Let's Crowdsource Some Consequences

Yesterday's post has been getting some great response and it has been great how some of you, especially Ann, have offered clarity. But I know how hard this can be, especially after infidelity when the stakes feel so high.
So I thought it would make sense if we shared some situations that have us muddled and then crowdsourced responses. 
I gave the example of how I've always hated my husband's temper. Because of my own "stuff", his temper triggered in me a lot of fear and I would respond either by trying to convince him not to be angry (which is disrespectful to him and his feelings. Sometimes he had legitimate reasons to be frustrated or angry) or by getting angry back at him. So something as innocuous as him being angry at a broken dishwasher would escalate into a fight. Our kids would be there listening, it was completely counterproductive and I hated it.
So...my therapist at the time asked me why I stayed in the house when he started ranting and raving. Why did I stay? Well...what choice did I have? "You can leave," she said. I was stunned. Never dawned on me that I could just...walk away. So I told my husband: I find your temper frightening and it scares the kids. You need to learn to control it. Until you do, I will leave the house with the kids any time you can't control your temper.
Now, and this is important, my husband didn't think his temper was bad. He grew up with a raging father so, relatively speaking, my husband thought his temper was mild. 
But IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE THINKS. My feelings matter. And his temper was creating stress and fear in me. And my partner should care about that.
So...next time my husband lost his temper (and I can't recall what it was about -- something silly), I packed up the kids and left for ice cream. Kids were delighted to get ice cream, it was clear that one adult in the family would keep them safe, and my husband was left. He muttered about how he "hardly" got mad. But he also sought help through taking a meditation class. He still has a quick temper. And I know that it's when he feels powerless and frustrated. But that doesn't matter. I can empathize with the feelings behind his behaviour while still not tolerating the behaviour. And because I can't control HIS actions, I have to control my own.
By leaving. By refusing to stay in a house with someone who can't respect me or our kids enough to control his temper.
So that's one example. 
Please...share your own. And share the situations that baffle you and let's help you find your way through them.