tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post5368256477290836465..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: How to Save Your Own LifeEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-68002476380379314802020-08-30T17:41:32.092-04:002020-08-30T17:41:32.092-04:00Thank you Elle, your understanding is like a light...Thank you Elle, your understanding is like a light in a long dark tunnel.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-16244293486770724162020-08-30T12:02:37.568-04:002020-08-30T12:02:37.568-04:00I am so sorry for the pain you're in. I know i...I am so sorry for the pain you're in. I know it well. We all do.<br />If you are exhausted, then rest. You are not obliged to make a choice right here, right now. Rest. But while you rest, keep your mind open that you have options. You are not required, no matter how much "comfort" you enjoy, to continue in a relationship in which your wants and needs are disrespected. We teach people how to treat us. And at 68, you likely have a lot of living left to do. The idea of being a "divorced woman" is more than likely an exhausting one. And yet, a divorced woman is simply you without him and his affairs. You without these periodic bombs going off in your life. Honestly...that sounds pretty nice to me. <br />That said, our m.o. on this site is to always always let each other determine what feels right for us. I don't know what's right for you. You do. So give yourself time to consider it. And, to keep your choices open, maybe speak with a lawyer about what your life might look like to be a divorced woman. What would it mean financially? What would it mean logistically? Getting clear on it might make it seem less like a frightening fuzzy future and more like a perfectly reasonable option.<br />Whatever choice you make, you are a person worthy of love and kindness and respect. Sometime when we haven't been treated with that, we forget it. Please always remember.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-20114739143914439152020-08-30T10:31:58.785-04:002020-08-30T10:31:58.785-04:00The pain was so excruciating, I wished I were dead...The pain was so excruciating, I wished I were dead. Its helpful beyond words that someone understands this depth of pain. Thank you. I'm 68 years old, 42 years and four kids with my husband, and three months in since discovering his latest emotional affair. (My husband has untreated erectile dysfunction, he cannot consummate an affair). I've had therapy for the first time in my life. The therapist advises there is no chance that my husband will change, therefore unless I'm willing to accept his secretive, serial flirtations, I should divorce him now. He is kind, generous and polite to me, I am in a major comfort zone, and he is begging me to stay, making the same promises hes made after every affair. I am numb with pain. I hardly have the energy to get out of bed, let alone restart life as a divorced woman.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81654958233162510772020-08-30T10:01:23.995-04:002020-08-30T10:01:23.995-04:00Me as well, Those cultural messages are powerful. ...Me as well, Those cultural messages are powerful. And they're also completely lacking in nuance. Statistically speaking, most people stay, though you'd never know that. We are given two options: Stay and be miserable, or leave and be happy. The truth is that it's quite possible to stay and be happy or leave and be miserable. We are the ones who determine the outcome for ourselves. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-1022524724528456652020-08-29T18:24:00.573-04:002020-08-29T18:24:00.573-04:00I’m right there with you. Just remember you live ...I’m right there with you. Just remember you live in the present, not the past. When you walk forward you walk with your head held high looking the direction you want to go. Don’t let yourself walk forward looking back. <br />I’m trying to realize that the affair was simply a symptom of my marriage beginning to fall apart. It wasn’t the big picture. Remind yourself “it’s not your fault”. Nothing could have changed this. I do this constantly. I’m still struggling myself. It’s only been three months since I found out. I’m getting exhausted by this bringing me down. At times I realize I only have to suffer if I want to. Sometimes easier said than done. But I will rise up. At this point we want to save our marriage. I’m going to continue to take things day my day. I can’t see the future but I know it’s there. Me as wellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12166823796839117288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-20654188030434339452020-08-29T18:15:20.062-04:002020-08-29T18:15:20.062-04:00Thankful I came across this site. We want to save...Thankful I came across this site. We want to save our marriage. I was feeling ashamed of myself for even trying. The young ,non married woman of myself 19 years ago would have left and taken everything. Society tells you the norm is to leave and that you are a “bad” representation of a woman if you stay. Me as wellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12166823796839117288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-28910447367651936002020-08-04T12:42:02.020-04:002020-08-04T12:42:02.020-04:00"They don't cheat with someone better tha..."They don't cheat with someone better than you but with someone worse than themselves." WOW! That's one of the most powerful things I have yet to read. Thank you for that perfect insight. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04203576306882798922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-31843930158500709662020-07-17T09:29:46.832-04:002020-07-17T09:29:46.832-04:00Wow, you never cease to amaze me with your words a...Wow, you never cease to amaze me with your words and insight.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10110024434291422968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-90775738623711552872020-07-16T11:05:43.448-04:002020-07-16T11:05:43.448-04:00There are some behaviour modification techniques y...There are some behaviour modification techniques you can use -- an elastic band around your wrist that you snap when you start imagining, a stop sign taped to your mirror or wherever... But, mostly, time. Yes, it gets better. Much much better. There was nothing special about her or their affair. It was pathetically mundane. She was just willing and available. That's all. As someone said recently on Twitter, they don't cheat with someone better than you but with someone worse than themselves. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-86706412283456555552020-07-16T10:52:06.606-04:002020-07-16T10:52:06.606-04:00❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-47505718571508842722020-07-16T03:43:01.992-04:002020-07-16T03:43:01.992-04:00How do you stop thinking about the affair and ever...How do you stop thinking about the affair and every little detail about it? To stop thinking about my husband having sex with the other woman? I found out about it only 3 months ago but I’m driving myself crazy. Surely it gets better with time, right?? Someone please tell me it gets better. I cannot live the rest of our lives constantly thinking about the other woman.ElizabethRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17667420799531718098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-65877449457067290212020-07-14T14:30:28.561-04:002020-07-14T14:30:28.561-04:00Yes. Thank you. Your words, your voice, your wisdo...Yes. Thank you. Your words, your voice, your wisdom is so needed and so hopeful. Thank you, Elle!!! Janahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03742080751370366048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55576063927543328192020-07-14T11:58:49.139-04:002020-07-14T11:58:49.139-04:002 years 4 months in, I'm finally here in my jo...2 years 4 months in, I'm finally here in my journey, self care begins here, these words are invaluable, thank you.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01938970755204201237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-70746052382730951502020-07-14T11:54:46.265-04:002020-07-14T11:54:46.265-04:00Sometimes I feel like you read my mind Elle. 6 mon...Sometimes I feel like you read my mind Elle. 6 months on and I’m just so angry about the fact that one person could destroy my entire life. Brought me to my knees, whimpering, sad, depressed and full of fear. How did I give him so much power and how dare he abuse it this way. There is anger, disgust and pity about the infidelity, but for allowing myself to become this version that’s dependent on someone and their love - it makes me livid! Thank you for these words. They couldn’t be more timely :)Natanangelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980938580337019550noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-68159810084117308782020-07-13T19:44:58.285-04:002020-07-13T19:44:58.285-04:00That is just beautiful thank you Elle, it actually...That is just beautiful thank you Elle, it actually brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for that really truly thank you. Bingohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08290100384509904698noreply@blogger.com