tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post4978215099651099538..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Five Ways We Hurt Ourselves After Our Husband's AffairEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger279125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-40745729480904118902017-03-17T17:06:29.670-04:002017-03-17T17:06:29.670-04:00Feeling Lonely.
Hello, I had that gut feeling that...Feeling Lonely.<br />Hello, I had that gut feeling that my husband was cheating on me, he was acting different and always on his phone. I would ask him, but he would always deny it. He would look at me straight in my eyes and would deny it. This past Christmas we had planned our family Disney Vacation, we were so excited..I was super excited because it was the first time taking our 3 kids and i had not been since i was 15..such a magical place and finally we had saved up and we were going to experience the magic as a family. Well, during our stay all was good in the beggining, we were all happy and rides and characters were amazing...seeing the never ending smiles in my kids faces made me so happy, but in the midst of all this my husband was distant, he would continously make excused to go to the bathroom and would be there for 15-20 min at a time. He was always on his phone. I finally decided to check the record on our phone bill and noticed it was the same phone number over and over, call after call, text after text...started since Thanksgiving. Well third day into our trip i could not handle it anymore...i broke down and confronted him after i had seen he had just talked with her. He finally admitted that he had been seeing this other woman since November...I was devastated...My whole world crumbled...I could not believe that the person whom i trusted the most and loved so much and respected so much would hurt me in such a way. Our vacation was ruined ofcourse, but we still had 4 days left at disney, I made the choice to suck it up and fake it for the kids...they did not deserve to known anything and ruin their happinness because of my husbands stupid decisions. That was the hardest time of my life, i was so alone...I felt so alone, so unwanted, so unworthy of anything. He made me feel as if i was not enough...its funny how our men have that power over us sometimes. Well, to make things short, after we got home...we talked long and hard and i decided that we would wrk things out...some days were good some were not. He had promised me that he had stoped seeing her and stopped talking to her, he changed his phone number...well shit hit the ceiling again...one sunday morning he wakes up and instead of going to church with us, he said he was going to the gym because he felt like he had gained some wait, i knew something was wrong...i learned to listen to my gut feeling. Anyway i chose to believe him, so i went off with out him, as i am driving to church with my 3 kids i get a call from my sister telling me that a dear friend of ours just saw my husband walk in to crackel barrel holding another womans hand and being affectionate. I immediatly dropped off my kids at my brothers and instead of church i drove to cracker barrel, not sure why , but i did. I got there as they had already paid and he saw me and she immedialty ran inside the bathrooms...he took me outside with him and well as you can imagine...there was a lot of yelling. My heart was broken into a million pieces again...again he made me feel so litle and unworthy.<br />i kicked him out. I let him come home, but its not the same. he promises its over but i still have that gut feeling its not. I am not sure how much i can handle anymore...i cry every night..i feel so hopeless...I love him and always made sure i made him happy ...but i was still not enough.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83929015507920001252015-11-27T08:36:38.974-05:002015-11-27T08:36:38.974-05:00i wonder if there is anyone there still on this fe...i wonder if there is anyone there still on this feed who can help me?? My husband left me in June saying he no longer loved me, a few days later I found that he had an affair with a local Trollope to whom I had warned him about, when it was all going on I knew something was wrong but he said I was obsessed with this woman and I needed to go get mental help. anyway I found out an I suppose I felt that he made all that stuff up about not being in love because he was so guilt ridden - he was an awesome liar which scares me!