I'm glad Lynnlesspain requested this part as I'm finding laughter is really good medicine! My husband said to me can't you see I've changed and I'm not the same man I was! I learned from my experience can't you tell? Me no because at the time it was happening I had no idea you were so good at lying. To which he replied I only lied by omission. To which I replied do you know now that it's still lying? H just said yes and that's how I know I have changed!
We were just friends (I don't treat my friends this way) I loved you the entire time. (Now that is true married love) She means nothing to me. ( two years of nothing?) I didn't intend to hurt you. (Thanks for protecting me) I didn't think you would find out. (Truth has way of surfacing every time) You weren't there so she was a substitute. (She had a vagina too)
What kills me about these men is that they would not be able to handle what they have dished out. Their 1,2,3+ years of what they claim to be NOTHING is equivalent to years of hurt for us ... that cuts deep down in our souls. I can't even begin to explain the devastation, but anyone going through or been through it already knows! There should be a law against infidelity and BOTH PARTIES should pay some consequences. Jail time perhaps? Maybe then they would think twice about being so selfish and inconsiderate ... and the whores who were in cahoots with them might have kept their panties on! UGH makes me sick to think about it.
My husband said "I guess I minimized it". He bought romantic very nice gifts for psycho-kindergarten teacher than me. His lame excuse was "I got what was on your list". My husband who has a hard time sharing his feelings says, I made the best decision of my life 22 months ago. I'm thinking in my head "What? You didn't think that 35 years ago?". For example, i asked him if he ever said anything bad about me to OW? He said no. I said, the OW told me about how you told her our marriage was lacking. Too busy for him, never home blah blah. My H said "that information is about our marriage not just you."
"If it makes you feel better, I couldn't get it up the first time. I was so nervous." Yes, that makes me feel so much better that you kept trying until you got it right and then kept it going for a year.
I know right! My h can't remember how much real money he spent on the ow and I said to him it doesn't really matter the cost of the viagra was a fortune! We both had to just laugh and shake our heads!
I got the exact same statement- sexual dysfunction for the first few times - I had the same response back too! Good for you Anon, I feel connected....hahaha glad I can laugh!!!
My husband couldn't remember anything apparently. I said I was surprised he found his way home afterwards...he can remember something I said to him 5 years ago on Christmas Eve that hurt his feelings but he cant remember ANY of the conversations that led to him sticking his penis in another woman. I wanted to rip his f-ing head off each of the 4 million times he said it!
OMG!!! I TOTALLY got that too!! "I can't remember when I stuck it in her but I know it was hot...oh, ok, I know when it happened (in a private park in her neighborhood) and it was hot...oh, ok, it was in the private neighborhood park, at night, with witnesses and her kids being 200 feet away in her house, and yeah, it was hot. Oh, ok, it was also hot when we f*ed in her husband's bed (multiple times), in his cars, in a hotel room and at a construction site. But what do you want me to say? It was hot and she wanted me--she worshiped me. She would do anything for me...." Yeah. She would do anything for you because you would do anything for her--ruin my life, your kids' lives and your own sense of self. But hey, so long as it was "hot" and she was willing...what does the collateral damage matter? Funny? Yes and not just because I know he used it for his spank bank, but because I know how much he sweats!! He was literally dripping with sweat every time they met! Ha!!!
This may win the prize....mine said the reason he gets himself in trouble with these women is because he has a big heart and he feels bad for their situations.😂😂
The other day I was just in a shit mood and when I met the kids at school pickup it was windy and rainy and gloomy. The idea of walking home for a sensible snack and homework seemed impossible. So instead we went to a cafe for pie. Hugely helpful. Later that evening my husband says to me all pouty and put-out: "You had pie without me?" WTF. Really. "Um... You had SEX without me." Idiot.
We bought a new truck. Meanwhile I was driving an old crappy car to work each week. The OW rode in MY truck when he picked her up for dinner. I asked about him going out of his way to pick her up. He said, "It's just a mode of transportation nothing more?" Really then why does she have her own car?
He felt sorry for her, she was disabled. He told me she had to use a walker. I said Did she ever see her use the walker? He said, "I saw it leaning up against the wall but she's never used it." Feel sorry my ass for a con woman
While trying to convince me know that he has REALLY changed, he uses words and phrases that he has said before,( when he was the ass of the universe), and I cannot help but call attention to this...so, I say, you don't think that the knowledge that you can cry, be in a rage, and deny everything that I figured out in an effort to shut me up,and make me feel bad so that you can continue contacting your whore, doesn't inform or color how I see you now?? His response, " but I have changed, I'm not like that anymore. So NOW the words stating how sorry you are and how you will never put me in this position again, mean something..?
"I knew that talking to another woman online and meeting her in real life was wrong, but I didn't realize it was cheating."
Really?!
Apparently he didn't count it as cheating until she actually touched him. He at least admits now that all of it was cheating, but the time, it sounded like he was trying to get himself off the hook because he "didn't know" it was cheating. Right...because people join a website intended to find affair partners because they AREN'T cheating. Maybe for the articles? Pffft.
Dafaq? To him, leading a double life is having a second family tucked away somewhere. But lying to your wife TO HER FACE that you are still using porn, joining sites to find an affair partner, having a week-long online affair, and going to meet her in person isn't living a double life.
I told him, if you are hiding a huge part of your life from your partner, especially if you are actively lying to them about it, you're living a double life. Idiot. At least he admits now that I am correct when I say he was living a double life.
Gee I told my h I knew we were living separate lives at the time his due to work and mine getting our daughter through divorce and custody battle but when he said to me that the affair happened because he was just so lonely I think I screamed well what about how lonely I was and I had no idea your separate life had such passionate benefits and when your bed was full mine was completely empty! And yes I can see you are a changed man but did you really have to go through all this to see you needed to change! Still smh!
After finding out that a coworker,( his account manager) had a boob job, my husband told her that I was thinking about getting one and how I was having trouble deciding which doctor, procedure, etc.. He got the dumb bitch to actually send him pictures of her breasts( nipples covered to his disappointment) to help him help ME make my decision. Really?! As if you can't look that shit up on the internet.. This is the same " lady" that discussed her marital problems with him and they discussed how much each of them enjoyed oral sex. So...its easy to see that they had a purely professional relationship. When it all came out, ( I guess all of it did, who really knows ) and he told her that I knew these things, she yelled at him that he was, " fuckin stupid" to tell me. Guess she was a little ashamed about looking so desparate and being so stupid. She would have been his next affair, I am sure of it. He actually argued with me, ( until I flipped out ) that he wasn't really setting the stage to cheat with her.. Whatever!!!
"I didn't penetrate her" "I couldn't keep a hard-on but it wasn't for lack of trying." "I think the first time we were intimate, we kept our clothes on." "I usually didn't take all my clothes off, I just pulled down my pants half way." "In her bed I kept my socks on." I said I bet after her hip replacement it was hard to have sex". He said, "No I just got blow jobs." Sorry the sex ones are the craziest.
My husband said that he couldn't keep a hard on either..that's why he used viagra..hey got to keep the office slut satisfied right? When he had trouble near the supposed end of their "relationship", she mocked him and called him gay when he didn't want to have sex. Sweet Christian lady right?!
Anonymous My brilliant h stopped the sex part or so he thought only to have her convince him it would be okay with her just to be his 'fuck buddie'! Yep she was troubled by her religion too! SMH!
I asked my husband, " Did you ever take showers at her house?" He was so proud," Nope I never did ", "oh good then, you drove your nasty ass home after you had her nasty ass & climbed right in our bed. Well good for you!"
After sex with his paragon of morality, cowoker,( she actually taught Sunday school at her church..) she made a comment like," well, guess someone at home won't be getting any tonight." To which my husband, (before he thought better of it) said that no, in fact, nothing ever slowed his desire for me. We had sex all the time.. This of course made her mad, guess that made her feel cheap.. Because she was.
Anonymous My h was coming home to me on weekends and she asked him if we still had sex and of course he said yes and of course it made her angry but not enough to leave him alone!
Semantics!!! After asking the same question over and over in different ways.. Ex. Did you ever share anything that was personal from me( that I texted you, conversation, or pictures) with Carabear,(that was her email, cute, huh?I now call her doesn't care bear, which is nicer than nasty, ex stripper, cheating whore of a horrible mother..) He stuttered around and said no, ok course not.. Then later after some psychotic shitfits on my part..it comes out that, yes, she was privy to very personal details about me, and, most disturbingly, a sexy picture that he finally talked me into sending him one day. Sweet! But, he couldn't remember that he had even done that when I first had questions.. Really? Either you didn't give a shit or respect me at all to have done that to me in the first place or, you are such a huge bastard that such behavior doesn't even register in your brain as unacceptable behavior enough to even remember that you did it. Either way, in either scenario, you are a bastard!!!
After I found out that my husband was using Viagra, ( yes that is yet another thing that he kept from me and made me feel guilty about even asking about his private problems, pretty cruel to make your wife think that you are,"so depressed,and down and out that you need to take a pill to be able to have sex, and keep HER satisfied, when in actuality, its for your whore of a coworker, because we never had the need to have to use them, and obviously you can tell if he uses them before sex... I found a pill and looked it up online to even know what it was because he told me it was for indigestion when I asked him!!)Anyway, after seeing the pill bottle, I felt the obsession to count them everyday after he left for work, and one morning I actually had to hurry because I was riding in with him.. He made an excuse that he forgot something..went back upstairs..then I made the same excuse..went back up and counted them.. Sure enough one was missing. I confronted him, and it was in his jacket pocket. He said that he was planning on taking it on our way home the hour that we rode together so that WE could make love as soon as we got there. I called BS on that scenario, saying, how did he know that I would even want to after going to school all day, then working( another shitty story) he just continued to say it was all for ME and our sexlife, and tried to make me feel awful for implying otherwise.. Sweet man!! It came out later( agonizingly, like pulling teeth) that he kept a supply in his desk in case the hillbilly fake Christian whore that was his latest fuckbuddy of a coworker wanted to be bent over. He didn't have the balls to tell her no, but was embarrassed that he started having trouble getting it up to accommodate her. If you saw her, you would know why.. Fitnessgirl, my ass��
I asked if he ever slipped her more money in small amounts. He said "no, then I may have, then I think I did, then yes I gave her $300. I didn't lie you just asked if I gave her small amounts like $10 or $20." UGH
I told my husband to tell me everything, or I would leave.. He swore to me that I knew everything! Later found out about three other potential affairs ( could have had sex, how do I know, he is a liar) and a sweet story of him having sex with both of us in the same day,( no shower in between) ever heard of high risk hpv? I have!
Favorite quote on,"carabears" fb page," Should you ever find yourself the victim of someone's bitterness, smallness, or insecurities..remember it could be worse, your could be them. Really.. I have been able to have her in my prayers so far, only to the extent that I thank god that I am NOTHING like her. I do understand that looking at the delusional messages of a unsympathetic, narcissistic, ugly whore...is not a good way to heal. Hopefully I can resist from now on. Sometimes it helps to look into the cold eyes, bad skin, makeup,and hair..and laugh out loud at the used up person that, in the end meant nothing. Deep down, they know the choices they made, and now have to try to forget, in order to sleep at night.
"It was sex-on-call I could have jerked myself off, it was't that good." Well why didn't you DUH.
"I thought I was reaching out to an olive branch that was really poison ivy"
"I feel like I was in an entrapment." I said why did you give her a Christmas present before you boinged her? That doesn't sound like she entrapped you!
"I knew I loved you and wanted to be with you" I just felt trapped! She had a musty smell! (Really!! So you keep eating her out?) wow! I wanted out!! But you went by to get one last BJ? Yea I guess so... I didn't love her I knew I didn't...every other freaking text was how much he was in love with her!
Yes it is so disgusting how my husband pretty much told everyone (he had sex with) that he loved them. So stereotypically sad that, that is what it took for them to open their legs. False praise, false honesty, false compliments, fake declaration of love, and...boom sex! I had problems even hearing a compliment about me come out of his mouth for a long while. After living with so many years of lies. I would tell him that I didn't"need" to hear praise, like he expected. I felt it was also a form of control. He would go on and on about how, great, pretty, sexy, sweet, etc.. I was.. Meanwhile I would feel guilty about the feelings of disgust and even hate that I struggled with on a daily basis.I had to say, back off and give me time. It is hard when a look on his face, or a tone of his voice, is a trigger. I have even told him that I hate his face..
Yeah, it is hard. The only way I've been able to get past the whole "I hate your face" thing is because, over months and years, I've seen my husband essentially reinvent himself as someone with integrity and decency. He's not "that" guy anymore...
I am praying that, that is also true of my husband. He is different. He has definitely changed for the better. It was a sad joke among my children for awhile, ( still actually ) when something stressful happened around him. They would say, is this what will finally push him over the edge, and make him lose his shit.. They were just expecting another blow up like the ones they had witnessed their entire lives.. I guess that I am still watchful for certain behaviors too. It is a battle to not let a look, or joke, or outburst in traffic, totally ruin my mood. After so many years of walking on eggshells' it tough to relax...
it has been 5 years since I found out and I still hate his face; he now wears a full beard and wild hair to look like someone else whose face I do not hate
Anonymous, I know how you feel...I can't even look at my H at times. He is one that always wants you to look at him when we are talking and I can't...when I do I just think the whole time how I want to punch him right in the face. It's getting better, but still hard! I tell myself at least once a day I hate him in my head for what he's done! I hate that feeling...I've always had nothing but loving feelings for him, so this is so different!
I feel like it's to much work anymore. I'm to tired.... I don't want to deal with these feelings anymore. It's almost like it doesn't matter if he "changes" it's to late.
Husband told me 6 months ago that he was having an affair with a co-worker (he ended it the next day, and asked me for another chance.) I can't stop obsessing over every detail though, and it makes him angry ("we can't change the past, so stop thinking about it. Let's find ways to reconnect, and move forward".) She has since accused him of sexual harassment (woman scorned), and an investigation is now underway. He had deleted all written exchanges with her, but these have now been recovered for the investigation. He refuses to let me read them though, saying he's not allowed to. Since they were his property to begin with, I think he has the right to share them with me, but won't. Should I insist? Thoughts?
Anonymous, In my experience (and the experience of the thousands of women who've shared their stories on this site), the only way past this pain is through it. And that means YOU get to decide the terms of your healing. If you want to talk about it, you talk about it. It simply doesn't work for him to silence you. It undoubtedly makes HIM uncomfortable to talk about this. He has to face stuff that makes him feel horrible. But that's too damn bad. You didn't choose this, he did. So if you want to talk details, then he needs to come completely clean. You deserve to know what happened, especially now that there's an official investigation. You deserve to know what happened so that you can decide whether or not you want to rebuild a marriage with this man. So...give some thought to what you really want to know. And then insist the he disclose the information. The bizarre thing is that, while we often learn some really hurtful things, knowing is usually better than not knowing and being in a constant state of wondering what happening.
Stupidity doesn't stop no matter how far you are out. We saw a male friend who is divorced. He was lamenting about dating women. I looked at my husband and said we know someone? ( the OW). He said, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy".
Another pathologically delusional quote on you know who's Facebook page.. Something about me,( I guess, but who knows who she is referring to, because she is a skank who probably slept with many people's husbands..)sorry.. About someone having to, "pretend she is a bad person, so that (they) won't feel bad about things ( they ) did. Hope (their) delusions help (them) sleep at night." Really? What kind of world do these woman live in? How on earth can they ever sell it to themselves, that, THEY are the victims in any scenario?! Can they ever be honest with themselves and not always blame others for their CHOICES in life. It is SO hard for me to ever think of my husband, ( a reasonably intelligent man ) having anything in common with this waste of a human. It seems to be true what I have heard about the other woman's looks... This "lady" is not cute. Guess she was there for one thing. It is hilarious to me that she gave a sob story about "having" to strip at one time. We used to pass by the club she worked at,(many years before) and my husband remarked how he had once been to it with a bachelor party, and how it was the worst club like that he had ever stepped foot in..all the girls were nasty and ugly,( his words) Carabear just keeps showing how much she doesn't care for anyone but herself... She is such a "strong" woman now though. As her many quotes about never putting up with a cheater and feminist rantings prove that she now has it all figured out.. Whatever. She is obviously having trouble convincing herself of that self absorbed alternate reality.
Anonymous July 25 I too found irony in what his ow would try to tell him about being 'honest' with his feelings and emotions! She was quite capable of living a life of honesty and peace in her life. She used my h as an exit affair with her over controlling husband. She fell in love with my h and after the dust settled from her divorce, she was left homeless. This was when my h allowed her to live with him in our house! This is also the time my h realized how unstable she was and within two months wanted out of the affair but had no clue how to make her stay away from him and not to tell me. So he continued his emotional affair with her while moving me in with him at our house. I'm past that pain thank God. We are now two years past his last physical contact with her but only four months past her last attempt to get him back! I'm suggesting you find a way to stop looking at her because she is living in her fantasy life and she was not picked for any other reason than she was available! I think I read on this blog about pain shopping and I was very guilty of that but I realized I was only hurting myself! In order for me to get to a better place for me I had to stop obsessing over what he saw in her! In the end of the their relationship my h could barely stand to have any conversations with her but yet until the very end he tried so hard not to hurt her and for her it meant he really loves her and was just settling for the 'easy' route. If anyone asks my h it's been anything but easy! I'm also going to suggest you read some of the blog posts Elle has on obsession of the ow. They helped me through those tough months! Oh and keep venting here because we have all been in the same worn out shoes! Hugs!
