tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post3515804548353439941..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Reach...Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55725005986451716432011-12-31T00:19:36.612-05:002011-12-31T00:19:36.612-05:00For me..almost 1 year out(therapy, husbands love &...For me..almost 1 year out(therapy, husbands love & support)..I found myself today(almost New Year 2012). Triggering and feeling very sad and angry. Why? I have been doing so well. Today is a very bad day for me. Is this normal? Feb 13(long story),2011..HELL! My husband confessed to four affairs after church. Almost 22 years of marriage and his first affair took place 17 years ago? I was 9 months pregnant with my second child??? What the heck? God help me, my triggers hit me over the head today. Bad day. Pain? Why do they not get our pain? I need him to see my pain..endless at times. Maybe he does, but at this very moment I feel alone in this. Triggers really stink! Yes..I'm getting help, but today it feels like a battle in my head and heart. Thank you for this site. I realized I'm not alone in this journey.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81543621121860984182011-04-20T12:13:41.020-04:002011-04-20T12:13:41.020-04:00Thank you.Thank you.Pippinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-59713516315524310122011-04-20T02:53:27.456-04:002011-04-20T02:53:27.456-04:00This post resonated with me too because I've b...This post resonated with me too because I've been feeling not so much stuck as marooned in sadness. <br />I need to be getting on with the rest of my life but can't seem to motivate myself to take those first steps.<br />I've come to the conclusion that anti-depressants are probably not right for me - treating the symptoms rather than the cause - and CBT might be a better way to go; I can't change what happened but I could change how I react to it.<br /><br />Pippi, journalling/blogging has been not only highly therapeutic for me but also a way of reaching out, and being reached out to. There are a lot of us out here, struggling with these issues.<br />Like Elle says, it does get better.FoolishWomanhttp://www.foolishwoman.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43684352426380858262011-04-19T20:43:57.720-04:002011-04-19T20:43:57.720-04:00I definitely saw my own counsellor which was far m...I definitely saw my own counsellor which was far more helpful than seeing a marriage counsellor. She made sure that I was taking care of myself, emotionally and physically, but also helped me see that my husband wasn't necessarily an evil man...just one who'd made some really poor choices. She also – and this was crucial for me – helped me see that this really REALLY had nothing to do with me. It was like that lifted the fog for me (not all at once but slowly) and I could really see the affairs and my husband more clearly and objectively by removing myself from the equation. Once you let yourself off the hook, it's far easier to also let go of the bitterness and anger. Yes, this sucks. But it makes it less...personal. Sounds weird, I know, given that the one person we trusted betrayed that trust. But more often than not, it really has nothing to do with us...and everything to do with something they're seeking (validation? recaptured youth? escape from responsibility?) outside the marriage that they should be looking for within it. Or, if that's not possible, getting out of the marriage before cheating.<br />Hang in there. It will get better...whether you stay with him or not.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-17484526130762833332011-04-19T17:22:25.627-04:002011-04-19T17:22:25.627-04:00Thanks, Elle. Did you do anything besides journal...Thanks, Elle. Did you do anything besides journaling, blogging and therapy to help exorcise the anger/bitterness/resentment? I don't have a blog. I plan to start journaling and we are seeing a marriage therapist. Although I'm beginning to wonder if I should start seeing our therapist or someone else on my own as well. I'm open to other suggestions for exorcism if you have any. Thanks again.Pippinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64871631809634477562011-04-19T16:39:43.696-04:002011-04-19T16:39:43.696-04:00Pippi,
When I say I felt that way for a couple of...Pippi,<br /><br />When I say I felt that way for a couple of years, I wouldn't say I felt that way ALL THE TIME. But I certainly did feel as though I was "stuck" in a marriage that had been blown up through no fault of my own.<br />And yes, healing is taking place...though it seems to happen incrementally. The challenge, I think, is not becoming bitter. What happened to us is completely unfair. But so are many things in life that throw it upside down -- loss of a child, terminal illness, accidents, job loss... The challenge is picking ourselves up and moving forward without bringing the anger/bitterness/resentment along with us. <br />You'll get there. The paradox is you need to express all that anger/bitterness/resentment in order to ensure it's exorcised...and doesn't continue to poison you as you move into healing.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-47299381151778564052011-04-19T15:59:53.868-04:002011-04-19T15:59:53.868-04:00" . . . the pain of betrayal can also leave u..." . . . the pain of betrayal can also leave us "stuck."<br />I felt that way for at least a couple of years after D-Day...maybe longer. I felt stripped of choice. I hadn't been the one who cheated...and yet I was stuck dealing with the consequences. If I left, I felt that I was tearing apart a family. If I stayed, I felt like a fraud, pretending to be a wife to a man I couldn't respect."<br /><br />Thank you for posting this today. It is exactly how I feel nine weeks out and I so hope you are right and that it means the healing is taking place. I really, really hope.Pippinoreply@blogger.com