tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post6855744545104453678..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: What was your moment of transformation?Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-9742853587614188942016-01-05T16:05:57.544-05:002016-01-05T16:05:57.544-05:00Is four months too early for a transformation? May...Is four months too early for a transformation? Maybe it is just the first of many...<br /><br />I'm now 16 wks out and I feel a softening in my heart. My husband has said and done all the right things--he's answered every question, given reassurances, stayed with me in my pain, taken responsibility, planned out his own healing, etc. In the last few weeks, I feel acceptance taking over. I accept that my marriage, as I knew it, is dead. I accept that there is a hole in him that I never could have filed and his acting it was him trying to fill it inappropriately. I accept that this had nothing to do with me. I accept that this is my reality now.<br /><br />I wouldn't say I feel overwhelming love for him again, but I don't feel the blinding rage, the all-consuming grief these days (knocks wood.) Is that maybe the first step? It seems early to me, but maybe so. His cheating was brief--right after we got married, two times (same woman) at conferences, while drunk as a skunk. He's seen her two other conferences since (before I knew anything) and had very minimal contact, and nothing since (she lives in another state.) I didn't have to beg him to cut it off, and I didn't have months or years of deceit to make sense of (my hat is off to you ladies who do...y'all are amazing; two discreet instances almost leveled me, I don't know how I would have managed if it had been emotional too.) I guess I feel like maybe I'm through the shock and grief portions...I feel ready to start to think about staying new. Is that too soon?<br /><br />Also, has anyone here continued to grow their family after discovery? I was 5-wks post partum with our first child when I learned everything. We'd always planned to have a lot of kids, but I'm nervous and I'd love to hear if anyone else has been down that road...just for future reference! XoNew Momnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-88888559022400591832015-12-23T07:15:46.091-05:002015-12-23T07:15:46.091-05:00BETTER IN TEXAS ... ive been reading your forgiven...BETTER IN TEXAS ... ive been reading your forgiveness post no ... studying it daily ... i feel lighter hopful even and im excited to start this new year ... im thinking about sharing your take on it for xmas with my husband or perhaos new years i find the more we talk ... share our thoughts good and bad the stronger i feel ... it maybe what i need to open my heart more and to process fully and fir my h it maybe hos stepping stone for some redemption more fuel for all the effort hes purting force ... his peace well ... that wont come from me ... thats gotta come from himself .... that i know. Im almost 8 mo out have had a year emotionally and physically. .. im ready for a brand new year to begin ... id like a new attitude to work with ... my horoscope said 2016 was going to repeat pattern of 2006 ... which thinking back was one of the most stable and growthful years of my life ... having hope is way better then wallowing in my saddness and fears ... its still there bit doesn't have to be so front and center all the time. Wishing all my BWC members a little sparkle this xmas ... everyday and heres to a hopful new year. XoWoundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-15027771514444511352015-12-18T12:00:21.850-05:002015-12-18T12:00:21.850-05:00Elle
Last night my h and I discussed at great len...Elle <br />Last night my h and I discussed at great length what the attorney told him on the phone. We have agreed to meet with the city attorney ask our questions for our rights if we drop the charges and she begins to make contact. Based on what he told my h over the phone is that all we would need to do would be to call him and her charges would be reinstated. I need to hear this with my own ears and then we do plan to drop the charges as neither one of us are willing to undergo the stress of testimony from witnesses that would prove her innocence. She's guilty, we know she's guilty and so did the judge that signed her arrest warrant. So once we meet that attorney in person, I think that will be closure for me! It won't make life wonderful by doing this and if we did go all the way to the end, a guilty verdict carries a $200. Fine maybe 30 days in jail. Only a misdemeanor crime but the damage she caused has no dollar amount! Hugs for you and the insight you bring to me and the other wonderful ladies!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-30500282128723093262015-12-18T11:25:24.807-05:002015-12-18T11:25:24.807-05:00Oh Sam, that's so great. He really does get it...Oh Sam, that's so great. He really does get it. And you're so right -- just asking the question is often all we need. That they're aware of our pain. That they recognize how difficult this can be for us. Knowing that THEY know helps us feel safe. <br />This "good place" you're in is the result of a lot of hard work. You stay there (though, of course, there will be peaks and valleys) by taking what you're learned and applying it in your day-to-day lives. Talk about things rather than letting them fester, calling people out when they're not treating you respectfully or kindly, always creating space to nurture yourself. <br />This is just so great Sam. I know you've had something of a roller coaster ride...but it sounds as if you can get off now!Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-72337382395911238462015-12-18T11:21:46.597-05:002015-12-18T11:21:46.597-05:00Ugh. Theresa, that is creepy. Completely unnerving...Ugh. Theresa, that is creepy. Completely unnerving. <br />I don't know what to say -- it really is up to you to decide what you need moving forward. I tend to think "closure" is a unicorn notion but maybe for some people, it really exists. Closure, for me, has always come with finally FINALLY walking away from an unhealthy situation. And then...time. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-73331242849658816362015-12-17T22:12:09.427-05:002015-12-17T22:12:09.427-05:00What a beautiful post. As always, thank you Elle....What a beautiful post. As always, thank you Elle.<br /><br />I had many small moments where I felt my heart soften towards my husband. The two times when this would happen were when I was watching him with our 2 kids and when he would treat me well (say thank you to me for doing routine everyday little things for him and the kids that I felt like he never appreciated before and took for granted).<br /><br />I had two distinct moments of transformation that I can actually recall. the first was 8 months after d day #1 when I found out about another physical affair 10 years before. I actually texted him the next day that now I knew the problem was him and that I was relieved I didn't have to fix me or our marriage-- he had to fix him. Even though I had read everywhere in books and here that the problem is the cheater and not the spouse, it didn't really sink in until that moment.<br /><br />The second transformation was really an aha moment. It came last week over 2 years after d day #1. Out of the blue my husband texted me "why did I do it? because I thought it would make me feel younger. Instead it sucked the life out of me." His next text said "You are worth 1000 of them in every way." AAAAAAH finally the why made sense to me. And finally I can almost believe that he is sincere when he says never again. I can empathize with his reasons, even though he wasn't even 40 at the time of the first affair I understand that he felt old. I can understand the statement of sucking the life out of him, as I felt for a long time that discovery of the affairs did the same to me. It feels like we are on opposite sides of the same coin and I am almost at peace with what happened. <br /><br />Last week my husband stayed in a hotel in the city for a conference. Before he left (he was only alone in the room for one night) he asked what can he do to make me feel better and I said just that you asked that question is enough. Of course then I added make sure you answer your phone if I call you. But I also said really nothing. We are in a good place. <br /><br />Finally after over 2 years. I hope we remain in this good place.Samnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83979393524827474032015-12-17T13:21:19.622-05:002015-12-17T13:21:19.622-05:00Elle
My thoughts are that this woman bullied her ...Elle <br />My thoughts are that this woman bullied her way into my life and my marriage and I tried so hard to turn the other cheek and all she would have had to do was fade away and out of our life. Instead she chose to lash out at both my h and me for many months. I'm stronger now than when she first confirmed the affair with the text she sent. However, she had the opportunity a year earlier to have come clean in order to find 'closure'. She sat in my face telling me that my h saved her through her messy divorce. From that conversation I concluded that they had an affair it ended and they were at peace with it. I didn't confront my h past explaining the friendship. Based on my relationship with my h and our first life at the time, I didn't feel threatened by her. What I have had to come to terms with since then was the affair hadn't ended even though my h thought it was. She continued to contact him and eventually he took her out of town for that one time to end it for ever. That was in May of last year and then in. October of last year she sent me the text revealing that the affair in her opinion was very 'current' and on going. My h came clean about the whole thing and then we spent six months of her continued attempts to reconnect with him. During this time my h was out of state for work but she had no clue where he was and why he refused to 'meet up ' for closure and didn't care if 't' came or not. Basically my h and I were running from a confrontation with her because we both knew it would not end well for any of us. When he had the police contact her in December, we thought we were finished with her until the text on New Year's Day telling him how much she loved him and missed him and to please just talk to her. Then her text began to be more of disappointment of his choice to stay in a miserable marriage rather than stand up for what he truly wanted. Past those she then went on to threaten a face to face confrontation and this was when he was out of town so when he returned we went together and filed the harrasment charges. We were so glad when her contact stopped and we could finally begin to heal