tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post4672960897452914497..comments2024-03-27T21:50:33.178-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: You have to reach...Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger122125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-85346312606191172722017-07-31T13:17:35.945-04:002017-07-31T13:17:35.945-04:00Elle - I clicked on this from another post you wro...Elle - I clicked on this from another post you wrote today (7/31/17) and a line of this just struck me and threatens to keep me stuck...your sentence - "When we don't know whether to believe the pretty words on our partner's lips that sound so much like the pretty lies we believed?" - I think this is my biggest struggle right now. To focus on what revelations came out in counseling, what truths he has revealed to me that came from his heart, the changes he has made that I see and FEEL...that he chose me - that I chose him...all of that. But it is so hard not to focus on the "wait - but I believe him before and what he is saying about this or that could easily be a lie!" It haunts me sometimes - and I have to keep REACHING for grounding, for strength, for continued healing. But it's so hard not to fear....Julesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-58165440367198452492016-06-27T16:58:21.850-04:002016-06-27T16:58:21.850-04:00That should have read "womanlost". Autoc...That should have read "womanlost". Autocorrect!!!!Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-17908339535255077272016-06-27T16:57:44.934-04:002016-06-27T16:57:44.934-04:00womanless,
that impulse to run away is a pretty co...womanless,<br />that impulse to run away is a pretty common one. Who doesn't want to leave behind all this mess and just imagine we can start fresh. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, wherever I go...there I am. You can't outrun your pain.<br />Ten months on probably feels like forever but it's still pretty fresh to this hell. See if there is still some information you need to move forward or if it's pain shopping. Picking at the same scab can become a masochistic pastime, so terrified we are of letting it go and moving forward into uncertainty. It's kind of like, the devil we know...Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-35242957921914856802016-06-26T09:35:13.406-04:002016-06-26T09:35:13.406-04:00Dear BentnotBroken, this post was so wonderful but...Dear BentnotBroken, this post was so wonderful but heartbreaking to read as it mirrors my story and my last few months exactly!!! I'm 10 months on after discovering my perfect life was over and the nightmare began.... I too gave myself 6 months but 4 months over that I'm still here.... Some days are good but most days I torment myself with the whys where's and how's from the moment I open my eyes. I'm utterly exhausted! My H is so remorseful and is making every effort to be the husband he should have been.... I can see this but yet I can't seem to give in and forgive and move forward.....I'm here for my children's sake but if it wasn't for them I'd be gone despite still loving my H!! I feel so alone and isolated from everyone because of this... I often dream of running away to a place where no one knows me and start over again....womanlosthttp://gmail.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13698835549905467242016-04-03T14:09:37.158-04:002016-04-03T14:09:37.158-04:00Anonymous, we are here and we know your pain. Too ...Anonymous, we are here and we know your pain. Too many of us have reached for that razor blade. But please, please know that the pain you're feeling right now will not last forever. It's excruciating, I know. But you will get through this. Your children need you. Please find yourself a counsellor who can help you through this. Call a suicide helpline. You don't want to die, you want the pain to stop. It's not the same thing. <br />Your husband betrayed you in the worst possible way. Your friend betrayed you in the worst possible way. But their betrayal of you is about their own fuck-up-edness. YOU are better than that. YOU are worthy of love and respect and kindness. Give those things to yourself. <br />And please...let us know that you're okay and that you've reached out to someone in real life who will shepherd you through this pain toward healing. You'll get there. I promise. I didn't think I could survive such pain. But I did. So many of us here have not only survived but thrived. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-41026728673186912132016-04-02T17:48:45.586-04:002016-04-02T17:48:45.586-04:00Please help. I am 3 weeks in from d day. We have b...Please help. I am 3 weeks in from d day. We have been married 21 yrs and he had an affair with my best friend. As you all would understand I am in a bad place emotionally and physically. 