tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post2876112506068512222..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: The Ashley Madison Hack: How to keep cynicism at bayEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-28054647971792392732015-09-16T14:39:32.585-04:002015-09-16T14:39:32.585-04:00Lol!!! Thanks for the laugh Trying :-)Lol!!! Thanks for the laugh Trying :-)Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625911085419338023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-9665837163668510202015-09-16T10:41:56.842-04:002015-09-16T10:41:56.842-04:00Melissa
Oh boy I think I am married to your husban...Melissa<br />Oh boy I think I am married to your husband's twin. My h has two emotions, happy-mad. I am either happy or mad. There is NO in between. My husband cries too, watching a golf tournament on the television and the golfer makes the put!!!! Seriously, THAT makes him cry?!? Men are from Mars. <br /><br /> I wish you the best in helping your husband get in touch with his emotions. I think trying to figure out the real meaning of life may be easier :)<br /> TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-3125384922474423332015-09-16T07:55:44.899-04:002015-09-16T07:55:44.899-04:00C - I tried to reply to you above but it would not...C - I tried to reply to you above but it would not work. Yes, absolutely! We learned through therapy that my husband could only put words to two emotions "I feel bad" actually perhaps that was the only one. In fact, our first therapist asked us if H was able to express his emotions prior to the affair… I looked to him and he said well yes, yes, I could express my emotions for example if she asked me where I wanted to go to dinner I would say so. He truly has a difficult time putting his emotions into words. He will cry at a sad movie he will cry with loss he will become very angry at times, yet to express his emotions, to talk about his emotions, to put them into words and in that way relieve himself - he is unable to do that. Frankly, we have not gotten to that part in therapy with our new therapist, and that's OK because we are addressing other issues. The reason this all truly came to light is because our original marriage counselor practices from the emotionally focused therapy approach.<br />So yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. Hugs to you :-)Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625911085419338023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-66561877693623488602015-09-15T22:02:08.606-04:002015-09-15T22:02:08.606-04:00Wounded, I think it's fair to write and proces...Wounded, I think it's fair to write and process. For me, yes I journal ed quite a bit, but i noticed that I was much more open and processing when I was writing TO someone, be it a friend or BWC, so keep posting, I think we can relate to what you are saying and going through and of course the "slap me with the truth" is so perfect it's worth repeating. <br /> MEN. Cheating MEN. UGH<br /> we might "understand" them, but I dont know that we will ever UNDERSTAND them. what the hell--what in the holy hell were they thinking??? They can't have a "relationship" with us for a time for whatever reason, and yet they have time to start another? Almost without fail that side job ends up wanting more time. My case it was only three months, and MAINLY Emotional due to the distance between them, but when SHE naturally wanted more (she didn't know he was married) the pressure got to him there too. <br />Rare is the woman who will settle for part of a man for a sustained period of time. They find out them selves in the hardest way. And then WE find out and find out what SHE wanted wasnt even the hardest. It's getting to a new "us" which is the hardest thing. Steamnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-72810873545855135862015-09-15T10:44:00.725-04:002015-09-15T10:44:00.725-04:00PSS ... lol i dont think we will ever be able to u...PSS ... lol i dont think we will ever be able to understand a mans ability to compartmentalize. Really .... truly .... they r just wired different to some extent. I may always have somw whys. How could you and what ifs but i find once my h admitted alot of detail ... some too much even ... otger things not enough i find thinking reviewing beats obcessing over unknowns and drawing my own conclusions fill in blanks anyday . Sure it was exciting at first. Care free and different but even though i can fathom dealing with what turned into be drama bullshit and headaches at times too ... some things he says happened he dealt w are so out of his character. .. wouldnt fly. No way but he said there is no way to explain the desparate feeling when he realized im in deep and will do anything to not let my wife find out .... until he could figure out how to tell me. How to get out of this mess? Elle quotes no way out only through and i know hus choice is his to do to fix himself and a united partnership to try and heal us. Sorry rambling. I find it helpful as i was going over details today ... and why helpful and wasteful i guess ... processing. .... Woundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-15720646452999883722015-09-15T10:24:56.752-04:002015-09-15T10:24:56.752-04:00Ps my h had some trickle truth at first once he op...Ps my h had some trickle truth at first once he opened