tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post859841450148247162..comments2024-03-19T08:32:06.169-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: What the *@#% was he thinking?Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-61096139130545410922016-08-24T10:41:04.527-04:002016-08-24T10:41:04.527-04:00Anon---Agree. No need to spin it any differentlyAnon---Agree. No need to spin it any differentlyTryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-27017189179148193712016-08-21T11:38:32.464-04:002016-08-21T11:38:32.464-04:00I don't believe that my husband just wasn'...I don't believe that my husband just wasn't thinking about me. It wasn't about 'compartmentalising'. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he knew that it would kill me. He just didn't care. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-91764395527416355432015-06-11T09:59:00.328-04:002015-06-11T09:59:00.328-04:00Gee,
There doesn't seem much point in thinking...Gee,<br />There doesn't seem much point in thinking about it other than simply acknowledging what you know now.<br />As my latest blog post points out, we can't go back and make the past "pretty" but we can move forward and create something beautiful with our lives. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-75359313436335401112015-06-10T11:50:10.676-04:002015-06-10T11:50:10.676-04:00I wish I'd taken it as a warning sign and made...I wish I'd taken it as a warning sign and made us go to counselling (I considered it), but I was too ashamed that I'd been tempted to tell him. Although maybe it wouldn't have prevented what happened anyway. Playing the "what if" game kept me stuck for a long time, so I try not to think about it.<br /><br />~GeeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-71374951852203592852015-06-09T20:05:16.279-04:002015-06-09T20:05:16.279-04:00Gee,
We started marriage counselling a few months ...Gee,<br />We started marriage counselling a few months before D-Day because I'd been tempted to cheat with someone I'd become friends with. I recognized this as dangerous to our marriage, I knew I didn't want to be that person. I had no idea what was already going on with him. So yes, I know your pain. <br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-90329378565764352382015-06-09T13:02:13.626-04:002015-06-09T13:02:13.626-04:00What really gnaws at me is that a month before it ...What really gnaws at me is that a month before it happened, I was tempted to cheat on him. Due to his porn addiction (which he was able to hide from me) we rarely had sex anymore. I felt so unattractive after almost 13 years of physical neglect that I was tempted to hook up with someone just to prove to myself that I wasn't undesirable.<br /><br />The difference is I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD DO TO HIM. What it would do to our son if my husband threw me out for cheating on him. What it would do to my self-respect. How I would have to live with it for the rest of my life. I stopped myself and thought about what would happen and decided not to do it. And yet he didn't do the same. That really eats at me.<br /><br />Is this just a man/woman difference? Or the addiction? IDK. I do know he compartmentalized for decades, telling himself he could quit anytime, that what I didn't know wasn't hurting me (ha!!!), that it wasn't the porn that was killing our sex life, etc. So when it came to a head and he tried to cheat on me in real life, he was so skilled at compartmentalizing that he was able to do it, until the moment she actually started kissing him and he freaked out and left.<br /><br />Some times it's a comfort to know he wasn't thinking about me (that he didn't think, "Who gives a crap about my wife, I'm going to get mine.") and sometimes it hurts all the more that we could be together for almost 14 years and he could throw it all away from a temporary thrill.<br /><br />~GeeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-15734637364272279222014-07-23T14:25:25.038-04:002014-07-23T14:25:25.038-04:00I know my H wasn't thinking about me or the ki...I know my H wasn't thinking about me or the kids while embarking on his A. <br /><br />He was coming up on his 40th bday and to my surprise, he was horrified!<br /><br />I started noticing changes in the way he dressed, he was what I saw as more secretive. <br /><br />He had started travelling for work. he would be away for a week at a time. this continued for 6 months. That is when the emotional affair started with a younger, attractive co-worker who was having problems in her own marriage. <br /><br />it remained emotional for quite sometime...you look great today, love your hair....blah, blah. it wasn't until months later that it turned physical, away for a training course for work, that was April, and then again in August and then one last time in October. <br /><br />I don't believe either of them were in it for the physical/sexual aspect of it. They both needed their egos stroked. he needed to feel like a stud and she had a huge weight loss and liked the attention of another man I guess.