tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post856212842232357698..comments2024-03-28T19:25:37.448-04:00Comments on Betrayed Wives' Club: What does an affair feel like?Ellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-3249576433030033602021-07-23T08:41:14.635-04:002021-07-23T08:41:14.635-04:00Thanks Elle.
--> "without doing the hard ...Thanks Elle.<br /><br />--> "without doing the hard work of figuring why [the affair] happened in the first place is dangerous and simply postpones further pain." - @elletomany<br /><br />It's never about the sex or any of my partners.<br /><br />Infidelity is a coping mechanism giving voice to the stories living,and hiding, in the deepest shadows. Nothing happens in a vacuum.<br /><br />Thanks again.Sean A Museshttp://cadconfessional.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-36024271944206822472015-03-02T11:05:20.227-05:002015-03-02T11:05:20.227-05:00Yes, everything you're feeling is "normal...Yes, everything you're feeling is "normal" -- though crazy becomes the new "normal" post-betrayal.<br />First off, stay away from your guy friends if you can't trust yourself. There's nothing about that situation that can end in anything but an ever bigger mess. <br />Secondly, allow yourself to feel the pain. Intimacy can take a long time to rebuild after such a trust betrayal so don't force yourself to do anything you're not ready for. Your job isn't to keep him out of some other person's pants. It's to respect yourself and allow yourself to experience the depth of the pain. The only way out of this is through it. <br />Yo'uve had SO much to deal with -- pregnancy, birth, fear of disability in child, postpartum depression. Give yourself a break and nurture yourself as best you can (not easy for a new mom, I know). <br />In the meantime, I think your husband needs to get some therapy for himself. He's got some stuff that needs dealing with. Porn for some is pretty harmless. For others, it's not. It inflates expectations of sex to unrealistic and unhealthy. Given your own admitted issues around sex, you two are the perfect storm.<br />Once you think you're ready, perhaps counsellors (I can't imagine going to "friends who are counsellors") can help you both to a place of healthy physical and emotional intimacy. But first you've got a lot of anger and hurt to work through and he's got to wade through his own stuff.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-53913744047783959592015-02-26T16:18:47.492-05:002015-02-26T16:18:47.492-05:00Part 2!
Fast forward to present- things have be...Part 2! <br /><br /><br />Fast forward to present- things have been getting better after making ourselves talk it out, shifting blame/accepting responsibilities that are ours. He takes full responsibility and won't let me carry what's not mine to carry. All was going okay but I still hadn't healed so we went to therapy with friends who are licensed counselors. <br />We talked and this last Saturday he told me about one other instance I didn't know about. He mentioned there were 4 instances (only one actual sex was the first instance-the others were messing around, etc.) and prior to that talk I only knew of two. He swore he told me about the third- I never knew. blah blah. Any who, this last one has been different. The prior times were him going there and some paying someone. The last one was someone he met on an online site and she came to my house while I was out of town. He said he had pushed it so far down into a place he had actually "forgotten" about it. It terrifies me. I fell so different on this one. The pain is so fresh and I'm not blaming myself anymore so I feel everything and it hurts so much worse. Not to mention she came to my house, in my bed, with my husband. My hope and dreams are in that place with him. I feel so violated and I don't even know where to begin this time. Still going to therapy but haven't met since this reveal to discuss this instance- will continue to go and push through it. Husband has genuine remorse. I want to make this work. The thing I'm afraid of is how I'm handling it. I'm shutting off from him and inadvertently looking for emotional fulfillment in other people-primarily my guy friends.I don't want that to escalate into physical fulfillment and I'm terrified it could. I don't think I'm afraid anymore to do it. I think I'm so broken this time that my teammate quit on me that I just feel numb, fearless and genuinely passive on emotions. I'm terrified of my perceived capacity to do something like he did to me. It's not what I want but It's weird. I crave physical intimacy-just not from my husband right now and I'm terrified. Please tell me this is normal.