2 weeks ago my children found me with a razor blade to my wrists. My husband is saying all the pretty words about sorry and wanting to be with me and loving me. Yet knowing the fragile state I am in, he left me alone for the weekend while he went to a family wedding. This just seems like another betrayal. I'm so lostAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43640075019760881482016-03-26T16:52:50.906-04:002016-03-26T16:52:50.906-04:00Violation of boundaries time again. I've acce...Violation of boundaries time again. I've accepted the work trips to our host country where the outstanding project is, that's been going on since D-Day, and, prior to understanding boundaries, I allowed a trip he leaves on Thursday for, to an exhibition in Europe. This weekend though I've hit rock bottom over the two further trips he booked in. We've just moved back 'home' from four years abroad, I've discovered his affair, I'm weaker than ever and suffering depression but still he chooses to travel (it's his own business, so he has control and autonomy). He has his affair whilst travelling. How is it possible not to see how hard that is on me right now. These trips are for new business, they're international exhibitions, he could end up constantly travelling-how can I heal around that? I'm just reading 'chained to the desk', I think he's a workaholic. Does anyone else come here with this problem? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-20589664704146072682016-03-09T08:12:38.417-05:002016-03-09T08:12:38.417-05:00Hopeful 30,
What a wonderful post really about bei...Hopeful 30,<br />What a wonderful post really about being at peace, finding peace and your way. I feel the same way. Especially less tolerant of undesirable behavior traits from other people and what is really important. I joined a yoga group and take long walks on my farm. How could I have missed so much of life that really mattered? Lynn Less Painnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79882438651652225512016-03-08T18:47:07.248-05:002016-03-08T18:47:07.248-05:00Piper,
I feel much the same way. It is almost bit...Piper,<br /><br />I feel much the same way. It is almost bittersweet and contradictory at times. I said to my husband that at times I am thankful this all came out and am glad we are where we are now. On the other hand at times I am so sad. It really fluctuates for me.<br /><br />Our timeline is close. Dday one was March 13th, dday two was August 8th. Then another one about a week or two later. Nothing major after that. I still question some of the details. A lot of what he has told me is contradictory. I wonder if some of it relates to how he saw things on dday one and 5 months and now a year later. He really was a mess and not sure of who he was. He was in a terrible place. He is the happiest he has ever been in his adult life if not his entire life. We will see. As time goes on it is not the easiest to discuss everything. With time slipping by it seems more fuzzy for him. He had ended his affairs already when he told me. So he had some distance from it already. <br /><br />He is a big believer in corrective emotional experiences. So he has made every effort this year to work hard to change his past behavior, our marital dynamic and how he leads his life. It has not been perfect but my therapist says his turnaround is nothing short of amazing, we still have plenty to work on going forward. I think what you said about asking yourself what you need to thrive is a great statement. And I feel like I am finally doing that. I really would like to reenter the work force but have not dealt with that yet. I am focusing on this recovery and what I need most. Right now working full time at a new job/company or industry or commuting feels too overwhelming still. <br /><br />I agree with you too to make the best of it. When he told me all of this I thought I cannot deal with this. And now I realize I am so much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. And through all these years I was strong too. I am proud of myself for how I handled things, I will not let it be my fault what he did when I tried to talk with him over and over about himself and our marriage only to be lied to and told that I was the problem. This keeps me going knowing that I was and am strong.<br />Hopeful 30noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-44579655062800983102016-03-08T16:08:43.049-05:002016-03-08T16:08:43.049-05:00I will be a year out from the first dday on the 14...I will be a year out from the first dday on the 14th March. It was the start of the lies. <br /><br />The lies finished on 12th Dec. So on one hand I have almost a years worth of anniversaries of horrible events coming up...or I can choose to not give them the power to stay within me.<br /><br />I can't not acknowledge them, but instead of spending the day brooding and poking myself with a sharp stick of misery, I can try to make new memories on those days.<br /><br />I still don't know if we will make it as a couple. I only found the full extent of his betrayal in December, and I am still trying to make sense of what has happened, but I do know I have found a strength in me that I didn't know existed, and for the first time in a very long time I am asking myself daily what I want or need to thrive, instead of putting him and the children first all the time.