Heavy! Its been on my mind alot lately? Why not sure? I know enough and at this point thinking about it ... asking more or trying to revisit and find out more??? What does it matter doesnt change he cheated? I was having many days i wasnt thinking about it ...i have many good days now ... 3 years ...4mo. Its in my rearview mirror.this post today i needed. Thank you.
Wounded, I think it gets to the point where we need to put it down. It can begin to feel like we're dragging a cement block. It holds us back. It keeps us looking in the rearview mirror. Time to unshackle ourselves and move forward.
Letting go but the hurt and pain: only God knows. I was having dinner with my son just a while ago. And I started crying. My heart felt like it was ruptured, my veins pulled and my arteries twisted. I know these are early signs of depression but I cannot control them. I am alone again after I enforced separation again. No one in my family supports my actions. Everyone told me be patient. Hang on for your son. He will be impacted. NO ONE IN OUR FAMILY DIVORCED COME WHAT MAY. I am at the darkness stage again. Lynn
Lynn, no one truly knows the pain of repeated infidelity or betrayal unless you’ve gone through it. It’s similar to other painful things in life. You can somewhat imagine for a moment how it feels, but you don’t have that gut wrenching numbing feeling. Your relatives have never endured this, so it’s easy to say “chin up butter cup, stay and be patient.” They also don’t realize how smart kids are and how they feel the slightest indifference in the relationship of parents. You are doing the right thing and your son in time will verbalize that to you. Hang in there! Come here and write it all out. We know your pain and we damn well know your worth! You are making baby steps in self care and I pray it gets easier for you. We all understand that you feel failure, as of of us have. It’s a process to feel comfortable in this new skin. Thicker skin and I promise you it will glisten again, just takes some time. Hugs Lynn!! I hope your day has a ray of sunshine knowing we are all here for you!
Lynn. I am so sorry to hear of your pain and your family not supporting you. They need to understand this is your life and you have been let down by someone who should not have cheated! There will be days of pain and days of happiness. Right now as you read this, think about what makes you happy and if you can, give yourself the time to be happy. Thinking of you and your son and know we totally understand and are here to listen. Hugs Gabby xo
Lynn, I love what Heartfelt and Gabby have written here. They're right. Nobody knows the pain until they go through it themselves. YOU are the one who has to live with what's happened, not them. They can either support you in whatever decisions you make or they can butt out. They don't get to stage manage your life. But please know you will get through this. The pain will lessen. That knot in your stomach will loosen. The boulder on your chest will give, just a little at first, then more. You deserve better than this. From a partner. From your family. Give it to yourself. The respect, the kindness, the nurturing. Treat yourself like you would a good friend going through this.
I’m so sorry Lynn. These feelings are so heavy and painful. I don’t know how to let them go either. I had to get on anti-depressants. There is no shame in helping yourself. It made me feel so much better plus I feel like I can think much clearer. Hugs ❤️
Lynn trust in yourself and your decisions, this feeling your going through is absolutely natural your grieving a loss, this rollercoaster of emotions will eventually come to a halt, your pain will lessen each day and you will feel stronger than yesterday. Time is a great healer, I’m 4 months post divorce Lynn and I was feeling like you describe 4 months ago I cried, I hurt I yearned for my loss and I grieved. I knew this was the end of my marriage and their was no turning back. You will question your decision especially when family members aren’t supporting you but you will come to the same conclusion as I did that you deserve better, it’s as simple as that Lynn, your worth much more than he is prepared to give. Your not alone In this we are here with you every step of the way. Big big hugs my friend xxx
Thank you, each and everyone. How I wish I can meet you or attend a weekly support group in person with all of you. I could not function the last few days but pulled myself up just to ensure my son sees his decent mummy. I deleted almost all my family members contact. I blocked all my so-called well meaning siblings so I can think and breathe Today, I finally made it out on my own again after dropping my son at school. Before, it was send son to school, back home to prep meals, fetch son. I was afraid to go out on my own. Seeing happy families together triggers the dark thoughts and feelings again. Lately I kept on imagining how people will scorn or make me an outcast because I am a divorcee. My circle of friends and family are intact units, nevermind the drama behind. My 3rd sis reminded me not to bring shame to the family's lineage. My parents stuck it out despite a stormy marriage till death. For the first time in my life I replied her that she and the rest of the family can celebrate Christmas without my son and I. I have booked for a trip with my son over the Christmas period. I hope I am able to make the trip and not sink into darkness again. Of course the barrage of calls and texts came from the other siblings. For my sanity, I blocked their numbers. I am alone in this journey I know. But, I am thankful I have this site to remind me I am sane. Thanks again, Lynn
Lynn, I just wanted to say how incredibly proud of you I am. What you have done here is incredible. It sounds like you are choosing you and your well being and that of your son over the pressures and demands of everyone else in your life who has their own agenda. This is called having boundaries and you've finally drawn that line in the sand. Your family, who are used to you falling in line with their wishes (sounds like much codependence you describe with the shame, scorn and the "stormy marriage till death") will continue to test your resolve with counter moves. Elle has some great pieces in here about boundaries andx countermoves btw. Your blocking them is a totally valid move to maintain your peace and sanity. As someone who has been through divorce, I'm here to tell you this: you will be OK. In fact, you will be better than OK. Its hard to imagine, but there may even come a time when you look back, see how far you've come and how much happier you are out of a shit marriage and wonder why you wanted to stay. Yes some of my married couple friends eased themselves out of my life. People don't like to take a hard look at their own lives and watching a divorce kinda requires you to do that. But. The people who deserve to be in my life have made an effort to be here and I don't much miss the ones who acted like divorce was a communicable disease. Their exits have made space for a whole new range of high caliber, amazing people to come into my life. Lynn, I know it feels hard and you are struggling with the idea of being alone in this journey. But you don't have to be. You have us here, who get it and support you. And , look in your community or farther afield if you need to avoid family etc. but there are support groups out there for people dealing with divorce, needing help and community. Just google "divorce support group near me" and see what comes up. Hang in there Lynn. It doesn't feel like it right now, but you are absolutely kicking ass right now. even if you are doing it unshowered and in your pajamas.
