tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post7481603387248480603..comments2024-03-27T21:50:33.178-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Sex Addiction: Is that why your husband cheated?Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-82792928858842479082020-02-16T12:46:35.883-05:002020-02-16T12:46:35.883-05:00I'm glad you found us. Yes, the whole sex addi...I'm glad you found us. Yes, the whole sex addiction thing is confusing as hell. In my husband's case, the "main" woman he cheated with was so much like his cold, domineering mother (I'm sure Freud could have had a field day). It was BECAUSE he had no respect for her at all, that he could objectify her, that he could, essentially, use her. When he sobered up, he felt deep shame about that too - that he had treated her like her humanity didn't matter. She was deeply sick herself and they really used each other to act out their pain. <br />Have you worked at all with someone who understands sex addiction? I was lucky (ha!) that my husbnd's therapist spoke to me that very next day because he set me straight early on. Sex addicts often seek out people for whom they will never have feelings for. So, yes, your husband sought her out BECAUSE he wouldn't develop feelings for her. <br />I know how confusing this is. But once you kinda get it, it becomes clear. In the meantime, however, you need support and healing yourself. I hope you have a therapist who can help you through. And, of course, I'm so glad you found us. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-40920890898659918352020-02-14T12:00:29.047-05:002020-02-14T12:00:29.047-05:00...just to add...he came to see, fairly early on p......just to add...he came to see, fairly early on post dday, that he is a sex addict (porn and masturbation until it progressed to this online 'thing' with with miss beautiful Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01938970755204201237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-16029339035405730072020-02-14T11:57:03.984-05:002020-02-14T11:57:03.984-05:00I do hope that this comment will be seen as it is ...I do hope that this comment will be seen as it is so long since it was published!<br />Elle, I am almost two years past dday, have read hundreds of blog comments, books etc and this is the first time that I have heard a betrayed wife describe the OW as you describe yours. My H betrayed me online for just over a year with the most horrendous 'woman' I have ever met in my life...I knew her and my H and I made many a comment on how vile she was. Little did i know that he was doing what he was doing! I said so manmy times during these past two years that, in some ways, i wish he had just fu***d someone that he 'liked'. It has blown my mind that he would have even smiled at her (outside of his professional capacity). He has explained that it was BECAUSE she was so vile that he did what he did and had the (pornographic) thoughts about her that he had. That he could never have 'porned it up' with any other woman he had met because he knew it was disrespectful.<br />while i understand this, I still get stuck in 'but you MUST have liked her in some way!?!?!?'<br />How do you deal with this?<br />Thanks in advance, and much appreciation for this amazing website! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01938970755204201237noreply@blogger.com