<br /><br />I would never wish to be here. But I am, and I have to make the best of it. So I will. Pipernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-31662818008695007792016-03-08T11:46:13.653-05:002016-03-08T11:46:13.653-05:00I agree writing my thoughts helps me a lot. I writ...I agree writing my thoughts helps me a lot. I write in a general journal. I find sometimes I write the positives. Other times it is questions or thoughts I am dealing with. By writing down the positives I can look at them as reminders. And all of the other thoughts are good to write down since they help me decide what to talk with my therapist and husband about and also I can look back and see how far I have come.<br /><br />I hear you on the day to day life. It can be so hard. I felt before dday that we had made a decision as a team that I would be the primary caregiver for our kids and manage the house. Since dday I am resentful for that decision. I thought we made it together for the best of our family, but now I feel like I am painted into a corner. So many years have gone by and moving to my husband's home town just adds to it. All his friends and family are here. And it is not a place where my former career can be successful or an option. I never thought twice about it and really made it my own. I am not a complainer and embrace new situations but now I have a lot of resentment for it. <br /><br />One thing I will say is I feel like I have a really great relationship with both my kids. My husband makes comments about it now. I do not put it in his face but I feel it is directly connected to his level of detachment for 10 years. He sees it from our marriage primarily. But whatever affects me affects our kids. I never spoke poorly of him ever but my kids both have a high level of emotional intelligence. They know that I am the reason their lives are the way they are. They thank me all the time and always want to help me and respect me for all that I do. My husband just last night said he appreciates all that I do. He said he knows he cannot even know everything I do which is true.<br /><br />Since dday I work harder to make myself a priority. I almost never miss a workout. I walk the dog when I want to. But I also have learned to enjoy making dinner and other food for our kids. My husband used to come home and not eat what I made with some dumb excuse usually picking up take out etc. I honestly think he used that as a way to disconnect. If he ate what I made and liked it then there was one more reason for him to feel bad about his behavior. He could not see the good in me. Of course it is nice if he likes dinner and thanks me for things who doesn't like to be appreciated. But at a certain point in this past year I decided I am doing what I want. I work out, I read, I make sure to make an amazing home made dinner for my family every night. I prep it during the day and I love that time, the other thing I am doing is I say no to more things than ever. It has helped me focus. <br /><br />I too have found it hard to be close to friends, this is such a big part of my world right now. And I feel disconnected. I feel like the complain about trivial things that I used to care about. Now I feel like I have more perspective of what really is important. And I am a lot less tolerant of other people's behaviors.Hopeful 30noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-87430479572025650182016-03-08T09:32:21.440-05:002016-03-08T09:32:21.440-05:00I really like the idea of a gratitude journal! I h...I really like the idea of a gratitude journal! I have found myself stuck lately in a woe is me my life sucks attitude. It's hard being a stay at home mom and feeling like every day is a monotony of cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, laundry, and then the fact that I don't necessarily look forward to my husband coming home from work the way I once did. I try to get out with friends, but I just feel so apart from them because of our situation. A gratitude journal might help me pull myself out of that mood. Gracenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5164411799035092162016-03-07T20:21:13.511-05:002016-03-07T20:21:13.511-05:00I am almost at 9 months anniversary of D-day. I ha...I am almost at 9 months anniversary of D-day. I have fairly severe PTSD. I started keeping a Gratitude Journal Jan 1, 2016 and I start with snippets of things that resonates with me from Mindfulness websites, Pema Chadron, Brene Brown, etc. I have my ups and downs and Sunday I was triggered big time by a scene of a brothel on NCIS when the television was just turned on. I felt like the air got sucked out of the room and out of me. I started screaming and crying uncontrollably and lashed out again at my spouse whose last prostitute venture was at an erotic place in Hawaii where he was presented with 6 young women to choose from. You can only imagine how I eviscerated that man over the course of an hour or more. I've been working so hard to get a handle on my emotions and life. I've been married 37 years and unbeknownst to me, his sex/porn addiction was grandfathered into our marriage. Our children are adults and nobody knows about this except us and our therapists. He is working hard and has not had any severe challenges to compulsions. We talk. We have levels of intimacy that we have not had since we were first married. I understand in my head about sex addiction, especially now that I know the truth about his early childhood. Nobody should go through that. We are absolutely