tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post9170194300459800466..comments2024-03-17T12:13:33.772-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Obsessed with the Other WomanEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger193125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-42934827617712146702020-10-22T01:51:09.166-04:002020-10-22T01:51:09.166-04:00It's a relief to see I'm not the only pers...It's a relief to see I'm not the only person who is obsessing over the OW. However in my case it's been 2 years since I found out. At the time we were engaged, we tried working through his cheating and eventually we did get married. He has been a great husband and constantly tries to show his commitment to us and our marriage. But I still have so much anger towards the OW and I think it's because I believe she had a part to play in causing so much hurt and yet she got to move on living her great life as if she never did anything wrong. It's hard for me to ignore her exsistance when ever so often I go on social media or turn on the TV or maybe attend an event and she will be who I see, as she is a musical performer who is involved in many organisations which makes her a public figure. Are there no consequences in life for causing so much pain to someone else? Most days I manage my anger towards her but when I see her I do get triggered again. How do I avoid this continuously happening even after all this time?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-44209623071452965822020-09-22T07:35:13.461-04:002020-09-22T07:35:13.461-04:00Elle you are right! Im jumping out of the swamp wi...Elle you are right! Im jumping out of the swamp with them and cleaning myself off. I'm not rolling around in the mud with those pigs again, they wont get the satisfaction. In not at 100% I still have my bad days.I still have my crying spells or think of reasons to call but I push through. I've been ignoring his I'm sorrys, can we talks, because the way I see it, he wants to talk and apologize now because its trouble in paradise or he sees that I've stop chasing and I'm moving on without him. Either way no one has ever hurt me so bad in my life without any empathy or concern for my heart. You are helping so many people at a very low point in their lives. Your advice and response has me feeling like a warrior goddess! I am going to get through this one day at a time. Thank You🌻Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16110978005905454944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-9145796934315951772020-09-21T11:03:47.531-04:002020-09-21T11:03:47.531-04:00"My goal is to pamper me and go to counseling..."My goal is to pamper me and go to counseling. It might be wrong but I have to block him completely from my life for a while." You, my dear, are a total goddess. You are resourceful (yay for the yard sale!!) and determined. You are going to be fine. Your babies will be fine. You know what's getting the way of you being fine? This dickwad and his toxic girlfriend. That's what's. And you know what's going to happen? You're going to focus on you and getting yourself healthy and ready to have a baby and a great life and he's going to see that and panic and realize he made a BIG mistake and he's going to run back to you full of promises of roses and champagne and YOU, my dear, are going to remind yourself that he's a liar and a cheat and that very little in his past makes him look like a good bet for the future. And you will either insist that HE get counselling and get his shit together or you will move into your future without him. Either way, you win. But you won't win if you don't prioritize your own health and well-being. You won't win if you continue to give these people your time and energy and heart. They don't deserve it. <br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-22154912835630655722020-09-21T08:41:26.597-04:002020-09-21T08:41:26.597-04:00Elle Thank you for the response and encouragement....Elle Thank you for the response and encouragement. The car is in my name but he has it. I've started looking for a lawyer and the weird part is I feel bad that its come to lawyers and courts. I haven't called her in two days and blocked her number but I still think about calling. Yesterday he popped up at the house begging me to talk I guess the money is running low and the fun is dying down. When he answered her phone he told me don't call him and don't call her and if I did he would get the law involved, now he's begging to talk. The past two days I stopped calling him and her, so now he's been calling but didn't bother to call for 3 weeks. He's called the last two days from a restricted number because I blocked him too. I felt like dirt, unlovable like something was wrong with me. I never felt so low. I wasn't eating or sleeping for a week straight while she taunted and laughed and he hung up in my face and cursed me out for calling her. We haven't discussed visitation yet I was gonna do it in court because I can't deal with him right now. I filed for separation and the next day he took her with him to the courthouse responded and turned in the summons. I wonder if he ever loved me. I started focusing on my kids and when he and OW pops up in my head I say out loud "fuck them" then keep moving. I started cleaning clutter out of the house, did a yard sale Saturday and made $300. I stopped taking care of myself. My hair is literally matted on top of my head, chipped nails and pajamas all day. My goal is to pamper me and go to counseling. It might be wrong but I have to block him completely from my life for a while. I can't stop thinking that I have to deliver my baby alone, Dr. appointments alone and raise my kids alone. I thought this was it I thought he was the one. My life is turned upside down and I'm fighting to get through everyday.