tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post1987106190348181467..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Love Requires More of Us Than Just Showing UpEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-75153957929453390632015-08-21T11:16:22.241-04:002015-08-21T11:16:22.241-04:00Great post. The one good thing to come out of this...Great post. The one good thing to come out of this whole stinking mess is that I am finally learning to love myself. I finally believe that I matter. I always tried to believe it before, I professed it, but my actions said something differently. I'm sad that it took my husband's cheating to get me to finally stand up and say, "What about me? I have needs, too! I count!" but at least I'm doing it now.Geenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-59141944685785366532015-04-04T08:17:42.115-04:002015-04-04T08:17:42.115-04:00Lynn Pain, thank you. Lynn Pain, thank you. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-28280114610755913892015-04-02T15:27:05.195-04:002015-04-02T15:27:05.195-04:00I personally think transparency is a requirement o...I personally think transparency is a requirement of reconciliation. If he won't be transparent and open with his communication, in light of his betrayal, then he's not willing to do the incredibly hard work of rebuilding trust. Trust is created when you are shown, repeatedly, that he is being honest. The only way to know that is to verify. His word, sadly, is no longer enough. That's something HE created, not you.<br />So...either he's committed and willing to make himself a bit uncomfortable in order to make you more comfortable. Or he's not. Your role in this is what you'll tolerate and what you won't. You can't make him be transparent. But you can refuse to reconcile with someone who won't be. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-24839275944104915312015-04-02T08:29:44.425-04:002015-04-02T08:29:44.425-04:00Dear Anonymous Above - a similar thing recently ha...Dear Anonymous Above - a similar thing recently happened to me whereby my husband was upset that I was checking his phone he apologized that same day and said he was just in a rough mood and that I am welcome to check his phone. Nonetheless, he too wonders how long it will go on - my checking. No one really likes their privacy to be taken away from them. The other thing that happened… Which is upsetting to me. We are having difficulties financially, so we decided to switch from AT&T to cricket. Now I found out that with our service on cricket I can no longer look at the phone numbers that were called and texted on his account or mine for that matter. I am two months post D-Day and actually I'm finding I'm possibly okay with not being able to check the numbers… I think partially because I had found myself perhaps to obsessed with it. And in some ways it's refreshing to not check. I guess my thought is no matter how much you check, if your husband wants to, he will have an affair. He will figure out a way. Having said that, I do believe that you have every right, at this time, to check his phone and the fact that he changed his password and is not being transparent with you, is simply wrong. Perhaps he does not recognize that your ability to check his phone at this time would help you to regain trust and to heal. I do hope you are in marriage counseling and if so, this could be a topic of discussion. Best wishes to you hugs hugs hugsMelissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625911085419338023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-91060267123921878662015-04-01T21:56:02.057-04:002015-04-01T21:56:02.057-04:00He wasn't so open with his phone immediately a...He wasn't so open with his phone immediately after d day & he now admits that it's because one of the women who was interested in him lately was still texting him. This was not an emotional or physical or sexting affair but he knew she was interested in him. She is a divorced mother who was a nurse at one of the hospitals where he works & obviously would flirt with him with texts & they would have fairly long phone conversations while he was driving from Hosp to Hosp. Right after d day I told him that kind of contact was unacceptable; that all contact like that was unacceptable because it could only lead to no good. He only complied over time, little by little. At this point he knows that he can NEVER have his own passwords but it wasn't easy. <br /><br />I would tell u that if he changed his passwords he is still hiding something. It may not be an affair or affair related ; it wasn't in my husband's case. But my husband was hiding something that he knew would upset me & that's where it starts. I told him if he's doing something he feels he has to hide than he shouldn't be doing it. <br /><br />You have to tell ur husband in response to his question how long the answer is forever. Easy for me to say when I didn't