tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post5493020835798933484..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: The Only Thing You Need to Know to Heal from Your Husband's AffairEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-26747378325409343782021-01-28T13:49:38.566-05:002021-01-28T13:49:38.566-05:00Maybe objectively his affair was not about me I s...Maybe objectively his affair was not about me I still have absolutely no self confidence. Before his 5 year affair I was confident and thought I had value. Now, even a year after DD I am a shell of who I once was. I am on anti depressants and see a therapist. I cry every day and have trouble getting through my day. He tries to be supportive but it barely helps. I feel like I have been a fool for my entire life believing that people actually love. I know now that I will never have love in my life. If we split up I will be alone for the rest of my life because I have no ability to know if a man is good or bad and I was ll never be able to risk this ki s of betrayal again. I would not survive it. I don't feel that there is much in my life to live for. I have been a fool for my entire life. I am too old now to be of value. My chest and stomach hurt all of the time. I hope that I will catch covid and if I do I will not fight it. I will let it end me so that this pain will stop. I would not self harm because that would hurt my kids too much. But if i didn't survive a disease then they could get through my death. They are all adults so it would not be unexpected to have a parent die. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-84042075985527198472017-04-21T17:08:08.691-04:002017-04-21T17:08:08.691-04:00I hear you there, and in a lot of things I do get ...I hear you there, and in a lot of things I do get my way. He didn't break it off with the OW fast enough for me, he felt sorry for her. He left at first cause we were in too much pain and he figured that was the only way to save the marriage, plus he had to end it with her and block her in his own time. At least he didn't meet up with her during that time even though she pleaded with him numerous times before he blocked her. He left again, after coming back, cause he felt trapped and wanted to know if he could live without me. Heh, that didn't work out at all well for him but he did come home saying that it was all his fault. That was a complete change from his view point when he left. He really hated who he saw when he took a real good look at himself during that time.I now have control of his new Facebook page, not in his real name, and all his passwords. I, personally, could of done without the leaving part but looking back I think it was what has actually saved our marriage for the most part.<br /><br />I was trying real hard not to overreact with this woman as she and her husband were his only running/hiking friends, but those two emails just seem a tad too inappropriate to me. He really didn't want to follow up on the last few messages she sent 5 months ago, but one of the last ones said she thought he was dead so we sat together and told her he wasn't he was just focusing on his marriage. She does know something went down, he told everyone we were fighting, so she let that go. He doesn't seem real interested in even reading this current email, I ended up doing that and deleting it. He's not even asked where it went. My worry is she knows where he works and she may show up there and he won't tell me, sigh huge trigger.<br /><br />Yes, I read the post about obsession over and over. It really helps to know I'm not alone. Especially when I know things like he got to the point of drinking 6 or more bottles of wine a week, and was watching porn the whole time he was texting her. This totally stopped once he had her blocked and gone from his life, and these days he says she was part of that addiction, his own personal porn girl. Boy, do I so want to tell her how little he thought of her. How he didn't even care if she was satisfied or not. Little things like that, sigh. I just live in the knowledge that I got her banned from Facebook cause of her tit pics and vids to him and that's actually the best/worst I can do. Other then that forget her cause she hates & loathes herself more then I probably know, considering this is not her first time doing this (she had 4 tattoos before D-Day, 5 two days after he told her I had found out, so apparently she keeps score that way). I just wish I could get YouTube to take down the whole 'Between the distance I fear, and the pain of you not being here, our love is strong enough to make it through cause I only have enough space in my heart for one and I've given it to you' that she put up after he blocked her. Gag me!<br /><br />Thanks for being willing to share. I will be back.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-51065668611081508282017-04-21T12:21:57.676-04:002017-04-21T12:21:57.676-04:00Anonymous,