doing better. I still get triggered and melt down and say terrible things. Today I read a quote somewhere, maybe on one of your past posts somewhere on this site that read, "If we were to exchange places with the offender, who can be sure that we would behave any better?" That, my friends, stopped me in my tracks. I've always prided myself on trying to see the other person's side to be compassionate and understanding. I honestly have had to think about my life and ask myself, "what would I be like at my age had I experienced what my husband did as a young child?" I have professional knowledge of child abuse and neglect and I've seen the tortured adults and tormented lives of so many adults who were sexually abused children. This statement may actually be the turning point in my life. I started today's journal entry with that statement in bold and italics. I wrote about the things I felt grateful for. Today, I've had a few close calls for being triggered and was able to repeat that statement to myself. It stopped me from devolving. For that I am thankful. I found this link today and read it numerous times. I sent it to my spouse to read after asking him if he wanted to read it. Hope this helps to assure you that you, and I, are not crazy. This blog is a life saver. It makes me feel like I have a lot of "secret" friends who know me and still love me despite my messy life. I have no idea where or when I lost the strong, independent and happy woman I use to be however I am fairly confident she will return. http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2012/09/understanding-relationship-sexual-and-intimate-betrayal-as-trauma-ptsd/<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-1775895298842162302016-03-07T17:37:30.076-05:002016-03-07T17:37:30.076-05:00Anon, your post hits home. My first dday day one y...Anon, your post hits home. My first dday day one year will be on Sunday. It has been looming in the background for a while. I fear it will always stick with me. It was a Friday the 13th too. Who can ever forget that? Or have it not stand out? I have gone though phases where things were going well, well dday number two killed that.<br /><br />As I approach one year it almost feels harder. I feel more stuck. Improvements come less often. Day to day life sinks in on me. And in all honesty for me I think it is I am not in shock any more. The reality of everything is hitting me in the face or more like slapping me in the face. I feel a transition happening and i am not so sure about it. It really feels like the shock is wearing off. Lots of good is coming from it but it is different which can be uncomfortable. I am not sure what I want from this Sunday. Time alone, time together, time as a family??? In the end I am an eternal optimist. It is just at this point I am starting to think can this be my reality for potentially the rest of my life. Is that okay? Lots of things are great and amazing but it is that underlying current, the voice in the back of my head. My therapist says this is good and normal. He likes that I am being cautious and protecting myself now. He said he would be worried if I came in and said everything is great and we are on track and everything is in the past. So that is helpful and validates my thoughts and feelings.Hopeful 30noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-52900536206398887922016-03-07T14:36:32.655-05:002016-03-07T14:36:32.655-05:00This post has saved me today. I am a week and a ha...This post has saved me today. I am a week and a half away from the one year anniversary Dday. And I am a mess. My heart feels broken all over again, and I just keep thinking not again. Not. Again. Not for the thousandth time, no humdred thousandth time. I push and then I pull. I am demanding, and then desparate to have him close, and then I get triggered by some ridiculous thing and attack. He has done everything right, and I know because I've read the text book as a student of marriage counseling. But all of the knowledge in the world doesn't seem to ease the pain. It doesn't even take the edge off when I'm in the clutches of the darkness and intesity of grief. I feel hopeless right now, once again. And so does my H. I'm sure we will swim our way back to the shore, but I'm drowning right now. At least I was drowning until I read this post. So thank you Elle. It will get better with time, right? I'm so utterly exhausted from the ups and downs. I just feel broken and tired and scared that we won't find our way back to the love this time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-21031283269974202392016-03-04T09:41:49.207-05:002016-03-04T09:41:49.207-05:00I hope you do post your story. We learn from each ...I hope you do post your story. We learn from each other and it can be incredibly healing to connect with someone whose story sounds so much like our own. Whenever you're ready...Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13509012116809604602016-03-03T20:55:51.789-05:002016-03-03T20:55:51.789-05:00Me too. I have been there done that. With the Inte...Me too. I have been there done that. With the Internet it is so easy to just type in someone's name. I made a decision in the last month to not look up either one of his ap. It took about 10 months but one day I just said to myself this is doing me no good. And I am repulsed by the thought of these women and hate them. But a while back I decided no matter how predatory they were my marriage is with my husband. He made a promise to me and our kids. And he has to answer to me. I considered contacting the other women but in the end I felt like if could draw them into our lives. Also I do not know if their information would help me. They have no reason to be honest or truthful with me. And I also considered their perspective and what they saw the affair could be totally different than what my husband saw it as. Look at our marriage my husband and I saw it as two different ways. He lied to both of his ap's, they did not know that each other existed. So he was not true or honest with anyone. They were no more special than me. So I guess my advice would be to focus on the two of you. That has worked well for us, in the end I don't care what they thought or did. I feel my husband has to work with me if we are going to move forward. At almost a year I detest the other women and just cannot in my mind wish them well or want anything good for them. I am not sure if that will ever change but my goal is to focus on me, my marriage and my kids. Who knows what will come in time. Hopeful 30noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-54395239442979862752016-03-03T19:08:32.939-05:002016-03-03T19:08:32.939-05:00Anonymous
I would urge you to not contact the ot...Anonymous <br /><br />I would urge you to not contact the other woman for the "truth" it is highly unlikely anything productive will come from that. Also, I think it best to completely stop contacting her. This probably very painful for you and not helping you. <br /><br />I also had a period and sometimes still have feelings of being super pathetic and very very low. I understand those feelings and it was very hard to gather my self respect and honor the boundaries I had set. Many times my H broke those boundaries and I did little more than cry. However with time I gathered back up respect and worthiness for my self and honor my boundaries much much better. You can do it too even though we know how hard it is. Keep your self physically and emotionally safe and respected. This will help you crack open some space to think and feel more clearly. <br /><br />Also I completely agree with Elle about a therapist. Therapy can provide so much support and help you thoughtfully consider your life. <br /><br />With love and support. <br />Becky Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11509536058879775787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-23931003912727112232016-03-03T18:32:02.596-05:002016-03-03T18:32:02.596-05:00Grace, I completely feel your pain on this. I'...Grace, I completely feel your pain on this. I'm 10 months out from dday, and I purposely have not contacted the OW husband, although I struggle with it almost daily. He's a stay at home dad, with two young little boys. The bitch OW works at my husband's firm, although in a different part of the country. I can't help but feel she has come through all of this scot-free, and I am left with having to live with this for the rest of my life. My husband was in a fog for two months, and almost left me for her. I'm trying to rise above and be the bigger person, but it kills me that no one knows and she gets to go about her happy little life. I try to separate my need for revenge with doing what may be the right thing (telling her clueless husband.) I am just terrified of the potential repercussions, and my therapist has warned me of this. P.S. This is the first time I've ever posted on this site, although I have being reading it for many months. Elle--You are truly a life saver, as well as all the other wonderful women who have given added advice. I sincerely don't think I would still be in my marriage if it wasn't for BWC. Someday I will post my story, when I get my act together.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-19381451574892825502016-03-03T16:21:17.813-05:002016-03-03T16:21:17.813-05:00Grace, I do believe the husband should be told. I...Grace, I do believe the husband should be told. I know if someone had known about my h's affair I would have wanted them to tell me. And I agree with Elle. anonymous and think of how it will affect you, your family and your marriage before you do. XoMelissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625911085419338023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74370871898515194742016-03-03T15:12:11.294-05:002016-03-03T15:12:11.294-05:00Love it ... what a great perspective short term an...Love it ... what a great perspective short term and long term trust. Brilliant and a stepping stone to a more attainable view not making it all or nothing takes some pressure off indeed thanks LLP and all u princess warriors.Woundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-23973920569991885132016-03-03T15:08:01.534-05:002016-03-03T15:08:01.534-05:00Oh, Grace! I understand how you are feeling. Unf...Oh, Grace! I understand how you are feeling. Unfortunately, it's an all too frequent battle for me. <br /><br />To be brief, I had three D-Days. The first was when I found the