put my own foot down emphatically in the beginning. But my husband knows the sad truth that I will never fully trust him or anyone else for that matter again. My advice would be to discuss calmly & not berate or accuse him. But as Elle has said repeatedly people with nothing to hide hide nothing. My husband always had my passwords because I never had anything to hide. <br /><br />Good luck. <br /><br />SamAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74736863689872386522015-04-01T16:19:09.885-04:002015-04-01T16:19:09.885-04:00Thanks for your reply. Funny you mention the phon...Thanks for your reply. Funny you mention the phone. I admitted to my husband that I was checking his email and he got very upset with me. He said he is not doing anything wrong and how long will it be necessary for me to read his personal stuff. He got so angry that he changed his password on his tablet (the same tablet I found the emails on a year ago). I am not happy about this. I need to talk to him about this too. The last few days have not been good ones for me. My mind is going nonstop. I keep trying to stay focused, but it is so hard. What would you do if your husband was not so open with his phone? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-34737682867237002932015-04-01T10:32:52.402-04:002015-04-01T10:32:52.402-04:00To anonymous above:
U sound a lot like me. I occa...To anonymous above:<br /><br />U sound a lot like me. I occasionally am triggered also when my husband goes out. And I'm not even sure why, since he met both ow sexual affairs at work & & all ow emotional affairs at work & both sexting ow at work. Maybe it's because I used to imagine him w ow when he said he was "going out" or maybe sometimes when he said he was "going out" he was actually doing things w them. But that prob amounted to 10% or less of the time. Over 90% of the time it was innocent & he was telling the truth.<br /><br />But I can tell u it definitely helps to talk to him rather than let ur mind race. My h & I both know I can FaceTime him at any time (I did it once actually very early post d day). He ALWAYS tells me where he's going & who will be there. He always leaves his phone around now unattended & knows I can check it anytime (hardly ever do anymore now that I'm 1.5 yrs post d day #1). He always tells me I'm welcome to stop by at any of his dinners just to check. <br /><br />Doesn't apply if ur h is going away, although u can surprise FaceTime him & see if he's where he says he is. He can call u from hotel not his cell & u can call him right back to see if he's in his own room. <br /><br />I found the last time I was triggered I stayed angry at him for 3 days until we finally talked it out after which I felt SO much better. Maybe he even has some suggestions for u. My husband will frequently now call me from a # at work when he's late to prove he's in the hospital. <br /><br />Good luck. U sound like ur making great progress. This website was also a lifesaver for me.<br /><br />SamAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-33683616725577286882015-03-31T16:06:04.599-04:002015-03-31T16:06:04.599-04:00Thanks for the quick response. I can talk about i...Thanks for the quick response. I can talk about it with him, unfortunately in the past it usually comes up when I am already upset and it turns into a fight. I will talk with him when I am calm. I have told him that I love him so much and just can't stand the idea of him hurting me again and he assures me that he won't. He always asks me what he can do to make me feel better and I think asking him to check in while he is away is a great idea. Thanks for pointing out that he is not the enemy. I have to admit that there are times I forget that. <br />I really love reading your blog, because you make me happy I am working on my marriage and not running away. I never thought I would stay with a man who betrayed me, but I am glad I chose to stay. I think we are growing closer together and stronger as a couple. I just have to learn how to overcome some of my triggers. Thanks again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-53885939273419136972015-03-31T15:13:04.831-04:002015-03-31T15:13:04.831-04:00I think what you're experiencing is quite comm...I think what you're experiencing is quite common but it's really important for you to pay attention to it. Your anger is telling you that, somehow, you're not feeling heard or that your feelings matter. There is something you need from him that you're not getting. <br />Can you sit down with him and have an open conversation? Can you tell him that you don't want to tell him he "can't" go but that you're really struggling with this? Can you, perhaps, set up some sort of plan that he calls you each hour? Or that he sends you text messages of love and support? Can you imagine what you might need when your mind is racing and he's not there to assure you that you're okay? <br />We all have