tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post6435409384092727429..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: More Evidence that Other Women Are CrazyEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-6216091354939400802015-03-13T01:57:09.742-04:002015-03-13T01:57:09.742-04:00Your post and your readers' comments are one o...Your post and your readers' comments are one of the first things I read this morning - and I laughed until I cried. Good answers, good answers.rmjhttp://remembering-my-journey.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-75996659673195300242014-03-03T14:44:40.975-05:002014-03-03T14:44:40.975-05:00Thank you so much for your response to the OW. Lik...Thank you so much for your response to the OW. Like others, I took great pleasure in your comments to her crazy rant :) I found out about my husband's affair 8 weeks ago. The affair lasted only 3 months, but the damage to my family and myself seems endless. He has literally begged for my forgiveness and we are committed to working on our marriage, but the OW has become a bit of an obsession for me. After I found out, my husband sent the OW an email ending the affair, to which she promptly sent an email to me! It too was full of grammatical and spelling errors (yep, made me smile when I read it), but she went on to announce how she was not going to be sorry for having an affair with my husband (she knew he was married), because she had a horrible marriage; therefore, justified in her actions (insert jaw hanging open here). She then went on to say that my husband was not telling me everything (don't worry, I had 3 months of emails that let me know I knew everything... and then some), and that he was probably telling me she was crazy, followed with the line "and that is not true!" - Thy think thou protests too much :) I never responded and/or contacted her after her rant, which is uncommon for me. I don't typically let things go without a bit more dialogue, but your response to the OW filled this nagging feeling inside me - thank you! It feels like you responded to all of the crazy OW out there on behalf of betrayed wives. I feel a bit more healed as a result - letting me know that I am not alone in all of this. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-31837674040569081122014-02-25T11:40:56.660-05:002014-02-25T11:40:56.660-05:00As our letter writer so eloquently pointed out, &q...As our letter writer so eloquently pointed out, "all wives are different, all husbands are different, all other women are different..." Which is completely true. While I have a hard time ever rationalizing that it's okay to get involved with a married man, it doesn't follow that anyone who does is morally bankrupt. There are undoubtedly exceptions. Some simply don't care ("I didn't take any marriage vows," they say), some fall for the bullshit offered up by married men ("she doesn't understand me", "we no longer have sex", "we have an open marriage"...), and some either don't know or don't want to know he's married.<br />I'm able to look back at a guy I briefly dated in my 20s. I could never quite understand our relationship. I never had his home number, he seemed to only be interested in getting me into bed (didn't work)... Now I can see how naive I was. Of course he was married. But then? I just thought he was...odd. <br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-61047455434400828312014-02-25T10:50:02.519-05:002014-02-25T10:50:02.519-05:00Hi Elle..
may I ask.. do they really think they a...Hi Elle..<br /><br />may I ask.. do they really think they are not in the wrong... at all? That what they did was not their fault.. at all...?ilissnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-84731383218125148422014-02-05T10:57:30.925-05:002014-02-05T10:57:30.925-05:00Anonymous,
There's clearly some reason your hu...Anonymous,<br />There's clearly some reason your husband is avoiding you sexually. Will he talk to you about it? It's undoubtedly HIS stuff (he's dealing with shame or guilt or fear of asking you to try certain things or who knows what) but until you two can have an open conversation about it, it won't magically get better. <br />Can you tell him how much it hurts you when he ignores you? Could you try just hugging each other? Could you ask him to just hold you? You're likely feeling so rejected, which is doubly hard in the wake of betrayal.<br />See if he'll talk to you. No recriminations. No dragging out everything he did to screw things up. Just two people sharing their fears and hopes and thoughts.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-26531835257718474052014-02-04T16:00:10.736-05:002014-02-04T16:00:10.736-05:00There are no funds for date night. We can't ev...There are no funds for date night. We can't even pay the bills (just the living expenses). As for our sex life it's not about it being boring it is about my telling him I'm interest and him refusing to come to bed when I do so that he can avoid me. He spends more time with me otherwise but when it comes time to go to bed he won't go even if I tell him I'd like some alone time with him he just says "I'll be there in a few minutes" but never comes to bed until he knows I'm asleep. I love my husband but hate what he has done to the person I used to be and to my life. I don't know if it will ever be right. Maybe she has moved on. It has been 8 months (as far as I know) since contact was attempted. If that is true I think that sucks too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-31175054151765780832014-01-27T11:27:09.515-05:002014-01-27T11:27:09.515-05:00Anonymous,