phone records. My husband lied and told me it was an emotional affair. He cut off contact. About 2 months later, she FB messaged him, I walked in and caught him replying. I called her and she attempted to lie to me. I screamed at the two of them (my husband was standing there dumbfounded when I called) and she said almost nothing. Not satisfied, I texted her and got more lies. He was her "sounding board", nothing going on but "a listening ear", etc... I asked her to be respectful of my marriage and ended the texts. He again said he would end contact but the affair resumed shortly after that. After another two months, I saw FB messages from her popping up on his iPad. I confronted him and got the full truth, that it was physical and had been going on for over a year. The next day I sent her a lengthy text telling her I knew everything, she had no class and she owed me an apology. I got an immediate response with what appeared to be all the right words. She knew what she had done was wrong, she realized she made bad choices, she never intended to take him away from his kids, and so on. It calmed me down for a few days. <br /><br />I have opted since then not to contact her. It's not easy. It makes me feel weak and like I'm letting her "get away with it". But I try to ask myself what's to be gained by contacting her. A woman who would cheat on her own husband (the OW in my case is married with three daughters) with someone else's husband is deluding herself in some way and has her own set of issues. If she is still deluding herself, I don't feel anything you say to her will make a difference. Remind yourself that this is a woman who knowingly made the choices she did. She doesn't think the way you or I do and she may attempt to excuse her behavior or lie to you to get you off her back. <br /><br />If she realizes how wrong what she did was and has a bit of conscience, she may have remorse. You can tell her she's a filthy, disgusting slut, but she knows that deep down even if she acts on the surface like it doesn't affect her. She has to live with what she's done. If she is even remotely human, then she's dealing with her own guilt and shame. She may already be living in a "house of pain". She most likely is or she would never have entered into an affair. <br /><br />There are days where nothing would give me greater pleasure than publicly humiliating her. I've contemplated many ways to do it. Ultimately though, hurting her is not going to take away my pain. And while I might feel some satisfaction initially, it wouldn't last forever. I firmly believe that she will reap what she has sown. And there's beauty in remembering that I don't have to do a thing to make it happen. I think karma will work on its own.<br /><br />We're here for you. Hugs!<br />Dandelionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07422695784998995973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-85527540992327848432016-03-03T14:00:55.346-05:002016-03-03T14:00:55.346-05:00Oh Grace!
I do know how you feel! I pain shopped f...Oh Grace!<br />I do know how you feel! I pain shopped for months until I found this blog and began to post and follow the advice I found here. You have to be careful how much information you really need because I for one wish I didn't have as many details as I have but I did have to get the time line from my h! Once I got that part the other details were not as important any more! I'm still guilty of looking up the ow but in my case with a crazy ow, I just need to check because of the pending court case. I no longer need to know if she is happy nor sad, just staying away from me! I'm going to suggest you write the letter but I'm not going to recommend you mail it only to write it to get it out of your system! Keep venting here! I'm sure others will chime in with even better advice. Just go slow and be gentle with yourself! We are here for you!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-73562946082671023662016-03-03T13:55:21.148-05:002016-03-03T13:55:21.148-05:00Grace,
We've all been on that ledge so, for st...Grace,<br />We've all been on that ledge so, for starters, do not apologize for coming here to seek guidance and support. That's our raison d'être. <br />Secondly, her "dream" home is a fantasy. There's nothing "dreamy" about making a fool of your husband in the local newspaper. There's nothing "dreamy" about creating a glossy exterior to cover up an ugly interior. Don't doubt for a second that the real story is far less dreamy.<br />As for the husband, I generally side with telling the other spouse. I think he deserves to know if only to protect himself from sexually transmitted diseases, not to mention the emotional price tag. You can let him know anonymously if that makes sense. He might not believe you but I bet, on some level, he already knows something's not right. But you need to decide if you want to risk any fallout from your actions. There might not be any but there might. Think it through.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-6069375477949300252016-03-03T13:50:50.687-05:002016-03-03T13:50:50.687-05:00Yes on all accounts!! Such good advice.Yes on all accounts!! Such good advice.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.com