grateful. I've been lurking at this site for almost 2 weeks now and everytime I came here to read I felt that I am not alone in my pain and grief. Following the instructions here I let go of my hurt by writing a letter to the Ow but refrained from sending it. I also ask my H to read it before telling him to burn it together with my pain. That very night he opened up and answered all my questions that I've been itching to ask him and I felt liberated...from all the pain, hopelessness and devastation that his infidelity brought to our marriage. Thank you so much...it felt great.Artemis 14noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-70380319103629296232016-12-06T12:36:45.355-05:002016-12-06T12:36:45.355-05:00Browneyedgirl, I'm so sorry. Betrayal is excru...Browneyedgirl, I'm so sorry. Betrayal is excruciating. Nothing prepared me for how painful it was. But please know, that pain won't last forever. Let yourself feel it because there's no way out of this without feeling it all. But trust that it will dissipate. And recognize too that slivers of joy that will also show up. They'll remind you that it's possible to feel joy, that there's new life waiting for you on the other side of this darkness. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-78462829534535094172016-12-05T21:58:15.703-05:002016-12-05T21:58:15.703-05:00The discription in this blog is exactly how I feel...The discription in this blog is exactly how I feel. So. Much. Pain.Browneyedgirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-4355738747401737392016-01-05T11:38:45.061-05:002016-01-05T11:38:45.061-05:00None of us deserve this heartbreak -- you're r...None of us deserve this heartbreak -- you're right. And I'm glad you've made such progress. Some guys really do finally understand how destructive they're being to not just us but themselves. Some, sadly, do not. <br />That was Steam's brilliant "My heartbreak, my rules" and I'm sure it has empowered many on this site to define their own reconciliation. Amen to that.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-87373058230703311222016-01-05T11:29:33.933-05:002016-01-05T11:29:33.933-05:00Just reading this letter to the OW for the first t...Just reading this letter to the OW for the first time. Reading your description of the BW's reaction to DD and the entire package of betrayal really hit home. It was spot on! We have just entered year two of our recovery. I say we and our because my husband has been at my side every day and night since DD. I am so happy to say that we have worked very long and hard to begin a new and improved relationship. Good friends, great doctors, and a strength and determination that I did not know I had are some of the reasons I feel we have come as far as we have. The feelings you described only surface occasionally. <br />I recall some one once saying "my heartbreak, my rules" Many of the stories I have read on these pages have also given me the strength and insights. Reading my thoughts in the words of other women has allowed me to know that I am not the first wife nor the last wife to be able to be victorious after all this, no matter which path I take.<br />In your letter, you mention taking full responsibility. Part of our healing is my Husband's acknowledgement that he was the broken one, the one with the problem, not me. I think he understands that more each and every day. He tells me so. The OW, I believe takes no responsibility for her actions, and blames both my husband and me. Go figure. I think someone who has an affair with a married man for 14 years at the same time she is herself married, has to have some responsibility. I have not figured out my closure with her, but I certainly don't want to open another letter from her any time soon. I do believe in Karma. But funny thing I think Karma got it wrong and gave me somebody elses Karma this time around because I didn't deserve this heartache.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-60886058103398682272014-08-03T21:44:07.544-04:002014-08-03T21:44:07.544-04:00I agree. Too often an "apology" is an at...I agree. Too often an "apology" is an attempt to keep the attention focused on them. Better to let them fade into the background.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-75413715778975067482014-08-03T19:50:28.209-04:002014-08-03T19:50:28.209-04:00I received an "apology" from the other w...I received an "apology" from the other woman. It was utter crap. It was multiple paragraphs of how my husband led her on, how my marriage was over and long dead, and that he pursued her relentlessly. And then she lectured me on my husbands lack of integrity. But yes, then she asks ME to forgive her. Why? She never admitted to doing anything wrong. She threw it all back on my husband. She only said she was sorry for the pain the affair caused me... like the affair was some "thing" that no one could control. She didn''t apologize for her ACTIONS. And then she said she was "stepping out of his lifepath". Yeah. That lasted about six weeks before suddenly, whoops. She's back on the lifepath. Posting pictures of my husband on her facebook wall.<br /><br />That's when I replied. YOU ARE NOT AT ALL SORRY with a screencap of her crap.<br /><br />I'm sorry, but - don't wish for an apology. It will NOT be what you think it will. If they are truly sorry, it will be short, sweet, to the point, and backed up with NO CONTACT. Any thing less? Diatribes about please forgive me even though I didnt do anything wrong, followed by actions that are NOT SORRY AT ALL? It's all drama and manipulation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-4955263757403309742014-05-09T18:16:47.712-04:002014-05-09T18:16:47.712-04:00I'm at a point right now where I feel like the...I'm at a point right now where I feel like the OW in my situation needs to do exactly that... apologize.