tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post4345348492860687789..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: The Other Woman: RevealedEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-57943714099079213832018-01-18T15:17:14.606-05:002018-01-18T15:17:14.606-05:00it's so unfair that these people (OW) get to c...it's so unfair that these people (OW) get to carry on with their lives with no care in the world on how much pain they've caused to the lives of the people that were betrayed. I wish for Karma to catch up to them. I realize that the fault was mostly on my husband but I've learned to forgive him bc he is the most caring, loving , attentive husband in all of our 15 years of being together...But this woman, no, no, no. I cannot bring myself to forgive someone who's not even sorry for what she did. She wants my life, she saw my husband as an opportunity, he doesn't see it that way, but I know her type, she made him think that she loves him and that he can replace me with her. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-15312597081731602862018-01-18T14:50:10.583-05:002018-01-18T14:50:10.583-05:00in my opinion, based on my experiences, there are ...in my opinion, based on my experiences, there are only two types of Women.. the one that lifts you up, cheer you on, she encourages you to reach your full potential AND then there is the kind that will do everything in their power to use people to their advantage, maybe even try to steal your life, your husband, & everything you hold close to your heart... there's a very special place in hell for people like that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-23591577318718687392016-06-15T00:04:42.841-04:002016-06-15T00:04:42.841-04:00The OW is a dirty desperate skank cause she's ...The OW is a dirty desperate skank cause she's already involved with the cheater by the time he "confides" in her about how unhappy he is, that his wife treats him poorly, is such a bitch, he's just with her for the sake of the kids & all the other bullshit lies she's dumb enough to believe!<br />If he's so self-sacrificing that he's willing to live this so called unhappy life just for the kids then why doesn't he try to work on his marriage instead of destroying it for his own kids? <br />Usually when the wife finds out it's the hoe-ribble side-bitch that gets dumped!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-12527934047281179002016-05-05T04:58:07.556-04:002016-05-05T04:58:07.556-04:00It's been 6 years since discovery of his 2 yea...It's been 6 years since discovery of his 2 year affair(s). (been married 22 years now) Went through 2 years of therapy with a renowned couples counselor. A year and a half after his affair, after he still wouldn't come clean, I had an affair of my own, and with a guy who was cheating on someone else. I was actually seduced by a counselor I had gone to for help. I felt I was staying in the marriage because I wanted him to live and not commit suicide. He told me he felt no jealousy over my affair. I was ready to leave him for the other guy and the other guy stayed with his LTR instead. So I find myself in this marriage. We love each other dearly, but there is no sex anymore. It feels like some kind of comfortable, loving, friendly limbo that will collapse the second either one of us has our libido re-ignited by someone other than ourselves. We don't have any reason to stay together...no children, not for money. But we remain in this relationship anyway. I miss sex, but we are both older. I keep wanting to find a sexual partner outside our marriage, but keep stopping myself because it all seems so hopeless. In conclusion: I got to see what it was like from the perspective of a faithful, trusting, innocent spouse, and from the perspective of the conniving, selfish OW. I am just dazed now, and think that most of us are at the core innocent and just seeking the will to live a life of passion. Though the marriage I am in sounds pretty awful (sexless) there has been an awakening of the preciousness of the fragile nature of life and each other. We appreciate the things that we bring to each other verbally and emotionally on a daily basis, even if it isn't sex. I tell him how I feel, about my urges to cheat in order to have a sex life again, and he understands. There is even a chance he is cheating now, though it doesn't seem likely based on basic knowledge of him and his movements, etc. , but I never feel sure. I know that I have never betrayed my own ideal of being honest and open about what I am thinking and feeling with him and others. Many of you may feel that I am evil for having my own affair with someone with another LTR, and you may be right. I only feel human. I do have a less judgmental attitude about others faults. But I still feel the same burn when I think about the betrayal. It still hurts my gut. Because of this, I do a lot of pretending, by not letting on that it still makes me want a divorce. I don't bring it up much, and never with anger at all, just curiosity every once in awhile. I am just a human among the walking wounded. All Sides Nowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12538601402673230889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-4395159341498046342016-04-26T23:02:22.740-04:002016-04-26T23:02:22.740-04:00I survived my husband's affair and our marriag...I survived my husband's affair and our marriage is amazing now. It wasn't easy but worth it. If he's thinking of leaving for OW pack his bags and make him leave. It's one thing to sneak around and have no responsibilities with OW it's quite another to have to support her and pay child support and spousal support. The sooner you can pop the affair illusion bubble the sooner he will look at his OW and realize she is not worth it. Men always cheat down because a good woman never goes that route. There was a time your husband chose to marry YOU. If you're 50 pounds heavier than when you got married then you have some work to do. The hardest working people at the gym are divorcees. Get moving. Even just seeing you go on walks and put on makeup will make him remember how he felt about you. Be nice but know you're worth!! I can't stress that enough. Don't beg him to stay. You dont want him to stay out of pity. The only thing the OW does that you don't is flatter your husband and put him on a pedestal. Put yourself on a pedestal higher so he has to reach to attain you. The OW is cheap and easy. When your husband sees you make sure he sees the woman he married, not a crying wreck. Know your worth. A wife is ALWAYS more valuable than an OW. They're just an easy drive th r ough. Make your husband crave filet mignon again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-40708384016622149162016-03-02T06:33:58.718-05:002016-03-02T06:33:58.718-05:00Hahaha...I love your idea..."swatting".Hahaha...I love your idea..."swatting". Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-37288452731028197932015-10-19T12:22:33.051-04:002015-10-19T12:22:33.051-04:00I'm glad you've learned to love and accept...I'm glad you've learned to love and accept yourself and to realize this was never about you and what you did/didn't have. It was HIS failing, not yours.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-8102583801949279522015-10-19T03:46:39.318-04:002015-10-19T03:46:39.318-04:00And with lotst of support from my parents and husb...And with lotst of support from my parents and husband with the children. I forgot to mention. Things are easier. And i mostly was just afraid he would leave me with small children. However he did not and dosent have any future plans on it. he is truly remorseful. And i fully belive that now. He wishes he could take it all back and says he wishes he never met the women. I am learni g to trust him again tho it has not been easy and i doubt him often. He seams diffrent somehow as tho. He never thought it would hurt me so deeply or take everything So literal. Like how i view myself. After three kids im not such a skinny redhead any more but i am now more impowered. I tell him things without fear. Fix myself up and go out. I can even hold my head up now because i know it was all just a lie he made up in his mind a story she told him to gain the simpathy girl in distress card. But when the chips fell he knew the only one left who stood by him was me and he acknowledges. That and tells me Nd he needs me and fully see that now so that alone helps Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-25087261408246046872015-10-19T03:36:53.340-04:002015-10-19T03:36:53.340-04:00Thank you for your reply its been over a year sinc...Thank you for your reply its been over a year since i wrote that post. And it was true i am to hard on myself and took to much of the blame on myself. I had a mentle breakdown because i couldnt handle everything. Plus being pregnant. We are still on a journey. Of movi g forward and now have plans for remarriage next year. I had alit of times where i was so overwhelmed. With grief. From his infadelity it seamed i was more obsessed with it then he ever was. With him it was short lived easily forgotten and left behind. But with me it was as tho he left it for me to carry. It got better o e day at a time each day i thought less and less about it. Tho i still had horrible nightmares remembering. Her voice o. The phone mentally. Picturi g them together. For a while there it felt like i was goi g crazy. But one day it just stopped . well not completely. I have my good and bad days. I just needed to stop compari g myself with her. He seams content with my appearance. And well i found love for my red hair i still am working on my self and how i view my body. You were completely. Right in your reply and thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-90633713691923666672015-09-06T21:54:34.987-04:002015-09-06T21:54:34.987-04:00You just described my ex good friend (the OW) to a...You just described my ex good friend (the OW) to a T. I had described her as the sunshine vampire tramp. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55174393158299442092015-09-02T17:02:25.264-04:002015-09-02T17:02:25.264-04:00What's the difference? Wife: Made a life-lon...What's the difference? Wife: Made a life-long commitment to the man. OW: Started dating him, in many cases, knowing that he was married or in a commited relationship. <br /><br />What ticks me off is that he lies, and OW desperately wants to believe everything that he says. What kind of man leaves his kids with a woman that he claims is abusive? Wouldn't he want to stick around to make certain that the kids aren't abused? The cheating is bad enough, but lying about someone's character to get sex on the side is worse. <br /><br />Things would be so much better if everyone would stop behaving like children and be honest with each other.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-70188176523567961182015-08-24T22:58:15.070-04:002015-08-24T22:58:15.070-04:00The best revenge is to: 1. Not say anything to th...The best revenge is to: 1. Not say anything to the OW. Act as if she is invisible. She will go crazy and reveal herself. 2. Be quiet with your husband. The OW became so enraged (she was a family friend), her true self and motives were revealed. I wasn't nasty to her, I told her that my marriage was bt me and my husband, and that she couldn't be involved. If he made her promises, lied, etc., that was HER problem, not mines. It is driving her crazy not to know the state of our relationship, and my husband is so angry at her for lying and making a spectacle, he'll never talk to him again (I made him call and confess to his entire family).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-26683053322791332532015-07-22T18:34:22.454-04:002015-07-22T18:34:22.454-04:00Perfectly said- "self-absorbed, entitled, ins...Perfectly said- "self-absorbed, entitled, insecure and lacks empathy." 100% I so needed to read this. xoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74052038021462908682015-04-12T13:27:37.912-04:002015-04-12T13:27:37.912-04:00The metaphor of "The foundation of a house fr...The metaphor of "The foundation of a house fragmenting, slowly or suddenly or both."<br /><br />Like a car accident and/or like "A drop of Ink in water."<br /><br />Betrayal is like a hit and run<br /><br />Made worse when victims are told to "Get a grip," "Deal with it," and walk home in the dark - alone<br /><br />But the truth is we are not alone look at this amazing website and all of us!<br /><br />Countless numbers of men and women suffering quietly unable to begin to comprehend whats happening...but by reaching out to each other and finding our "voice." This alone sets us apart and makes us stronger.....Valkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-37151942727346654232015-04-12T13:21:58.366-04:002015-04-12T13:21:58.366-04:00The betrayed spouse faces cultural backlash, where...The betrayed spouse faces cultural backlash, where personal experience and private anguish is minimized and greatly misunderstood.<br /><br />My observation is that the betrayed partners not only face a "Partners" - betrayal i.e. (Hatred) They also face all the "Hate," directed at them from the affair partner(s) along with colluding individuals/collaborating institutions/ and other social "Shadow," throw into the drama and "Karma," surrounding them.<br /><br />There is no closure for the betrayed spouse.Valkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-37144619299012981492015-04-12T13:18:19.123-04:002015-04-12T13:18:19.123-04:00How many of us remember the moment we realized tha...How many of us remember the moment we realized that another person (secretly) regarded us as the person and object to "get rid of?" Someone to diminish, character-assassinate, and destroy. (Like Shakespeare's Iago. How could Desdemona ever comprehend her sad destiny amidst such random/banal hatred.Valkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-31029026915759549352015-04-12T13:16:04.695-04:002015-04-12T13:16:04.695-04:00Often - underground-Hatred, Rage, Spite, Greed, Ma...Often - underground-Hatred, Rage, Spite, Greed, Malice, Sinister - Condescension, Envy, Theft, Faux-Probity, False Witness, Jealousy and Self-Righteousness,(mere examples) of potent ingredients in this "love" bomb, potion are directed at unsuspecting/unaware partners and spouses of the targeted "Love-Object."<br /><br />There is no doubt in my mind that having an affair with a married partner sends all types of negative energy towards the betrayed spouses. Valkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83127520948761132262015-04-12T13:11:43.555-04:002015-04-12T13:11:43.555-04:00As a betrayed spouse we not only deal with initial...As a betrayed spouse we not only deal with initial sexual betrayal and all 13 Dimensions of Induced Trauma but suddenly a once faceless co-partner becomes a reality. We are now more than likely confronting the "Intent to Harm," and Severe Intimacy Terrorism Perpetrated by Toxic Paramours and or/potentially-harmful characters involved. Valkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-52143394884024373292015-04-12T13:08:40.872-04:002015-04-12T13:08:40.872-04:00Dr. Omar Minwall views sex-addiction as a "Pr...Dr. Omar Minwall views sex-addiction as a "Problem with Intimacy." His work focuses on the betrayed and developed 13 dimensions of Trauma