tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post5171013985030654470..comments2024-03-27T21:50:33.178-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Silver Linings Playbook: My Husband's Affair Was the Worst Thing That Happened to Me...And Here's What I GainedEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-60567130966329603642015-10-14T12:36:39.702-04:002015-10-14T12:36:39.702-04:00Never thought of it like PTSD but that's an ex...Never thought of it like PTSD but that's an excellent point. I'm not in therapy anymore but have considered going back, maybe now is the time!!! Thanks for the support. ��Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-19472827805161061142015-10-14T08:38:22.923-04:002015-10-14T08:38:22.923-04:00Consider that you're experiencing PTSD, which ...Consider that you're experiencing PTSD, which is surprisingly common among we betrayed spouses. The world feels unsafe, we're afraid to let down our guard, we're hyper-vigilant to anything that might/could happen. Are you in therapy? Consider talking to someone about this. It's a horrible way to live...and there are ways to help you through.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-50276715843519745572015-10-13T18:14:08.701-04:002015-10-13T18:14:08.701-04:00Thanks for the reply! I'm just under two years...Thanks for the reply! I'm just under two years from when he moved back in and said he's "in" but it's still hard for me to trust he's just on his phone and not sound something to harm our relationship. I can't seem to get past it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-70250262023749737962015-10-13T12:19:33.838-04:002015-10-13T12:19:33.838-04:00Yes, you do. In the early days, my motto was "...Yes, you do. In the early days, my motto was "trust but verify". If I had any doubts, I checked his phone. Or his computer. Or made oblique inquiries with people he worked with. Eventually my husband's reassurance took hold and it became clear that he had no desire to go back down that path. He traded self-loathing for self-respect. But it takes awhile to trust that change. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-89181909730468986792015-10-12T10:35:02.920-04:002015-10-12T10:35:02.920-04:00Do you ever stop feeling like he's still cheat...Do you ever stop feeling like he's still cheating? Every time I see him on his phone or computer I fear it's happening again right under my nose. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-28628626631155155612015-10-08T14:17:28.801-04:002015-10-08T14:17:28.801-04:00It's so hard for us to imagine, when we're...It's so hard for us to imagine, when we're in the thick of the pain, that we'll ever feeling anything but this despair. It's one of the lies of depression. And yet...feelings are constantly changing. Constantly. You simply won't feel the same way in a month, or two, or a year. So give yourself the space to feel what you're feeling now...but know that it will shift and change, depending on how you process it. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-15277815713699166902015-10-07T22:40:33.379-04:002015-10-07T22:40:33.379-04:00Thank you Elle. It's really encouraging to see...Thank you Elle. It's really encouraging to see women who have made it through this and repaired their marriages. I don't want to give up on what I've worked so hard for but right now I can't imagine ever trusting him again. He says he will do anything to repair what he has destroyed but I don't want to spend the rest of my life second guessing and questioning everything. I suppose only time will tell. I am going to try to find a counselor and I appreciate all of your advice. You're such an encouragement. Again, thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-41646021830289221312015-10-06T19:37:48.348-04:002015-10-06T19:37:48.348-04:00Anonymous,
You are so NOT alone. There are literal...Anonymous,<br />You are so NOT alone. There are literally millions of us, each walking through this darkness. But here is a place where we can share our story, where we can support each other, cry together, laugh together. It's where we can remind each other that we might feel broken but we are still whole and that, if we allow ourselves to feel the pain, it won't swallow us. That we will get through this. <br />Cry. Be gentle with yourself. Sleep when you can. Eat what you can (I became the queen of smoothies and soup). Avoid alcohol. Avoid drugs. Avoid toxic people. Surround yourself with people and activities that remind you of your value. Support yourself with counselling and with the wise wonderful women here. And trust that the day will come when you are offering support to others just finding out.