I worry that you've fallen into a p...Anonymous,<br />I worry that you've fallen into a place where I think many of us do -- you can see that your marriage is better than it was (at least when your husband was cheating) but assume that's as good as it's going to get. I think there's a ton of pain in your letter, around feeling rejected sexually, around feeling as if the OW had something in your husband that he won't give you. <br />I know money is an issue right now but I'd urge you to nonetheless do what you can to create a better marriage. As long as you're going to keep him, you might as well enjoy him. It sounds incredibly cliché but what about date nights? Time for the two of you to do something you enjoy together. What about trying to change things up sexually? It means making yourself vulnerable, which I think is terrifying for you (and me, too!!). It means opening up all that pain you've pushed down...and risking rejection. But I think you have so much more to offer him and yourself than you're giving. Your life shouldn't be about depriving her...but enjoying yourself. She's likely moved on. Whether she's happy or not, who knows and who cares. This needs to be about you and what you want. Scary, yep. But so much more rewarding than living a half-life.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-57837281227396113832014-01-25T16:07:42.965-05:002014-01-25T16:07:42.965-05:00I come here every once in a while to remind myself...I come here every once in a while to remind myself that I'm not the only one this happens to. The month you wrote this (October) was the 3 year anniversary of the beginning of my husband's affair. Two days from now will be the 3rd anniversary of D-day. This crazy lady who wrote you that email could so have been my husband's OW. She thinks she is very intelligent and that she "sees people as they really are". According to her my husband stayed because I threaten him and he is afraid of me. She was afraid of me. That is a GOOD thing. Only bit of sanity about her. I love her assessment of me and my personality which was totally based on my husband's lies to her and himself. Yes I had issues. No I wasn't born with them he created them. He created the awful condition of our marriage at the time and I made it worse. So, I have resolved to no longer make it worse. She thinks that he was her soul mate, yet claims he was a mistake and not that great in bed. Yet every 6-8 months we are faced with another attempt to contact. She claims she is over him and doesn't want him but feels sorry that he has resigned himself to living with such a horrible person as me. Yet she is still getting others to try to contact him on her behalf.So....she is a nut just like the one you wrote about.<br /> What is reality? Here is where I am two days from year 3: My husband is a kinder person these days. He has turned back to God and is working on the flaws in him that led him to do such a thing with such a person to begin with. No, I don't have the marriage I dreamed of. I've resigned myself to the knowledge that he ended it with her and stayed with me because he wanted to be right with God and do the right thing not because he is in love with me. He loved her. I know that. Since then I have found cards he had tucked away to give to her. He hid them and forgot where they were and I came across them when cleaning out the hiding places. It is crushing to know how he felt about her. I don't get such heart felt, romantic cards. I still don't. I usually don't get one on special occasions (if I do it is usually in the form of a funny card). I have never gotten a romantic apology card, not even after the affair but I found one that he had bought for her but didn't get to send because he was hospitalized and afterward broke it off with her. <br /> I know I will never again have romance in my life. I know that he is no longer so concerned with his sex life and how often he has sex because he now seldom ask even though I am more than willing. I often am the one who ask now. Ironic huh? I also know that he cares about me but is here to do the right thing. Despite what he told her I love him. I'm not here because of the financial security. In fact, he lost his job months ago and we have never been in such financial ciaos. I don't have the same hopes for my life that I used to but there is one thing I can take great satisfaction from: he may only be here to do the right thing but he isn't with her. I may not ever get to have the marriage and love I want but she will never have what she thinks she had either. Fair enough!