tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post5554601261608505013..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Seven Lies We Believe After A Spouse's AffairEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger125125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-89940732215609018212017-05-28T16:01:23.601-04:002017-05-28T16:01:23.601-04:00I see I'm late to this conversation, but I jus...I see I'm late to this conversation, but I just discovered the truth (most of it) yesterday. And I hate everything, everyone (incl. myself), and the world in general. I thank you all for what you've shared here as it does give me a glimmer of hope that I won't always feel this way. That I've been made a fool; all my memories have been stolen from me; I'm invisible--it's like he has erased me from this Earth. Etc, etc... Thanks again.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07724691611838383098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81030174436264501722017-04-09T21:43:16.304-04:002017-04-09T21:43:16.304-04:00My husband was cheating with a friend I consider a...My husband was cheating with a friend I consider a soul sister. We were on holidays and things we're just not what they should of been. Weird texts her name popping up on his phone strange. I think my intuition was trying to tell me but my mind was like it's my good friend. We were drifting apart I was trying really hard and was committed to our marriage. We got back from our holiday and I seen that he had called her. It was a knife in my heart. I left a note by his phone and that's when he finally came clean. He wanted to Happy,it only happened once(which was before our trip) they were consoling each other more lies. I am a total broken mess,I have anxiety attacks I cry everyday more often then I care to share. He told me it was over. She said she'd cut off communication they both said they felt ashamed and like they had disrespect me they felt bad. I felt demoralized,betrayed,disrespected overwhelmed with emotion. It's been pure hell. I wanted to try to work it out,try counciling 40 years is a long journey to give up on. He once again said he just wants to be happy doesn't believe in counciling. I asked if he was seeing her he said no. More lies. I text her she said no and a bunch of other lies. My intuition said drive over there I did and sure enough he was there. The knife was being twisted into my heart again and again and again. That's how people leave they screw around everyone does it, I couldn't believe what I was hearing it was like he was giving himself a pass. I feel ashamed I did a bad thing but get over it thats what people do, cheat to get out of a marriage. That's what a man does when he has no balls and no courage to say I'm unhappy and I want out. Leave the other person there dignity and self esteem. That is just selfish and someone who can't be alone. Take the easy road. So I'm here alone and he's not. I hope there is karma and it gets them both. I am grieving and trying to wrap my head around what has happened. But it is not as easy as people think. I'm hoping I can get through one day without crying or have an anxiety attack and when it's quiet stay out of my head so I can sleep. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01512306005252751988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-700656157520830002016-09-20T09:40:01.586-04:002016-09-20T09:40:01.586-04:00We'd only had sex with each other before the a...We'd only had sex with each other before the affair. After I found out, I 'suffered' from *hysterical bonding*, which is totally the other way 'round. We'd have sex multiple times a day. For a long time. I think it's usually all or nothing. It takes a long time for it to be *back to normal*, or a *different normal*, but you can get there. It takes time and a lot of work. I'm trying to think what you could read. <br />Maybe you need to take small steps. We spent A LOT of time just doing things together, like walking, talking, cycling.....<br /><br />Mara xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83415587575462783202016-09-13T23:16:45.911-04:002016-09-13T23:16:45.911-04:00I feel your pain. It has been years and he is gone...I feel your pain. It has been years and he is gone. It hurts, but in a different way.saddenedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02751624574282771245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-75386801477175488502016-08-27T20:34:40.117-04:002016-08-27T20:34:40.117-04:00I feel exactly the same way I only see him touchin...I feel exactly the same way I only see him touching her, saying words to her that were supposed to only ever be for me. I do not believe I can ever be intimate wth him again Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-63246522476494689502016-08-24T11:55:57.772-04:002016-08-24T11:55:57.772-04:00Something I have not found online or in any book: ...Something I have not found online or in any book: As a wife in a marriage in which neither of us had ever had sex with anyone but each other: How does the hurt partner (me) gain any desire to resume sex with a husband who broke this most sacred intimacy and trust? Sex was exclusive, precious and special. It no longer is--fact---his choice. How can I ever regain the desire to have sex with someone to whom it was not precious special and exclusive? Have sex with someone who did not view me as special, exclusive and precious?