<br /><br />They were selfish. He didn't need her to feel like a stud, we had a great sex life and still do. he thought it was something he needed from someone else for the attention. I was apparently too busy with the kids...he didn't think about me, or the kids.<br /><br />He has recently told me that everyday he came home from work, he was greatful that myself and the kids were still standing by him, even though he made a choice that will haunt him and me until the day we die.<br /><br />I refuse to give up and so does he. we have invested too much time and effort to just throw it away.<br /><br />Thank you Elle for your candid writings, very insightful! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-58940705213007776732014-07-22T21:35:03.939-04:002014-07-22T21:35:03.939-04:00Anon
My hope is that I've helped because that...Anon<br /><br />My hope is that I've helped because that is all I have to offer. I'm no professional, or brainiac in psychology, nor marriage therapy. I can't even say for sure that I've made the right choices to stay. But I too live day by day and hope for the future. Some may call me a chump but that's ok, I can wear that moniker. What I'm not is stupid. I've learned so much from this experience and in a crazy, masochistic, way I'm glad Ive been given the opportunity to become much wiser in my old age. Who knows how this experience will serve me in the future. That said, I try to move forward and I've reached a point where I'm satisfied in my relationship. I like myself more than ever and so does my husband. I've proven to be a strong woman to him and the rest of the world. I have my own demons but my husbands poor judgement is not one of them.<br /><br />I suppose where I to measure my marriage only on fidelity I would definitely leave. He betrayed me very deeply and for a long time but I have found value in our relationship that surpasses the infidelity and it works for me. <br /><br />Trust, forgiveness are just words that are subjectively meaningful. Don't put a timetable on them. You will know when it comes and it may never. But if your life is working on a day to day basis and you aren't totally miserable with those choices, then rest assured you've made a good decision.<br /><br />Hope I've helped. Be happy and be the best YOU can be. everything else will follow my friend:)TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-67822401343297139682014-07-21T21:08:51.416-04:002014-07-21T21:08:51.416-04:00Trying Hard,
You give me hope. Some days I don&#...Trying Hard,<br /><br />You give me hope. Some days I don't know if I will ever be able to be rid of this hatred. For both of them. It's funny you spoke of karma. I have thought about karma a lot lately. I am normally a very nice and compassionate person...but I truly hope that the OW has the exact same thing happen to her one day. I know that's awful, but I feel exactly as you do. She didn't care about what she was doing to me or my kids, so why should I? I'm just going day by day and hoping that I will one day be able to accept and forgive. I know that's the only way. I don't think I'm strong enough right now to even think about forgiveness yet. But I hope to get there. Reading yours and Elle's comments the last few days has helped me a lot. I know you both "get it" whereas I don't feel like most people do. So thank you both from the bottom of my heart!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-63867608154252211632014-07-19T22:33:09.131-04:002014-07-19T22:33:09.131-04:00Dearest anon
I could have written every single wo...Dearest anon<br /><br />I could have written every single word you wrote. This is my story too. My husbands affair lasted 4 years and thousands of dollars spent, stolen from my business given to her. <br /><br />I too still can't wrap my head around how someone can live so many lies for that length of time. Yep my husband was scared of her telling me as well if he cut it off and well he liked having his cake and eating it too. It worked until it didn't work for him. I too have great hate red for his AP and she's been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I hate that I revel at the thought of her dying a slow painful death. And karma can be such a bitch. But she sure as hell didn't think twice about the pain she was inflicting on me, my family and my business for her own personal gain.<br /><br />I'm 3 years out and I am at full acceptance and probably even forgiveness what ever that is:). It takes time and I still do have those damn triggers but they don't last as long and aren't as debilitating. You'll get there but you have to do things to empower yourself to get there. I had to really start believing in myself and my ability to know I would be ok if he left me or if I would choose to throw him out. You keep making yourself strong and no doubt this experience will make you stronger.TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83921743407909174402014-07-19T20:51:30.340-04:002014-07-19T20:51:30.340-04:00No worries. You make great points in each one!