<br />I decided that I wanted him back but he said he didn't want to come back as he didn't think he was in love and he needed time, not once has he tried to win me over or try to make up for what he has done, and I seem to have begged and begged him to come back, he retuned home in nov and said he is in love and that's that, however he is still on his computer all the time, and his phone, he is a horror photographer so is constantly taking photos of half naked ladies and now has started hanging around with half of them and a couple that swings, every time I try to tell him how it makes me fell he says that it was too soon and he should just go again, he gets all stressed out on me when I want to spend time, he wont get baby sitters to look after our 5 yr old as he doesn't trust anyone so effectively he can go off and do his thing and I look after the child or I can go out and he will look after the child, I cant look at his phone cuz you need to use thumb recognition to open it and he has password protected his computer - he did tell me the password but I forgot it, he thinks I just have to forgive and that's it - he doesn't get the hang time that comes with this and I think he is doing too much too soon and sod all to me :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-34613673518067198402015-11-09T12:28:43.580-05:002015-11-09T12:28:43.580-05:00I think if there's any possible way you can mo...I think if there's any possible way you can move, then you should get the hell out of there. <br />I also think, in the meantime, you should document her harassment of you (making sure that you're not participating in any way at all) and then let the police know. Nobody should have to put up with this.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-51712590426786305842015-11-05T15:48:04.020-05:002015-11-05T15:48:04.020-05:00Hello all, I just found this blog today, I have r...Hello all, I just found this blog today, I have read so many of the post here. I really can relate to all that everyone has shared, because I feel the very same way. The D day for me was 11/14/14. I found out that my husband of 9 years was having an affair with my next door neighbor. Her husband had cheated on her a year before and had moved out and had ended his affair and was trying to get my neighbor back; in the mean time the man neighbor was confiding in my husband to watch out for his wife and would tell my husband all about his sexual life with his wife, my husband and I would wonder why he would be telling my husband all about his sex life with his wife when he cheated on her. The woman neighbor starting coming over to my house confiding in me about her husband cheated on her and lonely she was. She would even invite me to go places with her. I never liked her and did not want to go anywhere with her. Little did I know that she was coming to my house trying to learn about me and my husband and she was having an affair with my husband. Last July my husband had cancer along with my father being sick. I found myself drinking alcohol at times heavily trying to deal with all the sickness. In September of last year I could tell something was off with my husband, he would come home and start a fight and leave and stay gone overnite. I knew in my heart he was seeing someone but I didn't know who. Things got really bad between us, I saw a side of him that I never knew. On Oct. 14, 2014. my neighbors husband came to my house and told me that my husband and his wife were having an affair. My world came crashing down on me. I was so hurt. I called my husband let him know that I knew and he came home the next day to find all his stuff on her front porch, I worked all night taking all this belongs next door to her porch. The police came to escort him off our property. He left that Saturday and I didn't know how to live anymore. I never expected this to happen. Long story, but my husband came back home a few weeks later and we were trying to work on things. Little did I know, but he was still seeing her. I went to her house to confront her and I slapped her for all the ugly things she said to me and fought with me like I was a dog. She ended up pushing me off the porch and breaking my foot. Well a few weeks later my husband moved out to begin his life with her and was not happy about being away from me. He claimed that he never loved her and he had always loved me. She still lives next door and continues to harrass me daily. This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to deal with. My husband is home now with me and we are working on our marriage. We are closer than ever, learning to trust him again is the hardest. and I often throw in his face what he did to me and all the pain he caused me and how I still to this day almost a year later feel the pain so much. I just wished the woman would move. I feel I'm getting stronger, but seeing her car and knowing she is right next door sucks!!!!!!! Any advice would greatly be appreciated. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-91111347565999939702015-10-06T12:08:39.272-04:002015-10-06T12:08:39.272-04:00It doesn't make sense to trust someone who has...It doesn't make sense to trust someone who has proven himself untrustworthy. For now. He needs to understand that he's being given the chance to prove to you that he can be a better man, that the day will come when you can trust him to make good choices for your marriage. Until then, however, it helps to verify that he is where he says he is, that he's doing what hey says he's doing. That's how trust is rebuilt -- by discovering that he's being honest and forthright.<br />As for contact with the OW, stop right now. It's not healthy for your marriage or for you. Cut her out of your lives.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-68862942444382326532015-10-06T11:47:23.199-04:002015-10-06T11:47:23.199-04:00We have two small children and we have decided to ...We have two small children and we have decided to work on our marriage not only for us but for them. My husband hasn't talked to the ow but I do. But obviously its not healthy to do so. It makes me angry when I see her. My husband has been been better at communication and expressing his feelings. I just hope I'm making the right decision staying with him. I love him but I want us to be able to trust each other again. And that seems impossible at this point. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-42725987803926517422015-10-06T11:18:19.231-04:002015-10-06T11:18:19.231-04:00Anonymous,
