I really love this statement - the truth is I love every post on this page but this one really resonated and helped me when I read it. When I am feeling strong(er) and empowered and less raw, I realize one of my overwhelming feelings is disappointment at my husband's actions. He knew better, he made a bad (terrible, the worst) choice to try to find a way to deal with his depression and the wedge in our marriage. But it is all on him. I am lucky that he completely owns it and is working hard to understand his behavior and change. I am "lucky" it only happened once and he consciously decided it was a failed experiment and did not try it again. But the betrayal, the trickle truth, the lying about/hiding what now had just become a casual friendship - all that was there. And sometimes I think more than my anger and sadness, it is my sense of being disappointed in him that hits him even harder. Allowing myself to say this is all on him, and I am terribly disappointed in his behavior also centers me (us) on the need that he has to show me (us) that he is worthy of my trust, my love and our marriage. I am not there every day (still lots of anger and sadness/grieving) but when I am, I feel I can stand a little taller. So thanks for posting this.
I really love this statement - the truth is I love every post on this page but this one really resonated and helped me when I read it. When I am feeling strong(er) and empowered and less raw, I realize one of my overwhelming feelings is disappointment at my husband's actions. He knew better, he made a bad (terrible, the worst) choice to try to find a way to deal with his depression and the wedge in our marriage. But it is all on him. I am lucky that he completely owns it and is working hard to understand his behavior and change. I am "lucky" it only happened once and he consciously decided it was a failed experiment and did not try it again. But the betrayal, the trickle truth, the lying about/hiding what now had just become a casual friendship - all that was there. And sometimes I think more than my anger and sadness, it is my sense of being disappointed in him that hits him even harder. Allowing myself to say this is all on him, and I am terribly disappointed in his behavior also centers me (us) on the need that he has to show me (us) that he is worthy of my trust, my love and our marriage. I am not there every day (still lots of anger and sadness/grieving) but when I am, I feel I can stand a little taller. So thanks for posting this.
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