tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post7754814310711807240..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Time Conceals All Wounds: Why Waiting Out the Pain Isn't EnoughEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger128125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74061514550544500812016-09-08T18:07:39.417-04:002016-09-08T18:07:39.417-04:00Fearis temporary...regret is foreverFearis temporary...regret is foreverAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-7860641403672605672016-07-24T14:27:08.270-04:002016-07-24T14:27:08.270-04:00My dog just passed away..it is almost too much to ...My dog just passed away..it is almost too much to cope with...first the affair then our anniversary which I was questioning and now this....too much sadness for me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-23090159489776639422016-07-18T13:14:21.969-04:002016-07-18T13:14:21.969-04:00Anonymous,
In my experience, there's always mo...Anonymous,<br />In my experience, there's always more to the story than what they initially cop to. If you can't trust him to give you the whole story, then THAT is a problem. It's difficult if not impossible to heal from an affair when he is still being dishonest about it. The only way to rebuild a HEALTHY marriage is with total honesty and total transparency. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-48394913715541972852016-07-17T23:52:39.932-04:002016-07-17T23:52:39.932-04:00Would you have rather this relationship never ente...Would you have rather this relationship never entered your life?<br /><br />Was it worth every tear you now shed?<br /><br />It is worth everything...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-10003213820502662232016-07-17T17:49:47.885-04:002016-07-17T17:49:47.885-04:00So if I have asked if he had sex with this second ...So if I have asked if he had sex with this second woman and get says non is that it or should I ask her as well? The texting and photos they sent to each other tells me he is lying about her so who do you believe? Do I just leave it at that and pray he is telling the truth?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-49758200634214752312016-07-14T12:23:17.688-04:002016-07-14T12:23:17.688-04:00I think it matters. I think it's important to ...I think it matters. I think it's important to really see the whole story, for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it makes the partner fully accountable for everything he did. He needs to take responsibility for ALL of it. And, secondly, it gives you a window into his behaviour, which can help you determine if you want to rebuild a marriage with him, or walk away.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79049756565557230892016-07-12T09:05:17.540-04:002016-07-12T09:05:17.540-04:00Does it not matter to know if there was one other ...Does it not matter to know if there was one other woman or more? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-48097025552966507412016-07-11T08:27:13.161-04:002016-07-11T08:27:13.161-04:00Anoymous July 10
I personally don't recommend ...Anoymous July 10<br />I personally don't recommend contact with any ow! The one in our situation was/is mentally unstable and she tried so hard to make me believe the affair meant so much more than my h would admit. I'm sure it is hard not knowing for sure! I had doubts for months again due to the ow refusing to leave us alone to heal together. I'm so sorry for what I know you are living through. Keep reading this blog because I found so much comfort and understanding from the stories of others! Hugs for your pain!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55943845698989301632016-07-10T13:16:20.291-04:002016-07-10T13:16:20.291-04:00Would you ever contact and confront someone whom y...Would you ever contact and confront someone whom you believed your H had sex with but he continues to say he didn't? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-57757765573320182352016-07-08T20:36:17.671-04:002016-07-08T20:36:17.671-04:00When I am alone all I do is go through old texts a...When I am alone all I do is go through old texts and pictures over and over. My H has not been forthcoming with some info that I know is untrue from the texts. That is why I continue to throw it back at him. I just want all of the truth...out in the open but he won't talk about it anymore...I feel so alone with no one to talk too. Why can't he just tell me everything and be honest. How do we start to rebuild if I know he hasn't told me everything?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-84306674786341968712016-07-06T16:20:14.199-04:002016-07-06T16:20:14.199-04:00I hope time will heal as everyone keeps telling me...I hope time will heal as everyone keeps telling me. Some days I too find it hard to breathe. I am overcome with sadness and then feel sick to my stomach. The thoughts just run around and around in my head...never stopping. I hope they stop sooner than later before my sadness becomes my everyday life forever. I can't remember when I last laughed...I have such a heavy heart right now. I so want to get my happy back....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-82456580669072837732016-07-06T15:53:23.429-04:002016-07-06T15:53:23.429-04:00Thank you for all the advice. It is pretty obvious...Thank you for all the advice. It is pretty obvious I am all over the map right now. Just don't know which way to turn right now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-84083296208023931532016-07-06T10:17:03.694-04:002016-07-06T10:17:03.694-04:00Anonymous
Whether or what you choose to tell is en...Anonymous<br />Whether or what you choose to tell is entirely your choice. When I'm unsure, I always check my motives. If your motive for telling the kids the whole story is pure and healthy, then go for it. If it's about not wanting to look bad (ie. wanting them to know your husband is the "bad guy"), then you might just be transferring your pain onto your kids. If your motive is simply to be fully honest with your kids, then perhaps both of you can talk to the kids and make it clear that they don't need to pick sides. Our children, even our adult children, don't need to know our entire lives. There's undoubtedly plenty that they don't tell you. But, of course, it's your choice. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-45286975979168403062016-07-06T10:14:34.276-04:002016-07-06T10:14:34.276-04:00Anonymous,