You are lost and broken..but you won...Anonymous,<br />You are lost and broken..but you won't be that way forever. Let yourself feel the hurt. Put down the drink and just let yourself feel it. Alcohol might numb you in the short term but will cause far greater problems down the road.<br />It will hurt like hell. But then, like all feelings, the pain will slowly dissipate. Be sure that you take care of yourself in other ways too. Sleep when you can. Eat healthy. Go for walks. Let the pain wash over you, trusting that it won't drown you. Post here. Share your story. You'll be amazed at how many women know exactly how you feel and can promise you that it's possible to heal from this.<br />What is your husband doing to help you through this? He should have absolutely No Contact with the OW and he should be seeking help to understand why he risked his marriage for affairs. Is he remorseful? Willing to do the hard work of rebuilding a marriage?<br />No matter what he does or doesn't do, you get to decide yourself what you want. If he can't commit, then know that you can build a life without him. <br />Whatever you decide, make the choice to live through this and heal from it. Drinking is not the answer. Make "happy and healthy again" your goal.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-7693105339154918682015-10-06T02:15:55.178-04:002015-10-06T02:15:55.178-04:00I've been married for 9 years this year. I fou...I've been married for 9 years this year. I found out a couple of months ago that my husband was having an affair with our friend. Also ths t hes cheated pretty much our whole marriage. It makes me sick to my stomach! ! I love him most days but hate him too. I drink to cover up the pain. I just want to be happy and healthy again. I just feel so lost and broken. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-39191794738203098632015-09-23T10:15:58.829-04:002015-09-23T10:15:58.829-04:00I to am at the 1 and half of finding out for sure ...I to am at the 1 and half of finding out for sure of my husbands affair, which happened 39 plus years ago. What upset me is I was pregnant and having my baby and she was there, my friend I thought. She stayed to help with our other two children. How stupid was I, I was just so trusting and never in a million years thought they could do something like that to me. So now I keep reliving this in my head over and over trying to remember incidents that I should have picked up. She was also married at the time and her husband was in the military. Since she is divorced and has 4 kids to 4 different men. I did write and tell her my husband confessed everything to me and told her exactly how I felt about her. I still would love to write and really tell her a thing or two. I still have the ups and downs of a good day. He has told me some stuff but says he does not remember days and when and where since it has been so long ago. Sometimes I just need to vent to someone and try to work this out in my head myself. Thank you for letting me do that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-27586523648880877962015-07-01T17:34:25.426-04:002015-07-01T17:34:25.426-04:00Hello Monique. I know this post is a couple of yea...Hello Monique. I know this post is a couple of years old and I am not sure if you will even see it. First of all, my heart goes out to you. I was the OW of an affair that just ended a couple of months ago, and I deeply regret my role in an affair that should have never taken place in the first place REGARDLESS of what I thought or what I was told. I was wrong because I am also married but very unhappy. For years I had been a stay at home mother and felt lonely and isolated. My affair partner expressed his unhappiness in his relationship with his wife stating that he was absolutely DONE with her and was leaving her. He expressed many reasons why he no longer wanted to be with her. He also told me that he believed that God brought me into his life and that we were destined to be together. He was my manager, by the way. I believed him when he said that he wanted to create and build and life with me. We talked about having children, what we would name the children, etc. I asked him many times if he was absolutely sure he wanted to leave his wife and he assured me he did. He even called his wife on his cell phone in front of me confirming his love for me and that he was leaving. He had even planned a trip for us to Phoenix, AZ. Our original plan was to refrain from having sex but we began a very intense