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-13770943121348843232015-02-26T16:18:34.218-05:002015-02-26T16:18:34.218-05:00This isn't easy. I mean, let's not kid our...This isn't easy. I mean, let's not kid ourselves, when is it ever? <br /><br />My husband, my team-mate, my best friend, first cheated in July 2013, Literally less than 24 Hours before I was to give birth to our daughter. I was devastated but completely numb. I had a job to do and couldn't focus on anything else except bring our daughter safely. Afterwards I didn't really feel. I blamed myself. I knew the lack of sex had been a struggle for me. I was raised in a very religious home and sex was an issue having been taught before marriage was wrong. Couldn't quite grasp the flipping light switch off to on once married. Still felt dirty and wrong. Tying to my self worth and feeling inadequate that I wasn't the porn star I dreamed of being once I got married. I was shy an insecure and afraid of this world and it reflected in our love life. While pregnant it was off the table. I was even more scared and uncomfortable. During pregnancy We thought our dd might have downs. We panicked. He turned to pot, I pulled away having no comforts to my fears and no way of self-medicating as he did. Building walls after walls of bitterness and creating barriers from abandonment, etc.No sex still. Maybe 10 times in 9 months generously. I take responsibility for my issues and problems. Afterwards, healthy baby and healing along physically so it's becoming an option but I'm still dealing emotionally. My mom stayed with me 3 months after dd was born because she knew I wasn't okay. Didn't disclose details at all. Couple depression with a job loss and I was in full blown PTSD/ Post-partum depression. During that time we tried to harbor intimacy just in conversation and other ways outside of physical intimacy until I was ready. so I thought. some months later found a text from the girl he had been with the night before- not sex. Flood of emotions. Retreat emotionally- blame myself again. Talk about it- he's super apologetic. We begin the healing processes again. <br /><br />Insert background: husband was not raised religious. Slept with many women. open admits to womanizing before we met. Porn addict, etc. He struggled even while married which made our lack of sex problem bigger, then it progressed to him talking online to women. Then the one night stand.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-81927180435087971852015-02-18T13:56:54.606-05:002015-02-18T13:56:54.606-05:00Terry,
I'm so sorry for all that you've go...Terry,<br />I'm so sorry for all that you've gone through. Your rage at your betrayal is completely understandable. And I'm glad you're making it clear that you will NOT put up with it any longer. <br />In the meantime, take care of yourself. Nurture yourself so that you can become your own "safe place" and heal yourself.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-62439980070126465502015-02-18T13:52:48.189-05:002015-02-18T13:52:48.189-05:00Not hurtful at all! Perhaps a two-part lobotomy/tu...Not hurtful at all! Perhaps a two-part lobotomy/tummy tuck. Forget why my heart is broken and erase any evidence of having children in one fell swoop. Bliss!Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-34630950403815604272015-02-18T12:37:35.730-05:002015-02-18T12:37:35.730-05:00My heart aches for you, Terry. You are so strong ...My heart aches for you, Terry. You are so strong & courageous (even when you feel so vulnerable - especially because you feel so vulnerable). And bless you for insisting on the condoms!!!<br /><br />-MerryAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-31953806898793064882015-02-18T00:44:19.328-05:002015-02-18T00:44:19.328-05:00Thanks for fleshing out everything I was thinking ...Thanks for fleshing out everything I was thinking but didn't have the time to write. Wish I could have said it that way.<br />-MBS (anon above)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-18205061466581167262015-02-16T01:15:21.236-05:002015-02-16T01:15:21.236-05:00Thanks Pilots wife. I'm a work in progress. ...Thanks Pilots wife. I'm a work in progress. <br /><br />Terry TelephoneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-89026238010008801402015-02-16T01:10:20.037-05:002015-02-16T01:10:20.037-05:00Me again Terry Telephone,
Part 2
I'm afraid....Me again Terry Telephone,<br /><br />Part 2<br /><br />I'm afraid. I said I was not in another post but I am. I've thought about it and I am terrified. You see, I do not know what any of these women look like except for the old girlfriend (she has Face-book) I've seen her photos on the internet so I know exactly what she looks like now after 30++ years or more. I am afraid to go into a restaurant with 'him' because I do not know if one of his sex partners will come in and hurt me in some way. One of these sex partners is a known prostitute and I believe others are also. 'He' claims he knows NOTHING about these people and nothing about their lives so they could be criminals. I know the old girlfriend has been arrested for assault the charge was dismissed but that means nothing.