Sorry for all you've been going thr...Anonymous,<br />Sorry for all you've been going through...but glad you found us. Yes, there's plenty on this site to help you navigate your way to healing. As for "if I have my way...", you should have your way. He's asking you to forgive betrayal. YOU get to set the terms of that, not him. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-8610469958267352882017-04-20T22:35:51.704-04:002017-04-20T22:35:51.704-04:00Just found this site and reading through a bit. Al...Just found this site and reading through a bit. Almost 2 years since D-Day and wow, have you hit the nail on the head with the whole 'they feel like they "deserve" it.' Her email starts with fierypassion, so yeah she's a very messed up and self-hating individual. Considering she has to fake a birthday party for herself cause no-one will actually give her one even though she has 2 kids and a grandkid I should feel sorry for her, but nope I just want to point out what a whoring B she is and how much she deserves to be alone and unloved, mawhahaha. She has a YouTube account I could totally do it, but I try very hard to be better then she ever thought to be.<br />OW knew him in High School over 30 years ago, she was overweight even then. He was popular and ignored her while having sex with whoever he could. Found him on MySpace, then followed him over to Facebook. She's divorced, TWICE, and about 300 lbs, so huge boobs. When I first found out she contacted him I told him she was out to ruin his life, what with the whole 'I've loved you since High School' poem she wrote him it was obvious she wanted to get him to have sex with her. Didn't follow up cause I trusted the idiot, stupid me. <br />She constantly sent him tit pics, and vids, plus tons of sex texts via Facebook, but it still took her 3 years to get him into a hotel room. He says he would have broke it off after, one reason was cause just looking at her in the hotel room his thoughts were more 'Gods I hope she doesn't get naked' then anything else, but she offered him a deep throat next trip. So off he went cause he wouldn't want to pass that up, and of course no fear of not being able to keep/get it up. <br />It was after their third sexual encounter, in which he had a very hard time actually getting hard enough to do anything lol, that I saw a bit of the messages he and her had been having, and boy did his life come crashing down around his ears. <br />It's hard, what with her being everywhere online (yes, she's very 'look at me, look at me') but he's very honest about what went down between them, even though he's afraid of my reaction. Plus he's admitted that it's his fault. Apparently he felt like a failure and she stroked his ego with her whole 'you're awesome' routine. <br />He actually came to me the other day to tell me a friend had emailed him. It's a girl who he was also texting during that time, but one who always had her husband with her when they ran races, or went hiking. Only she's also one who he kept secret from me, though I have met her, I just didn't realize how close they actually were until after D-Day. I thought they were just casual acquaintances that ran together sometimes. He texted her often throughout the day without me knowing, and tried to continue that for a few months after D-Day. I packed his things in less than 5 minutes the last time I caught him hiding a message from her so he knows that it's important. Still I consider yesterday a big step for him as he readily admitted he was scared of what I was going to do seeing as it has been almost 5 months since the last time he had talked to her.<br /> Considering that one email I found from her had the subject line 'Topless' (no, not her it was actually a pic of her topless jeep, but yeah a tad suggestive imho), and this one has her going on about how she misses her 'my hubby's name here' time she's getting kicked to the curb if I have my way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-21879701599836211732015-12-29T17:45:32.573-05:002015-12-29T17:45:32.573-05:00Hi,I found out about my husbands A about 4months a...Hi,I found out about my husbands A about 4months ago..its been...the hardest thing I've EVER experienced.I thought I would drop him so quick it make his head spin. Yet here I am trying to get past it.Trying to repair this family for us and for our two boys. He claims he loves me always has and wants to work on this yet I'm so confused. I am angry,embarrassed,sad,hurt,insecure,confused and did I mention angry. I know we had our problems before the A,I myself,felt abandoned and unappreciated yet I didn't seek another man to bandage that emptiness. So its hard to get my head around why it is I deserve a skank in my face gladly showing me the 1500 text messages in her phone from my husband. Im stunned by all the love talk between them and especially a quite extensive conversation they had about trying for a baby girl..he says it was nothing just talk... What a thing to talk about with someone your not serious about.he brought her to his families house and has talked to her mother on the phone multiple times.. This sounds soooo serious to me.. I'm scared Im setting myself up to be burned again. <br /> -BrokenBroken Luluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09298514036863909146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-17468249133489322992014-07-23T17:17:19.011-04:002014-07-23T17:17:19.011-04:00Welcome. Sorry you need to be here...but glad you ...Welcome. Sorry you need to be here...but glad you found us.