tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post3711236604384366921..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: The Rift that Keeps On GivingEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-7714509854205908102014-05-30T00:52:26.168-04:002014-05-30T00:52:26.168-04:00Thank you for this insight...I am stuck and confus...Thank you for this insight...I am stuck and confused right now, but reading this has given me a bit of hope that maybe I can move forward. Thank you so much. = PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79651831663990295722011-04-11T13:40:23.843-04:002011-04-11T13:40:23.843-04:00The company that brings you, A Baby Story, Whose W...The company that brings you, A Baby Story, Whose Wedding is it Anyway,<br />Mystery Diagnosis… is now seeking Couples Willing to Share Their Stories<br />for a groundbreaking new show.<br /> <br />Coming soon to a major cable network, this new television series will<br />explore the psychology of infidelity. This is NOT a talk show; it is a<br />documentary series and will take an impartial approach to the content.<br /><br />The show will use first person narrative and psychological input to educate<br />the viewers on the deep internal issues both parties deal with leading up to<br />an affair and after the revelation. <br /><br />We are currently looking for individuals who have dealt with a complex<br />instance of infidelity and would be interested in retelling their story on our<br />show. It's important to us that the couples are well past the initial hurt and<br />would be able to discuss their situation and resolution so others can learn<br />from it. If you are interested in hearing more about the project or have any<br />feedback please contact me at infidelity.casting@gmail.com and I’d love to<br />discuss everything in more detail.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-53942405112619764232011-04-09T22:23:39.708-04:002011-04-09T22:23:39.708-04:00Pippi,
I don't have an actual template but it...Pippi,<br /><br />I don't have an actual template but it needs to be short and sweet. I've pretty much summed it up in this post here:<br />http://betrayedwivesclub.blogspot.com/2011/02/d-day-101-is-he-worth-keeping.html<br />And I'll include the pertinent bits below:<br />"Does he want his marriage or doesn't he? If he picks yes, then he's got some homework. Starting with a No Contact letter to his OW. No emotional good-byes. No "just one more meeting to let her down easy." No, "but she didn't know I was married. She got hurt, too." Simple, straightforward and vetted by you. Along the lines of "I made a terrible mistake getting involved with you and I've chosen to try and save my marriage. I will no longer have any contact with you. I insist that you respect his." You could ask that he threaten legal action if she violates this, but that might be unnecessarily inflammatory. "<br /><br />And I really do need a search function on my site...as the archives grow. I'll see if I can incorporate one. Thanks for pointing it out.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-19691349452316251812011-04-09T16:48:00.332-04:002011-04-09T16:48:00.332-04:00Foolishwoman -- I loved the way you phrased that -...Foolishwoman -- I loved the way you phrased that -- "big ugly cloud did have a small silver lining." I'm going to 'try' to keep that in mind as I navigate the train wreck that became my recent life. Thanks.<br /><br />Elle -- Do you have a sample or a post of a "no contact letter" on this site? I haven't made it all the way through the archives yet and you don't have a search feature. I just love your writing and would love to steal at least some of the words/ideas in your letter if you have one posted and don't mind the borrowing. Thanks.Pippinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-17434427057695817202011-04-07T12:59:11.781-04:002011-04-07T12:59:11.781-04:00Thanks foolishwoman (though you don't sound in...Thanks foolishwoman (though you don't sound in the least foolish to me!).<br /><br />I'd love to hear more about the "silver lining". It's hard to see some days...<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-20731718926907925902011-04-07T12:14:33.121-04:002011-04-07T12:14:33.121-04:00I think there are a few reasons why it's over ...I think there are a few reasons why it's over for the betrayer much sooner than it is for the betrayed.<br />Of course, the shame and remorse they feel makes it something they want to forget asap - but, to look at it from a different and slightly more positive point of view, they come to realise that the relationship with the OP was meaningless and of very little value so it is more easily left behind.<br /><br />I'm aware that every situation has its differences - but that's how it seems to me.<br /><br />I agree with Kathy that it's something one learns to live with - rather than completely forget. As I once observed to my husband - whether we like it or not, this is sewn into the fabric of our relationship; no matter how much it is regretted or mourned over, it cannot be undone and we have to find a way of living with it.<br /><br />To those of you who are but a few weeks or months away from D-day, I can promise you that it all does get much easier in time. I'll never, ever be able to say that I'm glad it happened but, with the perspective that time allows, it is possible to see that the big ugly cloud did have a small silver lining.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-91988382124464117132011-04-07T10:21:31.050-04:002011-04-07T10:21:31.050-04:00Dear Marti -- I have not yet had my eight week ann...Dear Marti -- I have not yet had my eight week anniversary of this living hell but I, too, am so sorry for your pain. Do you have a plan? I think that is my plan -- just to have a plan. I need to take some classes to refresh my work skills, stash some cash and then find a job. Then if I can make it to the one year mark I hope to be in a place where making the decision to stay or go isn't made from the emotional rollercoaster place I'm in at the moment. I'm wishing the best for you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64955440967463238432011-04-06T21:04:35.936-04:002011-04-06T21:04:35.936-04:00Marti,