(local court database is online). I told him if we go anywhere together I must sit with my back to the wall facing the door. We still talk -- correction -- I talk -- but in the house it gets to volatile. (I've a tendency to 'talk loud'.) I'm angry and I do not apologize for it one little bit.<br /><br />Tonight I told him some things. Again I spoke softly and he looked afraid. I told him how I felt when my mother died 15 years ago. I told him she had always been my safe place, my go to 'healer' when I needed healing, my best friend. I explained to him that when she died he took over those roles completely. I told him that just as I trusted my Mum with my life while I was growing up and gave this trust without even knowing it was given - I gave him that trust completely after she died and I never even knew it was given. I told him that he had been my friend, my solace, my safe place and my refuge in any storm. I then told him that he had betrayed that trust totally and completely. I explained to him that I was laying my soul bare because no further harm could be done to me. He was told the person he knew had been murdered violently. I am not her anymore he was informed. <br /><br />This next may be a bit 'adult' for some but here goes. I told him that he went out and had sex with numerous people and then came home and put that diseased penis into my body. (Yes he had condoms on 100% of the time with me - with them who knows). He came home, I told him, with street women's DNA under his fingernails and put those hands on me and contaminated my body with their filth. Further, I told him, he came home and slept in our bed with the perfume and perspiration from those street women on his body. Finally I said -- That Sir was the death knell of our decades old relationship. <br /><br />Yes, we were both tested and found negative for STD and HIV - twice. But just the thought of street prostitutes DNA being in contact with my body through him is sickening. <br /><br />Night all...........<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-64307652474898392732015-02-16T01:07:13.429-05:002015-02-16T01:07:13.429-05:00Hello all,
Terry Telephone here...
I do not know...Hello all,<br /><br />Terry Telephone here...<br /><br />I do not know why I did it but I just started screaming -- really really just screaming. I knew I was screaming and not yelling any words. I did this until I started crying. He was sitting next to me watching television and jumped up to try hugging me and I angrily pushed him away saying - don't touch me... He started again with the "I am sorry, I am so so sorry" and the I love you crap and the I do not want you to leave crap. Somehow I immediately stopped -- looked at him and said -- NEVER, EVER say that to me again. I do not know where the screams and all came from and I did not feel any better afterward. <br /><br />Several hours later I told him that I know everything that happened with ALL of his 'excursions'. I was so calm and spoke so softly that he had a look of fear on his face. I told him that I found all of the condoms hidden in all his suit pockets, coat pockets and stuffed down the middle of his shirts from the laundry. I told him that I knew those condoms were not for 'US' to use because those were kept in our bedroom. (After an 'affair' he had many, many years ago I required him to use condoms). I told him I found the sex toys he purchased for and used on the 'hotel' girl. I told him I knew about ALL of the women he had over the years. He said nothing. ZIP, NADA, BUTKUS!! You see folks I have been living in a dream world. Looking the other way. Pretending that nothing was wrong as long as I was "kept in the manner to which I had become accustomed". This latest affair woke me up with an explosion. Somehow the little angel girl that lives on my right shoulder yelled into my ear "wake up fool". And the pain of that angel's yell was so intense that I literally woke up. My Mum used to say 'don't wake the sleeping dragon'. She was talking about us kids being rambunctious and getting into 'mischief' as she called it. If we woke up her dragon we would get punished by loss of play time or some other equally dreadful thing - well to us it was enough to tone down our madness. My angel woke me up. I'm so glad she did. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-7480429036526529132015-02-15T03:33:44.346-05:002015-02-15T03:33:44.346-05:00Elle and Random,
If you find someone doing loboto...Elle and Random,<br /><br />If you find someone doing lobotomy PLEASE post a link! I want to go. Perhaps some Open Heart Surgery to repair this complete rip right down the center of mine. Perhaps the hospital would offer a BOGO (Buy one get one)??<br /><br />Do not mean to be flippant or hurtful to anyone -- but needed some laughter in my life. It has been a rough 8 months...<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-38309559876827517052015-02-15T03:28:19.293-05:002015-02-15T03:28:19.293-05:00Terry Telephone again...