I think it is hilarious how many women in the workplace buy into the lies that men tell them about their home life. Do they think that their" friendship" with someone else's husband is what will save this poor,( ball less ) person. If they themselves had ANY guts or gumption, they would call him on his lies and lack of respect for his wife and mother of his children. How is throwing your significant other under the bus,a turn on for some woman? Really!? Obviously they have no intention of just being a "supportive" friend. The man has to sell it as if he is being mistreated to justify the sex and more lies, and the woman/ howorker/ general whore in question...has to pretend that she is better than the awful wife and actually gives two shits about the lies he is spewing..meanwhile after the appropriate time they share as friends..boom fucking like bunnies. That way she doesn't feel like the slut the she quiet obviously is. I mean, their are some exceptions ( Mrs nutsch) but this is the silently agreed upon strategy. Trust me if the man could just come out and state his intention of just wanting sex with another person, he would. But in most cases that would not be a proven way to get it.Much better to play the game of downing the wife, the poor me card. No fucks are given to the wife, but it is fun to pretend that you care, and are, "in love!", before giving it up, like you planned to do all along. Women really have each others backs. Just read the desperate, cheating letters on lettersillneversend, and you will see how many " friends", workwives, " best friends", are pining away for someone's husband. For some reason they can't communicate ( except secretly), or are sad about not seeing him anymore, or( my favorite) "are missing them terribly". It is just desparate and sad, but also infuriating! Narcissistic, sociopathic, WHORES!!!
Anonymous, We assume that everyone shares our moral code...and clearly they don't. What's more, hurt people hurt people. Women are flattered by the attention, they believe the bullshit. It's fantasy for both sides, this belief that they can escape into this other world and nobody will get hurt. It's a way of avoiding uncomfortable feelings, of stroking an ego instead of doing the hard work of dealing with things.
My husband did this to me , told the other woman all kinds of lies about me , call me a beast. Yet when I exposed all the lies and the money . He tells her he has to make it right with me , that he loves me and wants his family. She text me and I asked her if I was that terrible like he claims why was he still here. Stupid whore didn't say anything back .
Thanks. I know that is true. Most days, I can talk myself out of the rage that I feel over having been so used and disrespected. It is very hard to remember (on a daily basis) ALL the times that I basically begged him to tell me what was wrong, what I could do, what he wasn't telling me..only to end those arguments in tears, with ME apologizing.I AM THE ONE who stroked he ego, gave him anything he wanted sexually, and loved him whatever he was "going through" yuk, such lies. I hate him for it. And I hate his sweet , supportive, women,"friend/whores" too!!!
OMG this was me, I did everything you did. Had I know he was having an affair with his co-worker (who listened to him), I would have packed up the kids and left. Its been three years, and most days I just want to curse him out, but I dont. Only because I learned how to respect myself. Trust me the sweet supportive OW's have issues. He says that it was one and she knew that he was married, he told her we'd separated, oh yeah after I threw his clothes out of our bedroom and changed the locks.
She's such a talented person, going through a tough time far from home. Her boyfriend just broke up with her after 8 years together. (This gem was told to me, betrayed wife (also talented!) who moved country to be with cheating husband and yes, we've been together 9 years. Imagine, just 1 year of a relationship more and his colleague and I could have had so much in common.)
I want to spend a week on vacation in the mountains with (coworker), but I'm afraid it might be used against me later. (Two days after my husband told me he had been cheating on me this person.)
My husband went into the NUMEROUS lies that his coworker told to the people she worked with. On one occasion she actually told him that she fell into an open grave at the cemetery when she was there for a funeral. I started asking questions about this story, (which, until I did, he believed!) and it highlighted how utterly ridiculous it was! most, if not all of her stories were told to illicit sympathy or present her in a favorable light,( like when she lied about being asked backstage at a Poison concert and pretended that she was offended by their made up request) We both shook our heads at how weird she was/is.. Little did I know that he was basically just sharing bad things about her to make me feel as it he couldn't stand her.. Who knows what was said about me to make her feel better. All I know is that I would rather be me than her in ANY scenario!!!
My husband she was like crack, fun, bubbly, wore make-up, dresses up for him, all over him for sex, friends, he felt sorry for her, she was lonely. He said to me- "you have this unreal ideal of some romantics relationship that just isn't true."
About a week after telling me he had been seeing another woman (at work), my husband said to me, "It's a pity you're not taking it as an adventure. We're both young. You look good. You'll easily meet somebody else." WTF Probably the MOST backhanded compliment I've ever gotten in my life.
So...you leave the warm bed of your wife, who is there to comfort you, talk to you, HAVE SEX with you whenever you want, to sneak downstairs to the couch to text some hillbilly skank from work? Short answer, "yep". Then get mad at your wife for phrasing the obvious in that manner. It's the constant, run me over like a train memories of outright rejection, that I struggle with. Here's a jem... He went to the hospital to give a card to the whore/coworker's sister who just had a hysterectomy. Not at all a red flag right. I am made out to be a bitch for questioning such a sweet caring mans behavior.right! She is lucky that I don't give sweet sis a call now!
My h was so upset about a grumpy coworker: "He tried to steal something from the workshop and then lied about it when asked. How can someone be so greedy? And tell such lies? Who does he think he is?" I said nothing, just looked at my h. Slowly, very slowly, the penny dropped. "You think that about me." I guess it's a lot easier to pick fault with other people than to face the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS fault of one's own. Sigh.
I've got a great one, everyone!... Last month I was getting ready to leave for my first meeting with an infidelity support group that meets in the very, very large city where my husband works. The group is well-established, anonymous, and ensures privacy as best as it can. Anyway, my husband was agitated and finally said, "you know you going to this meeting is putting my career and reputation at risk...what happens if someone there recognizes you? My job and life will be over for me. Can I ask you to just be careful?"
**crickets...... HUH? W T actual F?!!!**
So, along with the fire I exhaled out of my mouth, I asked him... Did you ever stop to consider these things over the 5 years and dozens and dozens of times you left your office mid-day, or left a work dinner to go to the ATM on the way to f*%k prostitutes in hotels and seedy apartments right in the neighborhood of your office and every other office in your industry? Seriously. What a dumba$$. He had a clear pattern and someone he knew professionally could have seen him / followed him so easily. Also, it's so nice that the thing that really makes him sh!t his pants is his career and reputation. I clearly did not figure into any of his thought processes. Oh yes, and the kicker from this same conversation is he thinks of all of this as ONE bad mistake. I offered my view that every single time he browsed the internet for a girl counted as a separate mistake.
Men never make an excuse to cheat but they damm well make excuses to cover up the cheating .. This man I called my husband cheated why I have no idea only he knows why… men are weak creatures..
Here is something that actually makes me feel better at times.. My husband actually introduced my daughter to the slut he was seeing, he " just ran into her" while having lunch with my daughter...When this was discussed years later, he confessed to," showing off my daughter,( who hated his guts during that time)to his whore.. My daughter mentioned how skanky and ugly she was in passing to me.. Then, years later my daughter met his other howorker, and asked him,after visiting his office and totally being offput by the lady.. why the lady was so rude to her, incompetent at her job, also spoke too loud,to country,why did she wear SO much makeup..and " oh my god, REEK of awful perfume." He of course stuttered around and changed the subject. If anyone in his life saw what ridiculous women he,CHOSE to cheat with, he would be mortified!I am..
Will the comments ever end? Stupidity knows no bounds. I said the OW sent me a picture and she is wearing the necklace you bought her. He said, "I guess she really didn't care about me. It is like if really cared about me then she would stop."
"I thought you didn't love me anymore." So all the caring shit I did, taking care of the house and kids, listening to you vent about work, making nice dinners, trying to plan weekends for us ( which he avoided) don't count as acts of love? "I figured you must have already had someone else too." Fuck you. Self justification and projection much? "It was just so easy." Wow. Easy to throw away your family, your integrity, the trust of your wife ( however imperfect she may be), to hurt the people you pretend to love the most, to destroy the safety of your wife and children? Of course it was easy. She was easy, playing a role she knew she had to play to hook you. And with no reality, no strings, to make it complicated and "uneasy" like real life. It was easy because it was a porn fantasy come to life. "It seemed like you were giving up on life." Really? I deserve to be cheated on them I guess. I was wrangling with mud life, deciding how to embrace my dilver hair, trying to make peace with my body. I was unwell and emotionally neglected. But it's all about you isn't it. I wasn't young and vibrant enough to feed your ego. I'll say it again. Fuck. You.
"I thought you didn't love me anymore". Right, while I was working 2 jobs, raising our kids, paying 80% of our bills (I was the primary breadwinner), cooking his dinner, shaving his back hair (yes you have to love someone to do that!) and planning our dates/vacations - that is exactly when I hated him.
"I thought you had an affair a few years earlier", um, NO. Exactly - projecting!
It doesn't make it any better if they are the same age as you, and you are beyond a doubt WAY better looking. All that is needed, it seems, is someone who will put out whenever, wherever. In the office, in a vehicle on the side of the road, like a common whore,(Mrs Bush), in fact, I think that is actually the definition of a whore. Someone who has sex for payment, like, bracelets, other gaudy jewerly, money, drugs, etc.. Soo classy and "Christian" of her.. He now says he doesn't even know if she even enjoyed the sex..couldn't tell..she just wanted to be pounded( to hurry it up) and didn't like to kiss him. Yep, sounds like a typical WHORE to me!
On the topic of $600/hr escorts (I prefer whores): "You know most of them don't look like their photos in person." Gosh, I'm so sorry you didn't get what you were paying for!
Scoffing when confronted with evidence of searches on Backpage: "Backpage, pshtt!" Oh sorry, not classy enough for you?
On the subject of pictures... I looked at second affair partners/ whore's many, many profile pictures on Facebook( in the beginning) and I could not help myself...I had to rub it in and show my husband, and ask,WTF?! Really!! THIS is who you had to maintain contact with? Can even begin to fathom the sex.. He couldn't believe it himself. It is kind of funny. If I didn't know for a fact what a total waste of a human she is..I would still laugh out loud at her, sea witch/ female impersonator photos. In some of them she has literally 7 pounds of makeup on!SOO desparate for attention. I read recently that experts are claiming that they can tell alot about someone's psychological makeup by looking at the pictures and comments on their social media.. Interesting.. Guess I called that obvious connection long ago. Narcissistic, pathological, sociopathic, whore. That is the type of women, that he apparently found attractive. Probably because they reminded him, of him...
Anon, About the way these whores look? I said to my husband, "you would give up your family for this?" He said, "well she didn't look that way when I started dating her." YUCK dumbass.
About the way these whores look... I was watching a news program with my husband about election coverage and one of the news commentators was Kennedy (I think from MYV?) my son made fun of how she looked and her haircut. I told him that alot of woman had that haircut.. Then I remembered why she looked SO familiar. She looks very much like my husband's ex howorker. Just imagine the same lady with huge wide hips and ass, and 5 more pounds of makeup(which is extreme considering the lady is on TV)then add a ridiculous hillbilly accent. My husband's reaction after our critique of the poor lady. Turn the channel immediately. It is interesting that my daughter has always referred to that haircut(the one that fake Christian Heatherbitch had) as a bitch haircut. Makes me smile.. Only I know how spot on she is with that comment.
It seems like lately that every Sunday I have a meltdown so tonight I started reading other parts of this blog so that I don't have to deal with him. OMG I never laughed so hard at the comments because they were what I have been feeling for so long. My husband came out with some of the stupidest comments just lately and its been over a year. The best one was how he resented me for being a stay at home mom. Like it's an easy job. So after years of not working, I get a job that I loved and he's the one that ruined it for me because of his affair with her. I'm the one that got fired not the idiots involved in all of this mess. The one thing he tells me all the time is that "we've already talked about this, can't we move on. I know this helps you but it doesn't help me." I truly don't care how he feels at times. Since he had no respect for me, getting close to someone we both worked with right under my nose. Why should I feel sorry for him having to relive this over and over, I still do, not every day but most days still. Some days are harder then others and I know in time that I will heal but it's going to be my way not his.
My husband also spoke of the, "burden" of keeping it all up. At one point he was actively carrying on( sexual communications, and or sex) with at least three self absorbed humans.. I reminded him of how poorly he treated me during that time and highlighted the fact that my pain and his total disrespect for me were something that he went out of his way to enjoy. So, I could give a FUCK about what a burden it was to keep that behavior going. I remember calling attention to how casual they all were with one another in his office. At one point I surmised,( totally correctly) that he was everyone's little bitch. Gossiping with the ladies in the office and being at their beck and call, picking up lunch, slushies,and, of course, giving advice,and talking about sex, hinting how good he was at it (his size ) These are things that came out later. I think of all the vapid conversations that he had to endure, just waiting for the chance to build up a close "friendship" in order to talk about sex, and get them to have sex, and I feel no sympathy! I called B.S the whole time, asking why he went out of his way to put up with their office incompetence( his story to throw me off..the classic,"I can't stand these women," or " poor me, I am such a nice guy, I work so hard, and everyone takes advantage of me")I would ask why it was SO important that they all like him, when he didn't even like them. Now it makes perfect sense. Covert narcissism. One of the most maddening things about it all..they ( the woman, if they had the guts to discuss it, who had not yet had an affair with him ) described him as their friend,and lied about the inappropriateness of their conversations. They supposedly saw nothing wrong with the constant secret contact that they, who were married...shared with a married man.
"I don't have any time to think things over" (my h moved out to try and reflect on his situation and decide what to do after telling me of his cheating) "I'm so tired driving back here to see the baby every second day". My heart bleeds. Whose choice was it to move out? How does he expect to 'reflect' when he's fulltime working... "We might as well be living together". Doh.
1. "I didn't think what I was doing was that bad." 2. "I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was protecting you by making sure you would never find out." 3. "Yes, I was answering casual encounter ads on Craigslist, but I wasn't going to have sex with someone random. I was going to get to know them first." 4. "I didn't have sex with other women because I was attracted to any of them or the sex was good. I had sex with them because it was convenient." 5. "I never talked bad about you or let any of them talk bad about you. They all knew I loved my wife."
Wow, that is always a great one! The,"I always loved you.." B.S.!!! As if love isn't a choice. Not to keep reiterating, but #5 is totally untrue. The Bitches/ sluts / whores / coworker / friends,etc.. that are willingly complicit in the destruction of your psyche...are not the type that will stand for abstaining from making fun of you and hearing your every heartache and weakness. These are people who feel bad about themselves and what they are doing, so they will accept any excuse to feel justified in their selfish behavior.. Here's the irony, one of the sluts (Mrs. Bush) that my husband fucked, was divorced,(due to her husband cheating), and was angry if my husband ever said anything positive about me, meanwhile, trashing her latest husband to mine. How can they even reconcile the hypocrisy in their feeble little minds..
#5 isn't necessarily untrue. I had the fortunate/misfortune of full disclosure by way of 5 years worth of emails and instant messages. Some of the cunts were mad because my husband spent the holidays with me, got angry because he said he was going on vacation with me or were in thier feelings when he said he was not going to leave me to be with them. Those women were dropped and unfortunately replaced with other women who didn't give my husband any "drama" about being married. I'm not saying that he didn't share arguments or marital issues that made me look like I was a bad wife. I mean, come on, his entire life has been lies and deception. This thread is not stupid shit we believe, but stupid shit cheaters say.
I would love to be privy to that amount of information. Any questions I have about his vast amount of communication( 2004-2013) such as, text email and phone conversations..he can't remember!! Probably the most stupid shit that he tries to say!
I laughed at #4. My version of that was "I had sex with them because they were available" I wonder if the whore he was fucking for 10 years, the one who thought my husband "loved" her knows she was nothing more than an ego boost for him, and it was based on the fact that she was "available". She could have been ANYONE. I bet she would not feel so special then!
After 3 years, the OW sent me a picture with the necklace he bought her for Christmas. I say, that is cruel. He says, I guess she really didn't care about me. Sending you that, you would think if she cared about me, she wouldn't do that." I give up - keep your head up your ass buddy.
It is strange the things that stick with you, ( memories, timeframes, lies,lies,and more lies) all the things that point to a person capable of so much deceit.. I look forward to the days of not being triggered by seeing a scar on his arm that is the same location of the scratch that his coworker gave him many years ago, I commented on it then and he shrugged it off dismissively saying she was "just teasing around." Then his boss told me how they clowned around, " like a bunch of kids," at the office, chasing each other to the elevators, etc.. These thoughts make me want to call her husband, sister, mother, and sweet pastor at the church where she so devoutly teaches Sunday school.. Does this make ME a monster!? Sometimes I can't fathom WHY I haven't already done that! Some days, I feel like a fool that will never get over these feelings..and all I can do is not ask yet another question about when or why.. Maybe someday if I do talk about things, I can at least manage to do so without becoming furious and it ending with a blow up.. The catch, the longer you wait for control over your emotions..the more time passes and he thinks, finally she is,"over it"..
The OW sent me a very long and detailed message on facebook right when I thought things were starting to turn around. I forwarded it to the H and his reply? Why are you doing this? Seriously! When I asked him why he would ask that he said I should have just deleted it and moved on!
Ok...today I checked out ex stripper/horrible mother's pinterest page.. I got quite a laugh reading the " relationship advice" section on how to improve your marriage. One heading was about, " the problems in our marriage that no one talks about." Um, how about the fact that you are a cheating whore, who maintains contact, and has phone sex with another married man?! Ever talked about that one..it might be considered a "problem," ya think! Carabear is so deep..
I have to post this comment here. From my moronic mother in law. When my husband and I recently separated, I went down to talk to the in laws, to see if they could talk some sense into their messed up son. When his father said " he told me he's not involved anymore". I said "oh yes he is. He's still in contact with the whore". To which my mother in law said "oh they're probably still friends"......WT???!!! Idiot breeds idiot!!!! Gabby xo
MY CH said the 2nd (& supposedly last time) they were intimate it didn't count because he 'couldn't get it up'. I said "if you were naked it counts". I haven't asked the details and don't want them but I'm sure it involved oral sex. Yes, CH that is still 'sex'. Thank you very much, slick Willy. Meanwhile had I touched another man's junk (never have/would) CH said he would divorce me. Yet if it's him it doesn't count... lol
"If you ever need help, if things go wrong, I will always be there for you." This incredible statement comes from my h who is now openly living with his affair partner. My response: "How can you say that, when you are already gone?" He really seems to think he can be with me and her at the same time. WTF. We do not live in Utah.