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79422798320687318692015-10-06T15:55:43.779-04:002015-10-06T15:55:43.779-04:00I'm two days out from my world being shattered...I'm two days out from my world being shattered. I've never cried as much as I have in the past 48 hours in my whole life combined. And aside from crying when I made coffee this morning(because he bought me the mug I guess) I now just feel numb. Like this can't be real. This can't be MY life. I'm trying to feel encouraged by all of you powerful, beautiful women that have been dealing with this for months and years and not just two days. I truly hope I can look back and see a silver lining as y'all have. But right now the night has never been so dark and my life has never felt this empty. I will keep reading for strength. Thank you for this site. At least I don't have to feel so alone in the loneliest time of my life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43366967581379904532015-10-03T07:59:11.303-04:002015-10-03T07:59:11.303-04:00I loved reading this post. I love that out of my h...I loved reading this post. I love that out of my horrible.....something good can come.....even if the horrible never gets better. My now ex-husband....didn't just cheat....once.....he was a full blown sex addict and was arrested. It devastated my world. I was living one life one day....and the next.....I was Alice in Wonderland....wondering if life would ever, ever feel happy again. I am not at the joyous happy ending....and I have days when I cannot see the silver lining very clearly.....but just accepting that this was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me has ben a start. Just accepting that it can become good....I can take stock and find things to work on in me....I can let go of the anger and bitterness....I can find strength to move forward....and I can take this long, meandering tract toward healing....and good......all that has allowed me to begin to move forward towards the silver lining. Thank you for continuing to point women towards what can come of it...instead of focusing on what happened that they have no control over. I didn't choose his life....I only get to move forward in mine. (mybeautifullybrokenlife.com)Lesliehttp://www.mybeautifullybrokenlife.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-2621660361469581982015-09-29T03:15:37.434-04:002015-09-29T03:15:37.434-04:00Alone,
I'm so glad. Focus on that light and it...Alone,<br />I'm so glad. Focus on that light and it will get brighter. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-39967199588563219922015-09-29T03:14:46.557-04:002015-09-29T03:14:46.557-04:00Perfect is over-rated. It's a fantasy. Giving ...Perfect is over-rated. It's a fantasy. Giving yourself room to be flawed and for others to be flawed is the only path to true happiness. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-10276484450212275202015-09-28T18:49:18.400-04:002015-09-28T18:49:18.400-04:00Thank you Elle for a great suggestion I think I wi...Thank you Elle for a great suggestion I think I will try that next year. I was worried that if I gave the day any significance then it would be like giving his affair significance. I realise now that acknowledging it is actually giving the day back to us and taking the significance away from the affair. I look back and I have come so far and still have a long way to go but I can see the light now. Alonenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-67179878654800477002015-09-28T17:54:14.148-04:002015-09-28T17:54:14.148-04:00Thinking of you. Try and make it a day about the t...Thinking of you. Try and make it a day about the two of you. I think Elle has a good suggestion. Alonenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64144213897000787842015-09-27T09:02:00.950-04:002015-09-27T09:02:00.950-04:00Alone (and Theresa below),
Anti-versaries can be s...Alone (and Theresa below),<br />Anti-versaries can be so tough. I created a day where my husband and I did something fun together. My D-Day was before Christmas so he and I would drive to another city and spend the day Christmas shopping and having lunch and just having fun. It was amazingly effective. What was a day I dreaded because a day I looked forward to. <br />You might also want to use it as a day to take stock. You might not be where you want to be but I bet you've made some strides toward that life you want. Give yourself credit for what you've survived this year. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-34664837603894459792015-09-26T21:01:27.325-04:002015-09-26T21:01:27.325-04:00Alone
Just so you know you are not alone! I feel ...Alone <br />Just so you know you are not alone! I feel your pain! Mine is coming up in October! Right after our anniversary is the bad one! Hurts like hell! Hugs for your pain!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-22644554577530720652015-09-26T02:48:09.204-04:002015-09-26T02:48:09.204-04:00A year since DDay today. Finding things hard! Just...A year since DDay today. Finding things hard! Just needed someone to share it with.Alonenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-77893954153754986382015-09-25T20:55:17.581-04:002015-09-25T20:55:17.581-04:00Gee ... amazing your words speak to me ... maybe p...Gee ... amazing your words speak to me ... maybe perfect is overated. Authentic. .. now that's some word worth trying to soak in. Thx u.Woundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-30853606643999600132015-09-25T20:08:24.705-04:002015-09-25T20:08:24.705-04:00Gee
