tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post8797295207754268962..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Surviving Infidelity: The best advice you never heardEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger100125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55871866379413421852020-09-29T11:11:11.956-04:002020-09-29T11:11:11.956-04:00BooBoo, I'm so sorry. But glad you found us.
S...BooBoo, I'm so sorry. But glad you found us.<br />Sadly, you're story sounds pretty common. Not the specifics, but the overall reason men cheat: To escape their reality. To feel powerful and attractive and distract themselves. Affairs are a fantasy. In your husband's case, perhaps the fantasy was that he was a "man", not someone who struggled with mobility and bladder issues. <br />In any case, whether your leave or decide to give him a chance to redeem himself, I hope you'll take care of you and ensure that you have the support you need the process the deep pain of betrayal. You're among friends here.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-51941667599869127142020-09-28T19:29:27.788-04:002020-09-28T19:29:27.788-04:00My husband of 30 yrs (he's 67 yrs old) had a h...My husband of 30 yrs (he's 67 yrs old) had a health problem six yrs ago that left him paralyzed from the waist down. Within a couple months he regained his ability to walk but still has issues after 6 yrs with bowel and bladder issues ( needs meds for that to work). I assumed that since we weren't having sex, that he had a problem in that area as well. Turns out there is no problem and he in fact has been having an affair and just continued to let me believe he couldn't perform sexually. I knew something wasn't right but didn't confront him until recently. He admitted to seeing someone but said just a week ago that he wasn't able to have sex. Yesterday I finally got him to admit that he had no problem getting an erection at times. He says now that he ended the affair and wants to try and make our marriage work. Isn't this the best story yet?? BooBoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03560282855424025373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-42444896246499840402019-11-24T06:52:19.388-05:002019-11-24T06:52:19.388-05:00For get it shouldn't have done thisFor get it shouldn't have done this Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01482850823909080304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-30071864839578559482019-11-24T06:50:49.520-05:002019-11-24T06:50:49.520-05:00Hi I found out my husband of 36 years had been hav...Hi I found out my husband of 36 years had been having an affair for a year, I found out on the 1st Oct the other women messaged me it broke me to piece but I thought if we talk it might make it better to understand. When talking last night he said since his stroke 3 years ago his been different in his head maybe that's y he did it he said he knows this is were he wants to be but couldn't say weather he loved me or not and that broke my heart cos I have been trying to get over it and I still love him to bits. I feel so alone at the moment and not sure what I should do any advice pls. <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01482850823909080304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81555655727841132402019-08-04T18:55:17.985-04:002019-08-04T18:55:17.985-04:00It's been 4 years since I found out about my h...It's been 4 years since I found out about my husband's affair. 4 psinfull years.<br />sometimes I wish I didn't know. do many things happened in the aftermath that he resents me for, blames me for. <br />I told his parents, hoping to get some support, as I couldn't talk to my parents. his mum turned it on me, saying I was to blame, being a temperamental person and very moody....seriously. hes been into porn since before I knew him. at first he could hide it, being magazines and all, then with internet he would say, it was the last time, he had a week moment, etc etc. 23 years later I dont trust him at all!! we've been together 23 yrs married 21.<br />He still hasn't owned up to his parents, he avoids it, saying he didn't want them to know and it has nothing to do with them, so why talk to them about it.<br />but his mum still blames me for her son having an affair. I caused him to sin according to her.<br />I feel like shit. pardon my language.<br />I've tried to commit suicide, started drinking and cutting myself. I went into worst depression ever. a friend of mine confronted my husband and then he lost his shit and told me I was conniving behind his back, and that I had betrayed him.<br />he demanded that I never speak to my friend again. (we still have contact, but she has withdrawn a lot because she doesn't want to make things more difficult for me)<br /><br />I would divorce him, I wanted to, but he made so many promises and I believed him. now 4 yrs later, it's all such a mess, and everyone who knows says I should move on.<br />he says I should move on and stop bringing up the past. but it's not resolved for me yet.<br /><br />we have u children, youngest born after I found out about affair. <br /><br />even if I wanted to I couldn't leave him, I dont want everyone knowing, and I don't want to drag his name through the mud. that's not who I am. <br />I cant support the kids on my own. <br />I stay with him because I have no other option, that's all.<br />I do love him but not as I used to. tryst is non existant. Celestehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14581533334946740777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55523106648011858602019-08-04T18:42:35.106-04:002019-08-04T18:42:35.106-04:00is this page still active?is this page still active?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-50038308345795922782019-01-21T12:14:32.644-05:002019-01-21T12:14:32.644-05:00Anonymous,
