tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post2528802857756745477..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Betrayal Survival Guide: How to Find a Good Couples Therapist Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-89294330547275520252014-02-25T12:30:01.240-05:002014-02-25T12:30:01.240-05:00Anon, you don't seem to understand the nuance ...Anon, you don't seem to understand the nuance of what Elle is saying. <br /><br />Social conservatism is not a political point of view (FYI- political conservatism is Conservatism with a capital "C"), it is social/cultural one (lower case "c"). There is also nothing in Elle's article or on the site that says that your political persuasion has anything to do with your risk of being cheated on. <br />However, it is absolutely true that one's cultural/moral value system does determine how you see and deal with infidelity. <br />I agree that cultural conservative American values do seem to inform the way that our culture views infidelity (moralistically, right-wrong). This is very different from some other cultures where the way they view cheating and what they do about it is different--not that they do it better elsewhere, its just unlike the way we see it here. The point is that seeing infidelity as a black and white issue means that there is only one answer. Most of us here don't believe that.<br /><br />-MBS<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-9676628984531240902014-02-25T11:01:09.565-05:002014-02-25T11:01:09.565-05:00J,
Yes, I think I know better than most how terrif...J,<br />Yes, I think I know better than most how terrifying that web of lies is. And while I think it's great that you've sought couples counselling, your husband really needs his own recovery too, ideally through a counsellor who deals with SA or a 12-step group. He needs someone to whom to be accountable, where he can speak freely about temptation and learn from others how to manage triggers. This is an arena you simply shouldn't be. You shouldn't manage his recovery nor should you be subject to some of the info that he needs to share. <br />I do hope your therapist is good; however, because SA (even among so-called experts) is often misunderstood, I hope you'll ensure that your feelings are also being validated and heard. <br />Keep us posted.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-76861683216421857082014-02-24T19:35:29.632-05:002014-02-24T19:35:29.632-05:00We finally broke down and scheduled our first appt...We finally broke down and scheduled our first appt. with marriage counselor who specializes in SA. This weekend was horrible for us with more trickle truth and learning about my WH's use of prostitutes in hotels while traveling. He recently took a trip by himself to LV where he picked someone up in a bar & back to room. I spent the weekend in shock, numb, then followed by rage and the most incredible pain.<br />He said I now know everything and I do believe him because he actually confessed this latest info on his own during an intimate conversation. The previous info I had stumbled on or dug up.<br />We realized after this that we need professional help as his web of lies & deceit has grown and I feel tangled in it. This 3 month period has been total hell and I just don't know where it will ever bottom out. But I know you all know what I'm talking about.<br />J.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-39011446735847448172014-02-19T21:20:32.005-05:002014-02-19T21:20:32.005-05:00" In an age of Dr. Phil and the reign of soci..." In an age of Dr. Phil and the reign of social conservatism, people believe they need to find a therapist who will tell them they did wrong or defend them if they have been wronged. The therapist as judge and jury. That isn't good therapy. "<br /><br />I agree that people try to find someone to tell them they were right and the other was wrong...I don't agree that that's solely the purvue of "social conservatism" - her political bias is showing. I didn't think your political persuasion had anything to do with your risk of being cheated on.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-60418575194398165042014-02-19T17:11:23.708-05:002014-02-19T17:11:23.708-05:00J,
I don't think there's necessarily a tri...J,<br />I don't think there's necessarily a tried-and-true path. If you're both reading and talking and willing to examine what happened that led to the choice he made, then I'm not sure a marriage counsellor is what you need right now. And that's the key. It's always an option. I think IC would be advisable for him, given his consistent deception. And while you don't want to manage his recovery, there's certainly nothing wrong with including some form of support group as part of what you need to see in order to trust that he's doing everything he can to ensure accountability on his part. <br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-51052594283842121052014-02-19T15:06:40.343-05:002014-02-19T15:06:40.343-05:00Reading this article has made me question my origi...Reading this article has made me question my original decision to not seek couples counseling. I am skeptical because of extensive counseling during my 1st marriage that I felt led to divorce. I felt the counselor led us down that path thru his suggestions and overall approach, and in taking us both aside individually suggesting it. I realize this is a different ballgame but I am hesitant. So far, my husband is being open to talking about his cheating by way of happy ending massages, use of escorts off backpages for erotic massage, and now recently discovering extensive use of porn. We seem to be communicating and he is helping me understand why. He claims he thought I was not interested anymore in sex so sought it elsewhere. That was not the case, but what he chose to believe. We in essence broke down our communication. We are now both reading books and talking. I think a support group would be helpful to him for the porn addiction and I saw one thru a local church. I hate to lead him into it as I feel he should find this on his own. I don't want to lead his recovery. Perhaps IC for him?? I have had years of marriage counseling from before and IC after 1st marriage ended and kind of feel like I know the ropes so to speak.<br />Just wondering tho after reading this if I am being naïve (again!).<br />J.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com