ourselves. We knew that we would still have to face her eventually but also knew it would be months before we had to. We have become stronger as a couple and when he got the message that the charges were being dropped he was the one that asked for the next 90 days to at least see the paperwork and know what rights we would have if the charges were dropped and she began to the harrasment all over. Trust me my h wants nothing more than her to go away and stay away but the way she trolls by our home is very unnerving for both of us! I had a mini melt down but we have worked through that and now waiting on the papers from the attorney. I do think if she sees us together and we face her together then she would have the closure she wanted and we would get peace of mind that she would leave us the hell alone for the rest of our lives! This has been a very painful experience for both my h and me. I feel the need for closure just as much as she did! I struggle with my own need in as much as I can't help wondering if I just want to say to her face 'I told you so ' because I told her on the first contact that he was not in love with her and it was all about the sex and that 'hurt her ' most of anything else about the whole affair. So I'm still trying to decide if any of this is what really is necessary for my h and me to build a stronger marriage! By the way she has been in our neighborhood in the past month a few times. I never see her stop just slowly driving by. Creepy!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-83498520828891132102015-12-17T12:20:14.632-05:002015-12-17T12:20:14.632-05:00Theresa,
I'm not sure I would be there. I'...Theresa,<br />I'm not sure I would be there. I'm not sure there's anything to gain by having to listen to it all. Sure she'd have to face you...but you'd also have to face her and I'm not sure it's worth it. I'd be inclined to let it proceed without you present. What are you thinking?<br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-73495863449591001122015-12-17T05:38:13.824-05:002015-12-17T05:38:13.824-05:00Anonymous your crashing and burning happens to the...Anonymous your crashing and burning happens to the best of us from time to time. It's ok to allow yourself to "feel" in order to heal from the trauma. Yes, it can work if both of you truly are in it for the long haul. Yes, time apart did kick start us appreciating each other again and healing. No, I'm in no way guilty of being the "perfect" forgiving wife. I actively ask God to help me with it daily. Yes, with time I have learned to not even focus on the betrayal, but on us just as we are now. It's ok to be angry, hurt, you name it. Just don't let it overcome you or you will end up being bitter and discontented. We all know you are so much more than that. There is only one of you and you are irreplaceable. Love you girl. Stay strong for "your" family. - Ann from TexasAnn from Texasnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-80180391838574658902015-12-16T14:18:11.418-05:002015-12-16T14:18:11.418-05:00My husband didn't have the desire to drop the ...My husband didn't have the desire to drop the charges but the letter from the attorney was sent to the wrong address and the attorney told him that he would put the case back in pending for 90 days. He was told it could take two days of testimony and it will be my choice to be present for any and all of it. I still want to hold her responsible for her actions of hostilities to both me and my h. Just not sure I'm willing to hear it all again.Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-63587483065184492122015-12-16T13:08:18.083-05:002015-12-16T13:08:18.083-05:00Theresa,
I'm with Wounded. You can feel compas...Theresa,<br />I'm with Wounded. You can feel compassion for someone while still holding them accountable for their actions, which is what your charges are doing. Your husband's desire to drop it likely has more to do with his wishful thinking that this will all just go away than any desire to reconcile with her. If he IS thinking of reconciling? Then he's not someone you want to be with. Seriously! :)Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43678203005414995572015-12-16T13:05:57.640-05:002015-12-16T13:05:57.640-05:00Ann,
You'll notice that one of the Anonymouses...Ann,<br />You'll notice that one of the Anonymouses was looking for women who'd separated then reconciled. I hope she reads your story. Thank-you, always, for what you bring to this site.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-65050338503842696812015-12-16T13:05:04.568-05:002015-12-16T13:05:04.568-05:00Ann from Texas
Thank you for your words of wisdom...Ann from Texas <br />Thank you for your words of wisdom and strength! My h has spent the past two years telling me much the same thing! I guess my insecurities took over when I thought the charges were dropped with out us having a say about anything. He was told by the attorney we will have 90 days to decide how to proceed! Thanks so much for your calming words!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-66815648647387650022015-12-16T13:04:42.139-05:002015-12-16T13:04:42.139-05:00Anonymous,