triggers post-betrayal. Things that suddenly remind us that this could happen again. That he's lied before. That we can never be totally sure. So it's crucial to have some sort of plan in place to put those runaway fears into perspective. Take the time to sort it out. It sounds as if your husband would be agreeable. And it can, rather than be something that puts a wall between you, become something that brings you together. He's not the enemy. Treat him as an ally in helping you overcome this challenge. <br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-2188889681905425482015-03-31T11:38:22.866-04:002015-03-31T11:38:22.866-04:00Elle, I need your help. Two days ago was the one ...Elle, I need your help. Two days ago was the one year since D-day. For the most part, my marriage is so much better. My husband is definitely more attentive, helps more with the kids etc. I am much better today than I was a year ago, but I am far from healed. The problem I am having is that my husband goes on an annual golf trip with his friends. He did not go last year because it was too soon after D-day. He is planning on going this year. When I think about him being away and hanging out with his friends and drinking in bars it makes me physically sick. I shake and feel full of rage. He does not understand this. He swears he would never hurt me again. He loves my and knows that I would not forgive him again. He met the other woman in a bar 20 minutes from my house, so I know you don't have to travel to meet someone. Do you have any advice for me on how I can control my rage? As you say, I am supposed to be holding the cards here, but there is a part of me that knows how much he loves this time away. I don't want to tell him he can't go. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-58320089648646890842015-03-31T04:15:40.493-04:002015-03-31T04:15:40.493-04:00Anonymous, yes--Elle is right about the soft heart...Anonymous, yes--Elle is right about the soft heart-- I have often told the story of how two days after D-day I was able to look outside myself--I needed to because all that was in me was darkness--I connected for the first time in a long with the pain in others and in the world and stepped outside of my comfort zone to comfort others--just tiny gestures. I was thrilled that his affair had not ruined me, despite the feeling that I WAS ruined. You can do it. <br /><br />You're b-f's behavioiur and this quote of yours "He hasn't been able to decide if he wants to work through it. He has been distant, then loving and caring, then distant. He says he needs time to process" reminds me of an ex BF who was a complete narcissist. He was an ass to me and then sweet--and then mind-blowingly romantic and then reminded me what I did to "push' him towards his ass like behavior. He had me so so so twisted that I started to believe things were my fault, and if I were just more "this" or just more 'that" or just gave him more time he would come around. I got very very sick of his gaslighting me constantly, and throwing bits of crumbs of compassion my way, to punctuate his by very very cruel and mentally abusive behavior. and it took me another 2 years to break it off. If your BF can't see and admit that he screwed this up SO badly now, I don't know when he will. I am sorry to sound so harsh, but really. He should be wallowing in misery and not asking for more time to process.<br /> Process what? <br />We can all see he screwed up. If he can't--what does that say? <br />Personally, I am so relieved you called off the wedding. When I look back at my BF, although he never cheated, I am not sure that I would have had the guts to call it off if he had. I was that messed up. so congrats on a great first step.Steamnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-2536878619105590682015-03-30T17:00:18.073-04:002015-03-30T17:00:18.073-04:00Elle, love this sentiment - "hang on to that ...Elle, love this sentiment - "hang on to that ability to keep your heart soft, even as it aches. Very important to remember and consider as one travels this path. Love and joy repeated can help with that and also thinking of gratitude. A trick my son told me was to quietly slip away to a washroom or separate room and envision oneself as a superhero about to take on a challenge. It works!<br /> Blessings to you, Anonymous. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-17387694187559196452015-03-29T12:26:31.934-04:002015-03-29T12:26:31.934-04:00Oh my gosh, Lynn -- "You don't realize if...Oh my gosh, Lynn -- "You don't realize if he wants you then you hold all the cards." That is SO empowering! You're right; I had never thought about it like that. I've been thinking he holds all the cards -- that he got to have his cake and eat it too, since he knew that I would want to stay married. This gives me a lot to think about. Thank you!<br /><br />JenniferJennifernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-52294429038660031692015-03-28T10:40:15.259-04:002015-03-28T10:40:15.259-04:00Random Thoughts,
