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Sunday, January 1, 2012
A Tough Time for the Betrayed
Factor in the usual holiday insanity – too little sleep, too much booze and fat-laden treats, perhaps a maxed-out credit card – and you've got a passport to hell.
But...this is no time to make grand plans. Stick to a day-at-a-time (or minute-at-a-time, if that's all you can manage right now) philosophy and trust that, day by day, the betrayal will fade further in the rear-view mirror allowing you to start facing forward.
There's little I can say when the discovery of betrayal still stings. You're sure no-one has ever hurt like this.
But they have. We have.
And the sting will slowly become a dull ache. Then an ever duller ache. And eventually – honestly! – disappear altogether.
How do I know this? Because my husband and I kicked off 2012 with an argument. About how much I've been doing around the house (and with his toxic family!!) and how little he's helped.
And not ONCE until I began writing this post, did I think about how he'd cheated on me. That used to be top of mind. I would think to myself (and often say out loud to him), "it's not enough that you forgot to take out the garbage but YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH A TOTAL SKANK AND LIED TO ME ABOUT IT!" He couldn't chew his food too loud without me thinking to myself that not only was his chewing annoying BUT HE CHEATED ON ME WITH A TOTAL SKANK AND LIED TO ME ABOUT IT."
See what I mean?
And now...nothing. I was pissed off about him not helping me around the house. I wasn't pissed off that he cheated on my with a skank and lied to me about it. Why? Because it was a long time ago. And he's changed a lot since then. I've changed a lot since then.
So happy new year. Really. It's possible that this will be a happy new year for you. Think of it this way – it probably can't be worse unless you're still putting him with his cheating. In which case, it IS time for grand plans. Tell him the party's over and it's time for him to man up and be an honest husband to you...or get out.
Happy new year. Indeed.