emotional affair. He really laid it on thick. He became the man of my dreams. He was a great listener, always paying careful attention to everything I said. He wined and dined me. He would ask if I've been certain places in our area, and if I said no, he would be the one to take me there. He would ask, "why is it that your husband won't take his beautiful wife out?" Long story short,the trip that we were supposed to take to Phoenix which HE had planned, his wife found out about it. She ended up ordering her own ticket to go so I canceled mine. Even after the discovery of our affair, he would wait for a few weeks to calm things down at home and then contact me again saying that he loved me and he didn't love his wife. Said the only reason he was staying with her was because of what the Bible said and that God hates divorce. He insisted that he did not love her. After his wife found out about us...again...I realized that he threw me completely under the bus and told her that I was the aggressor and I pursued him during a very difficult time in their marriage. I was floored because he was the one doing the pursuing the entire time. And as my manager, he was doing everything to build my team in his company by placing people directly under me. He said he was doing this for us so that we could begin our lives together. My question to you is, how do you know that the OW was the one who initiated everything? So many times wives like to put the blame on the other woman, what what the man is usually doing is telling wives one thing and the OW another. The OW does not deserve pity and I am not expecting sympathy. But...is it possible that the OW REALLY thought that there was a future for her and your husband because of things he told her? My affair partner's wife blamed me and said that her husband was "confused" when I know damn well he isn't confused. He is a man who goes after whatever he wants no matter what and he knew exactly what he was doing.<br /><br />I thank you so much for your time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-45898385249457513752015-06-29T18:44:38.181-04:002015-06-29T18:44:38.181-04:00Thank you Elle. I appreciate the support. Having...Thank you Elle. I appreciate the support. Having no one to speak to about this is gut wrenching. Today I found conversations he had been having (inappropriate sexual conversations along with pictures) with a secret "friend". She wasn't one of his workplace affairs but she seems to be his confidant as he discusses the sordid details of what he has been up to. I feel like I am married to a stranger. A monster. I will definitely seek the support of others within this group. Again I appreciate the help.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-68410726504846048152015-06-27T10:14:24.109-04:002015-06-27T10:14:24.109-04:00These comments are full. I'm so sorry. I just ...These comments are full. I'm so sorry. I just spotted this. Please post elsewhere on the site. There are many women who can offer support and wisdom.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-31320840680276108382015-06-27T10:14:01.917-04:002015-06-27T10:14:01.917-04:00These comments are full. I'm so sorry. I just ...These comments are full. I'm so sorry. I just spotted this. Please post elsewhere on the site. There are many women who can offer support and wisdom.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55962398223996912232015-06-27T10:13:42.480-04:002015-06-27T10:13:42.480-04:00These comments are full. I'm so sorry. I just ...These comments are full. I'm so sorry. I just spotted this. Please post elsewhere on the site. There are many women who can offer support and wisdom.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-16709123343384769422015-06-27T10:13:17.986-04:002015-06-27T10:13:17.986-04:00These comments are full. I'm so sorry. I just ...These comments are full. I'm so sorry. I just spotted this. Please post elsewhere on the site. There are many women who can offer support and wisdom.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-60691280203300288662015-06-27T10:12:07.063-04:002015-06-27T10:12:07.063-04:00Anonymous,
I'm so sorry for what you're go...Anonymous,<br />I'm so sorry for what you're going through. We've all been there. Betrayal makes us crazy. Being lied to makes us crazy. Being manipulated and played for a fool makes us crazy. So it's no surprise that you acted crazy (though I'm not sure him losing his job was necessarily a bad thing. There are consequences to workplace affairs). <br />You're likely still in shock, which means the best thing you can do right now is triage. Try and get sleep. Try and eat properly. Exercise. Breathe. Don't worry about any big decisions. Just getting through the day will be enough right now. If you're even considering staying with your husband then he needs to get into counselling right away to figure out why he was risking everything (marriage, job) for people who meant nothing. He's been really self-destructive. He also needs to get clear that being dishonest (ie. not telling you what's really been going on) is not compatible with having a "stronger" relationship. Dishonesty undermines a relationship. Period. <br />While he's getting his own head together, you need support to work through your pain. I would encourage you to also find a therapist who can help you. Betrayal is devastating. It changes how we see the world. Find someone who can help you heal. <br />This site is also an incredible group of strong, smart women who can offer up their support and advice. This particular post you commented on is full -- so find a newer post to share your story and a lot more people will be able to see it. <br />Hang in there, Anonymous. You'll get there.