Anything that is kept secret because it...Anonymous,<br />Anything that is kept secret because it's a violation of his commitment to you (which includes honesty, sexual fidelity, emotional fidelity, intimacy) is a betrayal. He met this woman secretly. He kissed this woman. He talked to her secretly. He shared photographs with her. ALL of that is a betrayal. It is cheating. As Dr. Phil puts it, "if you wouldn't do it with your wife right beside you watching, then you shouldn't be doing it." Don't let him minimize this. It is very serious and he needs to hold himself completely accountable and examine why he was stepping outside his marriage. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12947780870490110663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-38676744763424738432019-01-20T12:53:31.626-05:002019-01-20T12:53:31.626-05:00He met a stripper 3 times, no sexual interaction, ...He met a stripper 3 times, no sexual interaction, just kissed twice then had flirtatious 1 month communication with her, sending pictures about "dreaming of her"; "imagining kissing her" when I found out he said it was just a flirtation that got out of hand and he had no intention of taking it further. Is that cheating, why do I feel so hurt, more so In think than if he had had a physical 1 night stand. Just thinking back on the messages that he sent her make me feel irrelevant, its like he's betrayed something our personal private space, particularly since, looking back on when he messaged her, many times he was here at home or out to dinner/lunch with me/or family and I was suspicious but he always said he was busy with work and stressed Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-28451202779066370242018-12-12T15:00:12.212-05:002018-12-12T15:00:12.212-05:00Anonymous,
I am so sorry for the pain you've b...Anonymous,<br />I am so sorry for the pain you've been in. I hope you know that your strength is greater than the pain, your ability to move forward is greater than your past. You will become a better version of you because you deserve so much better. And it will be wonderful. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12947780870490110663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64441225690062251952018-12-12T09:26:41.414-05:002018-12-12T09:26:41.414-05:00It's too much to take, to horrid to live. The ... It's too much to take, to horrid to live. The true of several affairs and years of betrayals it's mentally exhausting. <br /> I trusted and married a man that did not care about the pain he is causing me or our kids. Almost 19 years of marriage 3 kids I gave it all to someone with corrupted values. Tired of listening to his lies daily. I did move out if the bedroom,<br /> I am going back to school. I am reconnecting with who I am. Doing things that I feel passionate about like painting. I will become a better version of me. <br /> Life is a gift from God. For the love of my children and the rest of my days this man will be taken away by God. I trust Jesus to Bright the darkness of betrayal and bring peace, health, wealth, and love to my house<br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-1049008495880722042018-08-26T16:20:15.393-04:002018-08-26T16:20:15.393-04:00Missy Myro,
I'm sorry you've discovered, a...Missy Myro,<br />I'm sorry you've discovered, again, that your husband can't be trusted. I hope the wedding is off and that you are moving forward in your life without him. He's clearly not husband material.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-6055675710882496662018-08-25T22:29:51.385-04:002018-08-25T22:29:51.385-04:00This is EXACTLY what I've been thinking and fe...This is EXACTLY what I've been thinking and feeling! It's like u know he can't b trusted and something isn't right, but u don't look cuz u don't really want to be hurt by the answer, but soon enough you find out, without even having to look! In my case my husband and I were married and divorced, for 3 years, he tried everything to get our relationship back, n after 3 years, I caved, unfortunately! Once we got back together, I Became pregnant with my beautiful daughter, who has made me such a better person, truly a gift from God! Anyway, we are now engaged again, planning the fairytale wedding we never had, and I find out today- accidentally- he's been cheating AGAIN! With multiple women, of course I came across FB messages proving it, he plays roll of coward and DENIES, DENIES, DENIES! SO based on experience, I can tell u, having done it before, the first step truly is the most difficult! It gets easier, and even even feel relief, once u get over that hump! It's not gonna be easy, but if u put yourself and your kiddos first, u will b ok😁 Prayer helps too- if that's your thing<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-85260970302834997262018-07-13T15:59:34.456-04:002018-07-13T15:59:34.456-04:00Unknown,