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-7179500923116159432014-07-22T14:47:46.847-04:002014-07-22T14:47:46.847-04:00I'm fairly new here and just trying to catch u...I'm fairly new here and just trying to catch up on all of the articles/writings...<br /><br />It is truly amazing how spot on everything is! I absolutely compared myself to the OW, afterall, she was younger, had a better job (they worked together), spent hours together, way more time with her than me.<br /><br />At one point after finding out, I made a comment about them feeding each other's egos and they both agreed with me...yes, I did meet with her after I found out and we continued talking for a bit until my husband asked me to stop. He wanted to help me get through this, wanted me to focus on us...and it made sense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-70246507364875854682014-03-19T16:20:24.569-04:002014-03-19T16:20:24.569-04:00Thanks, Elle. Yes, I want him in individual therap...Thanks, Elle. Yes, I want him in individual therapy so we know why this happened and so we can prevent it from happening again in the future, to make me feel safe. He is now in therapy and I have since set up other boundaries and feel much better about it. That although we're in reconciliation, we don't know how it will turn out, so I have my safety precautions in place.AJnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-32399150602769676102014-02-27T14:23:56.378-05:002014-02-27T14:23:56.378-05:00AJ,
When boundary setting hasn't been a habit,...AJ,<br />When boundary setting hasn't been a habit, it can seem confusing. I think of it this way: Boundaries are about self-care -- a way to keep yourself safe. Ultimatums are about trying to control another's behaviour. You set boundaries when you make clear what you can't tolerate without jeopardizing your emotional or physical safety. It's not just semantics. It's about your intent. <br /><br />Does that help?<br /><br />In your husband's case, is him seeking therapy about you needing to feel safe (it was for me)? Are you making it a condition of reconciliation that he seek therapy in order to understand how to NOT go down that path again? It's a reasonable request. If he doesn't do it, what are the consequences. Remember, this is about keeping you emotionally/physically safe, not punishing him. He might not see it that way, but as long as you're clear on your motives then proceed.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-12962122928956837532014-02-26T19:49:00.247-05:002014-02-26T19:49:00.247-05:00Just shy of 2 months since D-Day. Husband admits h...Just shy of 2 months since D-Day. Husband admits he has issues, but doesn't think individual therapy will help. He'll go with an open mind for my sake, but hasn't made the appointment yet even though he's been promising. I'm having trouble with the difference between setting boundaries and giving an ultimatum...AJnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-53309562602379712922013-07-12T12:46:18.367-04:002013-07-12T12:46:18.367-04:00Pink,
I'm glad you found us too. And so sorry ...Pink,<br />I'm glad you found us too. And so sorry for what you're going through. Sounds as if it's time to tell him to either end it completely (and copy you on the letter he sends) or walk away. Three people in a relationship is one too many.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64176672384403359852013-07-12T04:14:11.167-04:002013-07-12T04:14:11.167-04:00This is very enlightening.. :) I'm glad to fin...This is very enlightening.. :) I'm glad to find this..