up .. he found although his shame didnt alleviate he came to find he can tell me anything and in doing this we were working with the wave not against it. Yep in this shitstorm with you ... grab a paddle its gonna take some rowing. Elle said it take real vulnerability to do this. Be all in admit your faults fears fuck ups but once we see it hurts but doesnt kill us we can start to heal. Cause when you are at the bottem nowhere to go but up!Woundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-21337418730806318282015-09-15T10:21:43.189-04:002015-09-15T10:21:43.189-04:00My H felt ignored after a new baby, unloved, unatt...My H felt ignored after a new baby, unloved, unattended too that he told himself it was better to meet his needs elsewhere then bother me ... he continued to tell himself the baby and my focus was better not disturbed. That i didnt have time for him. As he got deeper in the affair even though we were having sex he further detached himself by thinking of me as a room mate. He turned off emotionally in bedroom ... all day to days were met family stuff and while we still had sex it became routine vs in tune loving and satifying. Looking back he did try to tell me several times but not in a way i understood ... not real communication. But anger, little shots jabs and now i see thats because he was hurt..... dont get me wrong some of it also has to do with excitment ... selfish and damn right wrong doing. We were vulnerable and he allowed himself to take an outlet. He could have choose to help me find ways for more us time ... i too could have done some things different at same time we had job changes. Health issues and a million other things going on <br />.. lost in the shuffle and while i long for my innocent love of b4 dday my H now opening up says not a chance he wouldnt want that he doesnt like himself during that time. The lies and deceit are core eating but can i reach in and really try to understand? Get through and over this ... well over probably not but past this to a new phase? Im very early in ... hes trying ... and i hope its enough. Im stuggling over reinteraring known details as i try to put my stop sign up and say enough ... he cheated that simple perhaps me going over it again is to reconfirm what it really was... to much time and some money ... sure ... really just sex and dive bars. The ow also had a save me poor me need you attitude where im take charge strong headed ill find away chic. Opposites!!! Ow need turned into manipulation by ego strokes and no boundary kinky sex ... free.... though last 6mo or more turned into hell fir my H so he says threats fights and more money etc to try and keep covering his dirty secret. Ow claims love ... h says maybe caring but looking from outside in nothing special could have been anyone ... he also even felt used to a point he never really took the time to review money time all of it ... he was giving and gaining really nothing but sex and drama. Now we are reconnecting his shame guilt arises as he realizes he really does have it all right here always has. I keep trying to look for the good in today and fight off the gloom of the past ... at times thar i was so happy enjoying previous moments my H was miserable not with life family but us losing 100% attention of his best friend. Lover. Everything. I hope this wont define us and we are up for the challenge to rebuild. .. prosper even. Xo ladies ... one step at a time is all i can do. Finding a little sparkle each day while yearning for the hope diamonds. Anythings possible id like to believe this ... love conquers all? But certianly now there are no guarantees and maybe knowing this allows up to move on rise above.pull through ...i know i wouldnt be any less hurt without him as staying with him. I feel hes given me many blessing and a huge F up too. Striving to be something better then we were and in my blinding eyes prior to dday i thought we were pretty damn good. The truth hurts but as ive seen here before id rather be slapped with the truth then kissed with a lie anyday. Woundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-86983397107451641902015-09-15T01:47:01.661-04:002015-09-15T01:47:01.661-04:00Anon I used to sit in silence with my H nightly be...Anon I used to sit in silence with my H nightly because he's so quiet. For me it was a comfortable silence at the end of the day, not a stone cold icy silence. I was always beat from the day. He was not a chatty guy. We held hands , cuddled , he rubbed my feet. Every single night. I thought it was working FINE for us. Whoops. Seems he had plenty of words for people who were "not important" (his words). So we had to learn to communicate. It comes more naturally for me (so does being a smart ass )but he has really had to learn. It's not easy. I asked him to write a letter to me and I think the real communicating began then. Can your husband form thoughts on paper? Is it that he feels put on the spot? Afraid to say something he can't take back? It's REALLY HARD to change lifelong patterns. I hope he's trying? Are you in therapy? Therapy really helped. One thing we did? We had to repeat back what the other was saying to make sure we understood each other clearly. Whew. Not as easy as it sounds. Could never have done this without a great therapist. Never. I'm pulling for you. Steamnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-33118761011210611492015-09-14T21:15:33.626-04:002015-09-14T21:15:33.626-04:00So I have a question for everyone here- especially...So I have a question for everyone here- especially after reading the "knight in shining armor" posts...and I'm one who told him I needed him to rescue ME...so-<br />I have discovered that my H does not have words for emotions. He simply is not capable of talking about emotional issues and he handles emotional turmoil by retreating. I never knew this at all in 30 -plus years of marriage. So I wonder if anyone else has discovered this, or if this explains a lot of why many of our spouses could not ever talk with us about what was wrong and so they told themselves some kind of story (his was I didn't love him anymore) and cheated on us. That's the story I'm piecing together- and even now in recovery, he really cannot say how he feels- he literally cannot put words to emotions. He gets very confused when we try to talk about emotional issues. Does anyone else see this - is it common? <br />C.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-71419506475950846592015-09-14T20:54:46.623-04:002015-09-14T20:54:46.623-04:00And then add the declining health of a parent and ...And then add the declining health of a parent and you're stretched even thinner between home, work, child, and dying parent (and other parent who is trying to cope with the inevitable death of their partner). Communication between spouses becomes so important- so many of us didn't learn how to communicate until it was either too late or late in the game. <br />C.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-48481247102968462252015-09-14T19:32:40.570-04:002015-09-14T19:32:40.570-04:00Queen B
First I have to say. Love the name. That&#...Queen B<br />First I have to say. Love the name. That's what I have on my business cards!!! Second I am so jealous that you get to sell your business. I am dying to sell ours. The OW was hired into our business and I get a daily hell hourly reminder of her presence as her name is everywhere. <br /><br />I've faced the OW and did not take the high road and do not regret it. I've told her off and flipped her off. I've gone into a retail establishment and while I didn't do anything overt I starred her ass down. She doesn't intimidate me but I've heard I scare her. <br />Good!<br /><br />I've had a bad day today in therapy. I finally admitted I'm not happy. My h has been wonderful but still falls short in many ways of showing me he has my back. We have a trip to Europe planned next week and I really wish I were going alone. Four years later and maybe the shock and awe is over and I'm finally settling in to what's acceptable and what's not. Don't know yet but I'm thinking of putting an b into action. Maybe it's devious but kinda getting to the point where I don't give a crap. I'm out for me now. Not going to look for a revenge affair though. That would just be stupid. Besides so not interested in any kind of superficial relationship. Maybe because I've been there, done that? Don't know:(TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-8373630847046730832015-09-14T19:14:22.282-04:002015-09-14T19:14:22.282-04:00Iris
I know right?!?!? Details details. I hate ...Iris <br /><br />I know right?!?!? Details details. I hate it when the police ce between me and my fantasies. I like the eye on the tip of the sword fantasy too. Maybe I could incorporate it intoy house burning fantasy TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-41710647433509392272015-09-14T18:15:56.393-04:002015-09-14T18:15:56.393-04:00Lynn I could have written this...I think I did in ...Lynn I could have written this...I think I did in my journals somewhere!! I am so sick of being the "good" one. So tired of playing nice & looking the other way when I see her outside the coffee shop next to our business. So angry I didn't smack her down in the street when I found out almost a year ago or beat up his car with a bat. So angry that in the month before dday (last sep), I threw myself @ him like a stepford wife prostitute after he told me he "didn't feel love & was just with me out of duty." Why didn't I get to feel a "spark" or " connection" again?? I've really struggled lately thinking this makes me weak or stupid or my values are worthles . But sometimes I can really feel things as I know them to be true. I've had sexual abuse in my past, so I haven't wanted sex in the dark with lies or secrets, or guilt, or shame or at the expense of another. I want more. I could never accept less. I want sex in the light, no pain no lies--a true life partner out in the open. And I wasnt -- am not-- weak cause I take the high road, ignoring the ow. Because I am protecting my business, my family reputation in our small southern town & ultimately my children. I will fight for my children's ignorance of this as long as we are reconciling. I will never apologize for this trait of mine. Loyal & fight to the death for my children. And I wasn't stupid when I threw myself @ him--he was . for not seeing the best thing he had right in front of his face! Now about the spark & connection--I could still leave to find that in someone else. The jury isn't out yet. But it's not all my responsibility to light this fire back. He's going to have to work just as hard as me. I'm so glad to read all you wonderful ladies' posts. By the way, we are getting the paperwork ready to try to sell the business!Queen Bnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-61296249996290928322015-09-14T16:07:18.756-04:002015-09-14T16:07:18.756-04:00'burning the OW house down in the middle of th...'burning the OW house down in the middle of the night dressed like a Ninja warrior,' now that is a hilarious fantasy. Myself I like to imagine the scene from 'Kill Bill' with the lost eyeball and the samurai sword. I do not fancy explaining my reasons to the Met,* however.<br /><br />*The Metropolitan Police ForceIrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-82130477547929309162015-09-14T14:59:06.319-04:002015-09-14T14:59:06.319-04:00Lynn
