tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post4785841175631717477..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: "The wisdom, the roadmap, the hope"Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-32856529608630596392016-09-09T20:16:32.582-04:002016-09-09T20:16:32.582-04:00Some of these guys are absolute masters of decepti...Some of these guys are absolute masters of deception. It's chilling isn't it?Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74177924552333917212016-09-07T16:35:59.783-04:002016-09-07T16:35:59.783-04:00My husband texted me and phoned me every night whe...My husband texted me and phoned me every night when he was away working. I always knew when he was out and where..what I didn't know was he was lying the whole time. Yes he was out having supper...but with her. He texted and emailed the ow when he was home right in front of me...he even added her to his contacts under a man's name. So when and if my H goes out....we don't really know where or who he is with do we? My H would be in the hot tub at his hotel...he just forgot to mention the ow was with him...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-70524326650335969212016-05-05T11:40:08.435-04:002016-05-05T11:40:08.435-04:00SLM,
You go, girl! Sounds like your husband is bei...SLM,<br />You go, girl! Sounds like your husband is being self-destructive. I sincerely hope he wakes up to what he stands to lose before it's too late.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-17120432997935329122016-05-04T11:08:27.853-04:002016-05-04T11:08:27.853-04:00Hello SLM - I agree with the ladies in that I wou...Hello SLM - I agree with the ladies in that I would like to know what it is, specifically, you have been asking of your husband. Not at all that I am questioning your decision, I am just curious as it will most likely apply to some of my situation. <br /> For me, I had certain boundaries that my husband agreed to and others that he did not. But then again, I found that I did not really know how to state my boundary and how to feel empowered. Elle's post on boundaries is excellent and I actually employed it recently, and felt empowered. I stated my need and my feeling and then I walked away. I felt strong and I moved forward in my own care of myself. In that I mean I had plans for what I was going to do for the day, plans which cared for me and did not rely on or include my husband, that is actually big for me. What happened then? My husband, who had been holding out on this boundary, came around. It was as if he saw my strength and in a strange way, I think it might have frightened him. I was asking him to read a particular book with me. The funny thing is, we then read the introduction and could barely get through it. I read later more on my own, into the first chapter and skimmed much of the book and decided that book is not for us, certainly not at this time. Since then, I have noticed that if I am feeling sensitive or "bad" my husband has been very attentive - this is a trait I have always loved about him. I don't know that I making any sense… It is simply something that I have noticed has worked for us. It is rather a combination of boundaries and a 180. Having said all this, I know this much ...<br /> You know. You know what is right for you and what is right for your children. And, it is obvious that you are not hastily making a decision… When the time is right, you will do the next right thing, and no doubt you have been all along. <br />Peace and light to you my friend.Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625911085419338023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-78469709349539696832016-05-02T13:15:14.427-04:002016-05-02T13:15:14.427-04:00Slm I totally understand where you are coming from...Slm I totally understand where you are coming from I feel exactly the same about my situation. When is enough , enough? Well that's down to us to decide. I'm in exactly the same place you are at present and like you I put everyone else's feelings before mine. I don't want to hurt my kids, I don't want my sister being homeless as she rents a house from my h and if things get nasty he could turf her out so I feel stuck in what to do. I suppose there is never a right time! <br /><br />I think you have made the right decision to have your vacation then decide, I really hope he realises what he stands to lose, sad thing is alot of these guys don't know what they do have until it's gone. <br /><br />Let us know how you get on, stay strong. Big hugs xxxAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10071329217675295943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-66617258871650171172016-05-02T11:29:47.461-04:002016-05-02T11:29:47.461-04:00SLM