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-67137388705571049242014-01-08T10:16:29.965-05:002014-01-08T10:16:29.965-05:00I'm so sorry. This woman is clearly completely...I'm so sorry. This woman is clearly completely nuts and utterly without dignity or self-respect.<br />I don't think you have any recourse other than to cut her off as much as possible. At this point, I don't think she can do any more damage. She's already broadcast to everyone…revealing herself to be a total lunatic in the process.<br />As much as it's completely unfair, I think you're just going to have to wait it out. I suspect that once she's involved with someone else (and these women always get involved with someone else), she might be inclined to let it go. Or it will just get old and she'll move onto ruining someone else's life. For a lot of these women, attention and drama are oxygen. The less you give them, the more they wither. I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more. In the meantime, try and take heart is the (true) adage that living well is the best revenge. <br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-47033905026278559912014-01-08T09:15:20.006-05:002014-01-08T09:15:20.006-05:00I am having a somewhat difficult time getting the ...I am having a somewhat difficult time getting the OW out of my life. After my husband broke things off with her she flew into a fit of rage and sent me a letter telling me all about their relationship. I was devastated. My husband and I had been going to therapy together 6 months before I got her letter and I was finally feeling safe with him and in love and back on track. She sent me the letter so that I'd leave him as well and when I didn't she decided to write a blog using our full names, where we graduated from, places we lived.. you name it. Anything you could think of she tagged so her greatly exaggerate piece of hurtful fiction could be shared with the world. Even with our children. It was designed to be as hurtful as possible and you could tell she spent a long time crafting her story. She has since removed our names after several emails and a couple of phone calls from my husband, but to this day you can still see a picture of the the two she posted as a couple in google images when you type in MY name. It keeps this hate alive for her inside me and fuels fear about what she could do next. I just want her out of our lives forever. Why can't she just move on and leave us alone? I want to get to a place where my husband and I can start over but I don't know how.. I want to be the funny, charming, peaceful person he fell in love with but there's always this fear or agony that gets in the way. I felt like I was doing so much better until she released her blog and I found out her ugly detailed story and I fee like I'm at square one. She wanted to marry him, hoping he'd just desert out kids and me and start over with her. He clearly never loved her and told her such crazy lies about his life that I had to wonder if he had a different personality bumping around in that head of his. When he was with her he only ever told me he had a huge project at work, or he had to get a proposal written, or something like that. He spent about 10 nights away from home during the month, but always came home looking exhausted like he had worked all night. How do you deal with the OW who is on the warpath? We don't even live in the same sate anymore! It was 4 months after he left that she wrote this public story. When is she going to let us be and accept that he wanted to start over with his wife and kids?!?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-88258410443389829072013-12-26T09:17:58.843-05:002013-12-26T09:17:58.843-05:00Trapped, eh? So that's why when I started pack...Trapped, eh? So that's why when I started packing his things, he begged me to let him stay? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-9358261752479119962013-10-29T22:44:52.496-04:002013-10-29T22:44:52.496-04:00Wow...some people will believe anything...Wow...some people will believe anything...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43563595610804542292013-10-22T14:53:53.160-04:002013-10-22T14:53:53.160-04:00It is a long process. Longer than any of us would ...It is a long process. Longer than any of us would imagine before we go through it. That said, you sound well on your way.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-5243711006448834792013-10-20T15:04:50.703-04:002013-10-20T15:04:50.703-04:00Great analogy!