I'm not whether it matters what it...Unknown,<br />I'm not whether it matters what it's called, it's certainly dishonesty. And it's perfectly normal for you to be upset by his dishonesty. Have you spoken to him about why he lies to you? Are there consequences for him violating your trust in you? Is this new behaviour or does he have a history of lying to you or others?Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-82103892526765957122018-07-12T16:28:52.733-04:002018-07-12T16:28:52.733-04:00My husband has lied about drinking, watching porn ...My husband has lied about drinking, watching porn and now live adult websites. Is that considered cheating and how can i trust him againAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06109064800535983539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-38456643706697841182018-06-22T16:03:40.931-04:002018-06-22T16:03:40.931-04:00Anonymous,
You are in one helluva tough spot. For ...Anonymous,<br />You are in one helluva tough spot. For one thing, you JUST found out so it's impossible to really know whether this guy made some stupid mistakes and will learn from them, or whether this is the guy you're about to marry. <br />Honestly....I would urge you to cancel the wedding. I think it's impossible to really work toward figuring this out with this date hanging over your head. Doesn't mean you can't still go on a trip with your friends/family. But I think I'd cancel the ceremony.<br />In the meantime, what is he saying? You mention that you had accused him before. Did he deny it? What's up with the drag queens? Are you expecting monogamy from him or is it the dishonesty? It sounds as though, at the very least, you two need to have a really candid conversation about what your expectations are of your relationship with each other -- holding nothing back. And while it's wonderful that he was a good partner to you during your depression, that's pretty much what you should be able to expect from a partner. It certainly doesn't give him a pass to cheat on you (and yes, sexting is cheating. Intimacy is not just physical. Anything that he feels compels to hide is his first clue that he shouldn't be doing it). <br />Can you find a therapist who might also help you through this? You need a safe place to talk about the relationship. Maybe couples counselling? <br />Thing is, Anonymous, life is long. You want to make sure that this guy is going to be the partner you can rely on through life, who is honest with you and with whom you feel emotionally safe. Far better to know whether he's capable of that BEFORE you say "I do."<br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-84061138530975262792018-06-22T04:02:49.163-04:002018-06-22T04:02:49.163-04:00I am getting married in 1 month, and have a 14 mon...I am getting married in 1 month, and have a 14 month old daughter with my future husband. Tonight I found out he has been sexting other people our whole relationship. I have accused him in the past. He has never made me feel crazy but little things nagged at me. We had been talking about a threesome. I found evidence and he first tried to say he was just trying to find someone for us.The problem is most of the sexting has been with drag queens. I am so hurt by the lying. I dont care who it was. He says he was embarrassed to tell me. I dont know what to do. I dont know if I want to stay with him just because I want to be married. Or if maybe I should try to work though this. I love him so much. He is an amazing father and has always been amazing to me while dealing with my depression. I feel I cant cancel our wedding as it is a destination wedding and people have paid so much. I cant talk to anyone because I dont want to change their opinions of him especially if we stay together. How do you fix the trust?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5846616262163896202018-05-28T12:18:26.036-04:002018-05-28T12:18:26.036-04:00Betrayal is excruciating but it can sometimes shak...Betrayal is excruciating but it can sometimes shake us out of wherever we are. Sometimes it forces our hand. Sounds like time to consider whether you two want to recommit to your relationship or take some time apart. The status quo of just carrying on is over... I know it hurts, Anonymous. But what is your gut saying?Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-50414846415732427072018-05-26T22:00:16.289-04:002018-05-26T22:00:16.289-04:002 months ago my husband sent me a text by mistake ...2 months ago my husband sent me a text by mistake that was meant for another woman. We've been married a very long time with 4 adult children. We have a troubled marriage and we had both seen attorneys but hadn't informed each other of that. I thought I wouldn't care but I do. He calls it a friendship & doesn't want to end it. But he is unsure of where we stand and I am more confused that ever as I believe he is too. We are talking & somewhat rediscovering our relationship. As bad as our marriage was I trusted him. Betrayal is one of the worst kinds of pain. It started as an emotional affair for a year that then turned physical last September. I feel so much pain like so many others here. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43969769482489779762018-04-16T09:30:37.100-04:002018-04-16T09:30:37.100-04:00I'm so sorry for the pain you're in. Every...I'm so sorry for the pain you're in. Everyone here know how devastating betrayal is. But we also know that, yes, it does get better. It takes a lot of time and lot of work. And it certainly helps if you have a remorseful spouse who takes full responsibility for the choices he made. But YOU will heal from this. Keep reading. Tell your story when you're ready. And trust that there's wisdom and support and compassion on this site that will light your way forward. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-4938450978783105952018-04-16T00:24:30.781-04:002018-04-16T00:24:30.781-04:00Im glad to have found this site and people who can...Im glad to have found this site and people who can understand what I am going through. My husband cheated on me through social media, dating sites, live web cam sites, and porn sites. I am heartbroken. Please someone let me know it can get better. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-54346218839947260402018-03-07T21:58:18.470-05:002018-03-07T21:58:18.470-05:00Trying wife,