What a great post! So absolutely...Random Thoughts,<br /><br />What a great post! So absolutely true and well written. Pilots wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01570577814069753292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81083266502787930482015-03-28T08:58:40.769-04:002015-03-28T08:58:40.769-04:00Wedding off,
Look at him for what he is not what ...Wedding off,<br /><br />Look at him for what he is not what you think he can be or what you think he can become in the future. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17219895095283341385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-10967552057597940372015-03-28T08:55:10.885-04:002015-03-28T08:55:10.885-04:00There is a book called forgiveness recommended und...There is a book called forgiveness recommended under the book tab which helped me tremendously. Less than $10 if you can download it. It talks about different types of forgiveness and genuine forgiveness. It is surrounded in Christian principles with practical discussions about forgiveness. I'm 18 months out and I can't forgive my husband. But when God works with me or on me a little more I hope I can get there with a willing heart. God hasn't lead me to feel obligated to do anything right now except work on me. I'm so sorry that happened to you. If you work on you the rest will come around. I was a pastors wife the first time around he beat me senseless so God and I have been through much together. Don't rush it or it won't work. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17219895095283341385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74506790306726352612015-03-27T22:21:25.493-04:002015-03-27T22:21:25.493-04:00Thank you Elle for your beautiful response. I had...Thank you Elle for your beautiful response. I had considered calling off the party, but I did not ... I am so glad. It was a beautiful party, my friend (the artist) sold many of her pieces and I felt the love ... from a diverse group of friends, the closest who were asking why I've been so quiet of late and can't we please get together... Just my intention, continue the circle of love. I believe in the intention of love ... your reply to me embraced just that ... Love. Seeing and feeling the love which is safe and secure, coupled with more definite discussions of separation and other heartfelt topics with my h has provided me with a calm and confidence which I have not felt since D-Day. Peace & LightMelissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625911085419338023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-82872249768630221562015-03-27T20:31:56.445-04:002015-03-27T20:31:56.445-04:00Anon: I'm so sorry that your husband -to-be ...Anon: I'm so sorry that your husband -to-be and best friend did this to you! Please, please, please think long and hard about pursuing a future with this man. you don't HAVE to start your life under a black cloud, you don't have to live with this pain. You CAN have something better than he is bringing to the table. Your entire future is in front of you, you have an opportunity for an untainted, unstained marriage WITH A BETTER man than this. <br /><br />I am staying with my husband of 27 years because I have experienced a beautiful marriage and I am in too deep to get out, our lives are too entangled. He slipped up once in 27 years, and has worked his ass off to repair the damage. But, it still hurts....... EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even though I know he'll never do it again, it hurts. Why on earth would you start a marriage in this hole? Why start at a deficit? <br /><br />If I were in your shoes, instead of mine, I would cut my losses and RUN. You have options! Start over with someone who deserves you. He's not worth it. <br /><br />What I wouldn't give to be with a man who didn't throw me away. Its too late for some of us, we are too far down this road to ever trust again, but I think you have a shot at something better...... Think about it?Random Thoughtsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5256473783790851222015-03-27T10:38:30.719-04:002015-03-27T10:38:30.719-04:00Yes, hang on to that ability to keep your heart so...Yes, hang on to that ability to keep your heart soft, even as it aches. Just be sure that heart has boundaries that insist upon respect and honesty and integrity from those you share it with. You will get through this. And I promise you that you will look back and recognize the strength and wisdom you gained from the experience. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-89835150559130998652015-03-27T10:36:39.156-04:002015-03-27T10:36:39.156-04:00I'm glad to hear this site has helped. It'...I'm glad to hear this site has helped. It's crucial for you to honor yourself right now. Respond only if you genuinely want to. I do believe forgiveness will come but it's a long road. What's more, offering "forgiveness" to her might prevent her from doing the hard work of asking herself just why she made such damaging choices. In the end, whether or not you forgive her, you don't need to let her know. You can live forgiveness more authentically then saying it. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43486024060039003022015-03-27T09:06:50.703-04:002015-03-27T09:06:50.703-04:00Thank you Elle for the kind words and advice. I am...Thank you Elle for the kind words and advice. I am trying so hard to find myself in this mess and know that, no matter the route I choose, there is a long road ahead. My soul so desperately wants the pain to go away but my mind knows that it won't happen over night. To all the women who are suffering alongside me, I offer my support. I still have the capacity to love and I hope that will see me through.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-4218629450128146462015-03-27T08:56:15.259-04:002015-03-27T08:56:15.259-04:00You are very wise. Yes, conflicted is more like it...You are very wise. Yes, conflicted is more like it. I want to forgive, and I know I'm called to, and I like to think that I have, but if I'm totally honest with myself, I haven't and I wonder if I will ever get there. <br /><br />I think I've decided to send a short text acknowledging the letter then just wait until I can process this a little more with my counselor so that I find a way to accurately articulate my feelings when and if I decide to give her a heartfelt response. <br /><br />Thank you for your service to all of us trying to navigate through these murky waters. You will never know how you have helped me over these past 10 months. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-58097485708476930802015-03-27T08:29:55.651-04:002015-03-27T08:29:55.651-04:00Honey, I want you to choose YOU. Forget who he cho...Honey, I want you to choose YOU. Forget who he chooses. You make the choice. And make it yourself.<br />You're not yet married and you're already dealing with a guy who can't seem to tell the difference between "love" and "in love" and keep himself out of your best friend's shower. Your friend is an idiot and your almost-husband is a cad. I'm all for people working it out when there is a remorseful spouse willing to do the INCREDIBLY hard work of rebuilding a relationship. It's hard to do it even then; it's impossible with someone who can't seem to acknowledge just how stupid he's been.<br />I know how wonderful he likely can be. I know how horrible it is to imagine your life without him. I know how painful it is to let go of that blissful future you imagined as you strolled around wedding shows. But this man is showing you RIGHT NOW before you have a ring on your finger, just who he is. And who he is is someone who won't support you in your deepest pain. <br />You deserve so much better than this. You are worth so much more. <br />Tell him that right now you need some space to get yourself sorted out from the mess he's created. Take the time to learn how to establish really clear boundaries and to learn how to surround yourself with better, healthier people. When I walked away from the boyfriend I wrote about in this post, I honestly thought I could feel my heart breaking. NEVER did I think it would heal. Fast forward 13 years and we met for coffee when he was in town. He's now married. I'm married. What does he do? He makes a pass at me. Nice, huh? He was a cad who had shown me who he was those many years before. (The irony, of course, is that here I am with a betrayed wives club Web Site...thanks to a husband who cheated.) I guess my point is life doesn't offer up guarantees. But I can almost guarantee that a life with this guy will only deliver you a whole lot more pain. Wait. Give yourself the gift of time. Disentangle yourself from this guy, at least for now, and get clear on what you really want in your life. You can do this. And you'll be glad you did.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-34182601105809607862015-03-27T08:19:36.818-04:002015-03-27T08:19:36.818-04:00I'm so sorry for all you've gone through. ...I'm so sorry for all you've gone through. It's a double betrayal when our spouse cheats with a friend. <br />Not sure if that was auto-correct but you wrote, "I felt convicted" to forgive. Clearly you're conflicted. Forgiveness is tough. It's one thing to accept that it happened and that you're not going to let that person rule your life. It's quite another to tell them that they're forgiven. As a Christian, you know that's what you're called upon to do.<br />However, I think it's important to get to a place where that forgiveness is genuine. And I doubt you're there yet. As you said, the wound is still so raw. You're likely still processing what all this means.