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64074223986955294392015-06-26T17:49:03.054-04:002015-06-26T17:49:03.054-04:00PART 2 - Finally I found IT.....the logs from the ...PART 2 - Finally I found IT.....the logs from the app he was using to message her without the texts appearing on our bill. Thousands of messages spanning back to November (so much for "a few weeks"). Graphic details of their sex life including a weekend get away (he said he was at his friends bachelor party). He was pathetically professing his admiration for her all day long like a puppy dog. Ironically she criticized his skills in the bedroom, frequently accuses him of lying and cheating on her and they even discuss me like I am some pal of theirs (talking about things going on in my life and even displaying empathy....2 minutes before sexting). Yet he continues showering her with affection even as I read countless fights between them. The messages also confirmed she knew about me. I felt that I gave both of them the chance to be completely honest with and I was pushed to the limit realizing all I got were lies. Going back I also learned of another affair with a different coworker earlier last year as well as a secret "friendship" with someone he claims to have met at a bar. He claims he felt I didn't need to know anymore than I already did because it would just hurt me and our relationship had been so much stronger the last couple of weeks. I don't know what came over me but I literally went into an outter body experience. I was filled with rage and vengeance. I felt both of them had made this so much harder on me by lying even when caught and I lost my mind. I wrote an email from his account to his HR dept "confessing" the affair. I also anonymously told several people in his department. I just wanted them to suffer and be humiliated like I was but I know it was wrong. Today he lost his job (as expected) which actually made me relieved. I know that is awful to say but I felt he should have left the moment this came to light. And somehow she emerged unscathed. She was not fired and played the victim crying "harassment." I know I spiraled out of control and regret my childish behavior. I don't know where to go from here. HELP!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-20358695376806238412015-06-26T17:48:45.159-04:002015-06-26T17:48:45.159-04:00Hi Elle - (PART 1) I fear that I may have stumbled...Hi Elle - (PART 1) I fear that I may have stumbled upon your article a little late. I initially learned of my husbands affair on 5/9/15 when I finally got the courage to wait outside the location his phone GPS had been parked at on several occasions when he was allegedly at a friends house "watching the game". I furiously texted him for hours that I was outside with no response (he later said he didn't see the messages). At 3 am he emerged from her home (she lives in low income housing projects). Long story not so short, I broke down, I cried, I yelled, I screamed. I was hysterical right there in the middle of the street. We went home and he "confessed" that he was not where he said he would be. After a series of stories that made absolutely no sense he finally convinced me she was a 'friend of a friend' he'd hung out with only a few times. Over the course of the next few weeks the story changed so many times I cannot even count and his behavior became more erratic - one minute he loved me and was remorseful the next minute he needed space to think. Finally I discovered the truth of her identity. She was a coworker - a subordinate no less. I sent her a text (anonymously) that I know who she is and informed her (though how could she not know as everyone at his office knows he was married 3 years ago....some were in attendance) that he is married. He came home that night and broke down. Looking to me for support as he was now concerned that my contacting her would jeopardize his job. This seemed odd to me as she clearly knew I had confronted him in the street at her home only a 2 weeks prior. He confessed that she was aware he was married as well. So why would she suddenly be so angry at him to out THEIR secret? A lot of things weren't adding up. The details (yes I pressed for them) changed repeatedly. We had a pre-paid vacation scheduled for a few days later. Since it was a LOT of money we opted to get away from all of this mess. Surprisingly we had a great time but when we got back I was a mess, mostly because I knew he'd be returning to work....and her. He reassured me nonstop that it was over but I still felt I was being lied to. I had that feeling in my gut. So I acted out of emotion and called her with him present. I wanted to see what version of the story I got when these two liars were both present. They both maintained the other was lying and oddly she even downplayed the nature and length of their marriage saying it was "only texting for a few weeks but no sex" meanwhile my husband had already confessed to the sex but denied the relationship was "serious." Fast forward to yesterday when I really lost my mind and I know it. Something was still eating at me. Something felt off. I became obsessed and started going through his email. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83950495538917079422015-05-25T11:45:46.795-04:002015-05-25T11:45:46.795-04:00"I love you, your beautiful still make me ang..."I love you, your beautiful still make me angry. If you can tell someone else these things it has lost it's meaning." Wow. This is exactly what I struggle with. Two years later and it still bothers me. He said that saying I love you to her was just bed talk but that makes me sick too. Makes me wonder what kind of shallow man did I marry? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-85463860783625254982015-05-22T17:21:02.452-04:002015-05-22T17:21:02.452-04:00I'm so sad to say, that its been 2.5 years and...I'm so sad to say, that its been 2.5 years and I now weigh 30 lbs more. I lost a child during his event and curiously enough his daughter got pregnant at exactly the same time. my partner is no longer open to talking about this subject since about 2 months after. i have still the sadness and the weight which has become its own abusive cycle.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-70447174256295219812015-04-12T14:13:25.724-04:002015-04-12T14:13:25.724-04:00HI
I have just been hit by this news,...and found...HI<br />I have just been hit by this news,...and found that my 19 years married life has been turend upside down.<br /><br />My husband is involved with another woman. My 16 year son is going through the emotional trauma of knowing this.<br />Dont know how to move ahead. Life seems to have ended for me.,,,<br /><br />I have been reading the posts and found many brave replies....I wish I could also have an answer to my situation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-78324273791884612122015-04-06T14:33:50.980-04:002015-04-06T14:33:50.980-04:00My husband of 15 years asked for a divorce beginni...My husband of 15 years asked for a divorce beginning of this year saying he fell out of love with me. He stayed for about a month after saying this then decided to separate. One month later I found out he was having an affair with his secretary for 15 months. He called it off with her when I found out and we started working on our marriage. He was shocked that I told him I still wanted him. He assumed our marriage was over when he started his affair. It was only a week later he told me he missed her and loved her and couldn't do this anymore. We discussed our divorce and went on a roller coaster ride for a month. He now just told me that he broke it off with her and wants to put our divorce on hold. He can't tell me he wants to work on our marriage right now, only that he's confused and "doesn't know". Am I wasting my time? Is he just buying more time for our divorce to get our finances in order? I love my husband with all my heart and want this to work, but I can't trust anything he says now. He's back and forth with confusion all the time. I'm trying to be patient, but its very hard. He says he loves me, but he's not in love with me. How do I fix this? I know he has to get over the OW and until he stops contacting her, I sit here and wait. (He has been working out all the details since she worked for him and I know she still wants him). I'm miserable everyday and everyone says cut ties and move on, but my heart says stay and wait. Am I just naïve?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-14762315347802576712015-04-05T10:36:01.838-04:002015-04-05T10:36:01.838-04:00I am really struggling with my emotions and decidi...I am really struggling with my emotions and deciding whether to stay or go after discovering my husband's betryal and deceit. We have been together for just over 6 years and we have two beautiful children together but our entire relationship has been a struggle as we fell pregnant so early into the relationship (3months in) and I started hearing rumours about him cheating on me when I was pregnant. I always had a gut feeling that the rumours were true but as he flat out denied them and swore they wernt true I was always hesitant to leave as I was scared and emotional being my first pregnancy. He would even go as far as to get really mad and tell me I had issues and needed help for my insecurities whenever I would ask to many questions but I just stayed with him, my dis trust and resentment slowly growing. In the years to follow there were a number of girls that I would see him message on facebook and again he would always have some casual answer as to why he was messaging them and even though my gut told me otherwise, I never could bring myself to take his kids from him without knowing 100%. There were so many times I would