Lynn, congratulations on setting some pretty clear boundaries with your toxic family. Yes, toxic. I had a few of those myself over the years and no-contact was soooooo much better than constant negative feedback of opinions I did not ask for or respect. You have one life to live and your son will thrive once he understands how to put good boundaries in place around him. You are breaking that family bond of toxic shame that will be passed down to him by your family without you ever knowing that they pulled him aside and planted nonsense in his ear. Stay strong my dear friend, stay strong. SS1 has good stuff to say. Head up, chin up, eyes forward my friend. You have nothing to be ashamed of for taking good care of yourself and your son.
Lynn, your sister should know that by no way are you bringing shame to ANYONE. There is absolutely no shame in drawing a line with another when they are exhibiting behavior that is detrimental to you and your son. Your sister is concerned about the wrong people at this point. No need explaining more to her I guess. That is sad and unfortunate. Is there a crisis center around you? Can you go to a women’s shelter and chat with someone to see if there are other services available to you? You may feel strapped financially but if you could get some support somehow now, you can figure out payment later. The key is to be heard and shed these feelings with someone. Don’t be in a dark place and struggle. We’ve all put ourselves in this spot for a time, but it’s not good to be there for long. Please reach out for help. This is hard to do alone when your world is crashing in. Huge hugs
Heavy! Its been on my mind alot lately? Why not sure? I know enough and at this point thinking about it ... asking more or trying to revisit and find out more??? What does it matter doesnt change he cheated? I was having many days i wasnt thinking about it ...i have many good days now ... 3 years ...4mo. Its in my rearview mirror.this post today i needed. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWounded,
DeleteI think it gets to the point where we need to put it down. It can begin to feel like we're dragging a cement block. It holds us back. It keeps us looking in the rearview mirror. Time to unshackle ourselves and move forward.
Letting go but the hurt and pain: only God knows. I was having dinner with my son just a while ago. And I started crying. My heart felt like it was ruptured, my veins pulled and my arteries twisted. I know these are early signs of depression but I cannot control them. I am alone again after I enforced separation again. No one in my family supports my actions. Everyone told me be patient. Hang on for your son. He will be impacted. NO ONE IN OUR FAMILY DIVORCED COME WHAT MAY. I am at the darkness stage again.
ReplyDeleteLynn
Lynn, no one truly knows the pain of repeated infidelity or betrayal unless you’ve gone through it. It’s similar to other painful things in life. You can somewhat imagine for a moment how it feels, but you don’t have that gut wrenching numbing feeling. Your relatives have never endured this, so it’s easy to say “chin up butter cup, stay and be patient.” They also don’t realize how smart kids are and how they feel the slightest indifference in the relationship of parents. You are doing the right thing and your son in time will verbalize that to you. Hang in there! Come here and write it all out. We know your pain and we damn well know your worth! You are making baby steps in self care and I pray it gets easier for you. We all understand that you feel failure, as of of us have. It’s a process to feel comfortable in this new skin. Thicker skin and I promise you it will glisten again, just takes some time. Hugs Lynn!! I hope your day has a ray of sunshine knowing we are all here for you!
DeleteLynn. I am so sorry to hear of your pain and your family not supporting you. They need to understand this is your life and you have been let down by someone who should not have cheated! There will be days of pain and days of happiness. Right now as you read this, think about what makes you happy and if you can, give yourself the time to be happy. Thinking of you and your son and know we totally understand and are here to listen.
DeleteHugs
Gabby xo
Lynn,
DeleteI love what Heartfelt and Gabby have written here. They're right. Nobody knows the pain until they go through it themselves. YOU are the one who has to live with what's happened, not them. They can either support you in whatever decisions you make or they can butt out. They don't get to stage manage your life.
But please know you will get through this. The pain will lessen. That knot in your stomach will loosen. The boulder on your chest will give, just a little at first, then more.
