Found out my husband had big, elaborate affair from March until July when he was caught. He's been working out of state. The first time I saw him since July when I found out was yesterday when he flew in. He has been apologizing and crying over and over again and said he wanted to fix everything, better than ever, blah blah. I really was hoping he would stop being so - wooden.
Anyway, if this were your husband, he had been caught, you had been discussing it from afar for two months and had believed him what all he wanted to change, when you walked through the door from work and he's there (he got there before I did), would he have grabbed you and held you tight? Would he have kissed you? I'm serious. I don't even know what's normal anymore or if I have some Hollywood movie scene in my head.
But talk about disappointed. He's never been affectionate, etc., but come on. After all this, and I get a quick hug and then a few minutes another longer one that felt stiff. No kiss. That was it. And then right back to living our lives the old way - across the room from each other. I mean, he was nice enough, but really? That's it? Did I expect too much?
mssmith I think every case is different.My husband was affectionate while he was having the affair which is sickening too me. Guilt I suppose on his part. At the same time there was something totally off and keeping me off balance. After I found out he didn't know what to do and I didn't know what I wanted. Hug me? Kiss me? Stay away? Come back? It was a mine field. There are days that I still feel like that and it has been 6 long years. You are not expecting too much. You need what you need. Maybe try talking to him? Maybe that should be your mantra "I need..." I think the only good thing that came out of my husbands affair was me telling it like it is. I do not hold back and our relationship is much more honest now which sounds crazy since it was brought on by such dishonesty. I do know one thing marriages that have affairs cannot go simply back to the way they were prior.That marriage is dead and would you want that one back? It does not sound like you do. Now's your chance to make something new. Good luck. I hope you find your happiness.
msmith, Hang in there. I'm so sorry for your pain, really. Most folks now are probly busy starting school and such. I am. There will be comments. In the meantime, pick an article by our Warrior Leader Ellie that strikes you and that has comments and read away. There isn't one article that isn't top notch spot on. It's all there but always needs repeated until it isn't there.
I’ve had that experience too! My husband struggles with intimacy too. But it seems to only be with me. It’s like I’m his mother or something. He can write love letters and fall in love with other women like it’s nothing. With me, he acts like a caught school boy. I don’t think it can ever change. Time to move on. Let him go do that to someone else. You deserve so much more and so do I.
Found out my husband had big, elaborate affair from March until July when he was caught. He's been working out of state. The first time I saw him since July when I found out was yesterday when he flew in. He has been apologizing and crying over and over again and said he wanted to fix everything, better than ever, blah blah. I really was hoping he would stop being so - wooden.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, if this were your husband, he had been caught, you had been discussing it from afar for two months and had believed him what all he wanted to change, when you walked through the door from work and he's there (he got there before I did), would he have grabbed you and held you tight? Would he have kissed you? I'm serious. I don't even know what's normal anymore or if I have some Hollywood movie scene in my head.
But talk about disappointed. He's never been affectionate, etc., but come on. After all this, and I get a quick hug and then a few minutes another longer one that felt stiff. No kiss. That was it. And then right back to living our lives the old way - across the room from each other. I mean, he was nice enough, but really? That's it? Did I expect too much?
Please tell me your experience.
mssmith I think every case is different.My husband was affectionate while he was having the affair which is sickening too me. Guilt I suppose on his part. At the same time there was something totally off and keeping me off balance. After I found out he didn't know what to do and I didn't know what I wanted. Hug me? Kiss me? Stay away? Come back? It was a mine field. There are days that I still feel like that and it has been 6 long years.
DeleteYou are not expecting too much. You need what you need. Maybe try talking to him? Maybe that should be your mantra "I need..." I think the only good thing that came out of my husbands affair was me telling it like it is. I do not hold back and our relationship is much more honest now which sounds crazy since it was brought on by such dishonesty.
I do know one thing marriages that have affairs cannot go simply back to the way they were prior.That marriage is dead and would you want that one back? It does not sound like you do. Now's your chance to make something new. Good luck. I hope you find your happiness.
msmith, Hang in there. I'm so sorry for your pain, really. Most folks now are probly busy starting school and such. I am. There will be comments. In the meantime, pick an article by our Warrior Leader Ellie that strikes you and that has comments and read away. There isn't one article that isn't top notch spot on. It's all there but always needs repeated until it isn't there.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
I’ve had that experience too! My husband struggles with intimacy too. But it seems to only be with me. It’s like I’m his mother or something. He can write love letters and fall in love with other women like it’s nothing. With me, he acts like a caught school boy. I don’t think it can ever change. Time to move on. Let him go do that to someone else. You deserve so much more and so do I.
ReplyDelete