I saw your post this morning and I feel the pa...SLM<br />I saw your post this morning and I feel the pain burning in your heart! We have a post titled Feeling stuck where most of us share similar feelings of my h isn't following through with his promise to do anything it takes! It's usually more current than the monthly post. We don't have all the answers but we can share our story as to how we feel and get advice on how to get our h to step up as we expect. My h disappoints me from time to time when I trigger from his insensitive treatment of my feelings. I'm not sure what you are asking from your post other than yes I was as patient as you have been but two years past for us and it's still one step forward and two steps back but we keep trying! I'm not sure what you are asking from your h but I have found that I have to be very specific when telling my h the changes I've needed to see in our relationship! I'm so sorry for your pain but I also see you becoming stronger and more sure of yourself which took me a long time to get to. Hopefully Elle will also see my post and she always has the best advice for this part that we all tend to get stuck in while waiting for our h to finally get it! My heart aches for you and I know how you feel so I send hugs for your pain and prayers that your h will finally get it!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-38376901948873956362016-05-02T11:25:50.235-04:002016-05-02T11:25:50.235-04:00YES SLM!!! You ARE worth moving the mountain for, ...YES SLM!!! You ARE worth moving the mountain for, and don't you ever forget it!!! Actions speak volumes, and I hope your husband realizes your worth and does a 180. Good luck to you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted. SomewhereOutTherehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10330914210741102297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-38631127564135800722016-05-02T05:10:59.869-04:002016-05-02T05:10:59.869-04:00I am a little late to the comment party, because I...I am a little late to the comment party, because I am a full time employee and a full time student so personal email often gets pushed to the back, so IDK if anyone will ever read this. <br />We just pasted our 2 year mark. Been with our current councilor for a year. We have monthly meetings now. I have asked my husband for certain things. Each month we have a check up. Each month he has failed to do most of the things he has promised. The man that promised to do "WHATEVER" it takes to save our marriage has done very very little to repair the damage. Our marriage councilor even told my darling husband...BUD you are burning the bridge and I think you wife has shown the patients of Job, but even he had limits. <br />It has taken me a while and I have used every excuse in the book for him, but the reality of it is I have discovered I am worth it. I am worth someone doing "WHATEVER" it takes. I am worth someone never putting me in the risks that he did. I am worth being loved and respected. And when I said all this the councilor said, Yes ma'am you are. I just hate that it took you this long to figure that out. Now it is just seeing if your husband is the man that is willing to put actions to his words. What time line are you giving him? I said I am done with time lines, all the things I asked for should have already been done. <br />I have not kicked him out yet because we have a vacation planned and I don't want to disappoint the kids, but when we get home unless he has made some REAL forward motion he is gone. <br /> SLMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-41666787700959578142016-04-25T13:13:28.276-04:002016-04-25T13:13:28.276-04:00That's a difficult question Elle lol I'm s...That's a difficult question Elle lol I'm sure he has or at least I hope he has : ). Tbh at the moment he has everything he could wish for and should be the happiest he has ever been but I know that isnt the case and I'm not really sure why. He said he loves me and wants to be with me snd adores his children he's just very different to me. People describe me as mad, crazy, jolly always smiling kinda person. My husband rarely laughs bless him he's quite serious reminds me alot of my own dad. <br /><br /><br />He was able to tell the counsellor some of the things that irratared him about me which were very insignificant so much so I had to laugh out loud. He mentioned things like I didn't peel his eggs in the morning and that I didn't clean the cobwebs of the ceilings, I see you laughing too right lol. I was quite shocked but I get that these things could be as significant To him as betrayal is to me. I'm learning things about him now I never knew, some things I like others I don't but nothing makes me want to run for the hills but does make me more determined to get through this counselling. I'm not an easy person to live with I have certain expectations and can be hurtful at times but very understanding and fair at other times.<br /><br />I'd love to spend more time on our own together it's difficult with the kids but we do try to have s meal out together every other week and are experimenting more in the bedroom something my husband wanted to explore. I'm trying he's trying we are moving forward little by little and the good times def outweigh the bad. So to answer your question Elle yes he does have happy spurts : ) p.s his father is a miserable old fart that spends most of his time spent in a room on his own away from the rest of the family. So maybe that's a reason for my h behaviour plus he was physically abused by his father well into his 20's, however he would never speak bad of his father. <br /><br />Thank you Elle xxxxxAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10071329217675295943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-14358366659027032342016-04-25T13:09:20.515-04:002016-04-25T13:09:20.515-04:00Somewhere,