I hear you too. And I couldn't agree mor...Lynn<br />I hear you too. And I couldn't agree more but got to say it's a fantasy and you know it! I also hear the whole "pick MEEEE" dance and I would have paid money to see someone watering the garden topless in their dance efforts!!! That made me laugh but I was in the same "pick meeeee" dance troupe. Although I don't have a garden with which I could have watered topless :)<br /><br />To that end, yeah I've thought what the hell???? if there were anyone ripe to cheat it's me!!!! Hell yeah I want some of that feel good drug. I've been very traumatized, I of a "certain age", yeah how many good years do I really have left??? and last but NOT least, everyone else is doing it!!! But guess what no.way.in.hell. No thanks I don't need to add to my already wounded psyche by compromising my integrity and morals and commitment to MYSELF to be a good person and do good in the world. <br /><br />So while it might be an escape to think about, just as burning the OW house down in the middle of the night dressed like a Ninja warrior, that's all it is is a fantasy. Frankly, you're too good to do that. You want to roll around in the muck with disingenuous pigs? Doubtful. Don't we already have enough disingenuous pigs in our life without adding more?? If you're anything like me the answer is sadly yes.<br /><br />You keep thinking good thoughts and play with the evil ones but you aren't fooling any of us here :) No way you will be a pig.<br /><br />HUgs to youTryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81203715093063751842015-09-14T14:01:20.871-04:002015-09-14T14:01:20.871-04:00Lynn - your prose is magnificent. I'm awed by ...Lynn - your prose is magnificent. I'm awed by your prose. It's more erotic than any infidelity you could have come up with. Will you please write this out and publish it so that it doesn't get lost because there is not one whit of self-pity in it (not that there's anything wrong with self-pity in these circumstances) it is all heart-felt self knowledge and wit and loving anger. <br /><br />'Did I miss out on a wonderful experience?' What do you think? I do wonder if men are so different biologically that they genuinely enjoy this kind of thing more; I did know one married woman who genuinely 'got off' on sheer variety but even she was a social drunk throughout her rapacious polyamory. Men would have 'bonked' you but it would have been nothing more than an illustration of human biology. I do not mean to insult you, you may have been highly successful. I do think casual sex is over rated but that it must be hard for some middle aged people to admit to risking so much for so little.<br /><br />Ha - you're not cynical. Irisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-47564952002324932015-09-14T13:37:33.640-04:002015-09-14T13:37:33.640-04:00Lynn,
All of this is legitimate. Every pissed off ...Lynn,<br />All of this is legitimate. Every pissed off word of it. And I think it's really important to just put it all out there. But I want to make two points: first, I doubt the affair was as exciting as you think it was; and second, you're not that person. Whatever it is that allows people to cheat (compartmentization? self-absorption? entitlement?) is something you don't have...or you would have cheated. And that's a good thing. Wanting to be a selfish prick isn't the same as actually being one. I can absolutely remember wondering what it might be like to have cheated -- I imagined it to be exciting and heady, like those early days of a new relationship. And there's likely a measure of that. But I know myself well enough to know that, somewhere in there, would have been self-disgust and profound disappointment. And that, so so often, is what I hear described on this site re. the husbands who have to come to terms with what they're down. That's a high price to pay.