The other woman in my story was &q...Great analogy!<br /><br />The other woman in my story was "going through a difficult time." She was turning 50 and having trouble with that landmark, along with feeling alone and desperate. She had been serial dating, never finding the right person. No man was good enough for her (except, apparently, my husband -- although who knows how long he would have been up to her standards). Her marriage had fallen apart years before, due to her husband cheating with her sister and refusing to do the work to reconcile, and she was still bitter and angry about that.<br /><br />So she was in a bad state of mind, and rather than handling it constructively, she went ahead with an affair that she knew was wrong and reportedly "fought" all along. (You didn't fight hard enough.)<br /><br />I can now see that as immature thinking. She behaved like a child: "I'm hurt and scared and angry, so I'll just ignore the feelings of this around me, and trample on them despite knowing exactly what damage I'm doing." Kind of a long term, adult- themed temper tantrum, don't you think?<br /><br />So, yeah, I'm the "victim" of a hit and run accident by a drunken, immature driver who disregarded all of the consequences of her actions.<br /><br />(Of course I work hard to not to think of myself as a victim. It's just apt in that sentence.)<br /><br />Put in that light, maybe, hopefully, I'm a step closer to letting her go in my mind. It's such a long process!mountainsailinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07045817177532673787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-32748791152916317202013-10-20T13:45:17.393-04:002013-10-20T13:45:17.393-04:00Mountainsailing,
Yes, it is sad. Sadder still that...Mountainsailing,<br />Yes, it is sad. Sadder still that too many messed up people hurt the rest of us in the form of collateral damage. Like drunk drivers. <br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-23255993746581217242013-10-20T12:33:08.756-04:002013-10-20T12:33:08.756-04:00I don't know if it helps me or not that the ph...I don't know if it helps me or not that the photo here looks a lot like the other woman on my story. I mean, if she made that face, that's her! (At least, that's my memory of her. I forced myself to let her image fade, by deleting all photos and making myself stop looking her up online.)<br /><br />I've read this a few times and I keep meaning to post that this other woman sounds very, VERY immature -- even taking into account English is quite likely not her first language. Her thought processes are immature. At first I thought she must be VERY young, but maybe it's not her chronological age, but her mental age. Or perhaps that's just the level of maturity that is exposed when she's trying to justify behavior that isn't easily justified.<br /><br />I don't think there's just one type of other woman. They're not all evil, not all conniving and manipulative, not all immature, not all lost and confused. I guess they're all behaving selfishly (as were our husbands), but that doesn't mean they're all inherently selfish. That might just be a phase in their lives.<br /><br />But this immature thinking...at least during the affair, or when justifying it afterwards....This might be a common thread, at least for many other women.<br /><br />It's possible to see this as sad, even pathetic. You need help, honey. You need to grow up and look at yourself more honestly. You need to stop blaming everyone else for your own mistakes. Hey, that might be another common thread. The other woman in my story did that, in spades! And in every area of her life, not just regarding the affair.mountainsailinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07045817177532673787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64437045152666176552013-10-19T18:53:49.197-04:002013-10-19T18:53:49.197-04:00Laughing is good! Glad to help.
ElleLaughing is good! Glad to help.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55076280788837980892013-10-19T02:23:16.699-04:002013-10-19T02:23:16.699-04:00Dear Elle, some of your blogs should be really pos...Dear Elle, some of your blogs should be really posted with a warning: "Do NOT read with a toddler sleeping in the next room; there is a risk of waking her up with your outbursts of loud laughter". <br /> [Jaw hanging open.]<br />[Every cat is different. Every pebble is different. Every raindrop is different. This is fun...] - these are my favorite lines. Thank you for making my day! I have not had much laugh lately. <br />Anyways, as this is my first post on this great site (although I have been reading you beautiful ladies for nearly 2 years), I would like to say a bit about myself and “join the club”. Do I have to put my story anywhere specific? <br />Also, Elle, let me tell you that this site has helped me over the past months better than any therapist or expert book on the subject. I find you put everything in words exactly as I feel it, with humor and perspective that seems so effortless. Thank you!<br />Gabinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-36632001171510193872013-10-18T10:59:52.128-04:002013-10-18T10:59:52.128-04:00Thank you Elle. Yes, think its called " A bar...Thank you Elle. Yes, think its called " A barrel of lies dredged up for mistresses" ... I feel a book coming on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-23570367474854353942013-10-18T10:33:20.679-04:002013-10-18T10:33:20.679-04:00So, so beautifully put. Thank-you.