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16110978005905454944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-86900197138059679802020-09-20T11:12:31.533-04:002020-09-20T11:12:31.533-04:00Oh sweetheart, I am so so sorry for the pain you&#...Oh sweetheart, I am so so sorry for the pain you're in. It is LONG past time to cut this guy out of your life and to begin healing yourself. They are ABUSIVE. They are toxic horrible people and you need to cut them out like a cancer. No surprise that his mother is horrible too.<br />You have yourself, a baby and a soon-to-be baby that absolutely must be your priority. You must begin to take care of yourself. Stop talking to the Other Woman. Her primary goal is to hurt you so don't give her any access to you at all. Keep any conversation with him about seeing your one-year-old (ie. parenting stuff). Don't give him any access to your life or your feelings. Let it sink in for him that he is going to lose you because of his stupid-ass decisions. <br />Make absolutely sure that you are protected financially. You bought him a car? Is it in your name? If so, get it back. Sell it if necessary to pay for a good lawyer to ensure that you get what you are entitled to to care for your children. <br />This relationship is beyond unhealthy for you and your child. You cannot wish this guy into being a decent person. He's not. He's cruel. You deserve so much better than this. Make sure that you take care of yourself. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-53407784348698812652020-09-20T09:23:35.966-04:002020-09-20T09:23:35.966-04:00He left to supposedly go to a hotel because we had...He left to supposedly go to a hotel because we had a fight. We just found out that I'm pregnant. I found out that he was going to the hotel to be with her. He said that we should separate so I can fall in love with him again and he court me again. He stayed at the hotel for 3 weeks and is still there. I spoke to her they are going on dates, she laughed at how many times I called him and said she was there that night I constantly called 3am crying. She said he always picks her up in the car that I bought him as a gift and takes her to the hotel. They went out looking for a place while he told me he wanted to come home (but not just yet we needed "time") she said she would send me a video of them having sexual acts. That they were taking it slow and that he tells her he wants to be with her. He admitted to telling her he wants to be with her. He made me look like the worse thing that has ever happened to him and she had no problem spitting out the venomous things he said about me. This shook me to my core, knocked me off my square, I felt worthless. Now that I've filed legal separation, child support and alimony they claim that they didn't have sex and that they are friends, I guess to protect him in court. His mother treated me cold when I called her crying and said that I need to be a woman about it. He cheated on me the same way when I got pregnant with our first child and left for two weeks. He blames me for him leaving one minute then says things like do you want your family or not. The OW taunts me, calls me desperate, laughs at me and tells me he doesn't want me he wants her. One day she called me I called her back he picked up her phone and told me he doesn't want me he wants her, then later says he said that to make me mad. He shows no remorse for the first time or this time. He says it is what it is and I'm living in the past from the first time that he left and cheated. They are coworkers I started to go after them and make both of them lose their job. I want to go after her I want to physically hurt them both. I dwell on the fact that I'm pregnant(yes a blessing)while they live this fabulous bachelor and bachelorette dating courting life. I got so upset the other day that my stomach hurt all day. I thought about not keeping the baby we have a 1 year old now. He left me with a empty bank account, mortgage, bills responsibilities. I had to close my daycare business due to Covid 19. I'm TRYING to survive, While he thinks he's on vacation having a great old time falling for someone and think I'll let him back like I did the last time. I know I can't be with him he lied to the marriage counselor constantly, lies to me constantly,and shows no decency to me. I know he'll try to come back when the fun is gone but I will put me and my kids first and be strong this time. It hurts like hell! pure agony. I signed up for counseling for me, I'm journaling praying and loving my kids. I cant wait until the pain is not so bad, this hurts so bad!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16110978005905454944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13799187642155948242020-05-27T11:43:20.518-04:002020-05-27T11:43:20.518-04:00I’ve sent her abusive messages in the past, as wel...I’ve sent her abusive messages in the past, as well as a nice one where I put my heart on the line and opened up about how jealous I was of her, all in the hopes she would apologise. But not once has she said sorry. She claims I don’t know what went on and that she owes me nothing but that she never meant to come between us and my partner was always going to choose me (so she clearly considered herself an option). The last time I messaged her she told me she’s in a relationship and happy and not to contact her again. Well I then discovered she actually got with her boyfriend a few weeks before the whole saga so that then made me obsessed with telling her boyfriend she cheated on him at the start of their relationship. BTW I didn’t because I didn’t want her to know I still think about her 9 months later and I’m also scared of the impact it will have on my relationship now we’re getting through the other side.