Friday, January 29, 2010

Friday Funny

I promised you in December that each Friday I'd offer up something to, hopefully, give you a giggle. Unfortunately, "each" Friday seems to actually mean "Fridays when I remember..." goes:

Stupid lines uttered by Cheating Husbands...really:

"You would really like her."

"If you would just meet her I think maybe you guys could be friends."

"You should understand that I feel torn!"
"I need to be selfish right now."

"She reminds me of you. Well... how you used to be when we first met."

"I think I just love you like a friend and not a husband."

"It's not what you think." (spoken by a cheating husband IN BED NAKED with another woman)

Any you'd like to share??


  1. Yes, I have one to share: (But those you posted were good too!!)

    "But I never left you, I always came back to you...that should count for something!"

    1. ha ha, this is exactly what my husband said each time I found out about his cheating.

  2. How does one respond to these comments – I mean in a ladylike way?

    "Gee, thanks for always coming back to me. I'm sooooo lucky." Honestly. Does adultery make people stupid? Or does stupidity make one adulterous? Ah yes, the old chicken and egg conundrum... :)

  3. Here's another stupid one:
    ME: "How could you have sex with her then come back home and have sex with me? Did you even use a condom with her?"
    HIM: "No"
    Me: "Great. So you may or may not have infected me with any STD's".
    Him: "Oh I know I didn't. I know she doesn't have any diseases."
    Me: "Just how do you know?"
    Him: "Because I know her. She's only been with me. She hasn't even have sex with own husband in years."
    Me: (Shaking head): "So you didn't even have the decency to tell me about this affair before you had sex with me again. You just took a chance with not only yourself, but with me."
    Him: "Yes. I made a family decision."

    A FAMILY DECISION!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost laughed outloud!

  4. Wow. This guy's a real "family man". I AM laughing out loud!

  5. Him - I had an affair cos u pushed me into it by doubting me with every woman so i decided to go do it for real!
    Me - But did u ever think why i doubted u in the first place? Its cos u were blatantly flirting and crossing the lines with each of our lady friends.

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  7. Ah, yes, the old "you made me do it" defense. What choice did he have? Jeesh...
    I'm sorry you had to go through it. But glad you found us!

  8. I didn't get the "you made me do it", I actually got the "SHE made me do it" defence. For that, I committed the act of violence for the first and ONLY time in my life. I balled up my fist, pulled back and drove him square in the mouth. I then made his cheating-partner get her backside over to my house so I could confront her as well. She got a verbal tongue-lashing the likes of which would make my girlfriends cheer. I made him sit, quiet in the corner with his swollen mouth so she could see the manly guy in all his glory. I also made her tell her husband what they'd been up to. I was not going to be the only one in pain from this "She made me do it." episode.

  9. I'm always astounded when the Other Woman will participate. The OW in my case actually took the phone when I told my husband to give it her. Do they get off on the drama? Do they think we want to hear their sorry excuses? Bizarre.
    I'm curious, too. How did you know if she did tell her husband? Did you know him?

  10. V said...
    Yes, I have one to share: (But those you posted were good too!!)

    "But I never left you, I always came back to you...that should count for something!"


    Yep, my husband told me that one!!

  11. When I asked him of his excuses was "she lured me".....OMG! Yeah, just like the other ones.....he signs up on dating sites but THEY lured him? WTH!

  12. Just like wandering dogs...who know where the food is! :)

  13. May I add my favorite?

    "But we were friends"


  14. I have a good one:
    "What's the big deal, I only spend a few hours with her, I come home a sleep with you."
    Husband: "How would you feel about adding another member to this family?"
    Me: "What, did you get her pregnant?"
    Husband: "No, no...but I know you'ld like her and maybe we can be one big family."
    Me: "Sure, then we need a bigger bed because then I can go out an find me a nice hunk and bring him home too...right?"
    Husband: "No, you can't do that, that's unacceptable".

    How you ladies like them

  15. mine said the same thing... "in a different situation, you two could be friends, you'd like her" WHUUUUT??? She is HALF our age? What could we possibly have in common??

  16. "It was just recreation."

    1. He didn't really re-create, did he?



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