tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post7908050711457492938..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: Do You Want a Happy Marriage? Or A Meaningful One...Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-90668588879526659542017-08-19T21:45:17.397-04:002017-08-19T21:45:17.397-04:00Thank you for this post (yes I know its old). Hav...Thank you for this post (yes I know its old). Having a happy marriage is different from having a meaningful one. I had a meaningful one before this last affair. It had mended and was a pretty good marriage after the last affair. This one... <br /><br />This one has broken me. There is no meaningful marriage. No happy marriage. Just roommtes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-28274744392250222432016-11-16T18:37:50.736-05:002016-11-16T18:37:50.736-05:00I desperately wish this could be me. I'm 99% s...I desperately wish this could be me. I'm 99% sure h is going to divorce and go for the OW. He is firmly in the affair fog (it's only been 16 days since he stopped talking to her) and claims he fell in love with her and out of love with me. He says he wants to try but is still pining for her and fears of he tries for too long someone "he has a connection to will slip away". What about your wife? Your "best friend"? Your life? That is slipping away too! He can't see past the end of his dick that true companionship and compatibility and love are more important than feeling new and sexy and needed by a disfunctional mess. I'm so sad right now. I know it will get better and I know that they are at least 75% likely to end up broken up but it rips my heart out that someone I love so deeply and connect with so deeply could do this to me and not realize what an idiot he is being. He's going to therapy on Friday not that that will do him any good! He's too blocked up and guilty and shameful to see that this was a series of bad choices being topped off with the worst choice of all. So sad. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-2523860406843548522013-11-10T05:39:29.474-05:002013-11-10T05:39:29.474-05:00Hi Anon,
It took about 8-10 months for the truth t...Hi Anon,<br />It took about 8-10 months for the truth to finally come out. We can now talk really openly about it and sometimes he remembers something about that time with the OW and he will openly mention it; nothing important, just something like, she had weird looking hands or she liked that film.<br /><br />At first the pain was so great that I couldn't put anything in order, just wanted to shout and scream at him and I know he felt so scared about admitting everything, I needed to know everything NOW, but looking back, I needed time to just get over the sleeping with another woman.<br /><br />We've been together 14 years and he is looking happy and healthier than he has for a long time. His sadness will always be there, he says that it can overcome him at the most unexpected moments. We were on holiday and met another couple with kids, we all got on really well but that evening he seemed really down. When I asked him why, he said, if they knew what I had done to you they really wouldn't want to know me.<br /><br />6 months is no time at all, and the fact you can see a moment is encouraging. Do not put a time scale on things. Knowing that I had got there is something that I would prefer to refer to as, we're getting there.<br /><br />Good luck with your journey and creating your own meaningful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-74706647443456883992013-10-23T10:15:35.534-04:002013-10-23T10:15:35.534-04:00Anon Oct 10,
I want to be where you are and soundi...Anon Oct 10,<br />I want to be where you are and sounding so clear that you are both in a better more meaningful place. I see moments, but nothing distinct and new. I saw the aging too and the sadness and the guilt in the time of knowing before knowing. But now it is 6 months from DD after a 5.5 month affair. The refugee camp feeling comes and goes. We both seem to be aging still. How long have you been together and how long did it take to really get past all of the crap and lies? How did you know that you had got there?<br />Thanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-31553862689847001122013-10-11T13:56:47.914-04:002013-10-11T13:56:47.914-04:00I agree! Indeed profound, & put me in a bette...I agree! Indeed profound, & put me in a better place emotionally as I deal with a lapsemomin02https://www.blogger.com/profile/14934780165742545514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-54236516192286553682013-10-10T11:16:23.274-04:002013-10-10T11:16:23.274-04:00My husband was also pursuing happiness, in that sh...My husband was also pursuing happiness, in that shallow and selfish sense. I read Penelope Trunk's article to him, and he agreed with me that while what he was missing in his life was a sense of it being meaningful, what he pursued instead was happiness in the moment without thought for the future.<br /><br />There's a lot to be explored in this very simple concept, from what the parties in the affair were seeking, to what we should be striving for now. Thank you for this!mountainsailinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07045817177532673787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-17723141920321583612013-10-10T09:59:39.024-04:002013-10-10T09:59:39.024-04:00VERY profound thanks for writing it something I re...VERY profound thanks for writing it something I really needed to hear right now!perdidohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09325564420001013952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-40042249667219206522013-10-10T09:18:55.941-04:002013-10-10T09:18:55.941-04:00Well said! This was absolutely awesome!!! What a g...Well said! This was absolutely awesome!!! What a great writer you are!!! Yes as a betrayed wife my version of "happiness" has changed and matured. I was happy; or so I thought I was until D-day. Yes there is a huge difference between happiness which I agree is momentary and meaningful (contentment?). Great article! Thank you!Inflictedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08483828140849438984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-45994263967956069132013-10-10T08:54:04.025-04:002013-10-10T08:54:04.025-04:00I read this with great interest today as I have al...I read this with great interest today as I have always firmly believed that happiness is a very transient thing and when I look back at my marriage, before and post betrayal, there has always been a meaningful relationship between us, with one proviso, the 6 months the affair lasted. During this time there was a void, nothingness. We kinda know before we know and there was that feeling of living in a refugee camp.<br /><br />I saw my husband age beyond belief during the affair -so much for men taking greater pride in their appearance. He was ashen, had a constant frown on his forehead and even simple pleasures that he once enjoyed seemed to have no meaning. I could see the look of pain and shame on his face when the kids brought friends home and they commented " what a cool mom" I was, I could see the shame when my parents were so kind to him, the uncomfortable feeling when friends were talking about a work colleague having an affair.<br /><br />I asked him what his affair brought into his life, and hers for that matter. He said it was a 30 second rush before he met her and then pain, guilt, self loathing and despair. This compounded as the months went on. I asked what he thought she got out of it. He gave this some thought. He said she was a very needy person and he knew what crap to come out with. Half the time he was amazed that she believed his bull shit as it was so over the top in his opinion. She enjoyed her ego being stroked, she enjoyed the money spent on her, she said she enjoyed the sex but he even felt that was below average.<br /><br />Meaningful is a wonderful state to be in. The nights we talk until 2.00am and laugh about life, the nights we watch our kids in school plays or receiving awards, the time I spend with his folks hearing their tales of days gone by... for the 70th time. Being able to talk about the affair in honest and open terms ( although it took a long time to get past the crap and lies) realising we both feel the same about something. <br /><br />Some of these moments I will call happy, some joyous, others boring, many stupid, mundane, tender, argumentative, loving and sexy, but they are all MY MEANINGFUL. I never want to return to that void or see my husband lost and lonely.<br /><br />What does the O/W get? Her 5 minutes of glory. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com