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-22784081628238457822015-09-14T10:06:29.321-04:002015-09-14T10:06:29.321-04:00I just realized my last post was the Mount Everest...I just realized my last post was the Mount Everest of cynicism Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17219895095283341385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-15859159387389096782015-09-14T10:02:13.099-04:002015-09-14T10:02:13.099-04:00Im on roll this week. I believe what you say Elle....Im on roll this week. I believe what you say Elle. You-have-been there-advice is invaluable to me. You can't image how many times we locked pinky fingers together, me in a deep well of desperation and you reaching down with the sunlight on your back. I am thirsty for a clean conscious, no it was not my fault. I didn't let another man pull down his unwashed sheets, throw me in the bed. I didn't allow a another man to make me feel less lonely, appreciated and cared for. I didn't allow myself to seek out passionate, forbid sex, exciting secret sex, desires to see if a different hotdog from my husbands or a different lips that would make me feel better or more alive as a woman. Nobody desired me, nobody risked it all for me. I didn't allow a new man to gently make soft love to me, open my car doors, buy me real jewelry and explore my body as I moaned over the excitement of our relationship. I didn't allow myself to explore another man's body and allow him to gaze over mine with desire that could not be stopped. No I didn't allow myself to do, all that. In my lifetime I will never know how exciting that is to be intimate with a man other than my husband. Why did I have to take the high ground and hold the hill like a good army wife? Stupid Fool The high ground is just that high ground, nothing more. Did I miss out on a wonderful experience? I don't know. It seems like I did. It feels like I missed out on something. I yearn for a head start, fresh start and amnesia. I know all the things we discuss as it is like salve on a burn but I'm looking at my life from a higher view, different perspective as a whole not just one section of time. It has hit me hard that I'm left with the infidelity left over garbage in my life on my timeline of becoming a mother, going to Disney World for the first time, holding my grand-babies and getting promoted. It is like a post on my timeline page. he put it on there, he posted it and uploaded the pictures. Yes, I did betray myself, didn't stand up for myself, didn't speak up over the right type of issues instead of who needs to take out the garbage. I think what makes my stomach turn the worst is how I degraded myself when I tried to get his attention. For instance on the farm, I watered the grass without a top and tried to flirt, get his attention. That is like when you pour a glass of milk and that first taste tells you this milk has soured. That is how I feel today. Today I wish I would have thrown caution to the wind, walked out, never looked back and bonked every single man that looked at me. What good is being good? I'm beginning to think having a clear conscious is over rated. Yet, I'm the happiest I have ever been in my marriage so WTF. I hate this to be in my life. All the metaphors, philosophical, analogies are just words today without meaning. Love you all and thanks for listening. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17219895095283341385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-39249525544739542082015-09-13T21:26:41.165-04:002015-09-13T21:26:41.165-04:00Melissa,
Doubt will enter...and they will continue...Melissa,<br />Doubt will enter...and they will continue to enter. To expect otherwise is setting yourself up for major disappointment. You'd be crazy to NOT have doubts. The challenge for you is to feel the doubts but to trust absolutely in your own strength to weather whatever comes. I don't think any of us can experience infidelity and not come away with the understanding that, whether or not we feel doubt, we simply have no way to absolutely know that another person won't betray our trust. But what we can come away with through all is an absolute trust in ourselves. And that will make the difference in whether we move forward with confidence or not.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-78953944382606791962015-09-13T21:23:06.762-04:002015-09-13T21:23:06.762-04:00Theresa,
Taking that time to put yourself as absol...Theresa,<br />Taking that time to put yourself as absolute priority is so important. Thank you for your kindness and support. Together, we are strong.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-53008361531765439712015-09-13T21:22:03.639-04:002015-09-13T21:22:03.639-04:00Oh Lynn,
I'm so sorry for your pain. But so gl...Oh Lynn,<br />I'm so sorry for your pain. But so glad you shared it here. It's so hard to believe that this pain will abate. So hard to imagine that you'll look at him someday and NOT think of what he's done. That you'll separate the now from the then and be able to smile.<br />He betrayed you. There's no changing that. But I wonder if part of your pain is a belief that you betrayed yourself -- that you allowed him to push you away. Lynn, you were a loyal wife who loved her husband. That's nothing to feel ashamed about. The shame is his.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-12451605795411228142015-09-13T20:45:21.118-04:002015-09-13T20:45:21.118-04:00Lynn(please no more pain)