I d...No worries. You make great points in each one!<br />I do think we need to mourn the loss of who we were and the marriage we thought we had. It's absolutely a loss we need to grieve. But I think that sense of feeling untouchable is, in hindsight, naive. Nobody's marriage is untouchable. However, it is possible to create a marriage in which each partner knows that, while they may be tempted, the cost is simply too high.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-61371853072698399862014-07-19T16:32:01.107-04:002014-07-19T16:32:01.107-04:00Oops! Both of those last ones were from me! I th...Oops! Both of those last ones were from me! I thought it erased my first one, so I typed out another. ��Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-41472707470562252872014-07-19T10:58:13.782-04:002014-07-19T10:58:13.782-04:00Dear Trying Hard,
Thank you so much for your thoug...Dear Trying Hard,<br />Thank you so much for your thoughts as well. I am going to try to focus less on the why. I know it happened, I know the details and I can't change those. I need to learn to accept them and quit trying to make the past my present. It's just very hard. I'm sure there are some deep rooted issues on his end that caused him to do what he did. I hope that through counseling we are able to figure those things out. I just have a really hard time with it going on for 2 years! How can someone live a double life and constantly lie and deceive the people he loves? Man or woman, it's inconceivable to me. I do have anger towards him and to the OW. She knew he was a married man with three children. He told me that she told him that she wanted him the first time she saw him. So she played her hand and played on his vulnerability and he went right along with it. I'm trying to focus more on the future and the things that he is doing to make restitution, but sometimes the mind movies and the replaying of events and triggers make that very difficult. As I'm sure we are all aware. He has literally done everything that I have told him he needs to do, even selling his car where some of their rendezvous took place. I think he is remorseful and has guilt he's dealing with and wants to make it right. He has said that he wanted an escape so that makes sense to me what Elle said. We were having a lot of problems with our oldest son and it made the home environment not so happy. I think that was one of many factors that led him to do what he did. I just can't phathom how long it went on. He says he got in so deep that he couldn't get out. He says he didn't have the balls to tell me what he had done and he knew she would tell me if he broke things off. Which is exactly what happened. He says he didn't want to hurt me, but he knew he was bc of what he was doing. So he wasn't going to win either way. So he took the cowardly way and kept trying to appease her so she wouldn't tell me. Finally when he broke it off, he knew he was going to have to face the music. You can imagine the look on his face when he walked out of work one night and we were both there standing together. Cheaters worst nightmare. <br />Anyway, I guess I just am trying to find my way. I feel like I have changed as a person, and I moarn the loss of who I was before the affair. I moarn the loss of what I thought my marriage was and the love that I thought would be untouchable. Very naive. I feel like something broke inside of me that day and I'm just trying to put it back together. And my marriage back together. I just hope that one day I can arrive on the other side and look back without feeling so much hurt and anger. <br />Thanks again for your thoughts. You ladies are angels. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79806594623401719462014-07-19T10:42:34.548-04:002014-07-19T10:42:34.548-04:00Dear Trying Hard,
Thank you for your insightful ...Dear Trying Hard,<br /><br /><br />Thank you for your insightful words as well. I will try to take your advice and stop asking why. I think that it's just so new that it's hard for me to wrap my head around. I'm hoping as time goes on that I will be able to arrive at a place that I can live with. I know I will never get all my questions answered I just can't understand why anyone, man or woman, would cause so much hurt and damage to the people they love. I'm sure there are some deep rooted issues that led him to do what he did. The time frame is a big one for me too. For 2 years he lived a double life and this woman who knew he was married and had three children, didn't have any moral code obviously to not go along with it. I do have a lot of anger towards her and towards him right now. But I am trying to look more at what he is doing now to try and make restitution and focus on that instead of all that happened. I can't change that and I know that, but I can change my future. He has literally done everything I have told him to do, even sold the car where some of the rendezvous occurred. I think he is remorseful and I think he really does feel like he was trying to get an escape from reality. But