Funny Friday: Another round of "Stupidest Things The Cheater Ever Said"

A radio station in my city is having a Valentine's contest in which it's promoting the most romantic thing your partner/spouse has ever said.
I'm perhaps, the least romantic person on the planet and can't help but giggle at so many of these utterances. I honestly think if someone said these romantic things to me, I would die laughing. My husband has tried, former boyfriends have tried...and I've generally gone into hysterics (though I've tried to disguise my laughter by pretending I'm weeping with joy). Instead my husband I resort to showing affection to each other the way eight-year-old boys do – we hit each other in the arm, we tease each other mercilessly... and we laugh. A lot.
In fact, laughter is undoubtedly part of what gave me seconds of joy when I was at my darkest point. And much of that laughter came courtesy of my husband and the OW, who said such stupid things to me...and allowed me, for a brief period of cruel, un-enlightened time, to laugh, figuratively, in their faces. Felt rather empowering, come to think of it.
So...let's laugh.
I'm bringing back that perennial fave: What's the stupidest thing your partner/spouse/ex/OW said to you in the wake of the affair.
Some I've already heard include, "You'd really like her if you got to know her." And, "Under different circumstances, I think you two could really be friends."
My husband tossed out this little gem, in defence of his honesty: "I've never lied to my clients." Made it clear I should have put my business with him...just not my heart.
So...c'mon ladies. Give us your best, your funniest, your most shockingly stupid comments. And let's have a laugh!

Funny Friday...errr...Monday: Botox for a wrinkle-free life!

Let's face it, infidelity is hard on a girl's looks. Gone is the line-free face, the glowing skin, the smooth forehead unfurrowed by worry or stress.
But despair not, betrayed wives! Botox to the rescue...in more ways than one.
Turns out that Botox, that lethal injection of toxins that wipes the face clean of emotion, wipes the slate clean of emotion too.
Doctors recently reported their findings – that when our faces can't express strong feeling...our brains don't register it as extreme.
Voila! Relatively pain-free betrayal. Just think of the applications: If you even suspect your mate of cheating, a quick trip to the Botox clinic (where, exactly, does one get Botox?) and, upon hearing the news, your face looks serene and your brain registers nary a blip on the pain scale. Better still, Botox your cheating spouse and erase the drama from his twisted triangle of love.
I jest not! There were days (oh...weeks/months) when I would have given up parts of my brain to erase the pain of discovering betrayal. If only I had known a frontal lobotomy wasn't necessary.
Botox: How I love thee...

Funny Friday: Woman Engaged in Picnic Table Sex Charged With Adultery

It's a headline I never imagined I would write. Picnic table sex? Is this some sort of weird food porn? Nope, it's the gospel truth as told by the New York Daily News. (And if you can't believe them, who can you believe?)
Turns out a 41-year-old NYC woman got a little randy in a park...and out came her 29-year-old lover's "little randy". Though she insists that the nearby kids (I'm not making this up. I couldn't make this up!) couldn't possibly see her partner's privates in public, officers begged to differ and arrested her for public lewdness. But, in a rare instance, they also charged her with adultery, perhaps on behalf of publicly humiliated cuckolds everywhere.
And, though I think it's a bit...extreme (and, I suspect, a bit gender biased – I doubt a married man would have been charged with adultery, though I'm sure the public lewdness charge would stick), I can't help but smile just a bit. Let this show any potential adulterers that cheating might start out as a picnic at the park, but pretty soon charges are getting laid...not you.