Those barriers can be incredibly high -...Somewhere,<br />Those barriers can be incredibly high -- the barriers that keep anyone from really wanting to dig deep into why they engage in destructive behaviour. I'm always surprised at the resistance. But I know far too many people willing to lose a marriage, a relationship with a child, a friendship rather than face their own demons. It's always someone else's fault. <br />And though I agree that cheating is a choice, I'm not convinced it's a "conscious" one if by "conscious" we mean a choice made with a full accounting of the cost. My husband honestly thought that what he was doing wasn't "hurting" anyone. There was, literally, no understanding of the cost of the affairs even if I had never found out because he had no real understanding of what true intimacy is, what true loyalty is. It's like, sometimes, we're expecting these guys to build a house with building materials they've never seen before. <br />I think it's time for you to get completely clear on what you want going forward. If he can't give you that, then it's time to walk. If he won't give you that, it's time to walk. You've given him the chance to prove to you that he's worth a second chance. If he hasn't managed to do that yet, he likely never will. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-71084963177850177232016-04-25T11:45:11.142-04:002016-04-25T11:45:11.142-04:00Does anybody really know why most of us stay as op...Does anybody really know why most of us stay as opposed to separating and then maybe reconciling after intense counseling??? I did leave for 15 months and then went home... quite possibly a mistake, as I am contemplating leaving again... My husband's affair was emotional (I can't prove otherwise) and went on for about 10 years that I know of.<br />Elle, I agree with you that cheating is like a drug for some, and yes, emotionally, secure, confident in themselves people don't cheat... WHY can't they get that same "high" from us, their devoted spouses??? My husband will NOT let any counselor get too close and break down the barriers, and I know they are there (so did the counselors). If they are that unhappy, what's wrong with them just telling us the truth so we can go on with our lives, too... I feel so robbed of mine... 10+ years is a lot of time stolen from me, and yes, I resent that. I'm in my mid 50s, and I can't get those years back, and now it seems that my trust for him, as well as my safety in the marriage, is down the toilet. What kills me is the fact that these men make a conscious CHOICE to do this, and they know how destroyed we will be when we find out, because let's face it, no matter how long it takes, the cream always rises to the top, and we ALL find out!! Thanks all for the vent session. <3SomewhereOutTherehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10330914210741102297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-21458401179919688282016-04-25T11:09:47.208-04:002016-04-25T11:09:47.208-04:00Sam A,
I think an often overlooked aspect of cheat...Sam A,<br />I think an often overlooked aspect of cheating is that, generally, emotionally healthy people don't cheat. It's people looking for escape, for something to make them feel good/alive/excited. It's like a drug. So when the affair blows open and suddenly they've got destruction, the focus tends to be on the betrayed partner, which it should be. But that doesn't address the reasons one cheats in the first place. <br />What I'm suggesting is that your husband might be struggling with depression or another mood disorder. The cheating wasn't the problem necessarily but his mood disorder. (Of course, it could be a character disorder, as in he's just a jerk. That's for you to decide.) <br />Given some of his comments though, it sounds as though he really does need some individual therapy to sort through his own issues. Has he ever been a "happy man"?Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-91173491368322222432016-04-25T03:16:39.753-04:002016-04-25T03:16:39.753-04:00Hi ladies, so we started our 18 week counselling ...Hi ladies, so we started our 18 week counselling following a a couple of stupid decisions my husband made over the Christmas period. We're 26 months from d day.<br /><br /> So The 1st session was to gauge how we are feeling bearing in mind we have waited 4 months for a counselling slot. Now if you'd have asked me how I was feeling 4 months ago I was a complete mess much like I was post d day. However I have been high on self care and looking after me so I'm in a much better place now. So anyway there was a tick sheet to establish our moods and low and behold my h scored high like he was the one who'd been cheated on lol. He also mentioned that at times he didn't want to be here ( I.e not wanting to harm himself but just not be on the planet). The counsellor asked if I had known this I replied 'no'. So part of me is thinking is he just saying this to get the sympathy vote as he's well aware we are here yet again because of him and his behaviour/decisions or is he really unhappy???? Still not worked that one out as yet. I'm thinking a bit of both. <br /><br />So in the session I tried to speak as positive about my h as possible as I wanted him to go back for the second session lol so didn't want to come down all negative. And tbh there