I am just having a really hard time with trusting him and believing him and not playing mind movies in my head over and over again. I wonder sometimes of that will ever stop. I have good days and bad days and triggers hit me at any time and I feel like I'm back to square one all over again. <br />You are right, this is hell. It is hell on earth. I keep reading that it gets better and you get stronger but I guess I'm not quite there yet. I will stick around for sure bc this blog has helped me to understand so much. I am not the same person I was before this happened. Something broke inside of me on D Day and I don't know if I will ever be that person again. I feel like I'm moarning the loss of that me, the loss of what I thought my marriage was, etc....<br />Hope that makes sense. Thanks for your comments. You ladies are angels!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-26507423677045624292014-07-18T18:20:53.234-04:002014-07-18T18:20:53.234-04:00Anon
I'm so sorry that you have become on of ...Anon<br /><br />I'm so sorry that you have become on of us. We've all been where you are. Elle gave you the perfect answer and she is right on. You will look for the answer to the why question forever and what we are really hoping for is the answer that it didn't happen. That is never going to come. There will never be enough answers to why.<br /><br />I have found that the simplest answer to why is because he could and it was easy. The better question is , how could you. Delve into that and you may find some answers.<br /><br />Believe him when he says he loves/loved you. Everyone's meaning behind those words is different. Yes he loved you but he was not acting in a very loving way. Truth is he loved himself more. He didn't know how to deal with issues inside himself so he looked outward which never works. I don't care if it's, booze, drugs, affairs etc. they are all quick fixes to a troubled person. I'm not even going to give his bad behavior of saying that it was a problem in your marriage or relationship. The cheating is all on him. Don't even blame his affair partner because honestly if it weren't her it would have been someone else. He can kick a trash can and fifty more just like her will jump out willing to have an affair for their own selfish gain.<br /><br />Stick around here. There are many wise folks here willing to support you. You're not unique or alone in this hell. You're going to be ok one way or another, just be smart.TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-91255100962911112422014-07-18T16:58:57.720-04:002014-07-18T16:58:57.720-04:00Thank you so much! This one response from you has...Thank you so much! This one response from you has helped me more than the MC we have been seeing for 3 months. (He is more concerned with me and my depression right now then delving into the deep issues of the affair it seems). What you wrote makes perfectly good sense. Yes I do love him with a deeper love now then I did when we were dating and I do hope that him coming so close to losing it all will make him see what he didn't see before. This is the first time this has happened to me and yes it is still very fresh. But I do feel like I am in a better place then I was even a month ago. I really do know that this blog has helped me. You and the other people are so insightful and so caring for others. It's amazing how something so horrific can bond people together. You can't understand the complexity of this issue unless you have dealt with it yourself. Thank you again for your quick reply and for having a healthy forum for people to come to and try to get some understanding. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-40843434580971284102014-07-18T16:13:51.674-04:002014-07-18T16:13:51.674-04:00The short answer is 'yes', though it would...The short answer is 'yes', though it would certainly be a very different type of love. Affairs are about fantasy. They aren't about the day-to-day stuff of a marriage. So while you were in love with your husband when you were dating, my guess is it's a far different love than what you experience now, having washed his dirty underwear and mopped his sweaty brow when he had the flu. <br />So often what people in affairs really love is the escape. They love the excitement. The chance to step out of their lives into this world where nobody sweats about when the mortgage is coming due or whose turn it is to get up in the night with a sick child. Who wouldn't love that?<br />So my guess is, that when your husband now realizes he didn't really mean it, what he's saying is that he recognizes that he didn't love her so much as he loved the escape. That what he feels for you is far deeper and richer, though he couldn't see it at the time until he almost lost it. <br />Three months is so raw and new. I suspect you'll understand better as you learn more about the dynamics of affairs and as your husband continues to open his eyes to how deluded he was. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-48116603510391782822014-07-18T13:20:07.699-04:002014-07-18T13:20:07.699-04:00I am 3 months post D-day. I too have decided to s...I am 3 months post D-day. I too have decided to stay with my husband and work things out. We have been married 15 years and have 3 children. It felt like a lot to walk away from. And the fact remains that I still love him. I struggle so much with "why". He had a 2 year affair with a woman 12 years his junior. There were a lot of factors that I see now that set up the perfect setting for an affair. What I can't understand is why it went on for so long. I struggle with that a lot. 2 years of lies and deception is a lot to recover from. I found an email between them where they said they loved each other. That was devastating to me! I knew we were having problems, but I never doubted that he loved me. I do now. He says that he loved me the whole time, thought about me all the time but he just couldn't stop. It was like a drug. I can't get past how he can say he loved me and do the things that he did. He tells me he really didn't love the OW, that he told her a lot of things he didn't mean... But I have a hard time buying into that. He is talking and answering my questions, except the why. He doesn't know why he kept it going for so long. Why he told her he loved her. I wish I knew if he really did love her. Can you really love two people at once? <br />This blog has helped me so much! I found it on day 3 and have read it over and over again. It is so helpful and comforting to know there are others that are going through the same things. Those who have chosen to stay. Thank you all for the strength you have given me and others. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74196298232103350962014-05-20T14:38:45.131-04:002014-05-20T14:38:45.131-04:00You cannot manage his recovery from this. As tempt...You cannot manage his recovery from this. As tempting as it is to direct it -- "read this", "go to therapy", etc -- you can't do it. What you can do is create your terms for reconciliation. It's certainly reasonable for you to say that you can't consider rebuilding a marriage with a man who isn't willing to do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of his issues in order to be healthier. The difference is control. You can't control him. You can only create boundaries around yourself to keep yourself emotionally and physically safe. And to only invite in those who will protect and support you.<br />And I know what you're saying about being tired. This is exhausting stuff. Sleep when you can. Take good care of yourself. And trust that this gets easier as long as you stay focused on your own healing.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-30535533358149935622014-05-15T14:25:09.115-04:002014-05-15T14:25:09.115-04:00Dear Elle, Thank you for taking time to answer. Ve...Dear Elle, Thank you for taking time to answer. Very insightful! ...after the infidelity, my husband suddenly agreed to couples therapy, and it has been very helpful... especially giving me a place to vent my feelings with an intermediate person to interprete what I say to avoid defensiveness in my husband. His favourite remark to shut me up all those years when I asked for change was that I just wanted to control him by inflicting guilt...which really wasnt true - I just wanted us to work on our marriage. He has started to look into his abusive childhood where everybody just pretended that it was normal and said nothing. He even compartmentalized his bad experiences to an extent where he has trouble remembering... exactly as he tells me about his trouble remembering his feelings and thoughts when he was with the OW. He has vowed to do everything he can to make it up to me and be the best husband ever and to never cheat again... I am just so tired. He has agreed to reading different books like not just friends and other relevant material together with me, and we have tried to do it nightly as a basis for discussions about our own situation. This has been very helpful, but it has now been 11 days where we have been too busy to do it, and he has not mentioned that we need to start again... always my initiative - never his. I am TIRED! Thank you for lending an ear. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-9929206299402990372014-05-15T12:50:04.169-04:002014-05-15T12:50:04.169-04:00You two need to learn new skills in terms of deali...You two need to learn new skills in terms of dealing with each other. An improved sex life is great...but not if it isn't accompanied with improved interactions on all levels. You need to be able to better communicate. You need to be able to talk about your feelings/fears/passions/whatever with each other. And you need to be able to treat each other (and yourselves) with compassion.