<br /><br />My ex cheated on me with someone half our age. When I found out, I kicked him out. He chose to go live with her while telling me that it was all my fault that he was going to be with her because I made him leave.<br /><br />We have a child together and co-parenting has been iffy. We get along when she's not part of the picture. When she is, he chooses not to be a part of his child's life and blames me for it. The reason why we don't get along well when she is part of the picture is because she berates me, humiliates me, harasses me, stalks me and generally behaves like a immature child. She is, in fact, an immature child so I seriously doubt I will ever get an apology from her.<br /><br />I expect it though.<br /><br />She needs to apologize to me for her actions both during the affair and after the affair. I want to hear her apologize to me for sleeping with my man when she knew he and I were together, for calling me names, for constantly tweeting about what an awful person she believes me to be, for hurting my son by taking his father away. I'm NONE of the things that she describes. She has that impression because that is the way I was described to her by my ex.<br /><br />It's at the point now where they are together, it's been 6 months since I kicked him out and he doesn't spend any time with his child because of all of this. She continually runs her mouth about me and makes comments that are meant to hurt me. She STILL sees me as the enemy, even though I've given her no reason to believe so. I told him to go... you want her so bad... go for it, it's not worth it to me to be with someone who doesn't love me enough to be faithful. <br /><br />Co-parenting would go so much better if she came to me and said, in a heartfelt manner how sorry she is that it happened this way, that she will respect the fact that he and I are parents together and not interfere with that and that she will treat my child with respect and love. Instead of doing that, she calls my child names, makes a point of bragging about how good their relationship is and how he's doing with her what he used to do with me (rubs my face in it every chance she gets), makes negative comments about my parenting style and my son without acknowledging that her "sexy" is the other half of the equation and had a hand in parenting our son as well. (my son has special needs, has academic and behavioral difficulties and is overweight because he has hypothyroidism, which he inherited from his father). Never mind the fact that she isn't being a very good mother to her own children. She ditched her two kids, left them with their "drunk" father (as my ex calls him) in another state and came here to live with her lover. She hasn't seen her own kids in 4 months, yet she feels the need to comment on MY parenting. THAT'S what she chooses to do rather than see that HER actions are causing issues with parenting our child. Her continual interference and comments have made this much more difficult that it should be. In fact, the ONLY reason why my son doesn't get to see his father is because of HER.<br /><br />So yeah. I want her to apologize and MEAN it so that we can all get on with our lives and my son can have both his mother and his father.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11697157348527478262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-56159135164827624872014-02-07T20:46:52.951-05:002014-02-07T20:46:52.951-05:00I would love to get a letter of apology from the o...I would love to get a letter of apology from the other woman. To be honest this other woman sounds like mine. They were involved for many months & she moved out of state. Although my husband hates her now over 2 years later I'm sure he did try to contact her multiple times after she moved. (She came back a few times after she moved and they spent the day together & of course had sex, though he says he can't specifically remember what they did those days except have sex & argue.<br /><br />And I totally agree with the woman who recommends rewriting-- we have been doing the same. One of the weekends she came to see him he lied to me & said he was going to work but they went to a winery. He bought her a case of wine which he was supposed to ship her but never did; he had it in his car for 2 years. After I found out about the affair he gave me the wine, & nights that I feel especially depressed I have a glass & boy do I savor it.<br /><br />And this past sept abt 1 month after d day we took out own trip to a different winery w our kids & his mom. He said he had a much better time than w her. U know, even if it was a lie, I had a great time!<br /><br />& we also have some nites when we are both in a playful mood when we just trash the other woman, her profession, & her home state. I recommend it highly.<br /><br />-Sam Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81727577409444434802014-01-03T10:32:39.252-05:002014-01-03T10:32:39.252-05:00Could it be the reason why she sent me those smses...Could it be the reason why she sent me those smses was coz she was desperate? He said he strung her on.. giving her hope after hope.. even promised to leave me and marry her.. referred to himself as her beloved husband. Sigh. <br /><br />I think he is of the 'let's just forget this ever happened' school of thought.. which unfortunately led him to say that the affair completely wiped oit whatever feelings he had left for me.. he claims that he slowly felt less and less for me since we got married 9 years ago.. :/ <br /><br />so i suppose he found 'the spark' with the OW.. sigh. Soulmates. He told her deep secrets he never even told me, she said.