I think that blown wide open thing that...Anonymous,<br />I think that blown wide open thing that happens post-betrayal isn't a bad thing. It's a chance to really examine the relationship and address issues before they become bigger (and of course, deal with the HUGE issue of the betrayal). His drinking, for instance, mightn't have seemed like a problem before, maybe an annoyance. But to see it in this new light -- does he routinely drink to avoid uncomfortable feelings? does it impact your family negatively in other ways? -- is important. I think the big thing post-betrayal is everything is viewed as a potential deal-breaker. And it doesn't need to be. <br />Re. you asking about those who separated, scroll down and read Ann from Texas' story. Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-12245400568713791572015-12-16T10:41:53.976-05:002015-12-16T10:41:53.976-05:00Theresa nobody can ruin your day unless you allow ...Theresa nobody can ruin your day unless you allow them to.... She is not even an after thought anymore.... That's what is ticking her off, and don't believe a word she told you. It was just jealousy and hate speaking to you. Your marriage is just that "yours" and she can't change that unless you let her. You are way strong my friend and I am indeed in awe of what you have overcome together with your husband. Know that you are not going "crazy." That feeling is not yours so kick it to the curb!!! Say "not no but hell no" when it she huts your mind, because she is nothing to your family. Love yourself enough to know you are indeed why your husband is with you. Look at the situation from our perspective. Your husband is truly grateful you exist and he didn't get "stuck with crazy." ,) love you girl. Stay strong!!!! You are putting an end to the menace that doesn't belong in your life. - Ann from TexasAnn from Texasnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-73699015472734675092015-12-16T08:01:31.061-05:002015-12-16T08:01:31.061-05:00I think the problem is we really don't know wh...I think the problem is we really don't know what her mental state is at this point in time. Knowing that she continued to contact us for so many months (6) even after the police told her to stop, and then a judge telling her she would go back to jail if she contact us and still she had to make sure my h knew her son had hanged himself and I don't know if that was to make him feel sorry for her again or what. He felt so sorry for her at the beginning of the affair. She is always the victim. Her ex husband divorced her he got custody of the kids they were both teenage at the time. She was so mixed up when she took money from a client and lost her license to practice in substance abuse, and had to settle for low pay jobs ect. Cry me a river for all her heart aches up till the child died and I began to feel compassion for the poor women. Given how she used every excuse in the book to keep my h running to her side before the day she went to jail and then she felt he should know about the son leaves me thinking she still thinks that he stayed with me out of guilt. These were her words from the beginning of the six months of texts telling us why our marriage would fail and we were not honest with each other. I'm so not sure which way to go at this point. I'm just so ready for a day not to care about her for anything! Her feelings should not matter to either of us and yet, I still have anger that she can drive by. It doesn't matter to me why she does it. That gives me the creeps that she still does this. We have 90 days to decide! <br />I'm still praying!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-76609796540764011882015-12-16T05:57:07.046-05:002015-12-16T05:57:07.046-05:00Not a good night ... that happens ... i fid not sp...Not a good night ... that happens ... i fid not speak of forgivness. .. he did .... i did cry tell him i never thought hed let me down which upset him ... we talked ... i changed to hurt me never thought ud hurt me is that what i mean? H became snappy ... defensive and somewhat mean words ... not sure he means,what he said .... is just frustrated w ow calling or feelung ny words and pain is just too much for him at times. I told him u need to sit with pain not try to forget or push down. .. maybe with all this down time im just in a better position ti do that idk ..... i dont feel bad telling him that ... its how i feel doesn't mean ill always feel like that explaining actions us working together help buikd my heart a little each day. Abd lately the days seem better im not always drowning in my feelings anymore tho i wish the discussion. His reactiob would have been more compassionate thats what he said its,always my pain i dont see his. I try ... i tell him how hard i see him working im pround etc he snapped more saying some things he's doing for him. Great! !!! U need to work on you ..... but also work on me. Which he was most times. Some of his words sting ... but only thru it right. Not around. Over or under just thru. Hopfully just a bump this too shall pass or does ge mean sime of what he says in frustration hummmmmWoundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-61514626447926641982015-12-15T20:50:21.168-05:002015-12-15T20:50:21.168-05:00As i lay here thinking ... i still don't know ...As i lay here thinking ... i still don't know 100 why i cant say it ... i been dealt many things in life. .. child hood etc dont we all have a story ... i dont use as a crutch tho in some aspects its what drives me to be black and white, proactive preplanned vs reactive and at times not as empathic or soft as called for .... i learned long