<br />Just last night, my partner admitted to having affair with the same chic he slept with last year. Funny thing was the chic told me they have no contact whatsoever anymore. I'm so broken (now to bits because he just kept on cheating with the same chic). :'(PinkStellarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17448418255417218549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-9050579085790252072013-06-09T22:18:22.663-04:002013-06-09T22:18:22.663-04:00THIS OTHER WOMN KNOWS YOU THATS TERRIBLE !!!!!!! I...THIS OTHER WOMN KNOWS YOU THATS TERRIBLE !!!!!!! IF IT WASNT FOR YOU WE WOULDNT BE SAFE YOUR A FIGHTER IN EVERY WAY KEEP THAT HEAD UP AND KNOW THAT YOUR THE BETTER WOMAN IN EVERY WAY .......I FOUND UT ABOUT MY HUSBANDS A WHEN I WAS 3 MONTHS PREGNANT .I KNOW MEN CHEAT BUT HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN A NUTSHELL FOR ABOUT 7 MONTHS I FOUND OUT AND CONFRONTED HER .SHE SPOKE TO ME AND WAS MORE THEN HAPPY TO TELL ALL AND NOW I SAY TO MYSELF WHO WOULDNT FEEL SHAME TO SPEAK WITH ANOTHER MANS WIFE WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE .......BUT ITS CLEAR SHE WASNT TOO SWIFT SAYING SHE HAD NO IDEA .I TOLD HER WHEN YOU DONT MEET FAMILY OR SEE YOUR BOYFRIENDS HOUSE OR NEVER MEET A FRIEND YOU WOULD BE THE SIDE PIECE TAKE NOTES .....WITH ALL THIS SAID I HAVE 2 KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY VERY CONFUSED ..........I DONT WANT TO STAY ,TOO MUCH FOR MEAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-61969546512876089852013-05-06T12:55:11.202-04:002013-05-06T12:55:11.202-04:00Caangelbabe,
It might have been two years ago but...Caangelbabe,<br /><br />It might have been two years ago but it feels, from your post, that it was yesterday. Even though you've stayed with him, I don't think you've addressed the pain he caused nor the mistrust you're bound to have. What has he done to earn your trust back? What have you done to tend to the pain you're feeling? It's crucial to not simply accept that betrayal took place but HEAL from it. <br />Have you talked to him about how much pain you're in? Can he support you in moving forward? <br />Just moving on (whether you stay with him or not) is like putting a band-aid over a broken bone. <br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-54090435103866299402013-05-06T11:43:24.127-04:002013-05-06T11:43:24.127-04:00It was 2 years yesterday that I found e-mail that ...It was 2 years yesterday that I found e-mail that he was having an affair with a "friend" of mine. He confessed because I had the evidence. I stayed with him but I no longer trust him. We also lost most of our friends over the deal. I no longer have even 1 friend. I have no one to talk with. He thinks everything is peachy between us but my heart is broken into a million pieces and wont heal. We had been married 30 years. Looking back I believe he did this before. The signs were there but I trusted him.....SILLY ME! I cry everyday...I am thinking I should have not let him stay. I look at him and I dont even know who I am living with. How does someone who supposed loves you have an affair with your friend right under your nose and think he will never be caught and cause so much pain? I just dont get it! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55252616632534557172013-04-26T11:25:33.038-04:002013-04-26T11:25:33.038-04:00You're absolutely right. It's not about us...You're absolutely right. It's not about us, it's about them. Someone told me it wasn't about me not being a good enough wife, it was about him being a bad husband. That rang true for me. His affair wasn't on my shoulders, that was all about him. I still can't understand how someone can do that though. Why throw away your whole life just to make yourself feel temporarily better? http://www.dowehavetotellthekids.blogspot.com/2013/04/throwing-it-all-away.htmlAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12018581507030201004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-52404531485143124602013-04-16T14:05:23.092-04:002013-04-16T14:05:23.092-04:00Yes it's a blessing and a curse isn't it? ...Yes it's a blessing and a curse isn't it? It's interesting how many wives/girlfriends stack themselves up against the other woman and find out - she's not some perfect, amazing woman, in fact she is often normal or even plain or mean. So it's true that it's not due to a deficiency in us, rather a deficiency in him.<br /><br />I guess what scares me is that I now know he has that ability to compartmentalize and remove me from his mind entirely. But that's a whole other topic.<br /><br />I always figured I'd be over it in six months. Ha...oh my. I think it sticks with you forever if you stay with him or leave him. My best friend was cheated on and left him. She still thinks about it and it has created trust issues for her even in new relationships. I guess we all have to work through it in some way or another, and there's no magic fix.<br /><br />EllyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13846002723627201982013-04-16T08:41:41.044-04:002013-04-16T08:41:41.044-04:00Elly,