<br /><br />"Seeing' him in my mind approach another woman and doing things with her that we had only done with each other our whole lives?? How can I ever believe any sexual approach from him is for anything other than that---sex? Making love seems a thing of the past---before he decided it was not exclusive and special.<br /><br />Man oh man, do I ever feel screwed up---my view on sex as precious is shattered. My belief that he felt the same is shattered. Him touching me? Repulsive. It would feel like him touching her--base and animal.<br /><br />Where are the articles about this?Betrayedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11680241223791718186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-72906951968845074002016-08-14T14:52:46.423-04:002016-08-14T14:52:46.423-04:00Am in pains,disbelieve, shock. I feel like screami...Am in pains,disbelieve, shock. I feel like screaming and crying at the same time. Been married for 10yrs now,out of the ten years, I have been sexually starved for 7years,the 3 years I have always been d initiator for intimacy with hubby. I have always thought he had low sex drive, guess the joke was on me. He has been cheating all these while. <br />Discovered a pack of 12 condoms of which 4 has been used in his wardrobe. At this time we were almost 4yrs without sex.i ignored it, initiated sex as advised by an older aunt. We have become intimate again <br />Everything seems ok for about 2months until a week ago discovered another pack of which 2 has been used. Confronted him this time and he didn't admit to it.tried denying it, became defensive as to why am spying on him.<br />Told him to stop the affair, I wasn't asking him if it's a yes or no.sure he was having an affair. Decided to get it past me because it seems easier to pretend it ddnt happen. <br />But I can't,always in my thoughts, imaging how he has been sleeping with her.i feel so humiliated, ugly, not worthy and undesirable. I sleep beside him,if I don't initiate sex for 10yrs he would not reach out to me,the few times we had sex, made me feel he was doing me a favour. Each time I ddnt even reach orgasm. And he isn't bothered,just goes to sleep.am sad he drives out of d home and seeks out the other woman,while I,is legal wife is sexually, emotionally and physically starved. <br />He is never going to talk about it, I have got 2 beautiful kids..I want To move on but I don't seems to know how. Thanks for letting me vent here.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-19651323352946467702016-05-29T07:53:05.420-04:002016-05-29T07:53:05.420-04:00Sams reply above is absolutely correct.... You can...Sams reply above is absolutely correct.... You can never be 100% sure that he isn't cheating. And if you can't accept that you should get out of the marriage and find a more reliable partner. If you stay you know what you're getting into. <br /><br />Every affair discovery if you choose to has a post honeymoon period. Mine swore he'd never hurt me again as he watched me lose 25 lbs in eight weeks. Eight years later.... I discovered he was in a string of affairs he found online. In 2012 he left me for one of his many affairs and married her.<br /><br /> Trying to put GPS on him won't work nor will playing police monitor. Women and opportunity to cheat exist everywhere. Socio economic class is no guarantee of faithfulness. In fact it's the exact opposite . More opportunities to cheat the more money you have to do it with. And trying to get the other woman to move won't solve the problem. The problem is the person you're married to.... not a third-party.<br /><br /> If you are relying on a third-party to help keep your marriage together you and your spouse are in trouble. Statistically he will cheat again... only better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-39831714413416042572016-05-28T21:47:06.403-04:002016-05-28T21:47:06.403-04:00The husband is the toxic person.... not the other ...The husband is the toxic person.... not the other woman. My ex married his affair partner after a string of them during our marriage. Few men cheat just once.<br /><br />The OW can do what she pleases and is in no way beholden to a wife. The husband had the duty to remain loyal. I was stupid and stayed with a cheater. They rarely reform... they just hide it better.but whatever helps us women sleep at night.<br /><br />Bottom line ...when the trust is gone so it's the marriage. This has zip to do with a third person. We're idiots to think a third party is going to see us through our marriage. We could learn from the men... kick out your spouse on the first cheating. It rarely gets any better. You'll always be wondering.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-53430994464701113862016-04-27T13:04:24.451-04:002016-04-27T13:04:24.451-04:00so, how to describe the damage done by an affair. ...so, how to describe the damage done by an affair. It's literally like a shattered mirror. Counseling and therapy are like a glue, meant to give you the tools needed to put the pieces of your marriage back together. Only, some of those pieces are so small, or can't be found, so you're left with filing those gaps with glue. The image you see in the mirror is not the same anymore. It's fragmented and dis-jointed. But you work with it. Over time, the glue starts losing its grip. Your "put-together" mirror starts bending, and splinters of the glass you worked so hard to put back together start falling out, but you're on it, and making sure you are attentive and resetting those loose pieces. And so is the case with my 27 year marriage. I discovered his affair with a co-worker, who of course had a hard life and a sob story and not a penny to her name. He denied any sexual contact. Really? 