Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Liann Rimes: Living Out a Country 'Cheatin' Song

LiAnn Rimes recently told People Magazine that she's doesn't "regret" cheating on her husband and that it's only because she fell in love. She's not a cheater, she insists, even though she cheated. It's just not who she is. And if we can't understand what the hell she's talking about, it's only because we don't understand the circular logic (and I use the term "logic" generously) that cheaters use to justify...well...cheating. In a cheater's world, you can cheat...without being a cheater. Seriously.
All of which makes it abundantly clear that LiAnn has learned absolutely nothing from her experience. Sure, we all make mistakes (a point she stresses in her interview). But not all of us learn from them. And that's the difference between a cheater who's likely to cheat again...and one who isn't.

What's the difference?
A cheater who's likely to cheat again will often refer to their behaviour as if it was something that "happened" to him/her. "We couldn't help ourselves," they'll wail. "We just fell in love." As if falling in love is the same as falling down a flight of stairs, a product of gravity and high heels rather than choice and deception.
Another popular defence is the "soul-mates" version. Soul-mates, a cheater's logic purports, can't be held responsible for any pain caused to former soul-mates, spouses, friends, children, etc. etc. because soul-mates recognize each other and within minutes must be naked and coupling because, after all, that's what soul-mates do. The whole notion of wedding vows, commitment and "til death do us part" is alien when a soul-mate comes along. The thing is, soul-mates seem to come along frequently for many cheaters. They're kinda like spiritual buses that run on schedule.
Conversely, though many cheaters will initially offer up the "I couldn't help myself" and "It just happened" (that was the excuse provided by my husband's OW, as if the clothes just took themselves off) defences, those who ultimately recognize the devastation they've wrought and truly regret it will eventually come to recognize their cheating as a choice, a very poor one. Especially if, in the cold, hard light of reality, the affair seems cheap and tawdry, and the marriage looks maybe not so bad after all.
But even if their affair led them to exit a lousy marriage. Even if they are in love with their affair partner, those who really get what they've done will likely regret the cheating, if not the relationship. They recognize that, for gawd's sake, it wouldn't kill them to just file for divorce THEN jump into bed with the great love of their life. And it would likely leave them and their ex-spouse with dignity, generally good feelings towards each other and the respect of their friends, family and children. In other words, they wouldn't be branded a cheater.
And so that brings us back to LiAnn, our textbook cheater, voted most likely to reoffend. Rather than trouble herself with some soul-searching to determine why it was she looked outside her marriage rather than honor her "in good times and in bad" commitment (or perhaps, she struck that one from her vows). Rather than take responsibility for the pain and embarrassment she's caused her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Rather than consider that, just maybe, delayed gratification is the grown-up's way to live a life of dignity, she simply dismisses her cheating as "just not me." The thing is, LiAnn, it clearly is.

8 comments:

  1. Loved this post - got a chuckle. This is what my husband's OW said too! "I don't do things like this." Well, apparently you do or we wouldn't be here would we?!

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  2. I remember having a conversation with my cheating spouse, telling him that he cheated because he wanted to cheat. He was aghast and vehemently declared that he had never wanted to cheat. But says I, you came to a cross road and then made a decision, yes/no. You chose yes therefore you did want it. He continued to protest. Poor, poor man, just a victim of circumstance!!

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  3. Insightful post. I sometimes kid my husband about being Teflon Man, as nothing sticks to him as far as causation.
    He and OW deserve each other - he "just couldn't help himself", and she "didn't mean to fall in love with a married man". Puh-leeeeze.
    - Liz

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  4. Choices were made. No one "MADE" the cheater or other person do anything they didn't want to.

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  5. My husband's OW said she doesn't do things like that either. Husband told me on DDay that maybe she was "the one." Now he can't believe he was that person.

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  6. It reminds me of a friend (and I use the term loosely) in high school who dated a boyfriend of mind within about 24 hours of he and I breaking up. She knew I was devastated by what I viewed a double betrayal. And she wrote me a long letter in which she pointed out that it was really my fault that she and I boyfriend got together because, after all, "you broke up with him."
    It's, I suppose, the difference between someone with a moral compass..and someone without. The one WITH the strong moral compass might occasionally get lost but can generally find their way back to their path pretty quickly. The other? Well, they're mostly wandering around wondering why the hell nothing looks familiar and, by the way, where IS everybody, anyhow!
    :)

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  7. I just can't believe LeAnn can't hear herself. She doesn't regret cheating? She might as well say she doesn't regret hurting the man she married and made her wedding vows with. I only hope that one day she will grow up and mature and truly be sorry for how she treated the man she once said she loved. Maybe she won't truly be sorry she cheated until it happens to her! I have no respect for her.

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  8. My husband's OW said that she 'cared too much about him to let him go' when she found out he was married. Yes, that must be true love to start off with lies and deception. It's the great American love story I'm sure.

    I can't stand LeAnn Rimes. She has no class whatsoever. A pathetic, talentless loser.

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