are things I like about him, probably more now than ever before. So the counsellor asks my h what he likes about me and he found it difficult to answer I actually laughed then I gave him more time to answer and still nothing!! So I answered the question myself : ) there are lots of things, I pointed out the first one being that I'm a 'bloody good mother' he agreed to that one. Why is it after all he's done I can still find positive things to say about him but he can't to me. I've put it down to the fact that I see life different to him, I live life differently and am better at dealing with things that come my way than him. I've always had a feeling my husband resents me at times, not sure why, maybe it's because I am confident, I can say no and I don't let people walk all over me, which sadly my husband can't. He's very much a ' people pleaser' he loves the attention. So for example he's just bought a new car and it gets attention every where we go and he actually loves it. Where as I don't actually get the whole hype. I think he's very immature for 36 years old. Got allot of growing up to do and I see how far he has come the last few years but emotionally he needs help dealing with his issues. <br /> he is not a happy man in general and I hope the counsellor can get to the root of that. He will be having some sessions on his own which I hope he will benefit from. <br /><br />Just wanted to get it out there to see if anyone can relate to me, it really does surprise me how much our stories are alike. Love reading your thoughts and appreciate your support. Have a good day ladies and keep smiling : ) xxxx<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14621994625215389891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-76375298114376073152016-04-24T04:13:02.634-04:002016-04-24T04:13:02.634-04:00Melissa, regarding "lower EQ" and willin...Melissa, regarding "lower EQ" and willingness "to be the emotionally stronger person" -- very interesting angle for me to view our marriage as we still, five years on, struggle. Thanks for providing this viewpoint.Jennifernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-79292825872193612022016-04-22T23:30:47.955-04:002016-04-22T23:30:47.955-04:00Happy surprise to see this, road map and all. I&...Happy surprise to see this, road map and all. I'm another BW with a full bookshelf. If I ask nicely (more than once) h reads parts of books, watches parts of videos. I hate asking -- I feel like such a b*. I have to accept that I work harder at marriage than he does, always have and always will. I'm not sorry we're trying to rebuild, and if he truly can't keep up (and keep his pants on) then at least I'll never have to wonder what would have happened if we tried. I love when Elle says sleeves rolled up, eyes wide open. I am doing my share. That is enough for now. Thank you all for being here. Snowbirdnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-76608466392530433072016-04-21T21:19:30.790-04:002016-04-21T21:19:30.790-04:00In response to Elle's response- we recently ha...In response to Elle's response- we recently had a challenge to the boundaries that were set early on after discovery. I periodically check my husband's search history and hadn't done so in many months, but one night while I was retrieving a tax document from his laptop, I decided to check and since I didn't want to check all the months I picked one from a few months ago. Found the usual stuff, and then....there it was. He had clicked on a shared folder and two documents in that folder. I froze. When he got home, I asked him to explain why he went to this shared folder. Long story short, when he finally came clean (took him a day), I restated the no contact boundary and asked him why he did this. "Stupid curiosity." For whatever reason, he wanted to see if she had changed her password..wth??? I was more upset about the day-long lie (I don't remember doing that- yeah, right.) I get a slip-up, but I suppose I expected it earlier than 2 years out. But the lie....I finally said, how is this supposed to work, ___? You want me to trust you, you say you're working at this, and then when you have a slip up, you don't tell me, you don't tell your counselor, and then you lie when I find this and ask you about it. How is this supposed to work?<br />So we worked out another boundary- in a civil way (yay!) that 1) no contact includes anything she's associated with and 2) if he has a slip, he needs to tell me about it so that I don't get triggered, and I don't have to discover something yet again I don't want to discover, and I don't go into search mode. <br />Then I asked him if there was anything else I should know about. And I told him to erase his history so I would not get the search bug and we'd start over again.<br />So while I can't claim any kind of knowledge about how to work through infidelity, I've learned as I've gone along and it's gotten easier to navigate the farther out we go. I never , ever thought about boundaries before this happened, and now, I think about them a lot and with all my relationships. It's a very important tool I wish they'd teach us before we get married!<br />C.