8 months and it never happened??? He seemed profoundly remorseful, but in hindsight, was more concerned about his reputation. Lied through the counseling, but trickle truthed thereafter. He later admitted to a few other people he "went out with" 5 years go by and things are "ok", but still holding that mirror with extreme caution. I ask him numerous times if he's in contact with her in any way. he emphatically says no, no contact at all. Doesn't even know where she lives now. He's laid off, and beside himself with grief, victimzation, and depression. I, meanwhile while working fulltime with a very comfortable income, spend nearly every day building him up, helping him with job search techniques, and doing everything i can humanly think of to help him through this time. I find a contact list among the stuff he brought back form his office, and yep, there's her name on the list with her new cell, her work address and her new email. He claims it must have updated automatcially.(???) A year later, he finally gets a job. YAY!!, right? He's excited as anything, joyously begins his new job. The FIRST DAY of his new job, he leaves the house with his email open on his ipad accidentally, and what do I see? An email to the OW from 5 years ago, telling her he's got a new job, and how much he misses her, signed with hug, naughty devil and smiley emoji's, gives her his new email address, and contact info, and tells her not to call/text his cell, as it's on our phone bill. And she (now 3 years living with another man), responds with how she's been checking his social media pages weekly and misses him too. What a kick in the face. He instantly blames it on our not sleeping in the same room which we havent in 8 years because he snores like a freight train and refuses to have surgery orever be the one to move to another room), our lack of a sex life (which has been dormant because of HIS stress), and because it makes him feel good... all his younger friends are "getting some on the side" but swears he will break off any and all contact with her going forward. Then comes back to say he didn't mean to imply that his younger friends are cheating on their wives. yeah ok sure. 4 months later, she's in town due to a family event, and lo and behold, he's on facebook checking out the photo's she posted of the event. He acts as if everything is normal between us, talking about the future, etc. Like it's nothing! the irony is his dad cheated on his mom during the time we were dating. And it was on and off with the same woman over a period of 5 years... weird. So I told him I am DONE. He can't be trusted. his response? "I have to stop, because I always get caught". Through all of this shit, he acts soooo attentive and genuine. He's a really convincing liar. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-9551247411588291102016-04-04T13:11:05.425-04:002016-04-04T13:11:05.425-04:00My husband had an on again off again emotional aff...My husband had an on again off again emotional affair with the person I called my best friend. I realize now she was definitely not my bf. This woman was friends with both of us (apparently I wasn't aware of just how good of friends they were), and hung out with both of us on many many occasions over the years. I think this type of situation hurts so much more because not only did he hurt me, but he knowingly ALLOWED digestive l someone else to hurt me and helped her do it. The person that was supposed to protect my heart, was the very one that hurt it the most. All the times we were all together, I'll always be left wondering what went on the times I left the room, or how many looks between then two I never saw. The one thing I struggle with is what does she have that I don't? And the I'm a fool. Because I feel like I WAS a fool for trusting two people again that had proven themselves to not be trustworthy. I hope things get better for you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-69870314867836836442016-04-02T21:12:42.606-04:002016-04-02T21:12:42.606-04:0012 years ago my husband had a one time fling with ...12 years ago my husband had a one time fling with an old lover when he was out of town. At the same time he had an on-going sexual relationship with a colleague. I felt both in my bones, but was told I was wrong. I sucked it up and moved on. It seemed things were "okay". Then he started flirting on-line via social medial. Nothing directly sexual, but a lot of innuendo. Anyway, he hooked back up with the colleague from 12 years ago and they had quite the passionate affair this last summer. I found out through fb messages and texts. He denied it 100%, with the exception of virtual sex. Then it came out they had gone on day trips together, so he admitted outings, but no sex. Then I found phone calls to motels, followed by phone calls to eating establishments. I also found traces of emails to motels which he had deleted. Then I found out my husband was communicating with her via an email "save the draft" function. Each time I confronted him he apologized but would not admit there was sex. And then, okay, I felt her up once. Okay, I kissed her once. I looked at phone records and saw thousands of texts and phone calls. His ex started to post provocative photos of when they