I feel so sad for you. And I strongly urge...Marti,<br /><br />I feel so sad for you. And I strongly urge you to get back to counselling or find a support group or something that can give you a sense of joy back. It seems clear that you're not going to find it within your marriage...but you sound as if you're poisoning yourself right now. If only for your kids, please find someone to help you get clear on creating a life that offers some sense of purpose/pleasure.<br />That said, one year is, unfortunately, not that long on the healing trajectory of betrayal. At one year, I was still pretty much a mess. Like you, I didn't sob uncontrollably any more but I was really just numb. I felt nothing. Not joy. Not pain. Just the "plain of lethal flatness", as it's often called.<br />And it can be a place where we often find sanctuary. After such feelings of pain and betrayal, numb can be pretty darn appealing. But the danger (and I've posted on this before) is that we don't just stop there, we settle in to stay. And though it's nice not to feel that stab of pain anymore, it also stops us from feeling the intense pleasure of our children's love, or a work/home success or whatever.<br />Again, I really urge to either go back to your counsellor or find another that might help you further along the path. Whether with him or without him, you deserve to LIVE...not just exist.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-40692936476689071202011-04-06T14:18:40.899-04:002011-04-06T14:18:40.899-04:00Just had D Day 1st anniversary here. Not that I ma...Just had D Day 1st anniversary here. Not that I marked it on a calendar, but it's etched into my mind. I just know.<br />I can not get over the hate and disgust for my husband. I am still unable to look at him, take photos of him or see the man that I once loved. He is forever (or so it seems) a revolting human being in my eyes. He actually looks different.<br />I dream of the day I can be financially and emotionally able to walk away from him. When I don't have to worry about my children's future.<br />How that time seems to stretch ahead of me for years. I need a fast forward button.<br />In the meantime I just live day to day trying not to dwell on my miserable marriage.<br />I work towards my and my children's futures without him in it and I day dream of a life with someone else in his place. <br />I have found no improvement in my emotional well being after a year. Only that instead of sobbing or becoming hysterically upset I am silent. It's still feels the same.<br />You mentioned above about the loneliness. It is lonely. You can be in a room full of friends and be lonely. Cuddling your children and lonely. <br />I miss the husband I thought I had terribly. It's still a fiscal blow to not have him here with me to go and talk to, to hug and be hugged back. <br />I have stopped going to counselling due to begin busy with other commitments and I feel that loss now as well.Martihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02466370118453904316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-36578005174242878322011-04-05T21:24:07.323-04:002011-04-05T21:24:07.323-04:00You're welcome. It was the loneliness that thr...You're welcome. It was the loneliness that threatened to completely cripple me. I felt so unbelievably, unbearably isolated. No-one talks about this stuff, unless it's the wife walking out the door who wants everyone to know WHY she's walking out the door. Those who decide to stay and make it work are pretty much silent. <br />Glad you found us! And I'm glad you've joined the conversation. Given the stats re. infidelity, it's a conversation we need to be having more of.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-46201671099398959622011-04-05T15:35:38.915-04:002011-04-05T15:35:38.915-04:00I'm less than seven weeks out from D-day and I...I'm less than seven weeks out from D-day and I just have to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU for having this blog. It's been such a comfort to feel like I'm not alone and that the hell I'm suffering through is normal. I don't know anyone in real life that has gone through this -- or at least no one that has told me. I'm slowing making my way through all of your archives. Every post helps me. THANK YOU!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-49798176567461386062011-04-04T16:39:41.116-04:002011-04-04T16:39:41.116-04:00I can really relate to this one!! One year after ...I can really relate to this one!! One year after my husband and I decided to stay together I had a infidelity breakdown. He looked at me and said " it's been a year and this still bothers you?" <br />I have come to think of the betrayal as more of a thing you learn to live with not get over.<br />To me it's like he physically cut me with a knife. In the beginning there is tears and emotion and chaos. After awhile the pain may be less, the cut will heal and as long as I keep it covered he can ignore it. So maybe he can "forget", but I still have a scar which I see every day.<br />Betrayal is life changing.Kathynoreply@blogger.com