tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post3452660724654707546..comments2024-03-27T21:50:33.178-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: It's the Most Difficult Time of the YearEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-69846889416439442242012-01-19T12:07:49.517-05:002012-01-19T12:07:49.517-05:00Minute by minute, second by second... Whatever get...Minute by minute, second by second... Whatever gets you to the next second, minute, day, week. Eventually you'll notice you're not crying as much, or numb as much. I distinctly recall the moment when I realized I wasn't thinking about "it" -- and by recognizing that moment, I was able to trust that there would be more of them. <br />Betrayal does change who we are. Never again will I be that blindly trusting wife. But though I miss those Pollyanna days, I also really like who I've become. I'm far nicer to myself. I no longer try and please so many people (cause, frankly, look where it got me!!). I'm far more focussed on being the best "me"...which gives my kids (and anyone else who cares to notice) permission to be their best "me".<br />Once you can see past the pain (and it does take awhile!!), you'll be amazed at the gifts that arise out of this. Not to sound trite or all new-age freaky on you, but if you're open to it, this is a chance to rewrite the rest of your life. Don't put up with dishonesty or inconsideration or any of the crap that men so often dish out when they're in an affair (and sometimes even when they're not). Insist that he get himself straightened out to find out why he would risk losing a family he obviously loves. Trust that you are worth fighting for – by him, but also by you. <br />And trust that, someday, holidays will be magical again.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83544061463208948912012-01-19T02:32:10.071-05:002012-01-19T02:32:10.071-05:00Christmas 2011 was my d-day. Good to see the holid...Christmas 2011 was my d-day. Good to see the holiday season ma not be entirely lost. The holidays were always a special time for family but also a time of trying to please lots of people- parents and in-laws. This year ironically we had decided to try Christmas without visiting family. I probably would not have found out on Christmas if we were with our families. And since the other woman bought my Christmas presents this year, that woud have been another dark moment eventually. No one has noticed except cheating spouse that they went from under the tree to a box in the garage late on christmas night. Day by day. Hour by hour is maybe a better description here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-33107187020470039352010-12-12T03:35:34.203-05:002010-12-12T03:35:34.203-05:00I've had a LOT of mother-in-law issues over th...I've had a LOT of mother-in-law issues over the years. And when D-Day occurred, it finally gave me the freedom/permission to start putting myself first and stop trying to please -- and helping my husband please -- my mother-in-law.<br />There were definitely some "countermoves" as my therapist calls them. Any time you shift dynamics in a relationship (ie you start instilling boundaries where formerly there were none), you're going to get countermoves. Barbara Coloroso, a parenting expert, writes beautifully about them. She's referring to kids' response to parent's boundaries but her theory works for everyone. You'll ALWAYS get one of three "cons": the first is "weeping, wailing, begging, bribing, gnashing of teeth"; the second is anger and aggression; and the third is sulking. When you know to expect them, I find it's easier to simply note to yourself that "okay, here we go with a Con 2" or whatever. It allows you to remove yourself from it, not take it personally (even when you're hearing the "you don't care about me" or "you're being so selfish" or whatever) and recognize it as simply a natural human reaction to you changing the rules of the game.<br />Hang in there and do your very best NOT to get involved. It's really between your husband and his mother. Often a third person getting involved really just allows both of them to blame you, on some level. You can choose to not go and allow your husband to make his own choice. After awhile, I discovered, that my NOT being there forced my husband to truly deal with his family...and once he stopped defending them to me (because I no longer criticized, got angry, etc), he saw them for what they were. And we were suddenly back on the same team.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-28636563046613212172010-12-10T21:46:12.229-05:002010-12-10T21:46:12.229-05:00My husband and I are having problems with a christ...My husband and I are having problems with a christmas party invitation we received from the revolting mother in law.<br />We told her that we would not be attending any christmas events and would just be spending time together as a family.<br />She went ahead and planned a christmas lunch and invited us to it. After talking to her on the phone she is chucking what can only be described as a tantrum because we are not going to her lunch.<br />My husband has put his mother ahead of his family so many times before. It will not be happening this christmas or for anything else for that matter.<br />However we are still left with the prickly situation of her tantrum and now it's interfering with my husband and myself- just the very thing we have been trying to avoid.Martihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02466370118453904316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-25285436955015548902010-12-08T12:04:13.094-05:002010-12-08T12:04:13.094-05:00Good for you! Sounds as if you've created a go...Good for you! Sounds as if you've created a good holiday for you and your family. And though his absence will be noted, certainly, I hope it's simply part of the background and not the focus. His loss, indeed.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64763173809997477222010-12-08T11:39:51.543-05:002010-12-08T11:39:51.543-05:00This will be my first Christmas after D-Day #1, 5 ...This will be my first Christmas after D-Day #1, 5 months ago today. Though I'm at a better place than I was 4 months ago, this upcoming Christmas has been a trigger because of the big lie he told me (where he was going to be on Christmas but was really with "her"), then came home and pulled the big puppy dog eyes and said he should have been home with me on Christmas instead of with his brother. Knowing that, I'm going to make sure that I make Christmas a nice memory for my adult daughters and my grandson and not dwell on where he was a year ago! My wayward husband moved out (separated) 2 months ago and won't be a part of our holidays this year! His loss.........takilasunrise (formerly known as Anonymous II)noreply@blogger.com