Supid $#1t he's always saying. "Sorry for me being stupid." What more could an intelligent female ask for a man to say when she's clearly ready to educate him on how she feels about infidelity!
Not from my husband, but stupid shit from the c(OW)... My dear friend sent her an email telling her off and she responded and told her to remind me how fat she is sometimes because it will make me feel better.
First of all, like we need permission to talk badly about her, and secondly it just shows how shallow the c(OW) is! I'd rather talk crap about her awful personality ;)
Thought of another... I asked H if he had spoken to her since I discovered the affair. He told me yes, that he talked with her right afterwards because I was upset and he didn't know what to do! Like talking to the whore who helped ruin your marriage is a good choice in that moment! Just to add insult to injury, she told him he should be comforting me!
"I remembered that I did love you once" - this gem from a husband who for the past five months (since he first told me of his infidelity) "couldn't remember" having loved me for nine years (including moving countries, proposing marriage and planning a family together...). Here's hoping 2017 will bring back more of his memory. I think it was being held hostage by his utter selfishness.
My H spent years after the 1x PA having an EA complaining about me to her on email. Her ex-H eventually was responsible for my Dday and H got mad when I asked him what happened when and H said "you trusted his word more than mine and believe me he is no saint". Are you kidding me??? You told a WHORE that I was a bitch for years. And you believed what OW said about her H. The mental gymnastics it takes to not trust me because her H gave me information is impressive.
Yes, my husband believed the stories the other woman told him about their husband's. They were all taken for granted and mistreated by their spouses.. I once asked him if he had ever met the awful man who he had heard so much about, in order to make his own opinion, before going into his home and fucking his wife, in his bed, with his handicap child in the next room. His answer was of course, No! He maintained contact with this upstanding woman for eight years...
After 3 years it keeps rolling on - I would ask her if she wanted me to bring her coffee so I could get a BJ. If I didn't want sex she was just annoying and irritated me. And you wanted to take a chance in giving up your family for that?
You should also have a section with the stupid things the OW has to say. Some of the things that I've heard the OW and her friends say to me in text messages were unbelievable. The manager of the restaurant, where my husband and I worked, wanted to know how I felt about having a wedding reception in a converted barn. The OW was all into country music and thought she was going to marry my husband before the affair ever started.
Not that I condone violence at all but I was wondering if I am\was the only woman who threw anything at her CH on D-Day? I threw an empty duffle bag at him and told him to pack.As he was walking out the door I threw his erectile dysfunction pills at him and he said"thanks".Then I shoved his half empty bottle of bourbon at him and he replied "She doesn't allow alcohol in her house". Poor baby how was he going to get shitfaced every night if she won't let him drink? H
I don't "condone" violence either but I did throw a hot pizza at my husband, throw a television set off a table and smash a watch that he'd received as a gift that was worth close to a thousand bucks. And I destroyed a diamond necklace he gave me. Well, the chain. The diamond is still okay. So..ummm...yeah. Not exactly the poster child for taking the high road.
AFter D-Day when I threw the H out he needed his insurance card, so i packed it up in a baggie that I left in the sun on the front porch so he could pick it up when I was gone. Oh, did i mention I put dog shit and cleaned the cat box and added that to the bag? In summer. My bad. Not the brightest spot in my history.
I threw lots of books. I'm not a violent person either but derived great pleasure slapping in in the face several times & punching him right in the crotch!
Anonymous First thing my h said to the why...I was just so damn lonely! Thing is so was I! But I didn't have the affair! He has only one hobby...golf the other one he had was volleyball and he tainted that sport forever since that's the one thing besides sex they shared! Yep... Stupid!
Stupid shit cheaters say in the news this week. Cheating Frenchman sues Uber for tipping off wife about affair. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-38948281 You can't make this shit up.
- Do you want the three of us to talk so that you will be assured that there really is no affair? (I AM NOT THAT STUPID) - What's the big deal? Those are just pictures?? (I THOUGHT YOU ARE NOT SEEING HER ANYMORE!) - We are just friends... (COME ON!) - Why do you always bring up that up that fight? (BECAUSE WE ALMOST BROKE UP DURING THAT FIGHT AND THEN YOU STILL KEPT SEEING HER THAT'S WHY!!) - I am not having an affair. (UUMMM..YOU GUYS JUST WENT PUBLIC TO HER CO-WORKERS AND IN FACEBOOK)
Yes, after watching a show together about cheaters,( many years before finding out that I was also married to one) my husband commented that it "probably" worked better if both parties were married, because, in his words, they both had something to loose. Perfect! He never liked it when my comments were more along the lines of, " It's not just the cheating ( people make bad decisions), but the lying!" I think I even said how if I found out that someone looked me in the eyes,made love to me, etc, etc...and kept that from me,or. continued that behavior, I would, blah, blah, blah, you know the rest quite well I am sure!!
Bonus 'sharing' from a post-DDay3 h: "I felt really guilty watching you waving goodbye". He was driving away from our house and our little kid was waving to him (I certainly was not!) Guilty... that is a novel concept here. And where was he driving to that day? Back to the OW, that's where.
It is so hard to engage in everyday conversations now about news or social media with my husband. I should now be happy that he agrees with my opinions that people are desparate for attention and almost the entirety of their posts either beg for approval or try to flaunt the perception that their life is so much more fun and interesting than that of their sad friends.. Now when he sees how vapid and delusional people are..he comments.. Oh my god! Did you read or see, etc.. My only problem is that I want to remind him that, yes of course I see the hypocrisy, and yes, I have been pointing it out for YEARS now! Remember when the"lady" you worked with,(were fucking) had you guilt me into accepting her friend request, I guess so that she could stalk your family. Her posts consisted of her using every opportunity to tell anything nice that she ever did for anyone, and ridiculous statements like," I would give someone the shirt off my own back" along with showing pictures of a girl she helped with her prom makeup, details about how she helped the girl financially...and a play by play of where she was during the day, like Dr appointment or work, (really, she was at her workplace doing her job, how interesting!)She was by far the worst example of what he finds wrong with social media. My friends/ acquaintances whose posts he scoffs at now, don't even hold a candle the her lunatic narcissistic ramblings. Not to mention her countless female impersonator-esque selfies!! Time to unplug..
I don't know why I keep sleeping with her (after finding out and confronting him on the fact that the affair indeed did not stop over a year ago)."I actually think she is gross...I can't stand her" UM REALLY? is that supposed to make me feel better? My response..."Wow, I'm so glad you chose to throw away a 21 year marriage, and relationships with 4 kids so that you could spend 5 minutes with someone you can't even stand?" Boy do I feel special!!!!!!!!
When I first discovered my husband's affair he tried to make it better by saying the OW reminded him of me. He told the same crappy story as so many other men about how he couldn't keep an erection the first time. I'm not racist but I have very fair skin, a feature that has always bothered me and I don't know why. The OW is half white, half black and doesn't look white at all. When I first saw a picture of her it really bothered me that he was with someone who I saw as black, and again, it's not because I'm racist, just insecure about how white I am. His response was that he didn't even know she was black until she told him. My husband couldn't tell the truth about anything for the first few months.
He told me I didn't respect his family. Meanwhile, he was lying to me, his mother, his sister (family business), risking a sexual harassment for said business while he fucked a married co worker who was lying to her family and shitting where she ate. So when she attended family functions, it was because of her respect for his family. Unreal that he could have been so blind. And project so much onto me and I took it.
"She meant nothing to me" which means I meant less than nothing.
"It wasn't about the sex, it was about getting my ego stroked." Then why go to hotels? Why drive hours to have sex? Why not just go to Starbucks and have her stroke your ego for hours?
Exactly! I have heard the exact same excuses! That is the one thing that doesn't add up for me. My husband risked everything for more than one affair. He admits to needing the ego boost, and sick sexual thrills, but doesn't admit to infatuation or,"shallow love", he tortured me the ways I have read that narcissist do, gaslighting, triangulation, etc.. But when I suggest that he felt more for the whores he was involved with, and showed them more love and respect, oh that's too much for him! How am I to believe that he didn't really care for someone who he HAD to stay in contact with for EIGHT YEARS! I don't buy it, and continuing to lie about it does nothing to rebuild my trust! Perhaps he realizes that if he were to admit to having put this trash of a person ahead of his own family, then maybe I would wake up and leave!!!
these comments are hilarious. I will add some of the things I endured:
1. We should all just be friends. Yes, please sign me up to add a "friend" who wants to destroy my life and family. 2. She is smart and funny and interesting. We have a lot in common. Because me, your wife, is dumb and clueless and boring. IDIOT!! 3. I wasn't "there" for him. He traveled on business every week. For one year (12 months) he traveled to the other side of the country for his job - gone 4-5 days every week. I was at home running everything - house, kids, job - basically a single mom. Never complained even once. Let him sleep late on days he was home (2) to adjust to the time zone differences. But please tell me again how I am not "there" for you. MORON! 4. If we divorce a lot of guys would want to date you. So glad you are looking out for my dating future - maybe you would like to pick out my next H for me while you are at it. 5. She came after me - she pursued me. As if that makes it all OK to go out and cheat. JERK! 6. I loved you the entire time. Really this is a GREAT way to show your wife you love her, by cheating. I guess when you wanted a divorce you were showing me love then too. Those 3-4 times you said I want a divorce - you were in love with me then? 7. He claimed he cheated because I did not communicate with him. This from a guy who NEVER had a serious conversation, made jokes about Everything and would change the topic.
There are so many more that I had to listen to - I literally could write a book. These are just a few highlights.
These jewels from my H and his 18 year "really good friendship" - (1) In front of our marriage counselor - "We were just really good friends" - I think my eyeballs bugged out of my head and I said "Well, I have a lot of really good friends, but I don't f#*K THEM!! He continually said this ALL THE TIME - I got so mad, when we were sitting on the bed - i pushed him with my foot (ok, I mean kicked) and broke his glasses. *disclaimer - i don't condone violence.
(2) The night I confronted him - besides being angry and red faced - "She kissed me first", "You just don't understand how she is". Seriously, what a super assface Thought I was talking to a damn 10 year old.
(3) "I never talked about you" - So for 18 years, you never uttered my NAME!! But he talked about our kids ALL THE TIME.
(4) "I never told her I loved her" - this was right after DDay.....now last night it's "Well, it wasn't the same love I had for you", quickly followed by "I always loved you". So every time you stuck your dick in her or got that blow job you always craved - you were loving me. THANK GOD!!!
(5) "We only talked about work and stuff like that"
(6) I saw a picture of the OW from 2013 - holy crap - she was huge. I just couldn't believe it. That just made me MADDER. I showed it to my H and I said "You did THAT"??!! WTF - a cheap looking whore - oh, but my H's really good friend. He replied back with "Well, I guess she didn't take very good care of herself".
I'm not sure if this counts, because I stupidly asked the question first.....but I asked him how he "picked" the women he was going to cheat on me with. (He's had long-term emotional/physical affairs, but also has had multiple sex-only affairs, and I was referring to the sex-only cheating when I asked) His response: Well, pretty much every woman I came into contact with was a potential partner. I would always flirt, and see where it would go" You know....cashiers, our kids teachers, waitresses, coworkers, the list goes on..... HOLY SH!T. That was actually the answer I sort of had imagined in my mind! But to hear him say it!? I actually sort of snickered and told him that I had been imagining him running around with his dick out of his pants begging women to touch it. I never really thought it was as close to the truth as it turned out to be! He was slightly offended by my "imagined" pathetic portrayal of him. What an idiot. I can only shake my head in disbelief.
I know now that I asked too many questions right after D-day1, and now wish I could un-know a lot of the answers. But my H came up with a couple things that left me shaking my head....he had affairs with several of the women in the office over the years, one of his lines to them being that "he was so much more adventurous" than I was, and that "our sex life was vanilla." (all the while telling me the sex was great) 1) I asked if anyone at the office knew about the affairs. His response - "no, and I don't want it to get out. I don't want to ruin their (the AP's) reputations. They're nice people." What about your wife and her reputation?! And isn't she a "nice person?" You had no problem telling the AP's how boring she was! 2) He claims to have done many things with a couple of them, but said "I didn't actually have sex with them, and you should be happy about that." Hmmmm... I'm feeling a lot of things, but happiness isn't one of them. 3) Not something he said, but my own response made me laugh inside: He told me that he went downstairs while everyone else was upstairs having a meeting, and brought the affair partner of the day to an almost instant orgasm while she was sitting in her office chair. My response, "have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally?" The look on his face was priceless.
My h suddenly broke up with his ow after about a year on and off. Cried while telling me, "I still love her. This is really hard." I wonder what he was expecting me to do/ say. Empathy is hard when you're being completely insulted and disregarded!
1. When explaining how none of the "escorts" (aka dirty whores) he hired were very good looking: "You know their pictures are photoshopped" "There's a reason she doesn't show her face on the website" -- Cue world's tiniest violin and massive eye roll 2. On why he cheated on me with 8-15 dirty whores (yes, somehow he lost count and has no clue how many other "women" he banged over 1.5 years - during which I was pregnant and/or taking care of our newborn baby): "It was a distraction" - No, douchebag...a "distraction" is playing Yahtzee while downing a pint of ice cream- NOT having sex with common hookers "It was either this or leave you. Would you rather me have just divorced you?" - Oh bless your heart for keeping my best interests in mind (barf!) 3. When I inquired why there were so many texts exchanged with some of these dirty whores: "She was asking me a dental question about her kids" (he is a dentist) - Ding ding ding! Dentist of the year award given out to dentist who offered free dental advice via text to hooker child (barf again) "I sent her pictures of my finished tattoo" - Oh yeah, because a white you paid to screw saw your chubby naked body with some half-finished ink and was literally waiting by the phone to get a finished tatt selfie - IDIOT! "Texting them and trying to get a response gave me a rush" - Ummm...why not try skydiving or knife throwing rather than sex with strangers? It's probably a lot safer :(
I'm so glad some laughter and brightness can come from the complete and utter crap that has befallen me/us.
I know what you mean - I found this post two nights ago and was stifling uncontrollable, deep, ugly belly laughs reading them in bed while my CH was brushing his teeth. He asked what I was laughing at and I just said "something online" - if the self righteous bastard only knew ;)
Oooh! One more gem from tonight - when showing our sis-in-law a tattoo of a sun dancer on his thigh: "I had the artist draw a top on her because I feel it's disrespectful for a guy to get a tattoo of a topless woman if he has a wife" ...BUT it's not disrespectful for the same husband to have sex with 8-15 hookers?!?! Someone explain THAT to me :/ Jules
So after ten years of being together I found out my husband had started an emotional affair with a ho-worker (he worked with her husband too and we had just started being friends with them as a couple.)
Skip to a few weeks after finding out about the affair I am checking his phone and find a browser page open to a divorce attorney.. I confronted him and he says, "after being together for ten years do you really think I would disrespect you and go behind your back for a divorce?"
Really asshole? Where was all that respect when you started having an affair?
Written as though to my love: My intuition is strong, I thank my lucky stars for this gift. I knew something had changed a few months ago, but couldn't pin point exactly who, what or when. The why... we have been together 11 beautiful years, we had a beautiful baby, I nursed her 15 months and committed myself to being the best mother and caregiver to the baby. You didn't communicate your needs to me. Instead you started a texting emotional affair with an illegal immigrant at your job! She doesn't speak many words of English even. You went out of your way to pick the easiest prey possible. She started to like the attention. You would get called to work on machinery in the plant, just so she could stare at you and have a few words. I've come to discover, after working there for 7 years, you know a lot more Spanish then you let on. You were caught with 1 simple text, as your phone pinged a green light. As Easter was 2 days away I thought the text would be in regards to what time to meet your family for church. No... it was a text, all in Spanish. I decided to scroll thru past texts... all in Spanish and as you rocked our daughter to sleep, I located a very invaluable resource, Google Translator. It didn't take long to figure out these texts were... "I miss you." "My heart beats fast when you are near." "We can spend time together at 10 a.m. on Fri. April 14th" ... upon confrontation you denied it for all of 10 minutes, because you had no access to getting your phone and knew I would see everything, included "deleted" texts, as you can back up deleted texts for 90 days back. Ah, the technology these days. You say nothing sexual happened, she only works 3 days on, 2 days off then 2 days on 3 days off. I will forever know the dates of "X shift" , you say you've told her it's over. You say you no longer take calls on machine's in her department. You say You're very sorry. I think you're sorry you got caught. You say I saved you from making what could of been a terrible mistake... like what you've done isn't a miatake already, please. In that statement alone you've said a lot more than you think. I found a brand new bottle of lubricant in your car, not the kind we use, just a cheap crap lube. Lucky I have found no Magnums, as that is the only kind you would ever use. You admit on Easter Sunday to your parent's what you've done, maybe you feel better- I don't. You constantly view pornography as though it is a lifeline needed food source. You delete your history (you must not know about deleting cookies)& you drink like a sailor. My gut tells me there is more to this story, so since I cannot feasibly come into your workplace ( a meat plant), I have an informant that I trust, she is feeding information to me. She also only speaks Spanish, but again Google Translator is a beautiful tool. I also have your phone locator on, I know where you've been and I know where you're going. Just in case the phone locator is off, I've already got a back up plan for that, as the GPS system is only 2 meters off, which is as accurate as I need for these purposes. I hope I don't catch you doing anything bad. I'm still in love with you, but the trust is gone. Until I find why my gut is telling me something is wrong I will go out in search of the truth and only hope my gut is just off. You have no idea the level of trust that has been shattered. I'm trying to let us rebuild it but it will take time and as always, I will figure this out over time. You always have lied to those who love you the most, but your lies won't get very far with me, my intuition is beyond great!
Anonymous— my husband had an affair with an illegal immigrant. But a full blown affair... I read what you wrote and he is wondering what state you live in...? If it’s the same nasty bi***
I wanted nothing to do with her. As he broke NC. Right, because people I want NOTHING to do with I text and meet for a drink to "help" them out. After all helping me out by being a good man and respecting my request that he have NC with her wasn't nearly as important as helping this ho-bag with her computer. Yeah! F-you sweetheart!