I hear you! Until the truth hit me up side my ...Gee<br />I hear you! Until the truth hit me up side my head, I thought I had the most wonderful life, just like the movie! My h fell off his pedestal and I may never see him up there again! How ever I can say I see changes for the better in this broken man! No I don't want to go back to ignorance of his situation! I too feel myself becoming a better person! Love and hugs!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-1092874264739091772015-09-25T11:49:52.577-04:002015-09-25T11:49:52.577-04:00Same here. I was a "success story", or s...Same here. I was a "success story", or so I thought. I came back from an abusive childhood, got married, had a child, had a fairly comfortable life, etc. But underneath it all I was unhappy, and I wasn't even sure why. Those who say "ignorance is bliss" have no clue. Even though my husband's confession tore my life apart, I still prefer to know the truth than to live a lie. I don't have everything together, and that's okay. I'm not superwoman, and that's okay too. I will no longer tie myself into knots trying to appear like I have the perfect life. I don't, but I have an authentic one now.Geenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-27793472876582872492015-09-24T06:24:38.890-04:002015-09-24T06:24:38.890-04:00Your story is so familiar .... I am 45 and D-Day w...Your story is so familiar .... I am 45 and D-Day was 3 mths ago and it revealed so much about myself as well as about him. 'Supergirl' .... Listened to the song the other day and totally crashed ... It is about me 'Supergirls' do not cry, they just fly. So yes, it is healing and helping to learn from you all that I can fail from time to time and I can not deliver 'up to standars' and I need others to help.<br />Like Elle I grew as a girl who had to do much on my own due to toxic father ... And what I learned is that I gained from that experience. And today when he is not here for 16 yrs, I did forgive him and I only talk about positives about him to my kids. So I will grow stronger out of that experience, not yet today but it will come because this is who I am and I refuse to be bitter, unhappy, not trusting the husband, etc. <br />Thnak you for sharing Dandelion ... It resonated sooooo muchAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5097852901167386612015-09-23T10:25:37.403-04:002015-09-23T10:25:37.403-04:00Hopeful, I hear you. The head and the heart don&#...Hopeful, I hear you. The head and the heart don't always work on the same schedule. I think for those of us still early in the process, it's expected to still hurt. My therapist has told me (and it's been reiterated here and in my readings) that you have to "be with the pain". I initially thought she was crazy and there was no way In hell I was doing that. I was going to rush through this like every other painful experience in my life. But when I learned to stop fighting it and feel it, knowing that it won't last forever, it was a big turning point for me. Keep embracing the good moments and know the bad ones will pass.<br />As far as respect, Elle said it perfectly. <br />Hugs!<br />Dandelionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-30055151137571440612015-09-23T09:35:13.030-04:002015-09-23T09:35:13.030-04:00Steam, that was my laugh for the morning. And tod...Steam, that was my laugh for the morning. And today I do feel "money"! ;-)Dandelionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-51426873558764051062015-09-23T08:54:14.964-04:002015-09-23T08:54:14.964-04:00Hopefully,
All I can say is that, at six months ou...Hopefully,<br />All I can say is that, at six months out (and then with a second -Day 2 weeks later), I was sleep-walking through my days and NOT sleeping at night. I felt like an empty husk. <br />Focus on you. Be gentle with yourself. Know that you're getting stronger even if you can't yet see it.<br />Your respect for yourself comes from the deep knowledge that you did your best. That you have integrity. That you are a loyal person.<br />Your respect for your husband comes from watching him do everything he can to become a better man, to use this as the chance to know himself more deeply and create an honesty and integrity in his own life. Whether you choose to stay with him is another matter that will become clearer with time. But it's possible to respect someone for fully acknowledging the pain they've caused and doing what they can to make amends and become a better person.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79880480471808098162015-09-23T08:49:44.817-04:002015-09-23T08:49:44.817-04:00"You're so money...." :)"You're so money...." :)Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.com