<br /><br />How is it that I feel so content in my relationship yet still have so much hatred towards her?<br /><br />I also have suspicions that something physical did happen even though they both deny it. I chose to accept what I think is the truth and stay with my partner anyway, but I am so scared it’s going to come out later down the line that they slept together and I’m going to feel betrayed all over again. My partner seems genuine when he says nothing happened, not even a kiss, and I even said to him that if he told me now I’d forgive him but if it comes out at a later date we’ll be over for good. He still insists that he never would have been able to cross that line, that he only ever said things that he never should have due to very confused feelings. How can I let go of these suspicions? A part of me wants to get to the bottom of the truth, but what if he is telling me the truth but i just don’t believe him because of the lack of trust I now have?<br /><br />Thank you for reading to the end! It’s been somewhat cathartic! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-60532360789323345422020-05-27T11:42:41.212-04:002020-05-27T11:42:41.212-04:00(2/2) In August we went on a night out and had a b...(2/2) In August we went on a night out and had a brilliant night. We get home and he passes out. His phone was just sat there and I couldn’t help myself so looked again. That was when I found out. <br /><br />There were weeks of messages of him saying he loved her, to give him time to sort the situation with me and then they could be together and lots of other messages where he genuinely seemed to love her, at a time when it seriously felt like he no longer loved me. As soon as I confronted him with the evidence he broke down and admitted everything. He says he doesn’t even understand his feelings at the time, that it felt like a completely different person. He was convinced he was worthless and that he was no good for me and had begun to confide in this girl when they had drinks after work. She had shown him so much support and encouragement but was also brutally honest that he had treated me like shit with the money lies and drug taking and that honesty is what he needed at the time - it felt like I was just saying what he wanted to hear when he almost needed someone to tell him to sort himself out and stop all the hillsbor, which she did. He says he never really loved her, he was just so lost and they were confused feelings. He knew he loved me but was trying so hard to push me away and block his feelings for me because he wanted me to move on, but at the same time was desperate for the love and affection that he ended up projecting those feelings he wanted with me onto her because she was there. He saw her as a way out, a potential relationship in which he had caused no previous hurt. Apparently she always encouraged him to fight for me, but she isn’t as innocent as he makes out as when she found out we were still seeing each other multiple times a week and trying to make a go of things she was furious with him in the messages (he says this isn’t because we were together and she was jealous but was angry at the fact he’d made out we weren’t going to get past our problems and that he wanted to be with her).<br /><br />His guilt and remorse at what had happened was clear from the moment he admitted everything and I think the truth being out was actually a relief. I of course asked why he lied when I found the initial messages and he says that we were finally getting through our problems and he was starting to feel more positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel, so didn’t want to push us back by admitting something that had happened months previously and was no longer an issue - I believe this was a genuine reason in his head and he was trying to protect me, not just an excuse because he got caught out.<br /><br />It took a long time and even now I sometimes need to hear his reasoning, but we are now through the other side of this and our relationship is stronger than ever. He has done every single thing I’ve asked of him to help me move past this and goes above and beyond to show me how much he loves me and how important our future is to him.<br /><br />However, the obsession with the OW is still very much there. I check her social media daily in the hopes I’ll find some ammunition to inflict the same hurt and pain on her that she caused me. I am fully aware my partner is the one that pushed it, but in multiple messages she told him she doesn’t believe we’re over yet still admitted her feelings towards him, then even after seeing me picking him up from work which confirmed we were trying to work things out she was still telling him she has feelings for him. I feel like she took advantage of his head space and the problems in our relationship to try and get what she wanted and didn’t care if I got hurt in the process. <br /><br />Sorry I’m going to need a third comment haha!