I understand your tremen...Lynn(please no more pain)<br />I understand your tremendous pain, I still feel some of it daily! I know the whys of the crazy ow would not let him go, I still can't understand why it took six extra months to file the damn police report! Mostly because he and I both deleted so many of her contact texts, that h had to get 'enough' proof of the harassment. Looking back, that caused more pain for both of us, but seems now what was necessary to convince her of his 'truth' which was the affair was all about the new sex for him, 'true love' for her! Moving forward and trying so hard not to look at the past that hurts so bad! Prayers for your heart! My lab, Bernie helped me with my 'fat self'! I walked her for her health and as a side benefit I lost weight and firmed up as well! I quit thinking about anyone but myself during this couple of months. Learn to love you for who you are and your own strength will get you through the doubts!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-63874590301329696672015-09-13T08:11:15.246-04:002015-09-13T08:11:15.246-04:00I'm sitting here and look perfectly sane, norm...I'm sitting here and look perfectly sane, normal, I don't talk about his lies everything has been said, that can be said. I love him. He looks at me like it was good day and I answer back it was for the most part. I love him. I don't mention that I think about his intimacy with him unbuttoning her blouse, squeezing her tits. I love this man. Then taking off her clothes. There hot sweaty bodies rubbing together so that they are so sweaty she has to take a shower after sex with him. I love this man. I was for his eyes only. No other man has seen me naked since I was 25 years old. I love this man. No other man unbuttoned my blouse or squeezed my tits. Why couldn't he be for my eyes only? My husband was generous to give me the unique gift of knowing he had had a lustful, cocaine like, passionate, romantic, and dick licking relationship while he was married. I love this man. He doesn't know I am fighting off the painful thoughts of him and the psycho kindergarten teacher intimate knowing each other's bodies so well so often. I love this man. He left me with garbage to recycle into some type of love story involving truth and trust. The happy ending story. You know like the one I used to believe in? He doesn't realize what he has done to me. I love this man. He gave me this lovely gift for the rest of my life. How does someone lie for two years? I know the reasons that surround it but really how does someone continually lie intentionally for two years? I love this man. I will go to my grave not being able to understand how you could sticking your dick in her than me. I love this man. I will go to my grave not understanding how you could open her car door and come home not lifting a finger to help me? I love this man. I will go to my grave not understanding how fucking nice he was to her then come home and sit in chair and look at me. I love this man. How can someone do that? What type of person can do that? It is so grievous to think my husband could do all those things. I will go to my grave not understanding why he didn't tell her it was over. I love this man. Only he knows deep in his heart and soul and so far they aren't talking and he quit trying to figure it out. He figured out the external reasons. It is unsettling as he smiling at me. What is more unsettling I love this man and always have so much more than he loved me. He pushed me away on all fronts so I turned into an unhappy fat bitch. I love this man and sometimes that alone makes me sad. <br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17219895095283341385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-41542544906287383202015-09-12T16:42:41.137-04:002015-09-12T16:42:41.137-04:00My friends, here I go again. It has been seven mon...My friends, here I go again. It has been seven months since DJ or should I say DJ number one it has been about 3 1/2 months since DJ number two. Sorry I cannot spell check as I can't see too well right now my contacts are in. So I hope you all get the gist of this. when H and I were separated I made the decision I definitely wanted to work on this marriage. Now, we are working on it… Yet, the doubts creep in. if, during our separation, he felt compelled to seek her out again… What would prevent him from doing that in the future? in my heart, I truly feel he will not have another affair… With another woman… However, the draw, or addiction, if you will, is so great with this one particular woman… I am fearful. No, she's not so fabulous… In fact, I know I am eternally more fabulous! yet whatever needs she filled for him turned into an addiction. At one point during their affair he even told her, you are like cocaine to me. she grew up in his neighborhood, they dated in their early 20s… They know a lot of the same people. She lives about an hour away so there is little likelihood they would casually run into one another… Yet, it may happen in the future. and, frankly, regardless of that threat… Do I want to stay married to someone who is so weak… That he cannot fight his own addiction even when he sees what dire devastation it causes me? This was brought up in our last counseling session and the counselor didn't seem to find it alarming and noted that break off from affairs are often jagged and not straight ... The only saving grace in all this is he told me to truths that I would've not known had you not told me. Since it has only been 3 1/2 months since he has contact with her… To the best of my knowledge… I have not asked my full battery of questions that still linger in my mind. The good in all this? I feel strong. I feel like I will make the demands of what I need. And I can't honestly say that I've always done that. my friends, any thoughts or insights? I hate the fact that the doubts have entered my mind again…Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625911085419338023noreply@blogger.com