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5434197593915690172016-04-21T18:09:21.862-04:002016-04-21T18:09:21.862-04:00I think Fragments has hit on a really important po...I think Fragments has hit on a really important point and I'm going to expand on it in a post. Whether or not your husbands are reading these books is besides the point. You're making a request (a small request) based on what you believe you need to help you heal -- which is, essentially, some empathy from them assuming they read the books and begin to understand what you're going through. It's the fact that, even with the fact that they're asking YOU to give them a second chance, they're not willing to make an effort to do something that you've said is important to you. THAT's the real problem.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74223410718998932102016-04-21T13:30:56.948-04:002016-04-21T13:30:56.948-04:00I think there's a lot of confusion around boun...I think there's a lot of confusion around boundaries and wishes, and the waters get a whole lot muddier post D-Day. Essentially, boundaries are about us taking responsibility for our own needs and actions and NOT taking responsibility for other people's needs and actions. A quick example is: I need a room cleared out to create an office space at home. It's full of my husband's stuff. I express my need (taking responsibility for my own need). My husband drags his feet, which creates resentment in me. Instead of demanding that he clear out the room (which disempowers me), I figure out how I can be responsible for my own need. I might say, "I really need that room cleared out so I can set up my office. I've hired someone to come and clear out the stuff on Friday. Where shall I have him put your belongings?" <br />Immediately, I'm holding the power to have my boundaries taken care of by me. I can request or wish that my husband respond...but by demanding/nagging/begging etc., I'm disempowering myself.<br />In the wake of betrayal, we need to get really clear on our boundaries. What do we NEED to heal. And then we set about respecting those. We can ask our partners for what we want...and it's a good sign, of course, when our partners respond that they will support us in what we need...but that's where it ends. If our partners won't give us what we need, then they're telling us that our needs aren't important to them. <br />I'm going to revisit this in a post because it's confusing and, as noted, betrayal confuses things further because we're so reliant on the person who hurt us to help us heal. <br />But we start by getting clear on our own boundaries and then seeing how we can address our needs without disempowering ourselves. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-14451013839162196872016-04-21T08:39:40.790-04:002016-04-21T08:39:40.790-04:00Valkyrie
I typed a reply that disappeared in cybe...Valkyrie <br />I typed a reply that disappeared in cyberspace but just want you to know your words ring so true for my h! He is a better man for the lessons he learned from this experience! I couldn't understand how he could love me and still enter into an affair with another woman. He was finally able to explain how he has to compartmentalize each aspect of his life and I truly didn't understand until I read the link posted by Dandilion in a different post but when I asked him to read it and was that what he meant on how he could do both that helped me understand him better. Then I was stuck with how do you know you won't do this again and he was finally able to share how this has changed how he looks at all women now...not as objects for self gratification...does he still look at other beautiful women yes because he's still a man but he no longer undresses women with his eyes. Looking at our lives as if it was a movie...you are so right that I'm so glad to be me! I can't imagine having to live with the guilt of causing this much pain to the man I love with my heart and soul...Thanks for your thought provoking post!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-33750451721278077322016-04-21T05:00:02.513-04:002016-04-21T05:00:02.513-04:00Melissa & all, I guess I feel that if they are...Melissa & all, I guess I feel that if they are sorry they would try to meet any reasonable and not overly demanding requests. I think if I'd hurt someone and they told me what would help, I'd do it. My h either forgets or hasn't the time or perhaps isn't sure that what I suggest will help at all (yes books or whatever.)I suppose many of the requests involve circling round or analysing the affair whereas I know many men, incl my h want to just 'fix' things and move on. I guess my h has to get on with things and keep his head down (he's been in a couple of startups) so books and talks and analysing don't feel helpful to him. (Though he's done plenty of that.) Melissa I don't really get the therapist saying it was big of him to sit in the middle seat all those years. It was something you needed and no big deal for him.