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-89708460566310409882020-05-27T11:40:50.828-04:002020-05-27T11:40:50.828-04:00(1/2) I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one obs...(1/2) I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one obsessing. <br /><br />It’s 9 months since D-Day now and although my fiancé and I are the strongest we’ve been in years, I still feel so incredibly sad that our relationship got to the low point it did and that he hurt me the way he did. <br /><br />I know so many partners sound like they’re full of excuses, but I chose to forgive mine because I genuinely believe he never intended on hurting me the way he did. It’s so nice having a group of women who have experienced the same thing but will hold no judgement in the fact I’ve given him a second chance, so I’ll give you all the full story (because I think it’s also part of the healing process for me to write it down and get it all out).<br /><br />My partner and I have been together for 6 years, engaged for 3. Not long after we got engaged my partner began to spiral into severe depression, which caused him to make stupid financial mistakes that he’d lie to me about, which would then make him feel guilty and then the depression worse. Fast forward a couple of years and things had gone from bad to worse with him being screwed over by his business partner when he left the company they ran together, us ending up in debt because of his work situation and just everything going totally wrong. To make things worse, my partner was doing a lot of cocaine. At the time I didn’t see it for what it was, that he was depressed and was self medicating and I was just putting it down to him becoming a total slob (the complete opposite to the tenacious, ambitious man I met). I ended up being pretty resentful and said some awful things.<br /><br />Anyway, he managed to get work in our local pub in the February, then after a work trip in the April I came home to him saying that we need to break up because I deserve better and that he’s not the person I met anymore. The contract was up on our rental flat and we’d arranged to move into his parents to save for a mortgage, but instead I ended up moving back with my family. I convinced him to give us a try and assured him the horrible things I’d said (such as that I’d be better off without him) were said out of anger and that I loved him and knew he would find his way again.<br /><br />After I moved home his depression got worse and he pushed me further and further away. I had a hunch, a real gut instinct that there was more to the situation but he assured me it was nothing more than him feeling lost and adamant that I should get on with my life. <br /><br />Gradually things started to improve And he opened up to me more. He admitted he had become suicidal and that during the work trip he had nearly overdosed from a drug binge and that was why he had wanted to break up, because he had scared himself I would come home one day to find him dead. That conversation and the ones that followed helped us to begin to rebuild our relationship, but something in the back of my head was still niggling.<br /><br /> In the July, my curiosity got the better of me and I looked at his phone. I found messages from a girl he worked with at the pub saying how genuinely happy for him she was, with him going on to say that he believes there are still feelings there but that they need to move past them and her saying that it never would have worked. I confronted him immediately and for the next 2 months he reassured me I had got the wrong end of the stick, that the feelings he was referring to were negative ones which had come about from them falling out over a job position they’d both gone for and that their managers suggestion of them both taking on the position never would have worked because of their different ways of working. There had apparently been much tension between them and she had made a comment about him taking out his personal problems on colleagues just because his fiancé left him. That was why she was happy to see us back on track because she hadn’t meant what she said. However, I didn’t buy the story and my gut told me I was right - something had happened between them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-91429588144392216222018-04-17T14:03:53.693-04:002018-04-17T14:03:53.693-04:00Have you spoken with the police about this? I freq...Have you spoken with the police about this? I frequently hear about restraining orders being taken out against OW who become obsessed (and vice versa). I would start by taking all your evidence of her harassment to the police. Twenty-two years is beyond obsessed.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-69836223023497265232018-04-17T13:07:53.949-04:002018-04-17T13:07:53.949-04:00What about when its not you its her obsessed with ...What about when its not you its her obsessed with stalking catfishing stealing fraudly putting hubby on her child birth certificate as his dad even though dna says it isnt ..she didnt change it.She had her keep saying it was her dad.She tried for 22 years to harass stalking and try to split us up because she is obsessed.She pretended to be a cousin of mibe in text for a yr and a half.She pretended to be a guy to get me to talk to her so she could tell my husband to check on me to make it look like i cheated.Cause she is vindictive.She has pictures of my family half my naked butt on her families profiles they wont delete.we are trying to move on he cut all ties yet she persists.She even got spam and signed me up for everything she could.Please helpAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-86603721142739519492018-02-28T20:13:57.931-05:002018-02-28T20:13:57.931-05:00Anonymous