She never meant anything (really? for a year?) I don't remember the details (lol, seriously? Did it stay in your nothing box?) I was never going to leave you for her (Wow! I guess that makes it ok) It only happened 2 times the other 3 she gave me bjs (oral sex still sex you idiot!) I didn't tell you I didn't use protection because you knew I was lying (that's why I made him repeat the STD test months later)
At the mediator, I asked my h about how his affair with his co-worker started, "Did she accept you straight away or did you have to keep trying to convince her?" His answer was, "Well, how was it with you?" (It took him a long time to win me over when we were first going out.) So, firstly, I am put on a par with this cheating woman in his confused mind and secondly, I see that he consciously pursued her and it wasn't just some ill-advised flash in the pan. Ugh.
Love these! And finding them such a good distraction today.
My favorite excuse I have heard so far (this new journey has just begun for me a couple of months ago) was that the OW liked Pink Floyd and Camembert cheese. ��
My H told me it was just friends talking . They never said anything inappropriate. He said besides my pecker only gets hard for you honey .. in his defense when we started dating we had to work at it to get it hard. ( he was recently separated ) but we found other ways of getting off... so if he did have physical contact with her and his pecker didn't get hard enough for sex what did they do ?? But even if they didn't get physical just the secrecy of the whole friendship is devastating enough. Because he was talking to her when he should have been talking to me. That he was always hiding his phone and talking to her all hours of the day and night.i just can't believe he'd do this to me. And he acts like nothing ever happened. And if I ask him about it he gets all mad and defensive. . He hasn't text with her anymore since . He tells me daily he loves me and I'm beautiful . But I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore.. I just hope I can get past all of this.
Yes Anonymous, isn't it amazing how they have selective memory when it come to remembering details about their affair. Mine told me obviously his affair of 10 months never meant anything to him (even though he told her every day how much he loved her) or he would remember. Yet when I asked him if he snuck down to the lake on Mother's Day in 2016 to go "fishing", he said no & that she posted on Facebook book "Happy Mother's Day to me, none of my kids came to visit". Interesting how he remembered that, yet nothing else!?!
1-The OW found out that I knew. She then told her husband of 5 months and he kicked her out. My husband was so distraught he told me he needed to go to her to console her. She lives in a different country. 2- Coming up to the same weekend(above) he went to visit a friend to think things over(legit). Before he left I rented a dumpster and told him that he had til Sunday night to either come home or get his crap out, Monday it would all be gone. He called on Saturday joking for me not to throw his stuff out. I in turn said, "Oh silly boy, you are the one who will make that decision. Try me!"
Browneyedgirl - I know! It just amazes me how some people move on in life and have no idea of the extreme pain they caused when they so “freely” decided to insert themself into another woman’s marriage.
Ugh! It kills me how they can simply overlook or disregard the damage they’ve caused. The OW in my case had the nerve to tell me (before I realized that it wasn’t an emotional affair and that she’d been screwing my husband on lunch breaks) that I needed to forgive my husband and move on because he loved me and my kids. Are you kidding me? I think I shared this one before but my personal favorite was the time shortly after D-Day when she posted as her cover photo “Someday you’ll look back and realize exactly why it happened.” Pretty sure I have a number of answers to why it happened, starting with her being a whore.
Years ago when I was trying to figure what he got from his affair, other than sex, he told me she made him feel important. I asked him what did she say, how did she make him feel important? He said, "she told me what a wonderful, good, nice man I was." After I pulled myself up from the floor I pointed out that this OW, a cheater & manipulator, called him, the married father of 3 she was having an adulterous affair with, a good man?? Did they both miss the irony of that comment?? And he said it with a strait face!!
Oh my gosh, I LOVE this, isn't this the truth! These women tell them how great they are, really, how great of a man are you to be cheating on your family! I plan to use this somehow if given the chance in an upcoming discussion with my husband. Thank you for sharing! Amy
Latest update. My h has been living apart from me and our daughter for several months. He told me at the weekend that the apartment next to his was coming up for rent soon - wondering if I would like to move there. I asked "why?" He said "It would be handier". Handier for what?! Handier for whom?! I guess he is tired of driving those long 10 minutes to see his child every couple days.
Since discovering my husband's affair with his HO-worker ( I love that word) I have heard SO SO many stupid things come out of his mouth as I am asking him questions about the affair he had for 10 months with this married HO-worker who I know and have entertained in our home on many occasions! (ugh) In no particular order the stupid S#*t he has said:
1) "Well you know that over 60% of marriages experience infidelity" Wow! That makes me feel SO MUCH better.
2) I could never get hard so we didn't really have an affair ( Oh but the intention was there and you would have if you could have. Also, not really sure this is true as when were immediate post D-Day he spoke of actually doing it with her. hmmm) 3) "I never loved her, I always loved YOU." Again, Wow. 4) "She made me feel good about myself." 5) "She smelled bad." This one is an eye roller...and makes me giggle. I can just imagine him gagging on BO as they roll around in the hotel bed together! 6) And this is the HO-worker's tag line on Twitter which makes me howl also...she " Lives each day to Inspire and be Inspired"!!! All kinds of crazy there.
I love this blog and I love all of you....its empowering to know Im not alone in the struggle. Hugs
“I’m glad it’s over, it was really intense and took a lot of time away from you and the kids”
And this morning after sleeping for 3 hours I brought our 1 year old in to him and asked him to take care of the baby because I didn’t sleep well, he said me neither and rolled over. I scoffed and left the room. When he got up I told him that he clearly doesn’t understand what kind of mental space I’m in (we are 2wks past d day) or he’d be doing everything I ask of him. He said, get this, “I don’t know if I can do this, I’m doing all of these nice things for you and I’m just getting shit on by you!” Ding ding ding!
"I went for the sex". If you had sex less than once a week, then why was it sex? I told him there are a lot of emotions going on while having sex. I called bullshit with a bull horn this weekend.
He said well genital herpes is very prevalent. Like it was no big deal. I said it may be but not for me. As I was beginning to itch. Un-fucking believable. Then he had to tell the insurance company what he was taking that big blue bill for. He felt my shame.
OK, there was something I asked my H to do for several weeks. Finally I said I'm frustrated. Get off your fucking ass and do this. This is important. He said ok I will do it by the middle of the month. I looked him square in the eye and said, I don't believe you. He just looked at me. I repeated, you can say whatever you want I don't believe you. It must have been a triggery thing for him. He got up right way and got started. Double dare you all to give it a try.
"im not on the phone with anyone. Those unavailable calls are me from my work phone, so that my phone doesnt ring while im talking to customers" - H said . But was REALLY talking to mistress ugly hoe on bluetooth ALL DAY LONG FOR 8 hours a day.
5 weeks since D day. Why is it that husbands always say afterwards when you find out. That it must never happend and will never happen again , when nothing has changed in your relationship? Infact things are worse... so how do they come to the conclusion that it will never happen again? That is mind boggeling...
"I kissed her because I thought it wouldn't be polite not to." Lucky she didn't ask for sex.
Why is she in your apartment? I thought you were finished with her. Answer: "She wanted to cook for me." Now that makes perfect sense.
When I sent him a video clip of him kissing her: "How dare you!" How dare I???!
On finding out I hired a detective: “It’s a violation of basic human rights!” It is ok to cheat…but not ok for the betrayed to take steps to discover it
“She understands me.” How original
“She thought she could make me happier.” She had no right to an opinion on our marriage.
Whose idea was it to search for apartments after I discovered the affair: “Hers. I had nowhere to live and she was trying to help me.” No, she was trying to make sure you would not come home!
Him: “Everyone thinks you give out a bad vibe.” Me: “Who is everyone?” Him: “A, V and D.” Me: “All her friends then? And who told you they said this?” Him: “My affair partner.” Me: “Did you hear any of them say this?” Him: “No.” Me: “So all these bad opinions of me were fed back to you by her?” It’s not like she had an ulterior motive, lol. Funny he had lived with me for 10 years and didn’t notice the bad vibe. Until she pointed it out…
When I discovered a new passcode on his phone: “You’re so controlling!” No, I just wanted to know if I’m still being lied to. Obviously I was!
I asked my husband, who has been cheating on me during business trips for the last 9 years, how he was going to manage to keep it in his pants during future trips. He said he just would. When I expressed skepticism, he insisted he would, because "It was a lot of work." Wow, ok. Guess infidelity is like being on a chain gang...
When was the last time you had sex with OW. It was Sept. I told him I went to my GYN to schedule tests based on last contact. I ask him again only I add any type of physical contact. He said I got a BJ in November. He honestly thought unless he was in her it wasn't sex. I asked my sister to ask her faithful H is a BJ sex. He said no too. WTF
ME - "You lied to me, you betrayed me, you broke your promises, you disrespected me. I didn't have the option of 'being ok' or not with your 'choices', because at the time I was not even aware that you were making them."
Don't know if I posted this here yet but want to add one for the recordbooks: When asked by our MC how long the affair was, my H said 40 days. My eyes popped out of my head. Since when was April-December, only 40 days? Is this the New Math they are talking about. That must make me just 10 years old then. -MBS
I often thank of the morning after D-Day (three years ago), when I asked him how she, the OW, had taken the news -- he had promised the night before to end the affair immediately. He replied that he hadn't told her yet -- she was away for the weekend with her girlfriends and he didn't want to ruin her weekend... I am so proud that I told him I was going for a walk, and when I got back, SOMETHING had better have happened, or I wasn't sure what I might do. I returned from my walk to him ending it by text. I hope it ruined her weekend -- it undid me for 2 years of my life!
My husband fled to rehab after I discovered his affair. Who did he call as he entered rehab...OW and when I demanded to know why he would contact her instead of me as he was going to rehab he said he "just wanted to assure her that her personal life was not at risk because she didn't deserve that" to which I responded "I beg to differ. She is disgusting"
"I never penetrated her." I ask the OW, did he ever penetrate you? She said, "Yes, but not often." OK, what in the hell difference does that make for him to confess he didn't penetrate her, like he is proud of the fact he had that much control. He was naked ok, that is enough for me. Well, he wasn't completely naked he told me he didn't even bother to take his socks off. I get an image of him naked with socks on, how romantic is that?
I didn't plan to have an affair when I went to meet her at her house. (Really? You think I can just go to a married man's house secretly) I only met with her a few times. (Really? So, if I meet a man romantically a few times. It's okay?) It was out of convenience to use our bed. (This is our house, our bed, I didn't give you permission.) Really you had to tear up our bed? (You really think I want that filthy bed.) I wish people would treat others how they want to be treated? (Really, did you think of that when you started flirting?) What! Are you saying I am two faced? (You tell me) I thought I was chasing happiness. (How is that working for you?) I am here aren't I? (Those words mean nothing. You were here when the affair was happening.) You just wish I were dead. (Death would have been an easier thing to handle than an affair.) We never discussed meeting with someone else. (Yes, we did, in our wedding vows) I used to feel like it was so wrong. (That was God telling you to stop it and repent) She says she can do whatever she wants. I can't control her. I can't control you either (Every pussy comes with a brain dumbass) I never penetrated her babe. (Great, you had so much self control to not put yourself alone with another woman. How about you not be alone with a woman?) Babe, would you ever let me meet her once a year hypothecially speaking? (Sure, tell me when/where I will invite her husband too, but no one is coming out alive~ All our kids can be homeless hypothically speaking.) What? you would betray and set me up? (Sure, your loyalty is not to me; why should my loyalty be to you? You don't give a damn about our kids. If you did, you honor their mom,pray for her, love her intentionally. ....Never did he dare bring it up again. In fact, he says he knows he could not make the same choice again. H: She was really upset that you confronted her at work? (How does that compare to her sleeping with my husband in my house? There are no more rules. She broke them.)
Spouses, they like to keep their worlds separated. It makes them feel safe. When you are ready, you must confront to show them them you are a warrior. Even the bible says to confront when you know someone is sinning. The hope is that they awake from their "fog". It also says to pray for your enemies. I have. My results have not been revealed yet. So, I continue to pray and chose to be better than bitter. I fail all the time. As we know, this grief is unimaginable. My husband was mean, hurtful, selfish, prideful...he has changed. I don't think he has ever been a happy person. I think he lacks God, faith. In the bible, that is no excuse. If you were raised and taught the word, you will have to answer to God. You are actually rebelling. God is gives us free will. Honestly, I feel like this unbearable pain has a purpose. Maybe if I can truly heal...maybe my husband will believe in God. He is not the same man he was during/after the affair. He is different. I am thankful I found this blog. I have not told a soul except in prayer. The wait for healing feels long. Maybe God is also working on me. I too am different than before. I feel more normal lately, but disappointed in myself that I still have unknown triggers. These comments make me laugh even though I know they are hurtful. You helped me realize I am not alone in what I feel or my thought process. Thank you for that. Thank you for sharing your pain. I hope we can somehow heal. Maybe if I have you, I won't have an outburst with my husband during a trigger.
I know you don't want to hear this but I just couldn't stop. I'm so relieved you caught me. After lying about it for 2 days nonstop. It was all about the pictures videos etc. For me. She was just so persistent. She's really not a whore...... She just sent you pictures after 20 minutes of talking! But she has,a decent job and dresses nice....Lord help the whores that dress nice and have decent employment. She talked about all these disgusting things she wanted to do. She was really gross......and you went along with said things. I found the hotel on the location in his phone. When I asked how he paid for it he said she paid. She said she was going to pay for her booty call.....but she's not a whore. I got scared when she kept saying she was going to call you......gets them every time.
My son just opened a new restaurant and it is right by the OW neighborhood. My H said, I don't think I want to go, I will get triggered. What about me dumb ass?
What if he never wants to talk about it. He ignores anything I ask via text. Which infuriated me to the point of intake anger. Then he will block me. We have struggled to reconcile because of this. Big time.
To get you in the mood...
ReplyDeletehttp://betrayedwivesclub.blogspot.ca/2016/04/another-round-of-stupid-st-cheaters-say.html?showComment=1460565702390
I'm glad Lynnlesspain requested this part as I'm finding laughter is really good medicine! My husband said to me can't you see I've changed and I'm not the same man I was! I learned from my experience can't you tell? Me no because at the time it was happening I had no idea you were so good at lying. To which he replied I only lied by omission. To which I replied do you know now that it's still lying? H just said yes and that's how I know I have changed!
ReplyDeleteWe were just friends (I don't treat my friends this way)
ReplyDeleteI loved you the entire time. (Now that is true married love)
She means nothing to me. ( two years of nothing?)
I didn't intend to hurt you. (Thanks for protecting me)
I didn't think you would find out. (Truth has way of surfacing every time)
You weren't there so she was a substitute. (She had a vagina too)
Lol. Amen amen amen!
DeleteLynn your responses are funnier than the s**t your husband said. Thank you for making me laugh about such insane comments cheaters make.
Delete"I felt bad and guilty Every time" Thanks for reminding me it happened over and over.
Delete"I felt bad and guilty Every Time"
DeleteThanks for reminding me it happened over and over.
What kills me about these men is that they would not be able to handle what they have dished out. Their 1,2,3+ years of what they claim to be NOTHING is equivalent to years of hurt for us ... that cuts deep down in our souls. I can't even begin to explain the devastation, but anyone going through or been through it already knows! There should be a law against infidelity and BOTH PARTIES should pay some consequences. Jail time perhaps? Maybe then they would think twice about being so selfish and inconsiderate ... and the whores who were in cahoots with them might have kept their panties on! UGH makes me sick to think about it.
DeleteOMG porn and signing up for sites sounds like my H
DeleteI love all these.... and have heard them over and over for the last year!!!
DeleteMy husband said "I guess I minimized it".
ReplyDeleteHe bought romantic very nice gifts for psycho-kindergarten teacher than me. His lame excuse was "I got what was on your list".
My husband who has a hard time sharing his feelings says, I made the best decision of my life 22 months ago. I'm thinking in my head "What? You didn't think that 35 years ago?".
For example, i asked him if he ever said anything bad about me to OW? He said no. I said, the OW told me about how you told her our marriage was lacking. Too busy for him, never home blah blah. My H said "that information is about our marriage not just you."
"If it makes you feel better, I couldn't get it up the first time. I was so nervous." Yes, that makes me feel so much better that you kept trying until you got it right and then kept it going for a year.
ReplyDeleteI know right! My h can't remember how much real money he spent on the ow and I said to him it doesn't really matter the cost of the viagra was a fortune! We both had to just laugh and shake our heads!
DeleteThis is hilarious Anon!
DeleteI got the exact same statement- sexual dysfunction for the first few times - I had the same response back too! Good for you Anon, I feel connected....hahaha glad I can laugh!!!
DeleteOh my goodness, I can't believe that more women got this same story. If you can't get it up. If your own body is literally fighting you, WHY DO IT????
DeleteYes, my husband is now the proud owner of a bunch of ED pills....due to not being able to get it up for the affairs.....really,? what a dumbs*&!
DeleteLol my husband said her boobs were fake and she felt insecure about them like I give a damn. 😂
Delete"I don't know", "I don't remember" OK, get out of here with that!
ReplyDeleteI want to punch my husband each time he says this. Glad it was so insignificant to him, destroying our marriage and all.
DeleteMy husband couldn't remember anything apparently. I said I was surprised he found his way home afterwards...he can remember something I said to him 5 years ago on Christmas Eve that hurt his feelings but he cant remember ANY of the conversations that led to him sticking his penis in another woman. I wanted to rip his f-ing head off each of the 4 million times he said it!
DeleteOMG!!! I TOTALLY got that too!! "I can't remember when I stuck it in her but I know it was hot...oh, ok, I know when it happened (in a private park in her neighborhood) and it was hot...oh, ok, it was in the private neighborhood park, at night, with witnesses and her kids being 200 feet away in her house, and yeah, it was hot. Oh, ok, it was also hot when we f*ed in her husband's bed (multiple times), in his cars, in a hotel room and at a construction site. But what do you want me to say? It was hot and she wanted me--she worshiped me. She would do anything for me...." Yeah. She would do anything for you because you would do anything for her--ruin my life, your kids' lives and your own sense of self. But hey, so long as it was "hot" and she was willing...what does the collateral damage matter?
