The kickass survival site for anyone who's ever been lied to, cheated on and left for dead.
Thank u. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say happy valentines day to u too. & I love your quote. So true!-sam
49 days post DDay and I it looks like I am coming out of the affair fog. I'm also Sleeping a little better and getting my appetite back some. It's time to stop following him around, crying (at least in front of him), making plans and dreaming. Time to stop asking questions about her and the affair, time to stop asking him how he feels. Time to stop hoping, expecting, waiting for affectionate emails, calls or texts that indicate that he's thinking about me. Time to look after me and the girls. Time to get back to doing things I want to do regardless of if he participates or not. The first thing on that list is a destination race which will take the place of the couples race I asked (or according to his version of events -forced) him to do with me a few months ago, which had to be canceled (luckily for him) because of he was supposed to have surgery (which was postponed).Instead I'm going to run a race in a city where he took her on one of their trysts (someplace we've vacationed for years, both as a couple and with our kids) and booked myself into the hotel they stayed in when he took her there a few months ago (where, again we've stayed multiple times as a couple and a family). I am going to reclaim the places that meant so much to me and where we have made memories. She got my sloppy 2nds with these trips - staying in the same hotels & eating at the same restaurants we always frequent when CS and I went there-as she will see if she is trolling my blog and social media sites like I'm sure she is. Another reason I did this and the main reason why I'm doing this NOW is because I couldn't deal with Valentine's Day, and based on how little affection he's showing and how it almost feels like he's been doing everything but actually saying, "I don't want to spend time with you", and what would have surely been a letdown of major proportions. I spent all last week vacillating between tears and rage, and if I'm going to be in that state again, might as well do it in a luxury hotel somewhere prepping for a race and not further degrade myself by doing it in his presence. - MYR
MYR49 days is still so fresh....I hear and feel your anguish...I have read it's a 2-5 year year recovery or sentance depending on how I'm feeling at any given moment ; )I too know that feeling of reclaiming...last night we went to a Valentine's party that had been a tradition with a large group of friends. The last party was in 2011. One of the couples husband had a major health issue and now 3 years later we were all together again...celebrating ...3 years ago my husbands affair was just getting started. I was starting to feel him pulling away and after a few glasses of wine whispered in my friends ear "my husband doesn't love me anymore" . Long story short I would find out in November 2012 what was REALLY going on. A 2 year affair with some girl who liked him in high school! In that 2 year period we would 'celebrate' our 35th wedding anniversary and throw the most beautiful wedding for our daughter...although I can't RECLAIM that wedding I can and HAVE reclaimed our anniversary and last night I reclaimed that party...NO ONE knows except the friend whose ear I whispered in that night 3years ago...she and her husband are 'friends' of our maatiage and I thank God for them everyday because there is no judgement just love and support...they have both been married before and 'LIVED' a life shall we say.I think the first year was about survival. The second feels like reality. As hard as this is I got my big girl pantries on and I am moving FORWARD. We made a choice on Dday to fight for us.and that's what we are doing. It can be a lonely battle but thanks to Elle and her blog I can feel hope. I know there are many strong women here who with there words can give me the encouragement I need on any given day that YES I/We can survive this. So go and start your reclaiming today!L
Thanks L. :) - MYR
Valentines day was hard. The whole week. It's been three and a half months and this week took it's tole on me. It's now the last day in February and I still feel like we aren't back in a good place. It's so hard. My husband didn't even have sex with the OW. He had an emotional affair with a 22 yr old girl he worked with. It turned physical right before I figured things out. (Kissing and making out). It feels like things will never be easy or normal again. We are finally going to see a therapist. We have to drive 70 minutes one way to see him, but my husband finally sees we need it. We have been married for 10 years and have 5 children. He admitted to having a porn problem off and on our whole marriage. It's so hard to get past the lies and betrayal. While I was managing our household and driving our children to and from school and activities, he was off in lala land not caring about me one bit. It's just heartbreaking. I feel like I'm all alone not being able to talk to many people about it. It's the craziest situation to be in. I have to pretend every day that all is okay as best I can for my children's sake. It feels like I'm living a lie when I'm around friends, family, and people at church and they ask how I am. I can't tell them how I really am! I am so grateful for this blog. It helps me so much when I can read that others are feeling like I am feeling and others have come out the other end of the tunnel that seems more like a black hole. To know that you wonderful ladies are happy again is wonderful to read. Thank you for sharing. :-)
Three-and-a-half months no doubt feels like a lifetime...but it's really such a short period of time when healing from betrayal. Your husband's porn problem has likely created other issues within your marriage that will take some unravelling. I'm glad you're going to see a therapist. Can your husband find a program to help him with his porn addiction? He might even be able to find something online. That feeling of isolation is excruciating and is the reason I created this site. It's crucial to be able to share your story, get support for your pain and validation for your feelings. You can let your children know that you're going through a tough time without telling them any details. It gives you some freedom to not have to wear a total mask and it's not bad for kids to know that parents are human and sometimes struggle. Watching you cope and come through it will remind them when they inevitably struggle that it's part of life. Elle