She should be completely blocked from an...Anonymous<br />She should be completely blocked from any/all devices/communication. And your husband should give you access to everything. <br />She is poison...don't take it. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-59044929414343371792018-02-28T15:36:59.292-05:002018-02-28T15:36:59.292-05:00Thank you for all you comments. I am sorry that so...Thank you for all you comments. I am sorry that so many of us are dealing with the same/similar issue. It has been 8 months since the reality of the affair was finally revealed. I am obsessed with the OW and revenge and what a manipulative cow she is. My husband and I have been to counselling and are trying to work things out. She is still sending random texts and phone calls. I hate her. I don't know who to believe anymore. It is crazy making stuff. I am trying to decide whether my marriage is salvageable or not...at 53. Broken hearted and losing my mind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-858785175693840282018-02-06T14:44:09.376-05:002018-02-06T14:44:09.376-05:00The OW was a whackadoodle. She wrote to me on FB s...The OW was a whackadoodle. She wrote to me on FB spilling the tawdry details about their affair, ie.. what day they had sex, where they did it etc. She and her family and friends stalk me where I worked and threatened to kill me on the phone in a whisper. I confronted her on the phone and she of course, denied she did it. Now I want to know where she is and where she works. I'm not a vengeful person, I just want to make sure the OW or her family and friends aren't around me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-57960432746412512442017-11-02T08:44:59.584-04:002017-11-02T08:44:59.584-04:00You nailed girl, you really did, i was reading all...You nailed girl, you really did, i was reading all the above messages and wondering, why does he get the pass, he literally persued the other woman, while he knew he was married. Like seriously it defeats me, like 100.thats why they freaking cheat, because you obsess about the other woman and he doesnt suffer for what he did, a pass to the the 2nd other woman he will cheat on you with, and there you go again wanting to kill someone else,please please you either accept that your husband is a cheat n chill, or wake up and move on, your not a tree. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-29693554201428679262017-11-02T05:59:00.259-04:002017-11-02T05:59:00.259-04:00But why do we obsess about the OW, while the H kne...But why do we obsess about the OW, while the H knew he was a married man? Why do we pacify the man, and quickly forgive him, when he is the very reason we arw going though this. As far as am concerned how do i know what he was telling her for her to stay? Where is the real problem girls. Lets be honest with ourselves He cheated, he lied , he betrayed. The obsession i think is an insecurity but we must face the truth as much as it hurts.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-85844544029198890792017-11-02T05:45:32.449-04:002017-11-02T05:45:32.449-04:00Hummh! For the longest i obsessed about the OW, bu...Hummh! For the longest i obsessed about the OW, but after a while i figured she existed because my H wanted it that way,he knew he was married he took vows with me, why then did he decide to sabotage all that, my obsession shifted towards my husband, after all the OW didnt know me, she didnt care, what did he tell her to convince her to stay , but my H knew me, shared a life with me and the kids, he was the one supposed to care. So i learnt something. Why does the H cheat and get a free pass, why does he get pacified, while he is the one who stepped out, why want to kill or obsess over someone you dont know, he ruined my life she didnt.To move foward i had to forgive the OW and go through counselling and years of figuring out what went wrong, the problem is not whats outside but really whats within.Sandyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04278417165228961206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79863499280221009432017-04-06T21:05:16.298-04:002017-04-06T21:05:16.298-04:00Anonymous, Let's start by reassuring you that ...Anonymous, Let's start by reassuring you that TONS of us become obsessed with the OW, at least at first. There are a lot of reasons, most of them unhealthy. We think she has something we don't, that if we can figure out what it was about her, she'll lose her power. Or we hope that she's kinda ugly or stupid and that we can feel superior to her. Or we fear that there's still something going on and that by stalking her we can keep tabs on our spouses.<br />Ultimately though, we come to realize that the OW could have been anyone. All she brought to the table was a willingness to make herself available. That's it. To disrespect herself enough to accept crumbs from a man who had publicly committed himself to another woman, who had promised not to cheat. That's who she is.<br />In other words, she's not you. She's not loyal. She has the scruples of an alley cat. She has low self-esteem. And, believe it or not, she's likely obsessed with you and what YOU have that she doesn't.