And then – eureka – I remembered one of my favorite books: Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by the inimitable Amy Krouse Rosenthal, who devastated so many of us when she passed away recently. Amy and I shared a literary agent, which felt, to me, like a brush with greatness. But more than that, I loved Amy's approach to writing about her life in all its messy, joyful, fearful glory. And so I took that approach to create Encyclopedia for the Betrayed: Your Essential A - Z Guide for Anyone Who's Ever Been Lied To, Cheated On and Left for Dead.
It felt like magic. The words poured out of me as if I'd turned on a tap. I added some reworked passages from the site. I included advice offered up by many of you, for which I'm so grateful, such as Iris, StillStanding1, Steam, Phoenix.... And then, I edited. And edited. And edited.
This book reflects all that this site is and all that everyone here is: Compassionate. Wise. Supportive. Funny.
I self-published because, as my agent told me, traditional publishers wouldn't agree to let me write under a pseudonym (mostly because I can't then promote the book, which will, of course, affect sales).
And that's where you all come in, I hope.
I am incredibly proud of this book. I believe it holds everything women need to begin to heal from a partner's affair. But it's weird to have this book I'm so proud of but that I cannot shout about from the rooftops. I'm hoping some of you will do the shouting for me.
It's available both an as e-book or in print. The cover is beautiful and reflects the hope and humour that's on every page. If you order it (and I hope you will), please then write a review so that other betrayed wives can find the book too. As we all know, there are too many of us secret sisters suffering in silence and obscurity. This book is their handbook of hope and healing. I would be so grateful for you if you help light the way.
Elle I want a copy .. but I want a signed Copy from you at the retreat : ) .. my own special copy from the woman herself.. how great will that be . You deserve this moment more than anyone I know, the time and effort you put into this site to us on a daily basis is commendable .. I’m proud as punch for you, your husband, children, your father and your late mother. Sending the biggest hug to you my lovely friend.. xxxx
ReplyDeleteThank-you...and absolutely re. the signed copy!
DeleteP.s you might not be able to shout it from the rooftops Elle, but I certainly will.. I shout about this website all the time..very well done!!! Xx
ReplyDeletePlease do. The way Amazon works is that the more reviews, the more often the book will show up when people search for books about infidelity.
DeleteI've read it and loved it! I wish I'd had it on D day. As for the reviews on Amazon, that's the least we can do! Thanks so much for writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ann!
DeleteI am in tears with happiness!
ReplyDeleteThank you Elle (and you ALL) so much for your dedication and support over the last year and a half of this traumatic journey I never wanted to be on. I really would not be where I am without you all.
I will absolutely buy this book and will also promote it on my own blog https://sexaddictionrecovery820271549.wordpress.com/
CONGTRATS ELLE!
Just posted on your site. Thank-you SO MUCH for doing that. And hey -- if you want to do a Q and A or something there, I'm happy to oblige.
DeleteGetting mine delivered on Sunday. Thank you Elle
ReplyDeleteYay! I really appreciate the support.
DeleteCongratulations! I can’t wait to read it! Thank you for being so selfless!
ReplyDeleteI just ordered two!
Hey LilyLove,
DeleteThanks so much. Looking forward to meeting you at the retreat!
Congratulations Elle! I am so anxious to read it, too! This blog has helpful me tremendously, as I am struggling with a husband who is a sex addict, but he is slowly recovering.
ReplyDeleteElle, ALL of your blogs have been so very helpful and supportive as I am navigating this horrific life. So many times I have come to this blog upset, distraught and hopeless, and your writings have always given me strength and courage to continue on.
I will definitely write a review and spread the word about your book.
Thank you, Elle, for caring so much for all of us betrayed women.
(PS - On one of your blogs you I commented about how I love cats like you do, and you wrote back a lovely comment about your love of cats and your “cat husband.” I treasure that exchange we had, it was so very kind and comforting of you to reach out to me.)
Janice,
DeleteYes, Emerson. My cat-husband. I just returned from a holiday and he slept on my pillow that night, purring and massaging my head. He's the best (and, as far as I know, has never cheated on me).
And thanks so much for your kind words re. this blog. I know how hellish it is to work through a marriage with a sex addict. I don't think you post often but I hope you'll keep us posted on how you're doing. As you noted, the women here are just so awesome. Cats rule!
I bought if from Amazon. I told my sister to buy it. I called my friends and told them to buy it. I gave you a five star and extensive review. All of us in the book was so special to me. You are really something. What would it take for you to do a book signing? I'm not familiar with how it works.
ReplyDeleteHey LLP,
DeleteYou are a force! I should hire you as my marketing person. Thank-you so much for that.
Re. book signing: Usually publishers or bookstores organize that. I could do a Skype chat with all your cheated-upon friends or some such. (God it makes me depressed to think there are so many cheated-on women.)
Congratulations Elle! Your blog has helped me so much and I am anxious to get your book. You have helped so many of us and I for one will always be grateful for your caring and for your blog.
ReplyDelete☺️
DeleteOh, Elle. I am so thrilled about this. I can’t wait to read it. And hell, yes, I will promote it. You and the women of this site have given me so much wisdom and comfort. And now....there will be many more touched and helped by your insight.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Elle. Very, very well done.
Hey Phoenix,
DeletePretty sure you're IN the book with your post about dealing with children of the affair. Have you found it yet?
Oh, wow. I started reading the excerpt (don’t worry, I promise I’m going to order it!). And I got to anti-versaries, and I realized - holy hell! Today is Dday!
