Susan Piver, whose writing I love and whose meditations saved me, is offering a free course (if you aren't available on Monday for the live version, you can still register and get the recording). I highly recommend it for anyone trying to live with the pain of betrayal while holding on to some hope for joy.
The kickass survival site for anyone who's ever been lied to, cheated on and left for dead.
This is so timely!!
ReplyDeleteI've spent a large portion of today scouring the Internet for inspirational podcasts and websites.
I've realised something so profound. When I met my husband I was a career woman, independent and fiesty as hell. I knew who I was. Over the past twenty years, I have morphed into someone I hardly recognise.
I am now a full time mother, although I do own half of our family business, I don't make any decisions. I second guess myself all.the.time. I don't even have my own bank account!
I have handed so much of myself, so much of my power over to my husband. Before betrayal, I never even questioned this, but now the doors have been thrown wide open. I have relinquished way to much of myself. This is my fault...not my husbands. I gave myself to him, I practically gift wrapped myself, and there was nothing of me left.
It's time. Time to find out who I really am.
Thank you for this podcast info.
ReplyDeletePiper
I find this a major challenge too. I was the one that took care of everything for my husband and I before we had kids. I was the one who earned almost everything. I paid for his education, our living expenses, the buy in for his business. I did it all willingly that we were a team. I also agreed with him that I would be the one to stay home with our kids. Working just a little from home. His career was the focus. I was actually 100% good with this. I thought we were in this together and that we made our decisions as a team. This had been really hard for me. He now wants me to get more involved in his business to help him. He says that even if it ended tomorrow I would benefit from everything I did for him since he would give me what I am legally eligible for but more. It just is not a comfort to me. I told him that the issue is even if I decide to leave I am starting at square one. I gave all of the professional aspirations i had up and for me to start over would be from day one. And as I told him he has a very successful private practice, great professional reputation, and cannot do all the work he has coming in. It is one of the hardest things in all of this for me to cope with. And there really is no fix. I have thought about pursuing a new degree now since I know he would support it. That way no matter what happens I could have a degree I can build on. Major dilemma in this area for me to work through.
Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments. .. henry ward beecher. Look for a window warriors ... i try to remain cup half full most days. The next right step thats it and enough. Elle told me some time ago ... all i need to do is show up. Thats it! what pressure this would have released if learned earlier then later but better late than not at all. Im firm now that perspective is a blesding even if the road to it was a battle. Authentic now beats perfection hands down. Perfection overrated. Control illusion. Wounded not broken. I think we morph into what we long for or what society creates. Being a loving trusting wife is not a fault and now learning to let go of some control and just be ...may just turn out to be more rewarding and sound. Betrayl will never be a good thing in my life but im learning so lessons from it .. life lesson and remembering hey what about me ... self care etc and even though letting go of some control is excruciating. .. growth and a poistion of betterment and fulfillment might just prevail. Still working hard to put this shirstorm in our rearview mirror and deeply hoping that just a chapter not the ending.
ReplyDeleteWounded, sounds like you've done a lot of healing already and come to some profound understanding about yourself. Cheers to you!
DeleteLet me know if anyone participated in this. I've found Susan Piver's meditations to be wonderful but I'd love to know how others responded.
ReplyDeleteI did and found it very relaxing! I also have the recording and plan to listen again!
DeleteI had signed up for it, unfortunately I had a client situation that I had to tend to. I did receive the email so I will be able to listen to it later. Thank you so much
ReplyDeleteHi Elle.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this recommendation! I found it to be a very powerful variation on loving kindness meditation. I have found the LK meditation hard at times especially when I have tried to place my H or the OW in the enemy category. Also because I have not told anyone (friends or family) about the affair, I have often felt very alone and in need of love kindness and compassion- this would be a great practice to offer those things to myself.
We are 8 months post day now and my H can give me more of what is needed, but man in the early months there was just heaps and heaps of pain between us and it was hard for both of us to be compassionate with each other.
Are you familiar with the work of Dr Kristen Neff. She works on self compassion and has some really great stuff too.
Thanks again. I look forward to this practice. Also thank you for this site and all the support here. It has been a life saver at my most alone dark hours.
Love
Becky.
Thanks Becky. And I've come across Kristen Neff's name but am not too familiar with her work. I'll look it up.
DeleteThank you for another idea. I am going to look these up this weekend. Becky I agree it is so hard that I have told no one else. It is totally my choice but I don't feel I have anyone in my life that would be able to help me to cope with this. The only people I would consider would be my in laws or my sister in law but that just does not make sense. My husband can be great but it is a lot as he is working through this all too. I decided to see a therapist and that has helped me not feel so alone.
DeleteThese are the problems which are faced by many people now a days...
ReplyDelete