<br />I think I would give myself time to really digest her apology. To let your heart begin to unclench and make room for the possibility of truly forgiving her. You are under absolutely no obligation to respond right away. I don't think that could possibly make your situation any more painful and awkward than it already is. If you wanted you could let her know you got her letter and that you're letting it all digest. But you don't even have to do that.<br />Here's the thing: She betrayed your trust in the worst possible way. Given that it sounds like she has a shred of decency, she's realizing just what a horrible friend/person she's been. By asking for someone's forgiveness, however, we're asking them to put aside THEIR pain to help us with OUR pain. I would hope her letter is worded in such as way that she isn't "asking" you to do anything but simply letting you know how deeply sorry she is that hurt you in this way. If that's the case, let it go for now. If she is indeed "asking" you to forgive her, then it sounds as if this is still about her and not you.<br />Short answer? Give yourself all the time you need. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-82214079746064290092015-03-26T23:59:04.035-04:002015-03-26T23:59:04.035-04:00I am almost at the 2 week mark after D-day. So I k...I am almost at the 2 week mark after D-day. So I know that I am still in the midst of the rollercoaster of pain, grief, and confusion. I know it takes time. I know all these things but my confusion just keeps growing. <br />A bit of background: I have been living with my man for 3 years. We had not yet gotten married but were engaged. In my mind, I was married, I was committed for life. Our relationship had recently gotten distant due to him starting a new company and problems in my own career, but I was steadfastly committed. About a month ago I decided we needed some tools to work with so we talked about it and he and I agreed to go to couple's therapy. We had 2 sessions before D-day.<br />For the last 4 or 5 months I have been planning the wedding with my maid of honor, a friend from law school. She was helping me with everything including wedding shows, dress searching, and even a detailed excel file to catalog all the vendors. She and my fiance had hit it off and were becoming good friends too. He was even working on her house (he's a contractor).<br />On D-day, I found he had been having a 3 month affair with her. I arrived at her house to find them in the shower. To say the least, I was devastated.<br />She has told me that she loves him and he "loves" her, though when I've asked him how he feels about her, he can't seem to answer the question. While a serious distaste and a bit of anger towards my former friend, now the OW, has certainly taken root, I honestly feel sorry for her. Especially since it turns out that she was also sleeping with another man while falling "in love" during the affair.<br />I have told him I want to work through it. Obviously the wedding is canceled, but I believe that, together, we can heal. I have made my desire to work on the relationship extremely clear.<br />He hasn't been able to decide if he wants to work through it. He has been distant, then loving and caring, then distant. He says he needs time to process. To make the situation more complex, he has Aspergers so it genuinely does take him a loooong time to process emotions.<br />Currently, he is out of town on a large project (pre-planned). I only get to speak to him every for a few minutes a day before he ends the calls. But he has been extremely kind in calming me when I start to panic over the situation. He says he loves me (though doesn't feel he's "in-love" anymore), but he still won't give me an ANSWER!<br />I am going to therapy and working on myself, but I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. If I make the choice to move on without him, I will always wonder if he would have eventually chosen me. If I just keep my heart in limbo while he thinks and he eventually doesn't choose me, then I've put myself through all the extra pain for nothing.<br />Am I just deluding myself that he will process it all and realize that the fact that he loves me can provide a stable platform from which to heal and rediscover our relationship? <br />I am now doubly wounded that he could crush my heart then not commit to walking away or commit to working through the pain. I know in my soul that, if he were to commit to working through this hell that we could discover a closer relationship on the other side. <br />Will it hurt? Of course. Will it be hard? Of course. But isn't our love worth it? Is there a good possibility of forming a wonderful life if we work through this? I firmly believe that it is.<br />Sorry for the lengthy diatribe and again, I know that I'm only at the beginning of the process, but how do I communicate to him that life could be better? Do I wait in pain while he "processes" or am I just punishing myself?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com