ReplyDeleteThat’s right. It’s officially been 3 years since I found the texts that destroyed my life as I knew it.
Funny, it feels longer.
It would have hit me as some point today - but I’m glad it hit me while I was looking at Elle’s book.
I am surprisingly upbeat, and I’m going to resist thinking about the past today.
Yay! It happens. Time marches on. Which, I honestly believe, is the single most important message I hope women get when they come here: You will get through this. Yes, it hurts like hell right now but it will not always hurt like hell. Your tiger awaits, right Phoenix?
DeleteGreat work, Elle. I'll be ordering it! And I know a good Facebook page to promote it too.
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome. I would be so grateful for any promoting you can do. Happy to help in any way.
DeleteI will be ordering as soon as we get back from our Labor Day retreat on the lake! I’m glad that we have you Elle as well as each other!
ReplyDeleteThanks Theresa. Just back from my own Labor Day holiday.
DeleteOrdered this morning and I should have it in a week because I didn’t pay for rush shipping! I’m new to Amazon shopping!
DeleteIt is SUCH a fabulous book! I could not be more proud to call you wise ladies friends, and Elle, I'd use more words but I think your book says EVERYTHING. Thank you thank you!!
ReplyDeleteSteam, your support and friendship and wisdom (and humour!) is baked into the book. So grateful for your help.
DeleteGreat Job Elle! I will get the book as well and promote it! You are such a thoughtful person and your writing is so deep and inspiring. This site and you in particular have helped me immensely the past 8 months. I don’t know where I would be without you and this site and everyone on it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ann. I think this site is like the Good Witch in Wizard of Oz. The women who come here have everything they need inside them: the strength, the heart, the soul. They just need reminding that they deserve better, and that they will get through this. A roadmap and some girlfriends to help is a bonus!
DeleteJust purchased it. Your words have given me so much strength and comfort during the darkest hours. Thank you for this book and for this community. Renee
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear this. Honestly, reading this thread is making my heart swell. I know women come here but it's so heartwarming to hear how much (and how many) it has helped. That is EXACTLY why I created it. And exactly why I wrote the book to take it further and to more women -- and to have a literal resource manual to surviving this.
DeleteHi Elle, congratulations on the publication of your new book. I know it will be a source of strength and comfort to everyone who reads it, as this blog has been for me. I can’t wait to buy a copy, but as I’m in the U.K. it’s not available for me to buy. Are there plans to make it available to your sister warriors across the pond? Much love and best wishes, Sadie
ReplyDeleteYou should be able to get it on Amazon in the UK. If not, let me know and I'll see what's up.
DeleteThanks Elle and Sam, I’ve got it!xx
DeleteHi Sadie I’m sure it’s available on Amazon xx
ReplyDeleteI just recently found this blog. It’s very important that women know they’re not alone in this. D-Day, I love the connotations of this term. I’d love for this blog to continue to go on. I’m not the most comfortable in a setting which is women only because I’ve never been comfortable with myself as a woman. Too much viciousness as I grew up and continued as a young adult. But I cannot trust any man aside from my step dad, son, and uncle. AND you all have shown me very quickly what sisterhood is supposed to be. Thank you all for that. It’s greatky appreciated more than you know.
ReplyDeleteTashiak, Yes, this is exactly what the sisterhood should be. It is incredibly rare to have any of the nastiness that I've seen on other sites where women tell others how stupid they are to stay, or to reconcile, or to try again.
DeleteThe women here are exceedingly kind and supportive (and smart as hell).
Mine arrived and I can not wait to read it...
ReplyDeleteThank-you! Looking forward to your thoughts.
DeleteI need to buy this!! Thanks so much Elle! Been here for almost 3.5 years and you are my lifeline :)
ReplyDeleteHi Heartfelt, I'm glad you popped up to say 'hi'. Let me know what you think of the book when you read it. I'm really proud of it. What's weird is so few people in my real life know that I wrote it. When I get asked what I've been up to, I have to be all "oh, you know. Busy summer." And then wave it off. Wish I could shout about this book from the rooftops but I'm counting on you guys to do that for me -- even anonymously!
DeleteHi all! I'm still waiting for this new grandchild to be born otherwise I'd be booked for this retreat. My D-day was June 14, 2015 and one week later my first granddaughter was born. That was both the best and worst time of my life. I'm not sure I'd be here at all if it wasn't for that sweet little girl being born. I just fell in love with her and wanted to be here to watch her grow up. I was seriously suicidal for a long time but keeping her photo close to me and seeing her when I could just really acted as a "prevention" for me. Now, with granddaughter #2 due during this retreat, I can't help but think how far I've come thanks in large part to this blog, all you ladies and of course, Elle. My mentor, my secret sister, my friend. I live my life very differently now but sometimes it is just still hard. If you figure out how to make a connection with those of us out in the universe, please let me know. I would have loved to be there and meet/hug each and everyone of you.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Elle!! This is fantastic. I’m very happy this book is finally out in the world for all the women who needed. I know I am eternally grateful for you and this site and all the women here. Such a light in very dark days. I will buying a book!
ReplyDeleteLove and support sisters
Becky
Congratulations Elle!! This is fantastic. I’m very happy this book is finally out in the world for all the women who needed. I know I am eternally grateful for you and this site and all the women here. Such a light in very dark days. I will buying a book!
ReplyDeleteLove and support sisters
Becky