Thank-you...and I'm so glad you found us...Elly,<br />Thank-you...and I'm so glad you found us. I think most of us are surprised to discover just how long it takes to get through this.<br />And I can relate to your feeling of "diminished" but, for me, the realization that he really wasn't thinking about me finally allowed to acknowledge that the affair had nothing to do with me. It wasn't that I was lacking something, it was that HE was lacking something...and looking for it in unhealthy ways.<br />"Helpless" is pretty standard though not true. I think we feel helpless when we hand the power for our happiness over to someone else, someone we're not entirely convinced we can trust again. Part of the healing process, I think, its taking that power back. Learning to trust yourself -- that you've always got what you need to be happy, with or without him. Maybe not right away, but eventually. <br />Hang in there. One year out is, strangely, not very long in terms of healing.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-51372025145737406162013-04-15T22:55:20.889-04:002013-04-15T22:55:20.889-04:00Elle,
Your blog is hands down the most helpful th...Elle,<br /><br />Your blog is hands down the most helpful thing I have EVER read. One year past D-Day and I was starting to feel like I was defective for not being "over" it.<br /><br />The fact that he wasn't thinking about me was really hard, actually. I felt ignored and diminished, like I wasn't worth thinking about. Like he and OW had this little world to themselves that I wasn't a part of, and I was excluded. It's been really hard grappling with that.<br /><br />I just feel so helpless sometimes.<br /><br />Thanks so much for your amazing posts.<br /><br />-EllyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-21881912816048140312013-04-13T14:32:28.118-04:002013-04-13T14:32:28.118-04:00Anonymous,
This is a great post. I'm wondering...Anonymous,<br />This is a great post. I'm wondering if you would mind if I reprint it as a guest-written blog post. Let me know if this is okay with you.<br /><br />Thanks,<br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13074318701980554892013-04-13T08:13:34.969-04:002013-04-13T08:13:34.969-04:00I found this site on behalf of a friend who hasn&#...I found this site on behalf of a friend who hasn't yet confronted her husband.... but the reason she called me is: I've been there.<br /><br />We're still married and although the first few months (years!) after D-Day weren't easy it's been 9 years now. It was multiple A, one local (& the local OW wasn't innocent - she knew he was married - she knew me), one medium distance (where the OW knew he was married but didn't know me), one (which he didn't admit to) overseas. After the initial pain, I remember feeling that the OW (particularly the local one) had trespassed on my "territory". Even now, I hope for her sake she never crosses my path.<br /><br />I remember D-Day being just before Christmas. I recall dreading the Christmas lunch with his family. I had no idea how I was going to survive it emotionally intact - they knew nothing and I had no intention of telling them anything until I had made a decision on what to do. On a long, late-night drive home, having spent two weeks alternately crying and wanting to kill him for causing so much pain, self-doubt and misery I made a choice: Let it go. Move on. It really did feel like a weight had been instantly removed. Don't get me wrong, I don't have "Welcome" written on my forehead and no-one who knows me would accuse me of doormat-like behaviour. But there didn't seem much point in hanging on to all the grief and continuing to torture myself with all the usual comparison-shopping questions (to which the answer was "no better, no worse, just different" as it so often appears to be).<br /><br />However, changes had to be made. A new job for him where he was home every night (he had been working away for weeks at a time - contributory factor and opportunity). I knew (and still know) all of his passwords. Even now I very occasionally check his phone/email. And he knows it. <br /><br />And then there was the self-esteem which had of course hit rock bottom. So I got my own back (with a very SINGLE man). It wasn't big, it wasn't clever and I have no desire to or intention of doing it again. But it made me feel I had some level of control back. Once I stopped feeling worthless, unattractive and frankly trampled on, we could start rebuilding our marriage.<br /><br />If I were to impart any advice to a recently BW it would be: Tell ONE friend you can trust to keep quiet. You need to have a confidante but blurting it out to all and sundry will severely limit your options - the social expectation for a BW is that she kicks him out but that may not be what YOU decide to do. Not letting the world know he's currently labelled as a "philandering idiot" means that you won't be labelled as "doormat" if you decide your marriage is worth saving. Websites like this are a great way to express the pain if you can't trust any of your friends with this. And give yourself time: important decisions are best not made in the heat of the moment.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5776742750824664862013-04-09T21:45:32.948-04:002013-04-09T21:45:32.948-04:00Anna,