DeleteFunny? Yes and not just because I know he used it for his spank bank, but because I know how much he sweats!! He was literally dripping with sweat every time they met! Ha!!!
This may win the prize....mine said the reason he gets himself in trouble with these women is because he has a big heart and he feels bad for their situations.😂😂
Delete"What was I supposed to do ....she is a single lady who needed help?"..... Gag
ReplyDeleteThe other day I was just in a shit mood and when I met the kids at school pickup it was windy and rainy and gloomy. The idea of walking home for a sensible snack and homework seemed impossible. So instead we went to a cafe for pie. Hugely helpful.
ReplyDeleteLater that evening my husband says to me all pouty and put-out: "You had pie without me?"
WTF. Really.
"Um... You had SEX without me."
Idiot.
Sal this is By far the best comeback ever!
DeleteWe bought a new truck. Meanwhile I was driving an old crappy car to work each week. The OW rode in MY truck when he picked her up for dinner. I asked about him going out of his way to pick her up. He said, "It's just a mode of transportation nothing more?" Really then why does she have her own car?
ReplyDeleteHe felt sorry for her, she was disabled. He told me she had to use a walker. I said Did she ever see her use the walker? He said, "I saw it leaning up against the wall but she's never used it." Feel sorry my ass for a con woman
Sextexting: She wanted to show me her new underwear - she needed some attention!!! DON'T WE ALL!!
DeleteWhat about "your only jealous"
DeleteIt was just an ego boost.. I only had a secret phone relationship with her.. We never slept together..
ReplyDeleteYup....I heard this response for the SIX women he had a secret online life with.
DeleteWhile trying to convince me know that he has REALLY changed, he uses words and phrases that he has said before,( when he was the ass of the universe), and I cannot help but call attention to this...so, I say, you don't think that the knowledge that you can cry, be in a rage, and deny everything that I figured out in an effort to shut me up,and make me feel bad so that you can continue contacting your whore, doesn't inform or color how I see you now?? His response, " but I have changed, I'm not like that anymore. So NOW the words stating how sorry you are and how you will never put me in this position again, mean something..?
ReplyDeleteI like the ass of the universe statement.
Delete"I knew that talking to another woman online and meeting her in real life was wrong, but I didn't realize it was cheating."
ReplyDeleteReally?!
Apparently he didn't count it as cheating until she actually touched him. He at least admits now that all of it was cheating, but the time, it sounded like he was trying to get himself off the hook because he "didn't know" it was cheating. Right...because people join a website intended to find affair partners because they AREN'T cheating. Maybe for the articles? Pffft.
Another gem:
ReplyDelete"I wasn't leading a double life!"
Dafaq? To him, leading a double life is having a second family tucked away somewhere. But lying to your wife TO HER FACE that you are still using porn, joining sites to find an affair partner, having a week-long online affair, and going to meet her in person isn't living a double life.
I told him, if you are hiding a huge part of your life from your partner, especially if you are actively lying to them about it, you're living a double life. Idiot. At least he admits now that I am correct when I say he was living a double life.
Gee
DeleteI told my h I knew we were living separate lives at the time his due to work and mine getting our daughter through divorce and custody battle but when he said to me that the affair happened because he was just so lonely I think I screamed well what about how lonely I was and I had no idea your separate life had such passionate benefits and when your bed was full mine was completely empty! And yes I can see you are a changed man but did you really have to go through all this to see you needed to change! Still smh!
Her booby job is a medical procedure. Those pictures she showed me were clinical. And she is a single adult, so she can do what she wants.
ReplyDeleteAfter finding out that a coworker,( his account manager) had a boob job, my husband told her that I was thinking about getting one and how I was having trouble deciding which doctor, procedure, etc.. He got the dumb bitch to actually send him pictures of her breasts( nipples covered to his disappointment) to help him help ME make my decision. Really?! As if you can't look that shit up on the internet.. This is the same " lady" that discussed her marital problems with him and they discussed how much each of them enjoyed oral sex. So...its easy to see that they had a purely professional relationship. When it all came out, ( I guess all of it did, who really knows ) and he told her that I knew these things, she yelled at him that he was, " fuckin stupid" to tell me. Guess she was a little ashamed about looking so desparate and being so stupid. She would have been his next affair, I am sure of it. He actually argued with me, ( until I flipped out ) that he wasn't really setting the stage to cheat with her.. Whatever!!!
Delete"I didn't penetrate her"
ReplyDelete"I couldn't keep a hard-on but it wasn't for lack of trying."
"I think the first time we were intimate, we kept our clothes on."
"I usually didn't take all my clothes off, I just pulled down my pants half way."
"In her bed I kept my socks on."
I said I bet after her hip replacement it was hard to have sex". He said, "No I just got blow jobs."
Sorry the sex ones are the craziest.
My husband said that he couldn't keep a hard on either..that's why he used viagra..hey got to keep the office slut satisfied right? When he had trouble near the supposed end of their "relationship", she mocked him and called him gay when he didn't want to have sex. Sweet Christian lady right?!
DeleteAnonymous
DeleteMy brilliant h stopped the sex part or so he thought only to have her convince him it would be okay with her just to be his 'fuck buddie'! Yep she was troubled by her religion too! SMH!
My favorite, "I showered before I came home"
DeleteI asked my husband, " Did you ever take showers at her house?" He was so proud," Nope I never did ", "oh good then, you drove your nasty ass home after you had her nasty ass & climbed right in our bed. Well good for you!"
DeleteAfter sex with his paragon of morality, cowoker,( she actually taught Sunday school at her church..) she made a comment like," well, guess someone at home won't be getting any tonight." To which my husband, (before he thought better of it) said that no, in fact, nothing ever slowed his desire for me. We had sex all the time.. This of course made her mad, guess that made her feel cheap.. Because she was.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous
DeleteMy h was coming home to me on weekends and she asked him if we still had sex and of course he said yes and of course it made her angry but not enough to leave him alone!
Semantics!!! After asking the same question over and over in different ways.. Ex. Did you ever share anything that was personal from me( that I texted you, conversation, or pictures) with Carabear,(that was her email, cute, huh?I now call her doesn't care bear, which is nicer than nasty, ex stripper, cheating whore of a horrible mother..) He stuttered around and said no, ok course not.. Then later after some psychotic shitfits on my part..it comes out that, yes, she was privy to very personal details about me, and, most disturbingly, a sexy picture that he finally talked me into sending him one day. Sweet! But, he couldn't remember that he had even done that when I first had questions.. Really? Either you didn't give a shit or respect me at all to have done that to me in the first place or, you are such a huge bastard that such behavior doesn't even register in your brain as unacceptable behavior enough to even remember that you did it. Either way, in either scenario, you are a bastard!!!
ReplyDeleteAfter I found out that my husband was using Viagra, ( yes that is yet another thing that he kept from me and made me feel guilty about even asking about his private problems, pretty cruel to make your wife think that you are,"so depressed,and down and out that you need to take a pill to be able to have sex, and keep HER satisfied, when in actuality, its for your whore of a coworker, because we never had the need to have to use them, and obviously you can tell if he uses them before sex... I found a pill and looked it up online to even know what it was because he told me it was for indigestion when I asked him!!)Anyway, after seeing the pill bottle, I felt the obsession to count them everyday after he left for work, and one morning I actually had to hurry because I was riding in with him.. He made an excuse that he forgot something..went back upstairs..then I made the same excuse..went back up and counted them.. Sure enough one was missing. I confronted him, and it was in his jacket pocket. He said that he was planning on taking it on our way home the hour that we rode together so that WE could make love as soon as we got there. I called BS on that scenario, saying, how did he know that I would even want to after going to school all day, then working( another shitty story) he just continued to say it was all for ME and our sexlife, and tried to make me feel awful for implying otherwise.. Sweet man!! It came out later( agonizingly, like pulling teeth) that he kept a supply in his desk in case the hillbilly fake Christian whore that was his latest fuckbuddy of a coworker wanted to be bent over. He didn't have the balls to tell her no, but was embarrassed that he started having trouble getting it up to accommodate her. If you saw her, you would know why.. Fitnessgirl, my ass��
ReplyDeleteI asked if he ever slipped her more money in small amounts. He said "no, then I may have, then I think I did, then yes I gave her $300. I didn't lie you just asked if I gave her small amounts like $10 or $20." UGH
ReplyDeleteI told my husband to tell me everything, or I would leave.. He swore to me that I knew everything! Later found out about three other potential affairs ( could have had sex, how do I know, he is a liar) and a sweet story of him having sex with both of us in the same day,( no shower in between) ever heard of high risk hpv? I have!
ReplyDeleteFavorite quote on,"carabears" fb page," Should you ever find yourself the victim of someone's bitterness, smallness, or insecurities..remember it could be worse, your could be them. Really.. I have been able to have her in my prayers so far, only to the extent that I thank god that I am NOTHING like her. I do understand that looking at the delusional messages of a unsympathetic, narcissistic, ugly whore...is not a good way to heal. Hopefully I can resist from now on. Sometimes it helps to look into the cold eyes, bad skin, makeup,and hair..and laugh out loud at the used up person that, in the end meant nothing. Deep down, they know the choices they made, and now have to try to forget, in order to sleep at night.
ReplyDelete"It was sex-on-call I could have jerked myself off, it was't that good." Well why didn't you DUH.
ReplyDelete"I thought I was reaching out to an olive branch that was really poison ivy"
"I feel like I was in an entrapment." I said why did you give her a Christmas present before you boinged her? That doesn't sound like she entrapped you!
"I knew I loved you and wanted to be with you" I just felt trapped!
ReplyDeleteShe had a musty smell! (Really!! So you keep eating her out?) wow!
I wanted out!! But you went by to get one last BJ? Yea I guess so...
I didn't love her I knew I didn't...every other freaking text was how much he was in love with her!
Yes it is so disgusting how my husband pretty much told everyone (he had sex with) that he loved them. So stereotypically sad that, that is what it took for them to open their legs. False praise, false honesty, false compliments, fake declaration of love, and...boom sex! I had problems even hearing a compliment about me come out of his mouth for a long while. After living with so many years of lies. I would tell him that I didn't"need" to hear praise, like he expected. I felt it was also a form of control. He would go on and on about how, great, pretty, sexy, sweet, etc.. I was.. Meanwhile I would feel guilty about the feelings of disgust and even hate that I struggled with on a daily basis.I had to say, back off and give me time. It is hard when a look on his face, or a tone of his voice, is a trigger. I have even told him that I hate his face..
ReplyDeleteYeah, it is hard. The only way I've been able to get past the whole "I hate your face" thing is because, over months and years, I've seen my husband essentially reinvent himself as someone with integrity and decency. He's not "that" guy anymore...
DeleteI am praying that, that is also true of my husband. He is different. He has definitely changed for the better. It was a sad joke among my children for awhile, ( still actually ) when something stressful happened around him. They would say, is this what will finally push him over the edge, and make him lose his shit.. They were just expecting another blow up like the ones they had witnessed their entire lives.. I guess that I am still watchful for certain behaviors too. It is a battle to not let a look, or joke, or outburst in traffic, totally ruin my mood. After so many years of walking on eggshells' it tough to relax...
Deleteit has been 5 years since I found out and I still hate his face; he now wears a full beard and wild hair to look like someone else whose face I do not hate
DeleteAnonymous, I know how you feel...I can't even look at my H at times. He is one that always wants you to look at him when we are talking and I can't...when I do I just think the whole time how I want to punch him right in the face. It's getting better, but still hard! I tell myself at least once a day I hate him in my head for what he's done! I hate that feeling...I've always had nothing but loving feelings for him, so this is so different!
ReplyDeleteFeeling Lost,
DeleteIt is hard... At some point though, I think keeping the focus on what he did will get in the way of seeing who he's become.
I feel like it's to much work anymore. I'm to tired.... I don't want to deal with these feelings anymore. It's almost like it doesn't matter if he "changes" it's to late.
DeleteHusband told me 6 months ago that he was having an affair with a co-worker (he ended it the next day, and asked me for another chance.) I can't stop obsessing over every detail though, and it makes him angry ("we can't change the past, so stop thinking about it. Let's find ways to reconnect, and move forward".) She has since accused him of sexual harassment (woman scorned), and an investigation is now underway. He had deleted all written exchanges with her, but these have now been recovered for the investigation. He refuses to let me read them though, saying he's not allowed to. Since they were his property to begin with, I think he has the right to share them with me, but won't. Should I insist? Thoughts?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
DeleteIn my experience (and the experience of the thousands of women who've shared their stories on this site), the only way past this pain is through it. And that means YOU get to decide the terms of your healing. If you want to talk about it, you talk about it. It simply doesn't work for him to silence you. It undoubtedly makes HIM uncomfortable to talk about this. He has to face stuff that makes him feel horrible. But that's too damn bad. You didn't choose this, he did. So if you want to talk details, then he needs to come completely clean. You deserve to know what happened, especially now that there's an official investigation. You deserve to know what happened so that you can decide whether or not you want to rebuild a marriage with this man.
So...give some thought to what you really want to know. And then insist the he disclose the information. The bizarre thing is that, while we often learn some really hurtful things, knowing is usually better than not knowing and being in a constant state of wondering what happening.
Stupidity doesn't stop no matter how far you are out. We saw a male friend who is divorced. He was lamenting about dating women. I looked at my husband and said we know someone? ( the OW). He said, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy".
ReplyDeleteAnother pathologically delusional quote on you know who's Facebook page.. Something about me,( I guess, but who knows who she is referring to, because she is a skank who probably slept with many people's husbands..)sorry.. About someone having to, "pretend she is a bad person, so that (they) won't feel bad about things ( they ) did. Hope (their) delusions help (them) sleep at night." Really? What kind of world do these woman live in? How on earth can they ever sell it to themselves, that, THEY are the victims in any scenario?! Can they ever be honest with themselves and not always blame others for their CHOICES in life. It is SO hard for me to ever think of my husband, ( a reasonably intelligent man ) having anything in common with this waste of a human. It seems to be true what I have heard about the other woman's looks... This "lady" is not cute. Guess she was there for one thing. It is hilarious to me that she gave a sob story about "having" to strip at one time. We used to pass by the club she worked at,(many years before) and my husband remarked how he had once been to it with a bachelor party, and how it was the worst club like that he had ever stepped foot in..all the girls were nasty and ugly,( his words) Carabear just keeps showing how much she doesn't care for anyone but herself... She is such a "strong" woman now though. As her many quotes about never putting up with a cheater and feminist rantings prove that she now has it all figured out.. Whatever. She is obviously having trouble convincing herself of that self absorbed alternate reality.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous July 25
DeleteI too found irony in what his ow would try to tell him about being 'honest' with his feelings and emotions! She was quite capable of living a life of honesty and peace in her life. She used my h as an exit affair with her over controlling husband. She fell in love with my h and after the dust settled from her divorce, she was left homeless. This was when my h allowed her to live with him in our house! This is also the time my h realized how unstable she was and within two months wanted out of the affair but had no clue how to make her stay away from him and not to tell me. So he continued his emotional affair with her while moving me in with him at our house. I'm past that pain thank God. We are now two years past his last physical contact with her but only four months past her last attempt to get him back! I'm suggesting you find a way to stop looking at her because she is living in her fantasy life and she was not picked for any other reason than she was available! I think I read on this blog about pain shopping and I was very guilty of that but I realized I was only hurting myself! In order for me to get to a better place for me I had to stop obsessing over what he saw in her! In the end of the their relationship my h could barely stand to have any conversations with her but yet until the very end he tried so hard not to hurt her and for her it meant he really loves her and was just settling for the 'easy' route. If anyone asks my h it's been anything but easy! I'm also going to suggest you read some of the blog posts Elle has on obsession of the ow. They helped me through those tough months! Oh and keep venting here because we have all been in the same worn out shoes! Hugs!
I think it is hilarious how many women in the workplace buy into the lies that men tell them about their home life. Do they think that their" friendship" with someone else's husband is what will save this poor,( ball less ) person. If they themselves had ANY guts or gumption, they would call him on his lies and lack of respect for his wife and mother of his children. How is throwing your significant other under the bus,a turn on for some woman? Really!? Obviously they have no intention of just being a "supportive" friend. The man has to sell it as if he is being mistreated to justify the sex and more lies, and the woman/ howorker/ general whore in question...has to pretend that she is better than the awful wife and actually gives two shits about the lies he is spewing..meanwhile after the appropriate time they share as friends..boom fucking like bunnies. That way she doesn't feel like the slut the she quiet obviously is. I mean, their are some exceptions ( Mrs nutsch) but this is the silently agreed upon strategy. Trust me if the man could just come out and state his intention of just wanting sex with another person, he would. But in most cases that would not be a proven way to get it.Much better to play the game of downing the wife, the poor me card. No fucks are given to the wife, but it is fun to pretend that you care, and are, "in love!", before giving it up, like you planned to do all along.
ReplyDeleteWomen really have each others backs. Just read the desperate, cheating letters on lettersillneversend, and you will see how many " friends", workwives, " best friends", are pining away for someone's husband. For some reason they can't communicate ( except secretly), or are sad about not seeing him anymore, or( my favorite) "are missing them terribly". It is just desparate and sad, but also infuriating! Narcissistic, sociopathic, WHORES!!!
Anonymous,
DeleteWe assume that everyone shares our moral code...and clearly they don't. What's more, hurt people hurt people. Women are flattered by the attention, they believe the bullshit. It's fantasy for both sides, this belief that they can escape into this other world and nobody will get hurt. It's a way of avoiding uncomfortable feelings, of stroking an ego instead of doing the hard work of dealing with things.