<br />Without a marriage counsellor to teach you this, it's really hard. Counselling isn't because you're "crazy" or anything. It's simply someone to teach you skills that you weren't able to learn in childhood or early adulthood. Without having learned those skills, we tend to fall into patterns that don't always serve us well. And once those patterns are entrenched, it's difficult to move out of them -- I think of it like those car tracks in the mud. Once the mud has hardened, our tires just want to keep following those familiar tracks. We get resistance when we try to move out of them.<br />I would urge you to try counselling. At the very least, commit to reading some good books on getting past affairs (Janis Abrams, Peggy Vaughan, Shirley Glass, I'm sure there are others). <br />You don't mention what work your husband has done around his cheating. Does he have an understanding of why he did this? Is he able to understand how to stop himself from going down that road again? Has he committed to change?<br />You're smart to want to move this newfound intimacy into other areas of your marriage. I hope he'll take the opportunity too to rebuild your marriage.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-52211457195481552812014-05-15T11:27:25.267-04:002014-05-15T11:27:25.267-04:00My marriage turned into a sexless marriage after m...My marriage turned into a sexless marriage after my rejection of my husband in the wake of feeling abandoned with our twins - one was disabled .... I wanted to fix it and talked openly to him about it. Within 6 months I went to a therapist who advised me to get him into couples therapy (we did not because he did not think it was the right thing to do) ... and to initiate sex again. I did and was rejected... from 2006-2013 (d-day) we had sex a few times every year. I exploded once in a while and begged him to show up in our marriage. I even told him how my self esteem suffered and that I might even be tempted to have an affair if this continued. I asked him if he was gay (as I am an exceptionally attractive woman) and called him impotent.. He never acted. In October 2013 I was angry with him again and opened his FB for the first time only to find out that he had had four different inappropriate relationships with other women. One of them had involved secret vacation trips and sex with a very young, very beautiful woman (my complete opposite - bohemian, dark-haired, tatooed, nose-ring). Two had involved kissing and touching. One was just steamy emails from an infatuated idotic woman which he had enjoyed receiving (eeew). After all three d-days, I decided to try to make it work as he seems very remorseful. All the affairs had been more or less simultanously from 1. August 2011- 15. December 2011, when he felt like a complete failure as none of his plans for his business seemed to go through... I recalimed my territory with hysterical bonding after finding out that he had given to others what he denied me... Our sexlife is now back to a more normal rate, but I am very tired of working so hard to make our marriage work for so many years and feel the resentment towards him kicking in again. I am afraid to loose the momentum and just slide back into our very unsatisfactory marriage.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-852038807431696032014-04-15T17:28:41.583-04:002014-04-15T17:28:41.583-04:00Thank you dear! Yes, you made me see things from a...Thank you dear! Yes, you made me see things from a different point of view. Hoping for the best. :***ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08458283910931990893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5846342361104225272014-04-09T15:19:23.722-04:002014-04-09T15:19:23.722-04:00e
Oh my. This does add a new spin and I so feel f...e<br />Oh my. This does add a new spin and I so feel for you and your feelings of being almost trapped in this relationship for cultural and family values. I am so sorry. But maybe you can be the change that everyone needs to see and put an end to this type of behavior and acceptance of this behavior.<br /><br />Please don't feel that this is only a situation particular to your country. Trust me there are many American women that stay in abusive situations and worse than this. It may seem that American women have so many opportunities, and we do, but there are many who choose stay because they are scared of the same things you are scared of.<br /><br />Maybe you feel this is your only opportunity to marry given the cultural circumstances but that is a choice only YOU will know how to make. Marriage is not everything, I don't care what country you live in.<br /><br />I am so sorry that such a bright young woman such as yourself is having to face this. You know when we old, crusty women face it at least we have a little more experience under our belts to know somewhat what to do. We know where to find the resources to help us. I hope we have at least given you something to think about.<br /><br />Hoping and praying you find the right answer for YOU.TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-34573394615268462582014-04-08T18:26:00.316-04:002014-04-08T18:26:00.316-04:00Thank you very much for your worry and honest advi...Thank you very much for your worry and honest advice. XxxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com