<br />The best thing you can do for yourself and your marriage is to see her as nothing more than a symptom of your husband's issues. To see her as a cancerous tumour infecting your marriage. Cut her out. Try not to give her a second thought. Refuse to let yourself stalk her social media. Do not call her. Do not reach out to her in any way. She wants to hurt you. Don't let her.<br />Spend your time and energy on you. On your healing. The day will come when you can hardly remember this woman (believe it or not, a month or so ago, I was talking to a friend who knows about my husband's cheating and I could NOT remember the OW's name. Wow, huh?).<br />Seek help from a therapist, too. You need support as you're healing from this. Someone who's entirely in your corner. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79113432114115546912017-04-06T15:17:04.984-04:002017-04-06T15:17:04.984-04:00I am obsessing over the OW. My husband had an affa...I am obsessing over the OW. My husband had an affair with her for 7 years and had sex 1 time. I'm trying to figure out why she felt so comfortable. flying from Virginia to California just to be with a married man. She knew he was married and had kids too. I know where she lives what she does. I even know her number by heart and it's really nerve racking. My husband is all about getting us back on track. We have been to marriage counseling and we have spoken with our Pastor. Now I need to get my own counseling to vent. Because I'm finding myself obsessing with these crazy thoughts. HELP ME!! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-54551320624619258762016-12-24T11:20:53.821-05:002016-12-24T11:20:53.821-05:00have been married and now single . because I won’t...have been married and now single . because I won’t put up with none of the things all of you married woman put up with stop using the kids as a excuse . you are scared to start over again so u constantly manipulate and scare your husbands into staying with u instead of letting him go ,and be happy your missing the whole deal about life. your here to help and have forgiveness in your heart. with out that your as guilty as the other woman stop pointing fingers so what u are married what do u think divorces are for you love many times in this life. you can’t make someone love u. if the man stays because of your demanding ways he will just die a very unhappy man. the problem is with us married woman u can’t understand that he fell in love again . we come from a legacy of woman Moses was born from a mistress believe me been their done that I was cheated on the man really do fall in love all over again. this is something a married woman will never except , and this is why the other woman have to take the blame from these type of married bitter wife’s once a cheater is always a cheater . he may not do it with that woman again but it will be another yes it is disgusting. remember it is always a better man always the ow is usually a lonely chic who is just looking for love . a lot of times a married man will pursue that Lonley woman into a relationship it’s not that they take your husband. they been manipulated in to the relationship and a lot of times the man don’t say he’s married, also the married man will tell the wife about his new woman cause that’s what she is the problem is the wife don’t want to except that it’s over don’t think for 1 minute after u have caught them that it stopped they will find a way to contact each other because the married man has fallen in love all over again . why would u think it’s a fantasy that’s taking the easy way out to think that , cheaters are cowards u will never know deep down inside how that man really feels about the new person . a lot of times when a married man can’t be with the new love 1 part of them die inside sorry toI say this but this is the reality truth their are all type of affairs. U just have to know which one your dealing with . i was a wife and I got out get out why u have a chance. u do not want to catch aides or h.i.v all because u have kids and don’t want to start over don’t forget wife’s we are in a different time now u will love again. if you only understood how beautiful it feels to love again after being hurt so bad, we are humans and God understands us all be strong u never know how strong u really are until u start all over again. God blesses the brokenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5670543056048263342016-12-16T10:19:43.845-05:002016-12-16T10:19:43.845-05:00Anonymous,
It sounds as if you're doing everyt...Anonymous,<br />It sounds as if you're doing everything you can to heal. EMDR was wonderful for me. It sometimes didn't seem like it was working -- it seems a little voo-doo-ish to me. But then, like magic, so much of the old pain was gone, replaced with...peace.<br />I hope you'll get there. I think you're right that being able to feel even a bit of pity for the OW is a start. It allows you to regain perspective that she's just a messed up woman, not some omnipotent being with control over your happiness. <br />I'm glad you're here. And wish you continued healing.