I'm so sorry for what you're ...Trying wife,<br />I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You can't "fix" a marriage with someone who is excusing his behaviour by blaming you. If oral sex is that important to him, then perhaps it's something you can work through in therapy. But it sounds as though he's simply making excuses for his behaviour. What do you get out of this relationship that has kept you for eight years with someone who is unfaithful to you and not making any indication that he plans to change? I would urge you to seek counselling for yourself to figure out why you're settling for crumbs. You deserve better than this.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-49919151123740742252018-03-07T21:42:26.132-05:002018-03-07T21:42:26.132-05:00Hi I never thought I would be posting anything lik...Hi I never thought I would be posting anything like this to try and find out what to do. I have been very married for almost 8yrs I been knowing my husband been having affairs. He told me that this last time was when I was working and it's because I don't give him head often. I'm the only one who is working at this time. And I just don't understand. I love him. I don't want to leave him how can I save my extremely broken marriageTrying wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18366217978527704090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-65621328913426472922018-03-05T13:58:11.973-05:002018-03-05T13:58:11.973-05:00Hello, I am a man, a husband, and I was unfaithful...Hello, I am a man, a husband, and I was unfaithful. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-90925507187237046442018-01-19T09:08:27.791-05:002018-01-19T09:08:27.791-05:00Tammy,
I'm so sorry for what you're going ...Tammy,<br />I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Everyone here knows the pain you're in and how alone you feel. And on top the excruciating pain of betrayal, you're recovering from brain surgery. You are incredibly strong, though I know you don't feel it right now.<br />I'm curious what your counsellor says about his anger and reluctance to tell you where he's been? It's perfectly natural, in the wake of betrayal, for you to need reassurance that he is where he says he is, that he's doing what he says he's doing, that he's not lying or cheating again. And the way we rebuild trust is by seeking out that reassurance and, sometimes, checking that what our husbands are telling us is true.<br />It takes two people to rebuild a marriage. What your husband is asking you to do is to give him a second chance. Why would you do that if he's not willing to do EVERYTHING he can to show that he deserves that second chance? He's giving you NO good reason to stay and plenty of reasons to leave. <br />So that's where I would start. I would make it clear that if he wants you to stay and rebuild a marriage then here are the rules. They start with Absolutely NO Contact with the Other Woman. And then, it's about transparency. You deserve access to his phone, his computer, etc. And he needs to commit to answering all your questions, no matter how intrusive he thinks they are, and to helping you slowly regain your trust in him.<br />Cheating on you at all, but especially after you've undergone serious surgery, was a devastating choice on his part. He needs to SHOW you that he will never do that to you again and do everything he can to show you that you are safe with him. If he can't do that, Tammy, then I honestly don't know how your marriage will ever feel safe for you again. <br />Please continue to post on this site. You're far more likely to get responses if you comment beneath the newer blog posts. But there's a ton of information on this site and an incredible community of wise, warm and wonderful women who will support you and guide you through.<br />Tammy, you didn't deserve any of this. And I'm so sorry for what you're going through. But you get to decide now what you're going to do going forward. You should not have to hold your feelings in. They are perfectly legitimate and deserve expression. The only way to process pain is to work through it. Please also get yourself an individual counsellor who can help you through this. You deserve support. You deserve kindness. You deserve respect. Give it to yourself. <br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-52075599008949920992018-01-18T11:58:10.451-05:002018-01-18T11:58:10.451-05:00Found out a couple months ago my husband of only 3...Found out a couple months ago my husband of only 3 and 1/2 years cheated with a Mutual friend . Going to councling and we’re still together but it’s hard , when I ask him were he has been or what he has been doing he gets angry , guess he thinks I should be over it , I hold it in and try to smile , but I’m hurt and destroyed inside . I don’t no what to do any more . I cry all the time , and on top of that I found out three weeks after brain surgery . So I’m going threw so much right now and no one to talk to Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12334318245257237356noreply@blogger.com