Even though I do not bla...Terry Telephone again...<br /><br />Even though I do not blame the hotel "girl" -- I'd like to see her. He claims he does not know where she is and can not contact her because her phone number has changed. I had him call ALL of the unknown numbers in his cell phone on DDay --BUT-- I made a big mistake. I let him ask for ***** instead of him just saying Hello or Hi There when a woman answered the phone. I simply do not believe him. Somehow over FIVE years he was able to contact her whenever he wanted sex but now -- she is a ghost?? NO! NO! <br /><br />I do not know where I am going... Roller Coaster RIDE for sure!! Can you say CYCLONE Coaster?? <br /><br />He told me tonight that he loves me and wants me to stay but then when I told him we would be starting Counseling on Tuesday -- he said "wait a minute now - I do not know what I'm doing Tuesday" !! HE IS RETIRED!! He can reschedule almost everything!! I blew up -- I said "well Mr. You had no problem stopping what you were doing to go f**k those people". Actually, I did not say it -- I yelled so loud my chest hurt..... Had to do it folks, just had to...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-75818800074262006802015-02-14T15:38:02.301-05:002015-02-14T15:38:02.301-05:00Terry,
You've been dealt a bad hand but it so...Terry,<br /><br />You've been dealt a bad hand but it sounds like you have a plan in place. Being a retired healthcare worker, you should be able to pick up some side money if you need to??? Not what you planned on I'm sure. And it was kind of a blessing in disguise wasn't it that your husband's accident sent him to the recliners? Think you seem very in charge at the moment and I applaud you for that. Not everyone can do the conscious uncoupling so well. Wishing you peaceful thoughts.Pilots wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01570577814069753292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-57372011885931967202015-02-14T12:26:47.439-05:002015-02-14T12:26:47.439-05:00Terry, I'm so sorry! What an ASS! Run, run f...Terry, I'm so sorry! What an ASS! Run, run far and fast. You serve so much better! Hugs and strength to you my anonymous friend.Random Thoughtsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-77349995911945553652015-02-13T18:10:09.977-05:002015-02-13T18:10:09.977-05:00Thanks Elle, I did finally get some sleep. Thanks Elle, I did finally get some sleep. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-35652293121202957722015-02-13T10:52:26.825-05:002015-02-13T10:52:26.825-05:00I completely get how you feel about media portraya...I completely get how you feel about media portrayal and I hardly noticed before it happened to me how often it is part of the storyline in tv and movies, and how often writers make the typical, and honestly by this point trite choice of glorifying them. It's not just that it triggers those who have been through it but speaks to our sense of injustice about the cheaters and mistresses of the world and how this seems to be the unrealistically sexy message everyone is getting. They ignore all the bad stuff or show only a very myopic view of what all that damage is like. They make it look not only easier, but more practical to start over with a new "soul mate" than to stay and make it up to their loved ones. It all feels so unsanitary, and obviously inaccurate. It's emotionally isolating when something so obvious to those of us on this forum is hardly considered or paid any real thought to, what seems like, everyone else. And the sad thing is, to those whose experiences have afforded them the ability to accept those storylines as merely entertaining or exciting, don't know how good they have it. Honestly it's something I deal with every time I turn on the tv, ESPECIALLY when they take a faux-feminist approach of yeah, the other woman slept with your husband then sat next to you at dinner parties like a loyal friend, but we're still gonna imply that she did nothing wrong. To me it's an idea symbiotic with the age-old thinking that women aren't in control of their decisions once they get swept off her feet by a man.<br />Dan savage is a tough one for me. I'm a huge fan of his books but probably a lot like you, I don't agree with what he has to say about this. But I also like to think that he's not necessarily talking about us. And that for the women on here who were lied to again and again, whose best friends turned out to the be the other women, or who dealt with an otherwise crazy bitch and temporarily insane and Ill-adjusted husband, that none of these experiences would be his idea of a happy marriage or constructive use of bodily fluids either. But I get your point and I hate it too when people defend cheating itself. I read stuff like that and I think what, so I don't deserve a meaningful relationship with someone who will be faithful? Letting him screw around is my only option to hold sanity and have a future with anyone? Not buying it, but insulted nonetheless. That's what encountering that viewpoint accomplishes for me, no matter how determined some of these people are to "enlighten" others.better halfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17141808715659549189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-41635454077833521992015-02-13T04:46:08.807-05:002015-02-13T04:46:08.807-05:00This is Terry Telephone