induced PTSD. I'd add some more. Because we not only deal with the initial sexual betrayal and all 13 Dimensions of Induced Trauma but suddenly a once faceless co-partner becomes a reality. We are more than likely confronting the, "Intent to Harm," and Severe Intimacy Terrorism Perpetrated by Toxic Paramours and/or potentially-negative characters involved. Valkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-50591406120503620142015-04-12T13:02:21.943-04:002015-04-12T13:02:21.943-04:00Most clinical and social "Focus" goes on...Most clinical and social "Focus" goes onto the "Betrayer," the potential prodigal (and reasons for the betrayal) Social opinion laments that something must be wrong with the betrayed spouse. The betrayed partner is immediately instructed towards "Healthy-Positive Self-Care," "Holding down the fort," by attending to the Betraying Partners and/ore family and children. Any emotionality from the Betrayed Spouse is Suspect, socially/privately viewed as pathological - if not "appropriately," contained.<br /><br />Completely overlooking the overall - "Criminal Self-Absorption," of ALL parties involved including the surrounding culture which promotes infidelityValkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-26913018508216852692015-04-12T12:55:57.165-04:002015-04-12T12:55:57.165-04:00As for the Other woman/man?
No one seems to graps...As for the Other woman/man?<br /><br />No one seems to graps the (continuing) trauma for betrayed partners regarding impact of managing/and or comprehending psychologically damaged paramours.<br /><br />(Remorseful and repentant spouses can more easily become the "prodigals." returning-home. However often the "Unremorseful," paramour either slinks aware unrepentant-hiding and/or lashes out with increased-hubris, even violence, towards the healing couple and/or family). These are people incapable of feeling shame and/or politely removing themselves and respectfully going awayValkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-85899344740506231212015-04-12T12:49:06.532-04:002015-04-12T12:49:06.532-04:00It has become my personal observation that unless ...It has become my personal observation that unless you experience this directly few people rarely comprehend the corrosive-vastness involved in sexual and emotional "Betrayal." Secrecy and Infidelity's "Unseen Shrapnel." - Residual Fall Out and Long-Term Consequences of "Traumatic Energies Being Exchanged." they (may not be seen) nevertheless reverberate (even into the next generation when children are involved) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br />Valkyriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02185442228341503805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-58143444351356401282014-10-30T22:58:19.430-04:002014-10-30T22:58:19.430-04:00Absolutely agree with you, you have put into words...Absolutely agree with you, you have put into words what is spinning around in my head, as the betrayed spouse, thank you for clarifying so clearly what these OW are................ altho I could add some more colourful words too............ just 5 months out from D-Day but trying to get thru it and............... waiting for Karma Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-46808167228964120722014-10-17T12:33:21.811-04:002014-10-17T12:33:21.811-04:00@mountainsailing
I too used to hate and blame the...@mountainsailing<br /><br />I too used to hate and blame the OW until I read a book called "The Other Woman-Her Point of View". I read it because I needed to make sense of something I had trouble making sense of. I was reading everything I could find about affairs. The book opened my eyes to other possibilities and helped me to understand many things I didn't. <br />You really have a great and intelligent outlook on the painful feelings of betrayal you experienced. I hope you all the happiness in life that you deserve.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-7345558807022449432014-09-23T09:52:01.896-04:002014-09-23T09:52:01.896-04:00I'm so sorry. It sounds as if you're in a ...I'm so sorry. It sounds as if you're in a lot of pain...and still believing that his affair was about your shortcomings. It wasn't. It was about HIS shortcomings. If he meant the vow he gave you when you married, then he agreed to "in good and bad". That doesn't mean leaving someone when they have health issues. It doesn't mean going on Facebook and trolling for someone desperate to get out of her own situation. <br />You will never believe his words that you're what he wants until you believe it about yourself. Until you can treat yourself with respect and love, you'll have trouble allowing others to treat you with respect and love. <br />You're using his affair to confirm everything you believe about yourself. The way you talk about yourself is so incredibly unkind. Language is incredibly powerful. You call yourself a "skinny redheaded midget". How about a fiery-haired petite powerhouse? Or a slim ginger? <br />I hope you'll seek individual counselling for your own pain and healing. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.com