break down begging for the truth and he would cry swearing that he loved me and would never do such a thing to me, he would admit to not being perfect but always swore that cheating has and would never be something he would do to me. 7 months ago I recieved a msg from a mutual friend that was tired of covering for him and told me about him recently messaging the girl that the original rumours were about, this made me go into a rage and I told him that I had hacked his facebook and was about to read all of his messages... This made him finally confess to a long list of women that he was having facebook type affairs with including sexting and naked pics being exchanged ext.. he admitted to hooking up with the rumored girl while I was pregnant and still now I am in shock with how much betrayal there was. I have asked and now recieved answers to probably more questions then I should have asked as I am feeling like an emotional wreck with a head full of horrible images but what is killing me most is my indecisiveness as to whether to stay with him or leave. I did leave him and got my own place but then I just let him stay on my couch so often that he might aswell be living here. I honestly don't even know if I still love him anymore but yet when I kick him out, all I want is for him to come back, even though when he is hear I just want to scream at him. My daughter who is 5 was not coping when he was gone and she seems to feel it whenever I am ready to yell at him or break down as she always cries and begs me not to fight with her daddy and that makes it even harder for me as I have to bottle up my emotions and cry behind closed doors. I really fear that I am on the verge of a break down very soon. Does anyone know some good ways or tips to work out if I should be trying to fix things or whether I should be moving on? Any advice would be appreciated as I feel so lost and confused :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-32006738345313116342015-02-22T17:02:14.395-05:002015-02-22T17:02:14.395-05:00Hey Dan,
Just letting you know that you could be m...Hey Dan,<br />Just letting you know that you could be my husband. We have been married for 22 years, have 2 children (one who is severely disabled). he has had many affairs on line over our marriage and each time that I caught him, he said it was "innocent flirtation". Meanwhile I am taking our disabled son to 38 doctors, IEPs, sleeping at the hospital each time he almost dies (without my husband's help). What is my husband doing during that time? Complaining that I do not give him enough sex and affection, having online affairs, joining Ashley Madison to get dates and ultimately reconnecting with his date from homecoming 30 years ago. The affair I find out lasted for 2 years. He even took her to our college daughter's sports game that I could not attend because I was caring for our sick son. Do I assume responsibility for problems in our marriage? Absolutely, I should have made him leave years ago when he over and over proved to be unfaithful and SELFISH. Did I withhold intimacy from him intentionally? No, I just stopped trying to meet his needs as they became insurmountable. You men think that it is okay to destroy a family because of "your needs". What about our needs? He's off having nice dinners and wild sex while I'm at home taking care of our son. He told me and the OM that he has been looking for her for 30 year. My whole marriage has been a lie. Sorry if I don't feel too bad for you. But you crossed the line. Your wife did not push you there nor did I push my husband there. YOU choose to cheat. We deserve SO much better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-90861672177493114062015-02-19T08:50:58.390-05:002015-02-19T08:50:58.390-05:00Well I found this site after googling how to deal ...Well I found this site after googling how to deal with my husbands affair I sat and read all the post all the comments and feel a little better knowing I am not losing my mind.I honesty was at the point of checking into a mental ward. I found out about my husbands affair 8 months ago and I still don't know the whole truth he slips up now and then when being drilled by me he let's little bits of what really happened out but I feel like I need the whole truth to truly forgive him. I love him more then ever and want this to work sounds stupid to say because of what he did to me but I do. I am driving myself crazy thinking up things that might have happened to having to deal with the OW tormenting me with forwarding messages to me that he sent her. My husband ended it with her the day after I found out he did this in front of me I heard the while conversation his end and her being him to not do this. I keep trying to figure out why he did it and the answer I get is " I don't know " so that leaves my head to roam and let me tell you it does to top things off our sex lfee has gone from being 5/6 times a week to maybe 1 and that makes me that he still wants her of course he says he don't and that he loves me and is in love with me but I don't know how to deal with all of this please give me some adviceAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com