Where do I start? At the...This is Terry Telephone<br /><br />Where do I start? At the beginning?? I am 65 years old and we have been together 44 years.D-Day was June 15, 2014. In May 2014 (before D-Day) there was a “Please tell us about your recent stay” email from hotel chain. I got the records of his stays at that hotel and through a ‘friend of a relative’ I got video of the registration desk. The next morning was D-Day. It has been 8 months and I’ve been dealing with “trickle-truth”. He agreed to go to counseling - then did not go.<br /><br />His affair has been going on for 5 years. This last year he added to his harem - a prostitute. She owns her own home, is married. She goes to a town 20 miles away and sells herself in a hotel. The girl he started with is younger than both our grown kids. He claims he saw this girl approximately twice a month over the five year time with occasional 1-2 months of no contact. The prostitute he saw each month for a year and that is written in stone because I have the cancelled checks. YES, he wrote her checks with our location printed right on the front of the check. There is also more. An old high school girlfriend (now divorced & retired) is a possible THIRD member of his harem. He claims he only talked to her on the phone about her travel agent business -Yeah right… According to his cell phone records she must need LOTS of talking about this business of hers. There is more! The second year of the affair with the ‘girl’ he met a young lady from England in a local convenience store -- struck up a conversation with her -- got her phone number -- gave her his phone number -- she called him the next day and -- wait for this folks -- TOOK HER TO CHURCH!! After church he took her out to dinner at a restaurant that he and I used to go to 2-3 times a month!! Then they took photos on his cell phone sitting in the restaurant all snuggly. According to him she was visiting a friend in our town and wanted to go to an American church with lots of singing… OK folks stop laughing and stop screaming at your computer screens. I did not believe him for one minute. Church my arse! Right about now you are wondering where was I when all this was going on?? Walking around with my head in the clouds, patting myself on the back because I was proud we had been together for 40 years (at the time). <br /><br />I took an online “Boot Camp” which did help but I’ve got PTSD so bad I’m starting therapy within the next 2 weeks. Just waiting on my insurance folks to get their act together. <br />He and I are still in the same house. I sleep in our old bedroom and he sleeps on the sofa downstairs -- no sex AT ALL!! In July we had a real blowout and he took off in his truck -- promptly wrecked it. In November we had another blowout and I locked him out of the house. He tried to enter using a ladder to second floor and promptly fell off ladder and broke his right foot in 3 places and his back had several hairline fractures. He was in hospital for 5 days and had major surgery to put his foot back together with steel plates and screws -- and had to wear a back brace for 6 weeks. I’m retired healthcare provider so I did my “duty” and am still taking care of him. I think about it like -- I’d take care of a dog even if it bit me. No, he does not sleep back in our bed he sleeps downstairs in a recliner chair. I’m not that nice.<br /><br />The thing that ticks me off more than anything is the lies, lies, lies! I do not give a hoot about the ‘girl’ or the prostitute or the woman from England. I do not blame them for anything! HE IS THE ONE who went to them. The old girlfriend I do blame -- because she knows all about us and our life together. <br /><br />I’ve got to get away from him and am putting together a little nest egg to do just that. I’ve stopped paying my share of the household expenses since DD so that money should be enough in about a year.<br /><br />Thanks for listening. I know this has been long and it is only 1/3 of what I started out with before editing out the wicked stuff.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-6900224674334896612015-02-12T14:02:08.987-05:002015-02-12T14:02:08.987-05:00Hope you got some sleep. We're here -- 24/7. W...Hope you got some sleep. We're here -- 24/7. Welcome.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-36901414935871093302015-02-12T14:01:36.616-05:002015-02-12T14:01:36.616-05:00Anonymous,
Random Thoughts is absolutely right. Cu...Anonymous,<br />Random Thoughts is absolutely right. Cut this woman out of your life (and social media) like a cancerous tumour. She's poison. Steer clear.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13470499558973726796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-48457589328758048912015-02-12T04:07:58.561-05:002015-02-12T04:07:58.561-05:00Thanks ladies!! It is 4am and I needed someone to ...Thanks ladies!! It is 4am and I needed someone to 'talk' to. Just read a few posts and now I'm going to sleep. I will post my history later today.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-3766897114434811792015-02-12T01:38:09.027-05:002015-02-12T01:38:09.027-05:00anon...