That's wonderful. I'm so glad that y...Anna,<br />That's wonderful. I'm so glad that you're feeling empowered and positive. We all travel this path at different speeds. We'll sometimes feel as if we're not moving, moving too slowly, moving backward, moving forward. But that's okay. There's no right way to get past this.<br />Like you, I felt better when I learned of the sex addiction. It was like, suddenly, that final puzzle piece, which had been baffling me, made the whole picture more clear. I got exactly what I was dealing with...and could therefore determine how to proceed.<br />Keep us posted. It's a tough road. And sex addiction, of course, carries with it the risk of acting out again. But as long as he gets completely clear on what his triggers are and why he used sex to self-medicate, he can move past it too.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-52164607850547952662013-04-09T21:16:01.426-04:002013-04-09T21:16:01.426-04:00That's ok! Yes, he's in treatment for sex ...That's ok! Yes, he's in treatment for sex addiction. He sees a therapist and goes to SA group meetings. We have separated - at my suggestion, after I realised we weren't just dealing with one recent affair but a whole lifetime of deception - but are both wanting to reconcile. <br /><br />It is 7 weeks past D-Day for me, and like the person commenting below, I also wonder if I am recovering too soon. I feel positive most days, apart from a few trigger thoughts; I am grateful for what I do have - a husband who wants to reconcile and is really trying hard to recover; and I know his behaviour is not about me, and am confident I can be happy with or without him in the future. I feel like I have the power since he desperately wants to be back at home with me and our baby. Without wanting to offend anyone else on this site, I also feel grateful that he hasn't had an emotional affair, and isn't wanting to leave me for someone else, however misguided that might be. I know it seems strange that I could be grateful for dealing with 'just' sex addiction (ha!). <br /><br />I certainly was not like this in the beginning - I was a complete mess for several weeks, and don't know how I would've got through without anti-depressants, sedatives and my mother. I definitely had my moments of identifying with Lorena Bobbitt. But now ... I think I'm actually happy. Is that weird?! We have our first joint therapy session tomorrow, so I realise how early this is still. I read the book you recommended - 'Mending a Shattered Heart' - and felt like I got at least 10 therapy sessions out of it! I know this is going to be a long road either way. But I know I'm not going to be defeated by this.Annanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-1409068095502630832013-04-05T12:33:44.401-04:002013-04-05T12:33:44.401-04:00Hi Anon,
I'm glad you found us and that we'...Hi Anon,<br />I'm glad you found us and that we're "friendly". It delights me to think that this site is a warm, welcoming, friendly place. Cause God knows most of us could use friendly right now.<br />I wish I could assure you that you're healing quickly and perfectly because it certainly seems as if you are. Honestly, I haven't a clue. I don't think there is a "right" way to heal from this. It sounds as if you've got a strong sense of self, which is undoubtedly part of why you've been able to move through much of this quickly. You haven't become mired in the self-blame crap that trips many of us up. <br />It also sounds as if your husband has met you halfway -- answering your questions and being honest and supportive. That, of course, is crucial.<br />Perhaps his affair has been a wakeup call for both of you and given you both a chance to recognize what matters before you've lost it. You'll likely still have your down days...but as long as you can stay focussed on the fact that this was HIS mistake and as long as he continues to take responsibility for it and make reparations, then I think you should stop worrying and simply enjoy the good days, weather the bad ones and call it life. You'll likely have occasional triggers. You might be blindsided by a sudden memory, or a chance encounter or something. But you also might not. Trust that you are exactly where you should be right now. That you're doing the best you can given what you've been handed. <br />I wouldn't wish this on anyone...but I would wish that all of us had the ability to recognize, as you have, that we're whole with or without him. <br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43481933194914132032013-04-05T12:25:28.306-04:002013-04-05T12:25:28.306-04:00I'm so sorry. I just noticed your comment. I w...I'm so sorry. I just noticed your comment. I would have loved to respond sooner. Like yours, my husband had many affair partners (or sex partners, more truthfully) for the duration of our marriage. I found out at about 12 years in. And you're right -- it is completely about him. <br />Is he in treatment for sex addiction? Are you reconciling or separating? <br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.com