My husband did this to me , told the other woman all kinds of lies about me , call me a beast. Yet when I exposed all the lies and the money . He tells her he has to make it right with me , that he loves me and wants his family.
DeleteShe text me and I asked her if I was that terrible like he claims why was he still here.
Stupid whore didn't say anything back .
Thanks. I know that is true. Most days, I can talk myself out of the rage that I feel over having been so used and disrespected. It is very hard to remember (on a daily basis) ALL the times that I basically begged him to tell me what was wrong, what I could do, what he wasn't telling me..only to end those arguments in tears, with ME apologizing.I AM THE ONE who stroked he ego, gave him anything he wanted sexually, and loved him whatever he was "going through" yuk, such lies. I hate him for it. And I hate his sweet , supportive, women,"friend/whores" too!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG this was me, I did everything you did. Had I know he was having an affair with his co-worker (who listened to him), I would have packed up the kids and left. Its been three years, and most days I just want to curse him out, but I dont. Only because I learned how to respect myself. Trust me the sweet supportive OW's have issues. He says that it was one and she knew that he was married, he told her we'd separated, oh yeah after I threw his clothes out of our bedroom and changed the locks.
DeleteShe's such a talented person, going through a tough time far from home. Her boyfriend just broke up with her after 8 years together. (This gem was told to me, betrayed wife (also talented!) who moved country to be with cheating husband and yes, we've been together 9 years. Imagine, just 1 year of a relationship more and his colleague and I could have had so much in common.)
ReplyDeleteI want to spend a week on vacation in the mountains with (coworker), but I'm afraid it might be used against me later. (Two days after my husband told me he had been cheating on me this person.)
ReplyDeleteMy husband went into the NUMEROUS lies that his coworker told to the people she worked with. On one occasion she actually told him that she fell into an open grave at the cemetery when she was there for a funeral. I started asking questions about this story, (which, until I did, he believed!) and it highlighted how utterly ridiculous it was! most, if not all of her stories were told to illicit sympathy or present her in a favorable light,( like when she lied about being asked backstage at a Poison concert and pretended that she was offended by their made up request) We both shook our heads at how weird she was/is.. Little did I know that he was basically just sharing bad things about her to make me feel as it he couldn't stand her.. Who knows what was said about me to make her feel better. All I know is that I would rather be me than her in ANY scenario!!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband she was like crack, fun, bubbly, wore make-up, dresses up for him, all over him for sex, friends, he felt sorry for her, she was lonely. He said to me- "you have this unreal ideal of some romantics relationship that just isn't true."
ReplyDeleteAbout a week after telling me he had been seeing another woman (at work), my husband said to me, "It's a pity you're not taking it as an adventure. We're both young. You look good. You'll easily meet somebody else." WTF Probably the MOST backhanded compliment I've ever gotten in my life.
ReplyDeleteSo...you leave the warm bed of your wife, who is there to comfort you, talk to you, HAVE SEX with you whenever you want, to sneak downstairs to the couch to text some hillbilly skank from work? Short answer, "yep". Then get mad at your wife for phrasing the obvious in that manner. It's the constant, run me over like a train memories of outright rejection, that I struggle with. Here's a jem... He went to the hospital to give a card to the whore/coworker's sister who just had a hysterectomy. Not at all a red flag right. I am made out to be a bitch for questioning such a sweet caring mans behavior.right! She is lucky that I don't give sweet sis a call now!
ReplyDeleteMy h was so upset about a grumpy coworker: "He tried to steal something from the workshop and then lied about it when asked. How can someone be so greedy? And tell such lies? Who does he think he is?" I said nothing, just looked at my h. Slowly, very slowly, the penny dropped. "You think that about me." I guess it's a lot easier to pick fault with other people than to face the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS fault of one's own. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI've got a great one, everyone!... Last month I was getting ready to leave for my first meeting with an infidelity support group that meets in the very, very large city where my husband works. The group is well-established, anonymous, and ensures privacy as best as it can. Anyway, my husband was agitated and finally said, "you know you going to this meeting is putting my career and reputation at risk...what happens if someone there recognizes you? My job and life will be over for me. Can I ask you to just be careful?"
ReplyDelete**crickets...... HUH? W T actual F?!!!**
So, along with the fire I exhaled out of my mouth, I asked him... Did you ever stop to consider these things over the 5 years and dozens and dozens of times you left your office mid-day, or left a work dinner to go to the ATM on the way to f*%k prostitutes in hotels and seedy apartments right in the neighborhood of your office and every other office in your industry? Seriously. What a dumba$$. He had a clear pattern and someone he knew professionally could have seen him / followed him so easily. Also, it's so nice that the thing that really makes him sh!t his pants is his career and reputation. I clearly did not figure into any of his thought processes. Oh yes, and the kicker from this same conversation is he thinks of all of this as ONE bad mistake. I offered my view that every single time he browsed the internet for a girl counted as a separate mistake.
Oh my gosh. That one really made me laugh. I can just imagine your face when that absurdity registered. Been there myself!
ReplyDeleteThese guys are nuts.
Men never make an excuse to cheat but they damm well make excuses to cover up the cheating .. This man I called my husband cheated why I have no idea only he knows why… men are weak creatures..
ReplyDeleteHere is something that actually makes me feel better at times.. My husband actually introduced my daughter to the slut he was seeing, he " just ran into her" while having lunch with my daughter...When this was discussed years later, he confessed to," showing off my daughter,( who hated his guts during that time)to his whore.. My daughter mentioned how skanky and ugly she was in passing to me.. Then, years later my daughter met his other howorker, and asked him,after visiting his office and totally being offput by the lady.. why the lady was so rude to her, incompetent at her job, also spoke too loud,to country,why did she wear SO much makeup..and " oh my god, REEK of awful perfume." He of course stuttered around and changed the subject. If anyone in his life saw what ridiculous women he,CHOSE to cheat with, he would be mortified!I am..
ReplyDeleteWill the comments ever end? Stupidity knows no bounds. I said the OW sent me a picture and she is wearing the necklace you bought her. He said, "I guess she really didn't care about me. It is like if really cared about me then she would stop."
ReplyDelete"I thought you didn't love me anymore." So all the caring shit I did, taking care of the house and kids, listening to you vent about work, making nice dinners, trying to plan weekends for us ( which he avoided) don't count as acts of love?
ReplyDelete"I figured you must have already had someone else too." Fuck you. Self justification and projection much?
"It was just so easy." Wow. Easy to throw away your family, your integrity, the trust of your wife ( however imperfect she may be), to hurt the people you pretend to love the most, to destroy the safety of your wife and children? Of course it was easy. She was easy, playing a role she knew she had to play to hook you. And with no reality, no strings, to make it complicated and "uneasy" like real life. It was easy because it was a porn fantasy come to life.
"It seemed like you were giving up on life." Really? I deserve to be cheated on them I guess. I was wrangling with mud life, deciding how to embrace my dilver hair, trying to make peace with my body. I was unwell and emotionally neglected. But it's all about you isn't it. I wasn't young and vibrant enough to feed your ego. I'll say it again. Fuck. You.
Still Standing, I got the 1st two as well.
Delete"I thought you didn't love me anymore". Right, while I was working 2 jobs, raising our kids, paying 80% of our bills (I was the primary breadwinner), cooking his dinner, shaving his back hair (yes you have to love someone to do that!) and planning our dates/vacations - that is exactly when I hated him.
"I thought you had an affair a few years earlier", um, NO. Exactly - projecting!
It doesn't make it any better if they are the same age as you, and you are beyond a doubt WAY better looking. All that is needed, it seems, is someone who will put out whenever, wherever. In the office, in a vehicle on the side of the road, like a common whore,(Mrs Bush), in fact, I think that is actually the definition of a whore. Someone who has sex for payment, like, bracelets, other gaudy jewerly, money, drugs, etc.. Soo classy and "Christian" of her.. He now says he doesn't even know if she even enjoyed the sex..couldn't tell..she just wanted to be pounded( to hurry it up) and didn't like to kiss him. Yep, sounds like a typical WHORE to me!
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of $600/hr escorts (I prefer whores): "You know most of them don't look like their photos in person." Gosh, I'm so sorry you didn't get what you were paying for!
ReplyDeleteScoffing when confronted with evidence of searches on Backpage: "Backpage, pshtt!" Oh sorry, not classy enough for you?
On the subject of pictures... I looked at second affair partners/ whore's many, many profile pictures on Facebook( in the beginning) and I could not help myself...I had to rub it in and show my husband, and ask,WTF?! Really!! THIS is who you had to maintain contact with? Can even begin to fathom the sex.. He couldn't believe it himself. It is kind of funny. If I didn't know for a fact what a total waste of a human she is..I would still laugh out loud at her, sea witch/ female impersonator photos. In some of them she has literally 7 pounds of makeup on!SOO desparate for attention. I read recently that experts are claiming that they can tell alot about someone's psychological makeup by looking at the pictures and comments on their social media.. Interesting.. Guess I called that obvious connection long ago. Narcissistic, pathological, sociopathic, whore. That is the type of women, that he apparently found attractive. Probably because they reminded him, of him...
ReplyDeleteAnon, About the way these whores look? I said to my husband, "you would give up your family for this?" He said, "well she didn't look that way when I started dating her." YUCK dumbass.
ReplyDeleteAbout the way these whores look... I was watching a news program with my husband about election coverage and one of the news commentators was Kennedy (I think from MYV?) my son made fun of how she looked and her haircut. I told him that alot of woman had that haircut.. Then I remembered why she looked SO familiar. She looks very much like my husband's ex howorker. Just imagine the same lady with huge wide hips and ass, and 5 more pounds of makeup(which is extreme considering the lady is on TV)then add a ridiculous hillbilly accent. My husband's reaction after our critique of the poor lady. Turn the channel immediately. It is interesting that my daughter has always referred to that haircut(the one that fake Christian Heatherbitch had) as a bitch haircut. Makes me smile.. Only I know how spot on she is with that comment.
ReplyDeleteMe: For 6 years you got to have fun and all that sex whenever you wanted to with dozens and dozens of women.
ReplyDeleteHim: It wasn't fun, it was a burden.
Me: You're a jackass!
It seems like lately that every Sunday I have a meltdown so tonight I started reading other parts of this blog so that I don't have to deal with him. OMG I never laughed so hard at the comments because they were what I have been feeling for so long. My husband came out with some of the stupidest comments just lately and its been over a year. The best one was how he resented me for being a stay at home mom. Like it's an easy job. So after years of not working, I get a job that I loved and he's the one that ruined it for me because of his affair with her. I'm the one that got fired not the idiots involved in all of this mess. The one thing he tells me all the time is that "we've already talked about this, can't we move on. I know this helps you but it doesn't help me." I truly don't care how he feels at times. Since he had no respect for me, getting close to someone we both worked with right under my nose. Why should I feel sorry for him having to relive this over and over, I still do, not every day but most days still. Some days are harder then others and I know in time that I will heal but it's going to be my way not his.
ReplyDeleteMy husband also spoke of the, "burden" of keeping it all up. At one point he was actively carrying on( sexual communications, and or sex) with at least three self absorbed humans.. I reminded him of how poorly he treated me during that time and highlighted the fact that my pain and his total disrespect for me were something that he went out of his way to enjoy. So, I could give a FUCK about what a burden it was to keep that behavior going. I remember calling attention to how casual they all were with one another in his office. At one point I surmised,( totally correctly) that he was everyone's little bitch. Gossiping with the ladies in the office and being at their beck and call, picking up lunch, slushies,and, of course, giving advice,and talking about sex, hinting how good he was at it (his size ) These are things that came out later. I think of all the vapid conversations that he had to endure, just waiting for the chance to build up a close "friendship" in order to talk about sex, and get them to have sex, and I feel no sympathy! I called B.S the whole time, asking why he went out of his way to put up with their office incompetence( his story to throw me off..the classic,"I can't stand these women," or " poor me, I am such a nice guy, I work so hard, and everyone takes advantage of me")I would ask why it was SO important that they all like him, when he didn't even like them. Now it makes perfect sense. Covert narcissism.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most maddening things about it all..they ( the woman, if they had the guts to discuss it, who had not yet had an affair with him ) described him as their friend,and lied about the inappropriateness of their conversations. They supposedly saw nothing wrong with the constant secret contact that they, who were married...shared with a married man.
"I don't have any time to think things over" (my h moved out to try and reflect on his situation and decide what to do after telling me of his cheating) "I'm so tired driving back here to see the baby every second day". My heart bleeds. Whose choice was it to move out? How does he expect to 'reflect' when he's fulltime working... "We might as well be living together". Doh.
ReplyDelete1. "I didn't think what I was doing was that bad."
ReplyDelete2. "I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was protecting you by making sure you would never find out."
3. "Yes, I was answering casual encounter ads on Craigslist, but I wasn't going to have sex with someone random. I was going to get to know them first."
4. "I didn't have sex with other women because I was attracted to any of them or the sex was good. I had sex with them because it was convenient."
5. "I never talked bad about you or let any of them talk bad about you. They all knew I loved my wife."
Wow, that is always a great one! The,"I always loved you.." B.S.!!! As if love isn't a choice. Not to keep reiterating, but #5 is totally untrue. The Bitches/ sluts / whores / coworker / friends,etc.. that are willingly complicit in the destruction of your psyche...are not the type that will stand for abstaining from making fun of you and hearing your every heartache and weakness. These are people who feel bad about themselves and what they are doing, so they will accept any excuse to feel justified in their selfish behavior.. Here's the irony, one of the sluts (Mrs. Bush) that my husband fucked, was divorced,(due to her husband cheating), and was angry if my husband ever said anything positive about me, meanwhile, trashing her latest husband to mine. How can they even reconcile the hypocrisy in their feeble little minds..
Delete#5 isn't necessarily untrue. I had the fortunate/misfortune of full disclosure by way of 5 years worth of emails and instant messages. Some of the cunts were mad because my husband spent the holidays with me, got angry because he said he was going on vacation with me or were in thier feelings when he said he was not going to leave me to be with them. Those women were dropped and unfortunately replaced with other women who didn't give my husband any "drama" about being married. I'm not saying that he didn't share arguments or marital issues that made me look like I was a bad wife. I mean, come on, his entire life has been lies and deception. This thread is not stupid shit we believe, but stupid shit cheaters say.
DeleteI would love to be privy to that amount of information. Any questions I have about his vast amount of communication( 2004-2013) such as, text email and phone conversations..he can't remember!! Probably the most stupid shit that he tries to say!
DeleteI laughed at #4. My version of that was "I had sex with them because they were available"
DeleteI wonder if the whore he was fucking for 10 years, the one who thought my husband "loved" her knows she was nothing more than an ego boost for him, and it was based on the fact that she was "available". She could have been ANYONE. I bet she would not feel so special then!
"It wasn't really sex it was just kind of rubbing"
ReplyDeleteAfter 3 years, the OW sent me a picture with the necklace he bought her for Christmas. I say, that is cruel. He says, I guess she really didn't care about me. Sending you that, you would think if she cared about me, she wouldn't do that." I give up - keep your head up your ass buddy.
ReplyDeleteIt is strange the things that stick with you, ( memories, timeframes, lies,lies,and more lies) all the things that point to a person capable of so much deceit.. I look forward to the days of not being triggered by seeing a scar on his arm that is the same location of the scratch that his coworker gave him many years ago, I commented on it then and he shrugged it off dismissively saying she was "just teasing around." Then his boss told me how they clowned around, " like a bunch of kids," at the office, chasing each other to the elevators, etc.. These thoughts make me want to call her husband, sister, mother, and sweet pastor at the church where she so devoutly teaches Sunday school.. Does this make ME a monster!? Sometimes I can't fathom WHY I haven't already done that! Some days, I feel like a fool that will never get over these feelings..and all I can do is not ask yet another question about when or why.. Maybe someday if I do talk about things, I can at least manage to do so without becoming furious and it ending with a blow up.. The catch, the longer you wait for control over your emotions..the more time passes and he thinks, finally she is,"over it"..
ReplyDeleteThe OW sent me a very long and detailed message on facebook right when I thought things were starting to turn around. I forwarded it to the H and his reply? Why are you doing this? Seriously! When I asked him why he would ask that he said I should have just deleted it and moved on!
ReplyDeleteOk...today I checked out ex stripper/horrible mother's pinterest page.. I got quite a laugh reading the " relationship advice" section on how to improve your marriage. One heading was about, " the problems in our marriage that no one talks about." Um, how about the fact that you are a cheating whore, who maintains contact, and has phone sex with another married man?! Ever talked about that one..it might be considered a "problem," ya think! Carabear is so deep..
ReplyDeleteI have to post this comment here. From my moronic mother in law. When my husband and I recently separated, I went down to talk to the in laws, to see if they could talk some sense into their messed up son. When his father said " he told me he's not involved anymore". I said "oh yes he is. He's still in contact with the whore". To which my mother in law said "oh they're probably still friends"......WT???!!! Idiot breeds idiot!!!!
ReplyDeleteGabby xo
MY CH said the 2nd (& supposedly last time) they were intimate it didn't count because he 'couldn't get it up'. I said "if you were naked it counts". I haven't asked the details and don't want them but I'm sure it involved oral sex. Yes, CH that is still 'sex'. Thank you very much, slick Willy. Meanwhile had I touched another man's junk (never have/would) CH said he would divorce me. Yet if it's him it doesn't count... lol
ReplyDelete"If you ever need help, if things go wrong, I will always be there for you." This incredible statement comes from my h who is now openly living with his affair partner. My response: "How can you say that, when you are already gone?" He really seems to think he can be with me and her at the same time. WTF. We do not live in Utah.
ReplyDeleteSupid $#1t he's always saying.
ReplyDelete"Sorry for me being stupid."
What more could an intelligent female ask for a man to say when she's clearly ready to educate him on how she feels about infidelity!
I've heard that one too. It's almost inviting us to response "you are not stupid". It's making it about them and not our pain. Selfish response.
DeleteNot from my husband, but stupid shit from the c(OW)...