i know exactly how you feel. i blocked the...anon...<br />i know exactly how you feel. i blocked the OW on fb because of MY own obsession. i stalked out her page numerous times... then my obsession turned into posting pictures of myself, with my husband and children in hopes of hurting her (thinking she was probably stalking my page as well). <br />its deadly. it was putting a stop to any kind of healing that i had worked on. so i blocked her. the best thing i could have done... block her on EVERYTHING. DO NOT let her ruin your healing any more than she already has. pathetic wastes of skin.<br />xo<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-48127948346257372942015-02-11T13:28:12.065-05:002015-02-11T13:28:12.065-05:00Every time you read one of her posts you let her b...Every time you read one of her posts you let her back into your life, you open a door that your husband hopefully has closed. From experience in this area, I know that it also takes a toll on you physically and mentally every time you do it. Our OW posts on CL, pathetic little messages stating that she knows H loves her... she is pregnant and lied about miscarriage, her husband mistreats her, etc. She uses certain words to make sure we know its her. My husband has never read her crap but in the beginning I did. I couldn't help myself. kind of like when you're driving by a wreck and you can't help but look? Anyway, I realized that every time I look, every time I read it, I'm letting this wretched pathetic, disgusting woman back into our lives. Just stop. I know it's difficult, but just stop. Its not doing you any good. You are better than that. You do not need to know anything about her life, other than the fact that she's out of yours. Move forward and stop looking back, don't let his screw up become your obsession.Random Thoughtsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-66969815374988211972015-02-11T12:32:06.290-05:002015-02-11T12:32:06.290-05:00I need help to stop following the OW on twitter. ...I need help to stop following the OW on twitter. The affair is over but am so obsessed with her twitter page. Got details of their affair on twitter. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7026450255174007652.post-16377935835086155192015-02-10T16:50:16.930-05:002015-02-10T16:50:16.930-05:00Jess
This is the third time I have tried to submi...Jess<br /><br />This is the third time I have tried to submit this post. Hopefully I get it right this time. <br /><br />Immediately after d day #1 I thought about cheating, not random sex but either with a coworker or with one of my husband's friends. My husband even asked me whether I was going to have a revenge affair. But I realized that would do nothing for my self esteem. I said to him don't you think I could walk into a bar right now and get some guy to sleep with me. That's not going to help my self esteem. It would only make me feel cheap and used, that I was stooping to their level. Instead I started taking piano lessons, I started doing things I wanted to do, telling my husband (sometimes) where I wanted to go out to eat, etc. That has been a great boon to my self esteem. Not always being the martyr whose desires come last. And as a result, my husband has also started putting me first (sometimes).<br /><br />Don't do it. There are some women (obviously, otherwise we wouldnt need this site/club) whose self esteem is predicated on sleeping with men. Ours isn't. I like to think that I have morals. On several occasions when I have asked my husband why he didn't leave, why am I better than them, he has answered "because you didn't do what they did". Yes he had feelings for them but he was in it for the sex. They were easy and available. They were in it to get him to leave and marry them (although they were all already married with kids). Dont join the cheating spouse club.<br /><br />SamAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com