ago some peoples good is their best and not setting bars so high allowed you to be less let down by others. I learned early you cant control others actions only your own and have tried ever since i can remember to hold my cup half full not half empty. deep down ... i truly believed my H would never let me down as so many others in my life have ... hed be the one person other than myself i could count on without a doubt. I married him thinking finally ... im dealt a full house my dreams coming true and more important a love so deep it hurt ... i remember our first date and many after thinking ... i cant stop smiling? Is this difficulty in forgiving because his pedestal was so high off the ground a fall would surely seem like everything fell apart? Thinking back to dday he sobbed ... im not perfect ive done something horrible and then my world of perfection collapsed and i fell to my knee turned into a zombie and became a withering away robotic shell of the person i was or who i thought we were. Im feeling me like me again but with some changes and if i stick to better in tx thought on forgiveness iys true i fit that description. ... but how can i say it? Outloud ... to myself and him ... i love him and a part of me fears that perfect image i had is gone or whats left my fade ... i hope not i hope it grows we mend and find out happy together again leave this hot mess in the rearview mirror ... all in due time Woundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-8621264578384309642015-12-15T19:59:19.066-05:002015-12-15T19:59:19.066-05:00I will pray for you too, Theresa. You are strong a...I will pray for you too, Theresa. You are strong and loyal and beautiful. May God bring you through to the other side, and show you the way forward.Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13408004849930367780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-20538063277600464682015-12-15T17:56:37.950-05:002015-12-15T17:56:37.950-05:00Frustarted ..
. H asked about forgiveness again .....Frustarted ..<br />. H asked about forgiveness again ... why does it make me tense up... squirm and want to cry? I almost shut down ... he was trying to explain hes scared i wont forgive him decide years from now i want to leave or worse im only staying till the kid is older all vaild thoughts i feel like telling him there are no guarantees dont u get it nothimg controllable or at least thats how ive felt since dday ... and i know thats due to fear and safety being ripped from my footing and my hurt shattered into a million pieces. H said you can forgive and still hurt and be processing... i just cant say it??? Ive been rereading betterintexas forgivness above and ive been absorbing that to tell him on xmas or whenever i feel ready ... we went back forth not seeing eye to eye but kinda understanding each other. He kept on and finally i said stop ... i spat i feel pressured and bullied .. not sure how his words do that to me. I explained im not ready i need more time ... see action not demands and also while i see he needs this or wants it ...thats not how it works. He said he needs it to feel stronger in rebuilding. ....maybe or maybe its more to ease his fears ..... im venting here as i hold back tears and just breath. I can be to black and white stubborn even i dont want a hardened heart i want to meet his needs as i want him to meet mine he ended with lets not argue ... h to me what if i dont neet your expectations... which tells me his issue is fear i think... why am i struggling with this i dont want to hurt him or revenge... maybe the hurt is holding me back ... is this a need like in his eyes required to continue a solid stepping stone or simply a want to hear and ease his own gears... guilt shame or what have you ... really gonna chew on this to decide .... its weighing heavy on him ...why ... why can't i say it or perhaps better in texas theory posted is the way to go <br />.. but will it be enough. Its my choice ... everyday. Woundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-43792179288815380342015-12-15T17:40:53.005-05:002015-12-15T17:40:53.005-05:00If you arent confident enough to think shes change...If you arent confident enough to think shes changed or learned her lesson... id file hold her feet to fire and keep order in place especially if it meant my own sanity and even if it meant our names were listed as public record id hate for you to let it go only for her to start again and you have to start the process all over again? Or is it easy yo get reinstated? order should be able to be detailed as to no contact any any form covering anyone who lives in your home and stipulations in addition a number of distance she should keep from you 100 ft ... etc. I can imagine the struggle to just let go stop fight and hopefully she just dissappears holding anger in our hearts only hurts ourselves but i also believe in firmly holding ground if seen fit. It something you have to think out neither position is right wrong ....its which is gonna make you feel better or worse ....i hope u find the answer you are looking for to lead you on a final decision Woundednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-55656018836794561362015-12-15T15:52:53.277-05:002015-12-15T15:52:53.277-05:00Wounded