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend sent her an email telling her off and she responded and told her to remind me how fat she is sometimes because it will make me feel better.
First of all, like we need permission to talk badly about her, and secondly it just shows how shallow the c(OW) is! I'd rather talk crap about her awful personality ;)
Thought of another... I asked H if he had spoken to her since I discovered the affair. He told me yes, that he talked with her right afterwards because I was upset and he didn't know what to do!
ReplyDeleteLike talking to the whore who helped ruin your marriage is a good choice in that moment! Just to add insult to injury, she told him he should be comforting me!
This page is good medicine. We need more things that make us laugh. Maybe a place on here to post little cartoons or sayings. Humor helps healing.
ReplyDelete"I remembered that I did love you once" - this gem from a husband who for the past five months (since he first told me of his infidelity) "couldn't remember" having loved me for nine years (including moving countries, proposing marriage and planning a family together...). Here's hoping 2017 will bring back more of his memory. I think it was being held hostage by his utter selfishness.
ReplyDeleteMy H spent years after the 1x PA having an EA complaining about me to her on email. Her ex-H eventually was responsible for my Dday and H got mad when I asked him what happened when and H said "you trusted his word more than mine and believe me he is no saint". Are you kidding me??? You told a WHORE that I was a bitch for years. And you believed what OW said about her H. The mental gymnastics it takes to not trust me because her H gave me information is impressive.
ReplyDeleteYes, my husband believed the stories the other woman told him about their husband's. They were all taken for granted and mistreated by their spouses.. I once asked him if he had ever met the awful man who he had heard so much about, in order to make his own opinion, before going into his home and fucking his wife, in his bed, with his handicap child in the next room. His answer was of course, No! He maintained contact with this upstanding woman for eight years...
Delete"It was just an escape for me". Wow how insightful dumbass.
ReplyDeleteAfter 3 years it keeps rolling on - I would ask her if she wanted me to bring her coffee so I could get a BJ. If I didn't want sex she was just annoying and irritated me. And you wanted to take a chance in giving up your family for that?
ReplyDeleteYou should also have a section with the stupid things the OW has to say. Some of the things that I've heard the OW and her friends say to me in text messages were unbelievable. The manager of the restaurant, where my husband and I worked, wanted to know how I felt about having a wedding reception in a converted barn. The OW was all into country music and thought she was going to marry my husband before the affair ever started.
ReplyDeleteNot that I condone violence at all but I was wondering if I am\was the only woman who threw anything at her CH on D-Day?
ReplyDeleteI threw an empty duffle bag at him and told him to pack.As he was walking out the door I threw his erectile dysfunction pills at him and he said"thanks".Then I shoved his half empty bottle of bourbon at him and he replied "She doesn't allow alcohol in her house". Poor baby how was he going to get shitfaced every night if she won't let him drink?
H
I don't "condone" violence either but I did throw a hot pizza at my husband, throw a television set off a table and smash a watch that he'd received as a gift that was worth close to a thousand bucks. And I destroyed a diamond necklace he gave me. Well, the chain. The diamond is still okay. So..ummm...yeah. Not exactly the poster child for taking the high road.
DeleteAFter D-Day when I threw the H out he needed his insurance card, so i packed it up in a baggie that I left in the sun on the front porch so he could pick it up when I was gone. Oh, did i mention I put dog shit and cleaned the cat box and added that to the bag? In summer. My bad. Not the brightest spot in my history.
DeleteI threw lots of books. I'm not a violent person either but derived great pleasure slapping in in the face several times & punching him right in the crotch!
Delete"I was bored and lonely"...isn't that what hobbies are for???
ReplyDeleteAnonymous
DeleteFirst thing my h said to the why...I was just so damn lonely! Thing is so was I! But I didn't have the affair! He has only one hobby...golf the other one he had was volleyball and he tainted that sport forever since that's the one thing besides sex they shared! Yep... Stupid!
Stupid shit cheaters say in the news this week.
ReplyDeleteCheating Frenchman sues Uber for tipping off wife about affair.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-38948281
You can't make this shit up.
- Do you want the three of us to talk so that you will be assured that there really is no affair? (I AM NOT THAT STUPID)
ReplyDelete- What's the big deal? Those are just pictures?? (I THOUGHT YOU ARE NOT SEEING HER ANYMORE!)
- We are just friends... (COME ON!)
- Why do you always bring up that up that fight? (BECAUSE WE ALMOST BROKE UP DURING THAT FIGHT AND THEN YOU STILL KEPT SEEING HER THAT'S WHY!!)
- I am not having an affair. (UUMMM..YOU GUYS JUST WENT PUBLIC TO HER CO-WORKERS AND IN FACEBOOK)
"It was just sex. She was cheap sex at that like a whore". So would you bring a whore in our house? Truck? Farm?
ReplyDeleteYes, after watching a show together about cheaters,( many years before finding out that I was also married to one) my husband commented that it "probably" worked better if both parties were married, because, in his words, they both had something to loose. Perfect! He never liked it when my comments were more along the lines of, " It's not just the cheating ( people make bad decisions), but the lying!" I think I even said how if I found out that someone looked me in the eyes,made love to me, etc, etc...and kept that from me,or. continued that behavior, I would, blah, blah, blah, you know the rest quite well I am sure!!
ReplyDeleteBonus 'sharing' from a post-DDay3 h: "I felt really guilty watching you waving goodbye". He was driving away from our house and our little kid was waving to him (I certainly was not!) Guilty... that is a novel concept here. And where was he driving to that day? Back to the OW, that's where.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to engage in everyday conversations now about news or social media with my husband. I should now be happy that he agrees with my opinions that people are desparate for attention and almost the entirety of their posts either beg for approval or try to flaunt the perception that their life is so much more fun and interesting than that of their sad friends.. Now when he sees how vapid and delusional people are..he comments.. Oh my god! Did you read or see, etc.. My only problem is that I want to remind him that, yes of course I see the hypocrisy, and yes, I have been pointing it out for YEARS now! Remember when the"lady" you worked with,(were fucking) had you guilt me into accepting her friend request, I guess so that she could stalk your family. Her posts consisted of her using every opportunity to tell anything nice that she ever did for anyone, and ridiculous statements like," I would give someone the shirt off my own back" along with showing pictures of a girl she helped with her prom makeup, details about how she helped the girl financially...and a play by play of where she was during the day, like Dr appointment or work, (really, she was at her workplace doing her job, how interesting!)She was by far the worst example of what he finds wrong with social media. My friends/ acquaintances whose posts he scoffs at now, don't even hold a candle the her lunatic narcissistic ramblings. Not to mention her countless female impersonator-esque selfies!! Time to unplug..
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I keep sleeping with her (after finding out and confronting him on the fact that the affair indeed did not stop over a year ago)."I actually think she is gross...I can't stand her" UM REALLY? is that supposed to make me feel better? My response..."Wow, I'm so glad you chose to throw away a 21 year marriage, and relationships with 4 kids so that you could spend 5 minutes with someone you can't even stand?" Boy do I feel special!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first discovered my husband's affair he tried to make it better by saying the OW reminded him of me. He told the same crappy story as so many other men about how he couldn't keep an erection the first time. I'm not racist but I have very fair skin, a feature that has always bothered me and I don't know why. The OW is half white, half black and doesn't look white at all. When I first saw a picture of her it really bothered me that he was with someone who I saw as black, and again, it's not because I'm racist, just insecure about how white I am. His response was that he didn't even know she was black until she told him. My husband couldn't tell the truth about anything for the first few months.
ReplyDeleteHe told me I didn't respect his family. Meanwhile, he was lying to me, his mother, his sister (family business), risking a sexual harassment for said business while he fucked a married co worker who was lying to her family and shitting where she ate. So when she attended family functions, it was because of her respect for his family. Unreal that he could have been so blind. And project so much onto me and I took it.
ReplyDelete"She meant nothing to me" which means I meant less than nothing.
"It wasn't about the sex, it was about getting my ego stroked." Then why go to hotels? Why drive hours to have sex? Why not just go to Starbucks and have her stroke your ego for hours?
Exactly! I have heard the exact same excuses! That is the one thing that doesn't add up for me. My husband risked everything for more than one affair. He admits to needing the ego boost, and sick sexual thrills, but doesn't admit to infatuation or,"shallow love", he tortured me the ways I have read that narcissist do, gaslighting, triangulation, etc.. But when I suggest that he felt more for the whores he was involved with, and showed them more love and respect, oh that's too much for him! How am I to believe that he didn't really care for someone who he HAD to stay in contact with for EIGHT YEARS! I don't buy it, and continuing to lie about it does nothing to rebuild my trust! Perhaps he realizes that if he were to admit to having put this trash of a person ahead of his own family, then maybe I would wake up and leave!!!
ReplyDeletethese comments are hilarious. I will add some of the things I endured:
ReplyDelete1. We should all just be friends. Yes, please sign me up to add a "friend" who wants to destroy my life and family.
2. She is smart and funny and interesting. We have a lot in common. Because me, your wife, is dumb and clueless and boring. IDIOT!!
3. I wasn't "there" for him. He traveled on business every week. For one year (12 months) he traveled to the other side of the country for his job - gone 4-5 days every week. I was at home running everything - house, kids, job - basically a single mom. Never complained even once. Let him sleep late on days he was home (2) to adjust to the time zone differences. But please tell me again how I am not "there" for you. MORON!
4. If we divorce a lot of guys would want to date you. So glad you are looking out for my dating future - maybe you would like to pick out my next H for me while you are at it.
5. She came after me - she pursued me. As if that makes it all OK to go out and cheat. JERK!
6. I loved you the entire time. Really this is a GREAT way to show your wife you love her, by cheating. I guess when you wanted a divorce you were showing me love then too. Those 3-4 times you said I want a divorce - you were in love with me then?
7. He claimed he cheated because I did not communicate with him. This from a guy who NEVER had a serious conversation, made jokes about Everything and would change the topic.
There are so many more that I had to listen to - I literally could write a book. These are just a few highlights.
My H continued texting one of them "as a friend" a few months after d-day. He thought we could all hang out one day. Um--Delusional much?
DeleteThese jewels from my H and his 18 year "really good friendship" -
ReplyDelete(1) In front of our marriage counselor - "We were just really good friends" - I think my eyeballs bugged out of my head and I said "Well, I have a lot of really good friends, but I don't f#*K THEM!! He continually said this ALL THE TIME - I got so mad, when we were sitting on the bed - i pushed him with my foot (ok, I mean kicked) and broke his glasses. *disclaimer - i don't condone violence.
(2) The night I confronted him - besides being angry and red faced - "She kissed me first", "You just don't understand how she is". Seriously, what a super assface Thought I was talking to a damn 10 year old.
(3) "I never talked about you" - So for 18 years, you never uttered my NAME!! But he talked about our kids ALL THE TIME.
(4) "I never told her I loved her" - this was right after DDay.....now last night it's "Well, it wasn't the same love I had for you", quickly followed by "I always loved you". So every time you stuck your dick in her or got that blow job you always craved - you were loving me. THANK GOD!!!
(5) "We only talked about work and stuff like that"
(6) I saw a picture of the OW from 2013 - holy crap - she was huge. I just couldn't believe it. That just made me MADDER. I showed it to my H and I said "You did THAT"??!! WTF - a cheap looking whore - oh, but my H's really good friend. He replied back with "Well, I guess she didn't take very good care of herself".
My 29th anti-versary is tomorrow. YAY...not.
I'm not sure if this counts, because I stupidly asked the question first.....but I asked him how he "picked" the women he was going to cheat on me with. (He's had long-term emotional/physical affairs, but also has had multiple sex-only affairs, and I was referring to the sex-only cheating when I asked) His response: Well, pretty much every woman I came into contact with was a potential partner. I would always flirt, and see where it would go" You know....cashiers, our kids teachers, waitresses, coworkers, the list goes on.....
ReplyDeleteHOLY SH!T. That was actually the answer I sort of had imagined in my mind! But to hear him say it!? I actually sort of snickered and told him that I had been imagining him running around with his dick out of his pants begging women to touch it. I never really thought it was as close to the truth as it turned out to be!
He was slightly offended by my "imagined" pathetic portrayal of him.
What an idiot. I can only shake my head in disbelief.
I know now that I asked too many questions right after D-day1, and now wish I could un-know a lot of the answers. But my H came up with a couple things that left me shaking my head....he had affairs with several of the women in the office over the years, one of his lines to them being that "he was so much more adventurous" than I was, and that "our sex life was vanilla." (all the while telling me the sex was great)
ReplyDelete1) I asked if anyone at the office knew about the affairs. His response - "no, and I don't want it to get out. I don't want to ruin their (the AP's) reputations. They're nice people." What about your wife and her reputation?! And isn't she a "nice person?" You had no problem telling the AP's how boring she was!
2) He claims to have done many things with a couple of them, but said "I didn't actually have sex with them, and you should be happy about that." Hmmmm... I'm feeling a lot of things, but happiness isn't one of them.
3) Not something he said, but my own response made me laugh inside:
He told me that he went downstairs while everyone else was upstairs having a meeting, and brought the affair partner of the day to an almost instant orgasm while she was sitting in her office chair. My response, "have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally?" The look on his face was priceless.
My h suddenly broke up with his ow after about a year on and off. Cried while telling me, "I still love her. This is really hard." I wonder what he was expecting me to do/ say. Empathy is hard when you're being completely insulted and disregarded!
ReplyDelete1. When explaining how none of the "escorts" (aka dirty whores) he hired were very good looking:
ReplyDelete"You know their pictures are photoshopped"
"There's a reason she doesn't show her face on the website"
-- Cue world's tiniest violin and massive eye roll
2. On why he cheated on me with 8-15 dirty whores (yes, somehow he lost count and has no clue how many other "women" he banged over 1.5 years - during which I was pregnant and/or taking care of our newborn baby):
"It was a distraction" - No, douchebag...a "distraction" is playing Yahtzee while downing a pint of ice cream- NOT having sex with common hookers
"It was either this or leave you. Would you rather me have just divorced you?" - Oh bless your heart for keeping my best interests in mind (barf!)
3. When I inquired why there were so many texts exchanged with some of these dirty whores:
"She was asking me a dental question about her kids" (he is a dentist) - Ding ding ding! Dentist of the year award given out to dentist who offered free dental advice via text to hooker child (barf again)
"I sent her pictures of my finished tattoo" - Oh yeah, because a white you paid to screw saw your chubby naked body with some half-finished ink and was literally waiting by the phone to get a finished tatt selfie - IDIOT!
"Texting them and trying to get a response gave me a rush" - Ummm...why not try skydiving or knife throwing rather than sex with strangers? It's probably a lot safer :(
OMG I am laughing so hard at these 'stupid shit' posts I have tears in my eyes. Thank you all for sharing. What FOOLS these guys are!
Delete*a whore you paid (not a white - typo)
DeleteI'm so glad some laughter and brightness can come from the complete and utter crap that has befallen me/us.
DeleteI know what you mean - I found this post two nights ago and was stifling uncontrollable, deep, ugly belly laughs reading them in bed while my CH was brushing his teeth. He asked what I was laughing at and I just said "something online" - if the self righteous bastard only knew ;)
Oooh! One more gem from tonight - when showing our sis-in-law a tattoo of a sun dancer on his thigh: "I had the artist draw a top on her because I feel it's disrespectful for a guy to get a tattoo of a topless woman if he has a wife" ...BUT it's not disrespectful for the same husband to have sex with 8-15 hookers?!?! Someone explain THAT to me :/
DeleteJules
So after ten years of being together I found out my husband had started an emotional affair with a ho-worker (he worked with her husband too and we had just started being friends with them as a couple.)
ReplyDeleteSkip to a few weeks after finding out about the affair I am checking his phone and find a browser page open to a divorce attorney.. I confronted him and he says, "after being together for ten years do you really think I would disrespect you and go behind your back for a divorce?"
Really asshole? Where was all that respect when you started having an affair?
Written as though to my love:
ReplyDeleteMy intuition is strong, I thank my lucky stars for this gift. I knew something had changed a few months ago, but couldn't pin point exactly who, what or when. The why... we have been together 11 beautiful years, we had a beautiful baby, I nursed her 15 months and committed myself to being the best mother and caregiver to the baby. You didn't communicate your needs to me. Instead you started a texting emotional affair with an illegal immigrant at your job! She doesn't speak many words of English even. You went out of your way to pick the easiest prey possible. She started to like the attention. You would get called to work on machinery in the plant, just so she could stare at you and have a few words. I've come to discover, after working there for 7 years, you know a lot more Spanish then you let on. You were caught with 1 simple text, as your phone pinged a green light. As Easter was 2 days away I thought the text would be in regards to what time to meet your family for church. No... it was a text, all in Spanish. I decided to scroll thru past texts... all in Spanish and as you rocked our daughter to sleep, I located a very invaluable resource, Google Translator. It didn't take long to figure out these texts were... "I miss you." "My heart beats fast when you are near." "We can spend time together at 10 a.m. on Fri. April 14th" ... upon confrontation you denied it for all of 10 minutes, because you had no access to getting your phone and knew I would see everything, included "deleted" texts, as you can back up deleted texts for 90 days back. Ah, the technology these days. You say nothing sexual happened, she only works 3 days on, 2 days off then 2 days on 3 days off. I will forever know the dates of "X shift" , you say you've told her it's over. You say you no longer take calls on machine's in her department. You say You're very sorry. I think you're sorry you got caught. You say I saved you from making what could of been a terrible mistake... like what you've done isn't a miatake already, please. In that statement alone you've said a lot more than you think. I found a brand new bottle of lubricant in your car, not the kind we use, just a cheap crap lube. Lucky I have found no Magnums, as that is the only kind you would ever use. You admit on Easter Sunday to your parent's what you've done, maybe you feel better- I don't. You constantly view pornography as though it is a lifeline needed food source. You delete your history (you must not know about deleting cookies)& you drink like a sailor. My gut tells me there is more to this story, so since I cannot feasibly come into your workplace ( a meat plant), I have an informant that I trust, she is feeding information to me. She also only speaks Spanish, but again Google Translator is a beautiful tool. I also have your phone locator on, I know where you've been and I know where you're going. Just in case the phone locator is off, I've already got a back up plan for that, as the GPS system is only 2 meters off, which is as accurate as I need for these purposes. I hope I don't catch you doing anything bad. I'm still in love with you, but the trust is gone. Until I find why my gut is telling me something is wrong I will go out in search of the truth and only hope my gut is just off. You have no idea the level of trust that has been shattered. I'm trying to let us rebuild it but it will take time and as always, I will figure this out over time. You always have lied to those who love you the most, but your lies won't get very far with me, my intuition is beyond great!