were together. I could see his shadow or his reflection. After 6 months of his denial about the sex part of the equation, I called her. She gave me the scoop. I then told my husband what I had done and he FINALLY admitted it and told me he was trying to save me heartbreak. I told him I knew about the affair 12 years ago. This is when he admitted to the affair with the old girlfriend 12 years ago. He lied in therapy and repeatedly until I dug the truth out. Now he is very sorry and has gone to see a therapist who specializes in male infidelity. I have forgiven him. Trying to get past it. I did nothing wrong. I am a sweetheart. I am pretty and I like to have fun sex with my husband. I have a great job and contribute financially. We have shared interests. I have no idea why he thought he had to be with this other woman and also had a one time fling with an old girlfriend. It makes me sick. I am trying to love myself and take good care of me, but the thoughts of "what did I do wrong" creep in. The worst part is that for the past 12 years I sensed he had cheated and during this past summer I did again. Causing me depression, particularly when he would gas-light me. I know I have PTSD. I am seeing a therapist. I am looking for EMDR treatment. <br /><br /> I love him, but I am starting to love myself more. I did not deserve this stupidity. <br /><br />Oh, and he told the other woman that I was frumpy. B.S.I am in my 50s, but I look great. I lift weights and I take super good care of myself. I don't dress in costumes like she does or wear tons of make up like she does or bleach my hair like she does (my hair is a naturally pretty silver). I also don't have as big of boobs as she does, but gravity has been kinder to my breasts than hers. <br /><br />She insists they are in love. Yeah, right. He told her he loved her. One does not sneak around and hide someone away that they love. One does not express shame at the appearance of their lover if they are in love (for looking too over the top with bleached hair and tons of make-up to look like a 1930s Hollywood movie star. <br /><br />Anyway, I am disgusted with him. I'm still sleeping with him and I still love him, but I'm having him move his stuff next-door. Because I want the space. <br /><br />What else can I do to feel better? <br /><br />Oh, I also sent her husband a letter to make sure he knew she was screwing my husband. She insisted he knew and implored me not to "bother" him, but I wanted to make sure he knew. He didn't. Until months after the last affair, so hopefully that door is closed. But that doesn't mean he can't or won't cheat again. <br /><br />Sometimes I think being by myself is the answer. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-2609467932909031002016-03-27T09:29:08.829-04:002016-03-27T09:29:08.829-04:00Anonymous,
I've been there. I know that pain. ...Anonymous,<br />I've been there. I know that pain. It's horrible. But please know you won't feel like this forever. You need to push through that pain because there's light on the other side. Whatever is happening -- whether you're trying to rebuild a marriage or walking away from it -- you will get through this. But you have to get help for yourself. Please, please find help. There's a peer counselling line (it's free) for women who've experienced betrayal. The number is in the right hand margin of this site. Click on Infidelity Counselling Network and call the number. There are women who've been where you are and can help you. Call a suicide hotline. Get a therapist who can support you through this. Betrayal is an excruciating pain. Betrayal by both a partner and a friend is particularly excruciating. But their inability to love you well is their failure, not yours. In no way do their actions make you any less worthy or lovable. You are still you...and they are in the gutter. <br />Please keep posting to let us know you're okay. We'll get you through this, I promise. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-69940104462073065772016-03-27T09:24:56.060-04:002016-03-27T09:24:56.060-04:00Yes, the roller coaster is normal, under the circu...Yes, the roller coaster is normal, under the circumstances -- where crazy is the new normal. Six months feels like forever but it's really just the beginning of wrapping your brain around what has happened. It takes time to really digest this new reality.<br />I'm so glad you've been in counselling. That will give you some solid ground to stand on as you begin marital counselling. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Heartbroken hurts like hell...but it won't feel like this forever. Things will never be the "same" but that doesn't mean they can't still be wonderful. Trust that. Know that. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13011580086392554312016-03-27T00:31:25.561-04:002016-03-27T00:31:25.561-04:00Broken.. I am 3 weeks pit from d day. We have bee...Broken.. I am 3 weeks pit from d day. We have been married 21 yrs and I found out he was sleeping with my best friend. I am so broken and have no will to live. I cannot see and end to mu pain. I just want to sleep and not wake upAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-21430666512487974332016-03-10T12:21:19.834-05:002016-03-10T12:21:19.834-05:00I'm 6 months past discovering what my husband ...I'm 6 months past discovering what my husband has done. All online with multiple women. One he became very close to and told her he loved her and he'd never met anyone like her before. I don't know who I'm married to anymore. I look at him and think 'who are you?' <br /><br />My feelings are very up and down. One minute I think we can work it out and the very next minute I'm questioning my love for him. Is this normal? I've been in independent counselling for 10 weeks. But now it has come to the time to do marriage counselling, which hopefully we can start next month. <br /><br />I just feel so heartbroken. Things will never be the same again :-(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-34078020418429402482016-03-03T06:02:47.417-05:002016-03-03T06:02:47.417-05:003 months seems like the world has come to an end. ...3 months seems like the world has come to an end. Can one hate him so much and yet love him to. I do see he is trying to change but I dont trust him. I do trust that he has no contact with the other women. His co worker well she still works with him but he promises that there is nothing anymore and I confronted her to. I just wonder how far did this relationship go. He did admit to touching her and other way round but no sex was involved. I want to believe him but my heaf tells me why forgive so quickly. What he did was against all our vows. He broke a promise to me and I must just say its okay and go on. I am really struggeling to coup with that. I realise that there is norhing I can do what happened happened and must build a new life or marrige. I have a million thoughts and get so angry yet when I am with him I love him. I just am so scared of letting go and getting hurt again. How can I trust him not to do it againAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83688317604026626452016-03-02T14:55:57.465-05:002016-03-02T14:55:57.465-05:00I stumbled across this and I really needed it. I a...I stumbled across this and I really needed it. I am in tears.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-41317920696637566762016-02-25T11:03:36.673-05:002016-02-25T11:03:36.673-05:00Anonymous,
I'm so sorry for the heartbreak you...Anonymous,<br />I'm so sorry for the heartbreak you're experiencing. It's agonizing. Nothing prepares us for how painful it is.<br />The short answer is that, yes, you can rebuild a marriage from the rubble of this. The longer answer is that it takes two incredibly committed partners and a lot of time and compassion. This is your choice. You get to decide if you give him another chance or not. The trust comes back slowly, after repeatedly seeing that he's committed to change, that he's trying hard to understand why he cheated, that he follows through with promises, sticks to his word. <br />Three months probably seems like an eternity but it's still so raw. It took me more than three years to feel like we were really going to make it and five years to actually feel like this was truly behind us. I don't regret staying and I'm not convinced it would have been easier to leave. It's just a fact that it takes a long time to heal from betrayal. Far longer than most of could have imagined.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-89710916457149372092016-02-25T02:33:04.681-05:002016-02-25T02:33:04.681-05:00Hi. I discovered my husband was cheating. I took h...Hi. I discovered my husband was cheating. I took his phone and discovered him chatting with one of his co workers. It was not just the normal how are you. Nude photos and a lot more. I confronted him that night and he admitted that it. I was destroyed. How could he do it. But I must admit I knew something was going on but never thought that. Well the same night I discovered he not only had an affair with her but the last 3 years of our marrige he was sleeping with 3 different women. The list just seems to go on and on. It is now 3 months later, we are trying to build a new relationship but it seems so hard. New things pop out the woodworks. I must admit it does seem as though he is trying hard to change but I dont always believe him. I never thought this could or would happen I mean I am his seco d wife. His first wife cheated on him 6months into the marrige. I dont know do we try again. We have been together for 19 years. This is just so hard and to say I am heart broken does not seem to describe what I feel. Can one really heal after all that had been done. I look at him and I dont know who he is right now and wonder when did my husband change in to this monster that could do all this and not care who he hurtsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-24623805891577199052015-10-01T10:08:30.063-04:002015-10-01T10:08:30.063-04:00Thank you for this =) Just passed on year the oth...Thank you for this =) Just passed on year the other day. Your words are very helpful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-80492308827060626022015-09-06T07:09:35.006-04:002015-09-06T07:09:35.006-04:00I would highly recommend Amy Eden’s The Kind Self-...I would highly recommend Amy Eden’s The Kind Self-Healing Book: Raise Yourself Up with Curiosity and Compassion. It was key for me (actionable, guided, self-focused, in small chunks you can put down and pick up throughout a busy life) to getting past being ‘stuck’ in stories about the problem, get past letting all your thoughts go to the confusion to someone who says one thing and does another, constantly shooting holes in the boat while you keep paddling faster to keep it afloat. The book put me into my own safe, healthy, self-respecting boat. Helps me keep my mindshare focused on me, what I’ve overcome, and what I will not allow in the future. We all are working so hard to make sunshine. We need to stop being so surprised by other broken peoples’ abuse – even if they are ‘trying their best.’ We need to never let others block our sunshine. We need it to live and thrive. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81787094834096888162015-06-17T11:03:28.424-04:002015-06-17T11:03:28.424-04:00You're right. If he can't be completely ho...You're right. If he can't be completely honest about what he did (ALL of it), then why in the world would you trust anything that comes out of his mouth? Why would you recommit to a relationship with someone who has shown you they will lie and then lie further to protect himself over taking full responsibility for what he's done? He's asking you to be stupid. He's asking you to trust him over your own experience. Nope. <br />He needs to come completely clean in order for you two to move forward. You'll stop hanging this over his head when it's all out in the open and he's taking full responsibility for it.<br />A lot of men minimize what they've done. Especially when it's "just" an emotional affair. There is no "just". Betrayal is betrayal and it's excruciating. It's a trust violation and it impacts a marriage deeply.<br />I think you need to come up with boundaries around what you require to move forward. If one of those boundaries involves hearing the whole story, then figure out what the consequences are if he won't. Or if he continues to minimize what he's done. Maybe he moves onto the couch, maybe you file separation papers. You get to decide.<br />He's asking you for a second chance. He doesn't get to set the rules of that. Your heartbreak, your rules, as one woman on this site puts it. <br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-4576147826998560662015-06-17T10:54:55.382-04:002015-06-17T10:54:55.382-04:00Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry I missed this po...Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry I missed this post. <br />I think you are in an abusive relationship. Unless he is completely taking responsibility for his betrayal of you, then he is not interested in rebuilding a marriage. Unless he has professed his deep remorse and committed to doing whatever it take heal, then he is not interested in rebuilding your marriage. And, sweetie, you can't do it alone.<br />He has been cruel and betrayed you in the worst ways. He has allowed you to be verbally assaulted by the Other Woman. He has not protected you emotionally or physically. He has put his own and other people's wants before your needs. <br />You are feeling invisible and disrespected because that's how you've been treated. But you are not invisible. And you need to respect yourself enough to put a stop to this. <br />I would urge you to get a therapist and to get a lawyer. Protect yourself. Until he comes crawling on his knees, then he's not doing enough to show you that he deserves a second chance. And frankly, you deserve more than this.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43831332320533065332015-06-17T10:12:49.547-04:002015-06-17T10:12:49.547-04:00My husband had an emotional affair with his exgirl...My husband had an emotional affair with his exgirlfriend. They posted where they would be and accidently bumped into each other. The said thing is that all the families were together. They would post to their walls on Facebook what they were doing. She would post quotes of how she believed he wasn't being honest with himself. How he was trying to be noble to not hurt someone else and that this nobility was phony. That he wasn't capable of such emotional honesty. I believe at first my husband figured out her motives and knew it was wrong. But he failed to quit communicating with her because he rationalized that he wasn't having sex with her so he wasn't doing anything wrong.He didn't realize that she had just had two full blown affairs herself right before she contacted him. He says that neither one of them ever talked about leaving their spouses. But there are kids involved. And they did leave their spouses when they talked behind their backs. He has since apologized but I feel he hides some of the truth like just how much they did talk because he thinks it will make things worse. And he is scared that I will divorce him and take the kids. I want someone to be here for me. We were doing well for a while but once we started having arguments again, it felt like we were back where we were when he had the emotional affair. She is single. She lives in our town and our kids go to school together. After I talked to her ex-husband who told me that he did see them posting where they were going many times, he confessed that instead of once it was twice when they met. I had told him the first time to tell me everything so later I wouldn't find out and have to start this over. How do you deal with a spouse that wants to belittle what happened in his mind and thinks it is better for me not to know these details>> He claims I hold everything over his head?? I think that is because he wants me to forgive and move on. And he doesn't want to do the work to fix it completely because he doesn't understand how to and because it would mean that he would risk me getting angry and possibly losing me. I just wish he would see that withholding information is how he will loose me. Makes me feel like he is just here for the kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com