<br /><br />lissnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13999888924510979702013-12-30T08:34:36.379-05:002013-12-30T08:34:36.379-05:00No, it can not. She is to be exorcised from your l...No, it can not. She is to be exorcised from your lives like the demon she is. Absolutely NO contact. And the fact that he thinks otherwise is a huge red flag. He clearly doesn't understand just how damaging his affair was, nor how toxic this person is to your marriage. Is he in any kind of counselling to figure out why he cheated? Does he have any insights? Or is he just of the "let's just forget this ever happened" school of thought?<br />This woman is not a "friend". Not to him, not to you. And certainly not to your marriage.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-84827345792851420122013-12-30T08:32:27.761-05:002013-12-30T08:32:27.761-05:00That is one nasty, toxic person. To want to wound ...That is one nasty, toxic person. To want to wound someone so deeply -- and someone who had done NOTHING to her. Wow. I wouldn't want to get close enough to slap her. <br />I hope you can see just how crazy she is…and trust that the farther you are from her, the better. Don't respond to any messages from her. These people thrive on the drama and the contact. It's like oxygen to them. Deprive her of it.<br />And yes…excruciating is right. It does, however, get better.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-26090785637815193602013-12-30T02:08:35.949-05:002013-12-30T02:08:35.949-05:00Writing in to add that my husband didnt think that...Writing in to add that my husband didnt think that him continuing to be in touch with her would kill any chance of reconciliation.<br /><br />He said this is about us. Not her. She does not affect anything.<br /><br />is this for real? Can reconciliation happen whilst the intruder is still looming in the background.. as "friends?"lissnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-35718106575672530672013-12-28T02:53:29.137-05:002013-12-28T02:53:29.137-05:00Dear Elle,
Thank you for putting up this blog. It...Dear Elle,<br /><br />Thank you for putting up this blog. It has helped me put things into perspective, somewhat.<br /><br />i am 6 months post d-day.. where the OW texted me about how my husband doesnt love me anymore and that my pregnancy was a mistake. I stupidly thought it was a missent sms..but lo and behold.. :'(<br /><br />A week later she continued to bombard me with almost 15smses about what they did.. sordid details of the affair.. how he is staying for the kids.. how he wish he knew me better before getting married.. how she wanted to meet with me and apologise (?!?!)... how he told her he cldnt live without her.. how he had to force himself to be with me.. etc. Sigh and i was 7 months pregnant ..<br /><br />Betrayal is excruciatingly painful..<br /><br />she said sorry for the interruption.. <br /><br />i wish i could give her a big tight slap. And more. Sigh.lissnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-45414102188394480082013-12-13T09:28:14.507-05:002013-12-13T09:28:14.507-05:00Ramona,
I absolutely agree you were right to tell ...Ramona,<br />I absolutely agree you were right to tell her husband. But then let it go.<br />I'm sorry this woman is still in your life in any capacity. I hope your husband recognizes her as the crazy-person she is.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13131415247521184352013-12-12T16:15:01.939-05:002013-12-12T16:15:01.939-05:00A little late, but I recently found this site. THA...A little late, but I recently found this site. THANK YOU for this post. It describes EVERY painful thing I went through after discovering my husband's affair with a colleague. The only thing I would care to know about the OW is that she has suffered as much as me through this nightmare. I shared details with her husband as I thought it was only fair that she share in this hell she helped create. Would love to find out what happened there. Probably not enough as I later had to tell her to stop contacting my husband for "work issues" that she needed "help" with. I guess the witch thought they were going to pretend nothing happened and go back to being friends. Whatever! Husband needs to find a new job in a new part of the country as far away from all the crappy memories, and that would suit me just fine. Unfortunately, reality isn't always that easy. This site has been such a lifesaver for me. Thank you again. Ramonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00437948306325717132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5421405374372296182013-09-13T09:49:59.412-04:002013-09-13T09:49:59.412-04:00Dear Elle, Yes, please do use as a blog. It took m...Dear Elle, Yes, please do use as a blog. It took me a long time before I wrote this, partly because pre D Day it didn't have the same effect on me as afterwards and I sort of felt complicit that at the time I was patiently listening to the details over a glass of wine and this affair was in another country, so what the heck! It's probably best I didn't know about the start of her affair after my D Day- she may not have made that flight home.<br /><br />We all hold the O/W up as something unique, special, alluring, attractive and mesmerising, when in fact they are usually deficient in some way, willing to pick up the leftovers, usually less attractive and I'm sure they have to put a lot of unnatural effort into being something special in the bedroom- which leads me to the point my friend made about when they were having sex; she was making the loudest noises, throwing herself around the bed, telling him she never had sex like it when in fact it wasn't that good and she felt exhausted by all the effort.<br /><br />Ladies, as Elle points out, the affair is to do with your spouses choice and not yours. Heck, let him eat stale old meat when he had Fillet Mignon at home!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com