(?) I guess as a mother of a child with high functioning autism (needs forewarning of change, avoid crowds, strong smells etc) I am so used to making accommodations due to his needs, I would not think I'm good for doing it, just that my son requires consideration and particular care. Elle said it beautifully (in Stuck?) that women are socially conditioned to be aware of others and accommodate them. If women these days are meant to 'Lean in', I don't see why men can't learn some of those other skills. Fragments of Hopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-71036129855062881422016-04-21T04:43:57.351-04:002016-04-21T04:43:57.351-04:00Yes Theresa, I have to get it out of my brain but ...Yes Theresa, I have to get it out of my brain but my h can't deal with the onslaught (well, who could?) Where or not it has any logical basis, it's really important (and it was in a book by Steven Stosney (Living and Loving After Betrayal) that what really helps heal is if the CS makes reparations that link specifically with what triggers us. So your rules around work delays make sense when he was meeting her around work. My h met the OW for coffee at lunchtimes many times and once arranged a special early dinner after work and then came home. I didn't even notice. I would have had his dinner waiting, perhaps he said he had a big lunch and was late out from work. Lies drip off the tongue so easily. Now my husband has started a new job with longer commute in an area with many restaurants etc. I needed him to let me know his comings and goings to help me feel relaxed about this new situation. He has not done a brilliant job of changing his poor communication habits. Elle, thanks for your terrific feedback. I really like that short and clear sentence that can be used to state my stance. I suppose I've being panicking about his thoughtlessness and lack of self-awareness and what this means for the future. I've said to my husband that I'm asking for these communications for both of us, to give our relationship the best chance, to take the worry out of it, so that I can focus on our good times together. He wants to do it the other way around and have the good times cancel out the past, I can see where he is coming from but I told him I need a stable foundation to stand on before I can relax into things. Fragments of Hopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-49584250218807823572016-04-21T00:18:00.700-04:002016-04-21T00:18:00.700-04:00I have has a similar situation with the books. My ...I have has a similar situation with the books. My husband suggested he select some books to read. Again I know I have said this before but he is a mental health professional. What I found interesting after 10 years of college education 9 in the classroom they never take a marriage class. He had classes that covered it and more general relationship classes but crazy they never take a class regarding marriage. So anyways we had a major discussion that I feel frustrated I am going to individual counseling and really it is like marriage counseling for one. Not that I am perfect but really all we talk about is him. I go once a month and develop talking points based off of questions my therapist asks me and I feel like I come home and am doing therapy with my husband. And my therapist does not want me giving him an ultimatum of going. Due to the level of his training and practice even if he goes he questions if it would be worth it. He feels like we are making good progress this way. <br /><br />Well he ordered his books and has read two nights in over two weeks that is it. And he could read this stuff at work. I mean if he had these books out then no big deal. So I have gone back and forth. I am giving his some space on it. After a week or two more and am going to ask to set up a schedule, my therapist said this is normal. A therapist might assign a chapter and ask not just to read it but process it. Only one chapter a month. And 70% of the time should be time to talk about what is read and both of us reading it. And he said usually the wife would want to go home and read it in a day or two the entire book but not what he wants. So for now I am giving some freedom around this but in time I am going to suggest advocating a more structured plan to "process" the books. We will see how it goes.Hopeful 30noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-33934906948692737162016-04-20T21:30:42.443-04:002016-04-20T21:30:42.443-04:00What an overview to think about. A much better mi...What an overview to think about. A much better mind movie to watch. This really validated why Is mutated. Thank you Lynn PPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55042894637532333742016-04-20T16:40:07.580-04:002016-04-20T16:40:07.580-04:00Lynne, I just have to say, love the new screen nam...Lynne, I just have to say, love the new screen name.Geenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-24081463619365869842016-04-20T16:18:11.140-04:002016-04-20T16:18:11.140-04:00Melissa
I find myself wondering if my boundaries ...Melissa <br />I find myself wondering if my boundaries were fair but then I had to have a few of mine in order for me to feel safe and even if it is unfair for now it's what I need. We're still a work in progress trying, both of us not to take anything for granted. I also had to reassure myself because he had a muddy view of lying and didn't consider it lying by omission of the fact that he had a secret life with another woman. Now he understands the importance of true honesty even when the truth hurts! We march forward together. We're still learning what boundaries we need and I am grateful my h is willing to listen and make adjustments when necessary! Keep looking for your boundaries!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.com