Anonymous— my husband had an affair with an illegal immigrant. But a full blown affair... I read what you wrote and he is wondering what state you live in...? If it’s the same nasty bi***
Delete"I felt bad and guilty Every time" Thanks for reminding me it happened over and over.
ReplyDeletegoldenslot
I wanted nothing to do with her. As he broke NC. Right, because people I want NOTHING to do with I text and meet for a drink to "help" them out. After all helping me out by being a good man and respecting my request that he have NC with her wasn't nearly as important as helping this ho-bag with her computer. Yeah! F-you sweetheart!
ReplyDeleteMy h also referred to it as a burden, too bad he only realized it at the end!
ReplyDeleteShe never meant anything (really? for a year?)
ReplyDeleteI don't remember the details (lol, seriously? Did it stay in your nothing box?)
I was never going to leave you for her (Wow! I guess that makes it ok)
It only happened 2 times the other 3 she gave me bjs (oral sex still sex you idiot!)
I didn't tell you I didn't use protection because you knew I was lying (that's why I made him repeat the STD test months later)
At the mediator, I asked my h about how his affair with his co-worker started, "Did she accept you straight away or did you have to keep trying to convince her?" His answer was, "Well, how was it with you?" (It took him a long time to win me over when we were first going out.)
ReplyDeleteSo, firstly, I am put on a par with this cheating woman in his confused mind
and
secondly, I see that he consciously pursued her and it wasn't just some ill-advised flash in the pan.
Ugh.
Love these! And finding them such a good distraction today.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite excuse I have heard so far (this new journey has just begun for me a couple of months ago) was that the OW liked Pink Floyd and Camembert cheese. ��
My H told me it was just friends talking . They never said anything inappropriate. He said besides my pecker only gets hard for you honey .. in his defense when we started dating we had to work at it to get it hard. ( he was recently separated ) but we found other ways of getting off... so if he did have physical contact with her and his pecker didn't get hard enough for sex what did they do ??
ReplyDeleteBut even if they didn't get physical just the secrecy of the whole friendship is devastating enough. Because he was talking to her when he should have been talking to me. That he was always hiding his phone and talking to her all hours of the day and night.i just can't believe he'd do this to me. And he acts like nothing ever happened. And if I ask him about it he gets all mad and defensive. . He hasn't text with her anymore since . He tells me daily he loves me and I'm beautiful . But I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore.. I just hope I can get past all of this.
Yes Anonymous, isn't it amazing how they have selective memory when it come to remembering details about their affair. Mine told me obviously his affair of 10 months never meant anything to him (even though he told her every day how much he loved her) or he would remember. Yet when I asked him if he snuck down to the lake on Mother's Day in 2016 to go "fishing", he said no & that she posted on Facebook book "Happy Mother's Day to me, none of my kids came to visit". Interesting how he remembered that, yet nothing else!?!
ReplyDeleteI've known couples who have been married for 40 years who split up and don't react as strongly as you have.
ReplyDelete1-The OW found out that I knew. She then told her husband of 5 months and he kicked her out. My husband was so distraught he told me he needed to go to her to console her. She lives in a different country.
ReplyDelete2- Coming up to the same weekend(above) he went to visit a friend to think things over(legit). Before he left I rented a dumpster and told him that he had til Sunday night to either come home or get his crap out, Monday it would all be gone. He called on Saturday joking for me not to throw his stuff out. I in turn said, "Oh silly boy, you are the one who will make that decision. Try me!"
You knew what I was like when you married me.
ReplyDeleteI thought you would divorce me anyway. I didn't think you cared.
ReplyDeleteLynn Less Pain - I actually heard this one too. Maybe it's written in a cheater's handbook?
DeleteInserting a quote that the other woman has on her social media page. Sigh! Where the hell do people get their morals from??
ReplyDeleteLover of laughter, kindness, compassion, mercy, and grace, extending to others that which so freely is extended to me.... ��✝️
Heartfelt, I think that is the definition of delusional
DeleteBrowneyedgirl - I know! It just amazes me how some people move on in life and have no idea of the extreme pain they caused when they so “freely” decided to insert themself into another woman’s marriage.
DeleteUgh! It kills me how they can simply overlook or disregard the damage they’ve caused. The OW in my case had the nerve to tell me (before I realized that it wasn’t an emotional affair and that she’d been screwing my husband on lunch breaks) that I needed to forgive my husband and move on because he loved me and my kids. Are you kidding me?
DeleteI think I shared this one before but my personal favorite was the time shortly after D-Day when she posted as her cover photo “Someday you’ll look back and realize exactly why it happened.” Pretty sure I have a number of answers to why it happened, starting with her being a whore.
All that isn extended in tuna town where she lives.
DeleteYears ago when I was trying to figure what he got from his affair, other than sex, he told me she made him feel important. I asked him what did she say, how did she make him feel important? He said, "she told me what a wonderful, good, nice man I was." After I pulled myself up from the floor I pointed out that this OW, a cheater & manipulator, called him, the married father of 3 she was having an adulterous affair with, a good man?? Did they both miss the irony of that comment?? And he said it with a strait face!!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I LOVE this, isn't this the truth! These women tell them how great they are, really, how great of a man are you to be cheating on your family! I plan to use this somehow if given the chance in an upcoming discussion with my husband. Thank you for sharing!
DeleteAmy
Latest update. My h has been living apart from me and our daughter for several months. He told me at the weekend that the apartment next to his was coming up for rent soon - wondering if I would like to move there. I asked "why?" He said "It would be handier". Handier for what?! Handier for whom?! I guess he is tired of driving those long 10 minutes to see his child every couple days.
ReplyDeleteomg, these men are clueless - they broke their vows and now they want convenience?
DeleteSince discovering my husband's affair with his HO-worker ( I love that word) I have heard SO SO many stupid things come out of his mouth as I am asking him questions about the affair he had for 10 months with this married HO-worker who I know and have entertained in our home on many occasions! (ugh) In no particular order the stupid S#*t he has said:
ReplyDelete1) "Well you know that over 60% of marriages experience infidelity" Wow! That makes me feel SO MUCH better.
2) I could never get hard so we didn't really have an affair ( Oh but the intention was there and you would have if you could have. Also, not really sure this is true as when were immediate post D-Day he spoke of actually doing it with her. hmmm)
3) "I never loved her, I always loved YOU." Again, Wow.
4) "She made me feel good about myself."
5) "She smelled bad." This one is an eye roller...and makes me giggle. I can just imagine him gagging on BO as they roll around in the hotel bed together!
6) And this is the HO-worker's tag line on Twitter which makes me howl also...she " Lives each day to Inspire and be Inspired"!!! All kinds of crazy there.
I love this blog and I love all of you....its empowering to know Im not alone in the struggle. Hugs
“I’m glad it’s over, it was really intense and took a lot of time away from you and the kids”
ReplyDeleteAnd this morning after sleeping for 3 hours I brought our 1 year old in to him and asked him to take care of the baby because I didn’t sleep well, he said me neither and rolled over. I scoffed and left the room. When he got up I told him that he clearly doesn’t understand what kind of mental space I’m in (we are 2wks past d day) or he’d be doing everything I ask of him. He said, get this, “I don’t know if I can do this, I’m doing all of these nice things for you and I’m just getting shit on by you!” Ding ding ding!
So funny, he wants an atta-boy for being nice to you. He's the victim? Wow he is still in fog city.
Delete"I went for the sex". If you had sex less than once a week, then why was it sex? I told him there are a lot of emotions going on while having sex. I called bullshit with a bull horn this weekend.
ReplyDeleteHe said well genital herpes is very prevalent. Like it was no big deal. I said it may be but not for me. As I was beginning to itch. Un-fucking believable. Then he had to tell the insurance company what he was taking that big blue bill for. He felt my shame.
LLP
ReplyDeleteHe should feel your pain and every time he does he should itch and not be able to reach the real itch! Hugs!
OK, there was something I asked my H to do for several weeks. Finally I said I'm frustrated. Get off your fucking ass and do this. This is important. He said ok I will do it by the middle of the month. I looked him square in the eye and said, I don't believe you. He just looked at me. I repeated, you can say whatever you want I don't believe you. It must have been a triggery thing for him. He got up right way and got started. Double dare you all to give it a try.
ReplyDelete"im not on the phone with anyone. Those unavailable calls are me from my work phone, so that my phone doesnt ring while im talking to customers" - H said . But was REALLY talking to mistress ugly hoe on bluetooth ALL DAY LONG FOR 8 hours a day.
ReplyDelete5 weeks since D day. Why is it that husbands always say afterwards when you find out. That it must never happend and will never happen again , when nothing has changed in your relationship? Infact things are worse... so how do they come to the conclusion that it will never happen again? That is mind boggeling...
ReplyDeleteI have a few:
ReplyDelete"I kissed her because I thought it wouldn't be polite not to." Lucky she didn't ask for sex.
Why is she in your apartment? I thought you were finished with her. Answer: "She wanted to cook for me." Now that makes perfect sense.
When I sent him a video clip of him kissing her: "How dare you!" How dare I???!
On finding out I hired a detective: “It’s a violation of basic human rights!” It is ok to cheat…but not ok for the betrayed to take steps to discover it
“She understands me.” How original
“She thought she could make me happier.” She had no right to an opinion on our marriage.
Whose idea was it to search for apartments after I discovered the affair: “Hers. I had nowhere to live and she was trying to help me.” No, she was trying to make sure you would not come home!
Him: “Everyone thinks you give out a bad vibe.”
Me: “Who is everyone?”
Him: “A, V and D.”
Me: “All her friends then? And who told you they said this?”
Him: “My affair partner.”
Me: “Did you hear any of them say this?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “So all these bad opinions of me were fed back to you by her?”
It’s not like she had an ulterior motive, lol. Funny he had lived with me for 10 years and didn’t notice the bad vibe. Until she pointed it out…
When I discovered a new passcode on his phone: “You’re so controlling!” No, I just wanted to know if I’m still being lied to. Obviously I was!
It's just mind-boggling, isn't it?! I love the line about being "polite".
DeleteSending you courage, Miyuki. He sounds very mixed up.
I asked my husband, who has been cheating on me during business trips for the last 9 years, how he was going to manage to keep it in his pants during future trips. He said he just would. When I expressed skepticism, he insisted he would, because "It was a lot of work." Wow, ok. Guess infidelity is like being on a chain gang...
ReplyDeleteWhen was the last time you had sex with OW. It was Sept. I told him I went to my GYN to schedule tests based on last contact. I ask him again only I add any type of physical contact. He said I got a BJ in November. He honestly thought unless he was in her it wasn't sex. I asked my sister to ask her faithful H is a BJ sex. He said no too. WTF
ReplyDeleteHIM - "I made some choices you were not ok with."
ReplyDeleteME - "You lied to me, you betrayed me, you broke your promises, you disrespected me. I didn't have the option of 'being ok' or not with your 'choices', because at the time I was not even aware that you were making them."
Don't know if I posted this here yet but want to add one for the recordbooks: When asked by our MC how long the affair was, my H said 40 days. My eyes popped out of my head. Since when was April-December, only 40 days? Is this the New Math they are talking about. That must make me just 10 years old then.
ReplyDelete-MBS
I often thank of the morning after D-Day (three years ago), when I asked him how she, the OW, had taken the news -- he had promised the night before to end the affair immediately. He replied that he hadn't told her yet -- she was away for the weekend with her girlfriends and he didn't want to ruin her weekend... I am so proud that I told him I was going for a walk, and when I got back, SOMETHING had better have happened, or I wasn't sure what I might do. I returned from my walk to him ending it by text. I hope it ruined her weekend -- it undid me for 2 years of my life!
DeleteHe actually said “intercourse is a gray area”
ReplyDeleteIn what universe?
wow.
DeleteMy husband fled to rehab after I discovered his affair. Who did he call as he entered rehab...OW and when I demanded to know why he would contact her instead of me as he was going to rehab he said he "just wanted to assure her that her personal life was not at risk because she didn't deserve that" to which I responded "I beg to differ. She is disgusting"
ReplyDelete"I never penetrated her." I ask the OW, did he ever penetrate you? She said, "Yes, but not often." OK, what in the hell difference does that make for him to confess he didn't penetrate her, like he is proud of the fact he had that much control. He was naked ok, that is enough for me. Well, he wasn't completely naked he told me he didn't even bother to take his socks off. I get an image of him naked with socks on, how romantic is that?
ReplyDeleteH: "One of the last times I had sex with you, I was imagining the ow's head on you."
ReplyDeleteMe: "How did that feel?"
H: "Not great"
I didn't plan to have an affair when I went to meet her at her house. (Really? You think I can just go to a married man's house secretly)
ReplyDeleteI only met with her a few times. (Really? So, if I meet a man romantically a few times. It's okay?)
It was out of convenience to use our bed. (This is our house, our bed, I didn't give you permission.)
Really you had to tear up our bed? (You really think I want that filthy bed.)
I wish people would treat others how they want to be treated? (Really, did you think of that when you started flirting?)
What! Are you saying I am two faced? (You tell me)
I thought I was chasing happiness. (How is that working for you?)
I am here aren't I? (Those words mean nothing. You were here when the affair was happening.)
You just wish I were dead. (Death would have been an easier thing to handle than an affair.)
We never discussed meeting with someone else. (Yes, we did, in our wedding vows)
I used to feel like it was so wrong. (That was God telling you to stop it and repent)
She says she can do whatever she wants. I can't control her. I can't control you either (Every pussy comes with a brain dumbass)
I never penetrated her babe. (Great, you had so much self control to not put yourself alone with another woman. How about you not be alone with a woman?)
Babe, would you ever let me meet her once a year hypothecially speaking? (Sure, tell me when/where I will invite her husband too, but no one is coming out alive~ All our kids can be homeless hypothically speaking.) What? you would betray and set me up? (Sure, your loyalty is not to me; why should my loyalty be to you? You don't give a damn about our kids. If you did, you honor their mom,pray for her, love her intentionally. ....Never did he dare bring it up again. In fact, he says he knows he could not make the same choice again.
H: She was really upset that you confronted her at work? (How does that compare to her sleeping with my husband in my house? There are no more rules. She broke them.)
Spouses, they like to keep their worlds separated. It makes them feel safe. When you are ready, you must confront to show them them you are a warrior. Even the bible says to confront when you know someone is sinning. The hope is that they awake from their "fog". It also says to pray for your enemies. I have. My results have not been revealed yet. So, I continue to pray and chose to be better than bitter. I fail all the time. As we know, this grief is unimaginable. My husband was mean, hurtful, selfish, prideful...he has changed. I don't think he has ever been a happy person. I think he lacks God, faith. In the bible, that is no excuse. If you were raised and taught the word, you will have to answer to God. You are actually rebelling. God is gives us free will. Honestly, I feel like this unbearable pain has a purpose. Maybe if I can truly heal...maybe my husband will believe in God. He is not the same man he was during/after the affair. He is different. I am thankful I found this blog. I have not told a soul except in prayer. The wait for healing feels long. Maybe God is also working on me. I too am different than before. I feel more normal lately, but disappointed in myself that I still have unknown triggers. These comments make me laugh even though I know they are hurtful. You helped me realize I am not alone in what I feel or my thought process. Thank you for that. Thank you for sharing your pain. I hope we can somehow heal. Maybe if I have you, I won't have an outburst with my husband during a trigger.
As awful as it is to read all of these, it just helped me feel not so alone.
ReplyDeleteThanks
You would have liked her. It's a shame you two never met, you could have been best friends.
ReplyDeleteI only called her (after it was supposed to be over) to see how mad her husband was. I was afraid he was going to find and hurt me.
The next excuse was, "I wanted to make sure she was ok"
She's a good person, a great mother and trustworthy.
I could rattle off stupid all night!
😳😳
DeleteAny chance he's shed the stupid and pulled his head out of ass?
I know you don't want to hear this but I just couldn't stop.
ReplyDeleteI'm so relieved you caught me. After lying about it for 2 days nonstop.
It was all about the pictures videos etc. For me. She was just so persistent.
She's really not a whore...... She just sent you pictures after 20 minutes of talking!
But she has,a decent job and dresses nice....Lord help the whores that dress nice and have decent employment.
She talked about all these disgusting things she wanted to do. She was really gross......and you went along with said things.
I found the hotel on the location in his phone. When I asked how he paid for it he said she paid. She said she was going to pay for her booty call.....but she's not a whore.
I got scared when she kept saying she was going to call you......gets them every time.
Wow KelliK. 😳
DeleteMe: How many others did you go out on dats with other than the 3? (that he was.in a casual sexual relationship with)
ReplyDeleteHim: just one or two.. It didn't work out
OW was married with 3 kids.
ReplyDeleteMe: Why didn't you wear a condom?
Him: She doesn't sleep around.
Right...
Oh my, everyone: 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
ReplyDeleteHow many times did you have sex with her?
ReplyDeleteHIM: Less than once a week.
Talk about a slick willy..........
My son just opened a new restaurant and it is right by the OW neighborhood. My H said, I don't think I want to go, I will get triggered. What about me dumb ass?
ReplyDeleteWhat if he never wants to talk about it. He ignores anything I ask via text. Which infuriated me to the point of intake anger. Then he will block me. We have struggled to reconcile because of this. Big time.
ReplyDeleteWhy does he block me?