(Does anyone kn...So, so beautifully put. Thank-you.<br />(Does anyone know if there actually IS a cheater's handbook? I swear these guys operate from the same script.)Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-80915716812046815382013-10-18T08:56:34.321-04:002013-10-18T08:56:34.321-04:00Dear Pink Stellar,
Although that piece could have...Dear Pink Stellar,<br /><br />Although that piece could have been written by the O/W that you know, I have realised that affairs and bullshit follow a pattern. 70% of the blogs I read on here I think I wrote as they are so similar.<br /><br />The classics are always: We don't sleep together anymore, staying for the kids, you've given me the best sex I've ever had, if only the wife understood me the way you do, wish I'd met you years ago, of course we'll be together some day. <br /><br />After looking at many other sites about infidelity, I'm staggered that the O/W falls for it, really staggered. I know that there are the cases where men have genuinely fallen for another woman and separated and sort of done the honourable thing by being up front and open with their wives/husbands, but these cases are so far and few between.<br /><br />Elle, as your husband so rightly put, " What they've got, we don't want"<br /><br />Like Shawn, I too hope that by putting a constructive view point of the facts to the O/W, it may deter some, although something tells me that these women do know what they're letting themselves in for. I often try and take the sympathetic approach and think, well, perhaps their parents had multiple affairs, they have low self esteem, they only have a shallow personality so they cannot hold their own as a woman/mother/spouse involving good family decisions. They must feel bitterness and bile within themselves for being let down or taken for a ride so often.<br /><br />In the first few months after D Day I thought I had lost my mind. It must of been me that was all wrong, that I was a pain to live with, but with this site we soon realise that we did have issues but we didn't run into the arms of others or get sucked up into a pointless and destructive relationship, and its only by reading what a strange person the other women is, that we feel that they are willing to be used. Any port in a storm!<br /><br />Any O/W reading this, don't make yourself a demoralising statistic. Keep your head held high, don't put yourself in the position of shame and anger. So what if a married man makes a pass at you, I can assure you there's nothing nicer than enjoying the compliment and walking away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-46647417758820214292013-10-17T13:17:52.163-04:002013-10-17T13:17:52.163-04:00Shawn,
I think this will be my token response. I r...Shawn,<br />I think this will be my token response. I responded not for the OW's sake...but for the sake of my readers who can see, in black and white, just how messed up many of these women are. Too often we imagine that they've got something we don't. And they do...but in the immortal words of my husband's therapist, "what they've got," he said, "you don't want."<br />Indeed.<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-68376897522599817472013-10-17T13:01:01.743-04:002013-10-17T13:01:01.743-04:00I call the readers that leave these kind private e...I call the readers that leave these kind private emails or comments on my blog "Hit & Runs". The only way I can find any tolerance for their ignorance is to imagine they are extremely delusional individuals that have little self-esteem and are wallowing in self pity wishing their "true love" could be lived in the light. That kind of warped train of thought is gonna cause some anger issues. They need a place to vent. We're easy targets.<br />The "Hit & Runs" usually lash out and then head back to their holes of secrecy, rarely waiting to read our replies to their irrational, argumentative and often unintelligible diatribe. <br />Responding to them is an exercise in futility...yet, like you, I continue to try. Hoping there may be one Other Woman out there reading that will finally admit her choices were/are morally bankrupt and deeply misguided.<br />Once again...this betrayed wife continues to dream......<br />Congrats to you for taking the time to challenge your "Hit & Run."shawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-3868564434799724012013-10-17T10:56:51.672-04:002013-10-17T10:56:51.672-04:00PinkStellar,
You might be right. I do get some rea...PinkStellar,<br />You might be right. I do get some readers from Germany but I don't know exactly where letters originate.<br />I was aware when I chose to respond that I could have been inviting trouble in. My first reaction was to let it go. But too often I think we don't push back. We don't stand our ground and point out the hypocrisy and outright insanity of their "defense." If it's true "love", then don't sneak around. Divorce, remarry and live happily ever after. Of course it's not that easy. And of course, that option doesn't seem nearly as attractive once it's an actual option. It's only appealing when it's a fantasy. <br />Glad you appreciated the humour...<br /><br />ElleEllehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-3934406237486805732013-10-17T04:54:36.038-04:002013-10-17T04:54:36.038-04:00I dont know why Elle, but I have this feeling that...I dont know why Elle, but I have this feeling that I know who wrote this letter to you. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I just wanna let you know. This could be the OW if my partner. How in the world did she find your blog? I actually led her here. Few days after my dday in July, I sent her the link to you some of your blog posts. The one about how the wife suffers and also your letter to the OW. It was somehow my response to her email to me telling me that "she knows exactly how I feel, and that she cries all the time and that she suffers too", that time I couldn't think straight and though I have a lot to say, my mind couldn't make sense. Everything was messed up and i barely slept and only drank water to for days. Anyways, what made think it could be the oW were the words used there like obligations and prison cell, responsibility, suppress, the text in the morning and late at night before going to bed. The grammar errors and "diplomatically". First, if this reply came from germany, then bingo. English isn't her first language (just like me). Then the words, those words. I read them on the email sent to my partner that he forwarded to me. I also read some of these words on the email she sent me. Like when she said the H sent her morning text before going to bed "good morning beautiful", the OW of my partner said the same thing to me except some words in German. Again, I could be wrong but I just have this weird feeling after reading this post.<br /><br />But once again, I enjoyed reading this blog post. The way you respond to the letter is hilarious! :)) Have a nice day Elle!PinkStellarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17448418255417218549noreply@blogger.com