You deserve better than this. From a partner. From your family. Give it to yourself. The respect, the kindness, the nurturing. Treat yourself like you would a good friend going through this.
I’m so sorry Lynn. These feelings are so heavy and painful. I don’t know how to let them go either. I had to get on anti-depressants. There is no shame in helping yourself. It made me feel so much better plus I feel like I can think much clearer. Hugs ❤️
ReplyDeleteLynn trust in yourself and your decisions, this feeling your going through is absolutely natural your grieving a loss, this rollercoaster of emotions will eventually come to a halt, your pain will lessen each day and you will feel stronger than yesterday. Time is a great healer, I’m 4 months post divorce Lynn and I was feeling like you describe 4 months ago I cried, I hurt I yearned for my loss and I grieved. I knew this was the end of my marriage and their was no turning back. You will question your decision especially when family members aren’t supporting you but you will come to the same conclusion as I did that you deserve better, it’s as simple as that Lynn, your worth much more than he is prepared to give. Your not alone In this we are here with you every step of the way. Big big hugs my friend xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you, each and everyone. How I wish I can meet you or attend a weekly support group in person with all of you.
ReplyDeleteI could not function the last few days but pulled myself up just to ensure my son sees his decent mummy. I deleted almost all my family members contact. I blocked all my so-called well meaning siblings so I can think and breathe Today, I finally made it out on my own again after dropping my son at school. Before, it was send son to school, back home to prep meals, fetch son. I was afraid to go out on my own. Seeing happy families together triggers the dark thoughts and feelings again.
Lately I kept on imagining how people will scorn or make me an outcast because I am a divorcee. My circle of friends and family are intact units, nevermind the drama behind.
My 3rd sis reminded me not to bring shame to the family's lineage. My parents stuck it out despite a stormy marriage till death. For the first time in my life I replied her that she and the rest of the family can celebrate Christmas without my son and I. I have booked for a trip with my son over the Christmas period. I hope I am able to make the trip and not sink into darkness again. Of course the barrage of calls and texts came from the other siblings. For my sanity, I blocked their numbers.
I am alone in this journey I know. But, I am thankful I have this site to remind me I am sane.
Thanks again, Lynn
Lynn, I just wanted to say how incredibly proud of you I am. What you have done here is incredible. It sounds like you are choosing you and your well being and that of your son over the pressures and demands of everyone else in your life who has their own agenda. This is called having boundaries and you've finally drawn that line in the sand. Your family, who are used to you falling in line with their wishes (sounds like much codependence you describe with the shame, scorn and the "stormy marriage till death") will continue to test your resolve with counter moves. Elle has some great pieces in here about boundaries andx countermoves btw. Your blocking them is a totally valid move to maintain your peace and sanity.
DeleteAs someone who has been through divorce, I'm here to tell you this: you will be OK. In fact, you will be better than OK. Its hard to imagine, but there may even come a time when you look back, see how far you've come and how much happier you are out of a shit marriage and wonder why you wanted to stay. Yes some of my married couple friends eased themselves out of my life. People don't like to take a hard look at their own lives and watching a divorce kinda requires you to do that. But. The people who deserve to be in my life have made an effort to be here and I don't much miss the ones who acted like divorce was a communicable disease. Their exits have made space for a whole new range of high caliber, amazing people to come into my life.
Lynn, I know it feels hard and you are struggling with the idea of being alone in this journey. But you don't have to be. You have us here, who get it and support you. And , look in your community or farther afield if you need to avoid family etc. but there are support groups out there for people dealing with divorce, needing help and community. Just google "divorce support group near me" and see what comes up. Hang in there Lynn. It doesn't feel like it right now, but you are absolutely kicking ass right now. even if you are doing it unshowered and in your pajamas.
Lynn, congratulations on setting some pretty clear boundaries with your toxic family. Yes, toxic. I had a few of those myself over the years and no-contact was soooooo much better than constant negative feedback of opinions I did not ask for or respect. You have one life to live and your son will thrive once he understands how to put good boundaries in place around him. You are breaking that family bond of toxic shame that will be passed down to him by your family without you ever knowing that they pulled him aside and planted nonsense in his ear. Stay strong my dear friend, stay strong. SS1 has good stuff to say. Head up, chin up, eyes forward my friend. You have nothing to be ashamed of for taking good care of yourself and your son.
DeleteLynn, your sister should know that by no way are you bringing shame to ANYONE. There is absolutely no shame in drawing a line with another when they are exhibiting behavior that is detrimental to you and your son. Your sister is concerned about the wrong people at this point. No need explaining more to her I guess. That is sad and unfortunate.
ReplyDeleteIs there a crisis center around you? Can you go to a women’s shelter and chat with someone to see if there are other services available to you? You may feel strapped financially but if you could get some support somehow now, you can figure out payment later. The key is to be heard and shed these feelings with someone. Don’t be in a dark place and struggle. We’ve all put ourselves in this spot for a time, but it’s not good to be there for long.
Please reach out for help. This is hard to do alone when your world is crashing in.
Huge hugs