I began last Christmas by hanging a beaut...Wounded <br />I began last Christmas by hanging a beautiful new wreath on our front door. I'm sure she saw it last year as that was when she began the daily drive by! This year we added a small live Christmas tree that has put lights on and we plan to take it to our lake house for Christmas Day with our grand sons. She is mentally ill and just couldn't accept my h really was rejecting her for me. She became down right spiteful in her constant text messages to him the past 2 years. H just wants and has for a long time for her to just go away. My real issue if we drop the charges she could get the idea it's because he has feelings for her still and the contact could begin again. I will wait until we talk to the attorney before I decide. I'm so grateful for all of you here! Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-88721050234087554142015-12-15T14:26:43.849-05:002015-12-15T14:26:43.849-05:00Phoenix
I told my h when we first filed the police...Phoenix<br />I told my h when we first filed the police report I would stand by him through to the end! When I found out the charges were about to be dropped I went livid! I think that was the cause of the meltdown! My h knows that I feel she has to answer for her actions! She blackmailed him with guilt for 18 months when he was trying to end the affair. She watched him build a fence and buy me a car when he told her it was over and I was moving in the house with him in two weeks. She agreed to leave him alone but she couldn't bring herself to let him go! She circled the block many times that day he moved me in. She told him her heart was broken watching how happy we were that day. She left us alone for a couple of weeks (I was not aware of the affair but suspected something) during this time my h was in a volleyball group that held tournaments and this is how they met and fell in lust. She came to the first match and not one of the other guys would let her play so she sat at the table that night telling me how wonderful my h was as a friend when she was going through her divorce. She said enough for me to realize he had an affair with this girl but it's obviously over since he allowed her to show up. I did ask about their friendship. H was still in the fog that he could convince her to leave us alone and keep her silence. Now this is the most painful part for me. By May of the next year was when she convinced him to take her on a business trip with him. That was the end of the physical affair but she continued to contact him with threats that I deserve the truth! In October was when he rejected her last attempt to kiss him and 2 weeks later she dropped the bomb. If she would have just told me and disappeared no problem let us pick up the pieces, but she continued to contact both me and h to drop tidbits of their passionate sex life. We had the police call her and tell stop. This worked for a few weeks. On New Year's Day she started back. Then she started making threats to confront us in person. On April 1 she went to jail. You would think that would make her leave us alone but she continued to circle our neighborhood for months. She did stop her text messages until August and she thought my h should know her son was dead and he said back we would pray for her family. I have only seen her a few times over the four months but knowing that we now have to decide if we go all the way or cut her loose makes me wonder if I'm just being as vindictive as she was when she was rejected by my h. My compassionate side says she has lost enough from this experience with a married man. But the still angry side wants her to pay for the grief she gave both of us once she spilled her truth. I'm still praying my way to the answer. Hugs!Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11767712425596090138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81827631166393336942015-12-15T11:40:42.708-05:002015-12-15T11:40:42.708-05:00I think being separated and being in joint therapy...I think being separated and being in joint therapy is actually highlighting / examining any small things in our relationship aside from the affair if that makes sense. The whole relationship has been thrown open for analysis and I guess things have cropped up I may not have even considered or been annoyed by before. So for instance my H is struggling massively with what he has done - I have a large support network trying to help me through this, whereas he doesn't. Anyway he got so drunk with work mates last week to try and dull the pain he fell over and smashed his face in. This could have happened pre affair and it would have obviously annoyed me, but now it annoys me ten fold. It makes me wonder about reconciling going forward - is everything going to be highlighted to such a greater level because of the affair that I will get angry about anything and everything....<br />I don't know if I'm even making sense.<br />So confused about my feelings on anything right now. I spend time with H and son and have a relatively nice day, but then the next day I crash and burn and still can't cope with the shock of what he has done. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13506920165255611972015-12-15T10:53:05.762-05:002015-12-15T10:53:05.762-05:00Ill add im trying my damned hardest to ignore her ...Ill add im trying my damned hardest to ignore her spew of what i believe to be lies about recent contact and interactions .... i need to focus on his actions ... us and cut her out ....Woundednoreply@blogger.com