I suppose you leave when it feels right...Anonymous,<br />I suppose you leave when it feels right to leave. If that feels like now, then you might as well get the ball rolling. But if you're still ambivalent, there's no harm in waiting (unless, of course, you're in an abusive situation though that doesn't sound like the case). At three months, I was barely breathing. But I had three young children and didn't want to destabilize them until I KNEW that I would be dissolving the marriage for good. By the time I felt ready to leave, I no longer wanted to. In that time, I'd seen my husband work so hard to become a better man and I'd regained my respect for him.<br />That doesn't always happen, of course. Sometimes our partners don't do the necessary work. Or sometimes, there's just too much water under the bridge and one or both partners simply wants to move on. Either choice is, of course, legitimate. There's no right or wrong. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-24373614751151013542016-07-05T23:16:41.963-04:002016-07-05T23:16:41.963-04:00My children are grown adults...one married and one...My children are grown adults...one married and one not. They will want to know why we split if that is what we decide. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-66847570050935902782016-07-05T21:16:26.770-04:002016-07-05T21:16:26.770-04:00I am only 3 months out from finding out...I know i...I am only 3 months out from finding out...I know it takes time but I felt in some way I have already checked out I love my H but not in the same way...I am feeling the longer I take to figure out if I want to stay or go...the more I want to go and wonder why am I still here? How will my love for him ever be the same again? Is this part of acceptance? Or is my gut telling me to leave...I have already made my decision.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-4647122210232693442016-07-05T06:42:52.616-04:002016-07-05T06:42:52.616-04:00No, I don't agree with that. At least not just...No, I don't agree with that. At least not just that. While I do think it's important to "accept what happened", that's not the same as simply moving on. When we "accept what happened", we recognize that "what happened" was traumatizing and we take steps to heal ourselves and, if we want to, heal our marriage. We process all the feelings that accompany betrayal -- the incredible fear, the sadness, the grief, the anxiety around trust. None of that goes away without working through it. And without a supportive partner who recognizes just how deep the wound of betrayal is, it's impossible to rebuild a marriage. <br />it sounds as if your husband wants you to just brush aside the pain he's caused. Don't do it. You'd be disrespecting and dishonouring yourself. And a marriage built on one partner ignoring her pain isn't a healthy one. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-65986823002081241322016-07-05T06:39:29.420-04:002016-07-05T06:39:29.420-04:00Hi Anonymous,
I think what you tell the children d...Hi Anonymous,<br />I think what you tell the children depends on their ages. I don't think you tell kids any more than what they need to know in order to continue to love both parents and trust that they will be okay. Their job is to be kids. Ideally you tell them together that the marriage is over but that you each love your children and will do everything you can to ensure that things, even though they'll be different, can still be smooth and respectful. Minimize the disruption to them. Avoid the temptation to make your husband the enemy, even if he's a total jerk. They need to be free to love him without guilt.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-4178239238640177892016-07-03T18:55:06.088-04:002016-07-03T18:55:06.088-04:00What if you leave..what would you tell your childr...What if you leave..what would you tell your children? Their father chose a different lifestyle?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-58226369757965777152016-07-01T21:39:08.779-04:002016-07-01T21:39:08.779-04:00What would you tell your grown children if you dec...What would you tell your grown children if you decided to leave? H tells me I need to accept what has happened and once I do...I can move on. Do you agree with that?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-25831142708520758122016-06-30T16:08:38.639-04:002016-06-30T16:08:38.639-04:00Another meltdown today. I keep dwelling on the pas...Another meltdown today. I keep dwelling on the past...how do i stop and move on? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-82586566655340814082016-06-30T14:49:28.707-04:002016-06-30T14:49:28.707-04:00Anon a blank card sounds like a great idea..thinki...Anon a blank card sounds like a great idea..thinking of you xxAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14621994625215389891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-40375477988011121872016-06-29T20:12:19.355-04:002016-06-29T20:12:19.355-04:00It definitely won't be the same. Nit sure how ...It definitely won't be the same. Nit sure how to celebrate it..as a new beginning and fresh start....or just might be a boo hoo day...again..maybe a blank card..that's how I feel right now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81029354435665217252016-06-28T13:58:37.423-04:002016-06-28T13:58:37.423-04:00We had our anniversary 10 days before she blew up ...We had our anniversary 10 days before she blew up my world with the affair truth. First time I received a dozen roses in many years. Usually he gave me flowers with roots so the memories would live on. The first anniversary post dday we simply ate out and exchanged cards... Not sure how the next one will go...Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-51196435097360183412016-06-28T13:54:26.403-04:002016-06-28T13:54:26.403-04:00Anonymous
We have two adult children and they kne...Anonymous <br />We have two adult children and they knew we were having difficulty as a couple but did not ask nor did we feel the need to give them details as we were determined to reconcile our marriage our own way and I felt like I would smother if I had to share that pain with our children! They knew I was struggling with the death of my sister, my aging mother and that there was stress on our marriage. That's all they needed to be supportive of both their dad during job stress and their mother due to her ever increasing stress with caring for a parent with dementia. I'm with Elle, if either ever ask that question then I can tell them that answer! Just how we're dealing with it! Hugs!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.com