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-50639205269464083162016-12-16T00:35:08.125-05:002016-12-16T00:35:08.125-05:00Thankyou I have read many of your posts and commen...Thankyou I have read many of your posts and comments. I am 7 months since our d day and my obsessive thoughts about ow are less now that they were a few months ago. I have had heaps of therapy and currently doing emdr for trauma as my psyc believes trauma is interfering with my brains ability to recover hence the obsessive thoughts and anxiety. The ow was a friend and her children are in the same school as mine and we have many many mutual friends. So despite blocking her on social media I still have to face her / reminders of her daily. <br />My husband and I are going really strong and I am so happy with our relationship and how our family is healing. I just wish I could eliminate her from my mind :( I hate thinking about her, it's like torment! But also glad and hopeful that it is getting better and that may be one day I won't think of her anymore.<br />I'm still in a bit of shock I think about the whole 'how could a woman friend do something like this .. ' it's just so horrible. <br />I love your reference to the karma bus. Hers has come in many ways greater than anything I could have ever done had I ever tried to take revenge and it makes me feel sorry for her which I know is a good step towards me moving on.<br /><br />Thankyou again for this blog and a space for women to read and be supported by each others stories of recovery xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-1688099058896566312016-11-18T07:57:27.270-05:002016-11-18T07:57:27.270-05:00What I want is for my kids to grow up in a home wi...What I want is for my kids to grow up in a home with both of their parents married together. I have completely separated from his family. CS has not. I asked him the questions last night he said that they had a sexting relationship for about a year. He took a day off work to drive up there and have sex with OW. There was one other occasion that they had an opportunity to have sex but CA couldn't get it up because he "felt so guilty". Then he broke it off. CS insists he hasn't had any contact with OW in 11 years. But the cousin said that CS propositioned OW again after they divorced in 2010. Are there women on here who stayed after divorce and were able to have a normal sexual relationship with their CS after they found out about the affair? I want to stay married but I don't know if I can ever have sex with him again without thinking of the two of them together. I am in counseling. Nothing is helping me stop thinking about them. Browneyedgirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-27884388499762982062016-11-17T10:03:33.599-05:002016-11-17T10:03:33.599-05:00Browneyedgirl, I'm so sorry for not only what ...Browneyedgirl, I'm so sorry for not only what your husband did but what his family is doing. They are sick nasty people and I hope you can see that their behaviour has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their insanity.<br />It's only been a week and it will be a while before you feel on solid ground. What do YOU want to do? It's hard to know for sure but do you think you want to separate? Go to the counsellor? This is the time for you to put down some really clear boundaries and, for a start, I would insist that his family stay out of your lives right now until they can show that they deserve to be in them. Nobody should have to put up with such cruelty, let alone the innocent victim in all of this. <br />There's a lot on this site about dealing with the discovery of an affair but start by setting your ground rules. He should have no contact with this person at all. Again, I would insist on no contact with his family for the time being. I would insist that he get counselling for himself to figure out how he let himself cheat and what he's been unable to tell you the truth for so long. He needs to truly acknowledge the pain he's caused.<br />In the meantime, I would encourage you to find a counsellor for yourself. You're going to need support going through this, someone to remind you that will survive and to get clear on what you want going forward. Believe it or not, you'll get through this. But it's a long tough road and you need support. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to cry and rage and do whatever you need. Find time away from your kids to do the things you need for yourself -- exercise, friends, hobbies. And see if you can try some behaviour modification techniques to stop thinking about the two of them. Imagine a huge stop sign any time you begin thinking that way. Or put an elastic band around your wrist and give it a snap any time you start the mind movies (Google Mind Movies on this site and you'll find some more tips).<br />Hang in there, Browneyedgirl. You did nothing to deserve this. And you'll heal from this. But you need to get away from this toxic family. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-18962074497039970932016-11-16T20:37:01.441-05:002016-11-16T20:37:01.441-05:00One week since D day. I can not get thoughts of t...One week since D day. I can not get thoughts of them out of my head. It happened 11 years ago and I just found out. I thought we were happy. I was pregnant with our second child. He had sex WITH HIS COUSINS WIFE. We live 2.5 hours away from them. I can not figure out how they managed to even be in the same physical location. I think his mother helped facilitate the affair. Her husband divorced her over it. I was the only fool who didn't know. His whole family knows and they have "de-friended" ME on social media. Called me a "f'ing idiot" and "sick of me calling myself a Christian" They still speak to CS. So messed up. Sounds like a soap opera. He made apt for us to go to counseling and insists he is committed to me. I want her to not ever sleep well again. I want the guilt to consume her life. I can't make my mind stop thinking about him having sex with her.browneyedgirlnoreply@blogger.com