I have many many half-written posts that I plan to complete "when I have time". And I so appreciate everyone's well wishes and concern but I am fine! Far too busy but fine. I have taken on an actual job where they expect me to be at my (at-home) desk for a certain number of hours every week after more than two decades of freelancing and pretty much having control over my days and it's been...a lot, ya know? Good and exciting and interesting but...a lot.
So I'm trying to figure out what to do with this site, that has given me so much over the years. And that, so many of you tell me, has given you two much comfort and community.
Until I figure it out, please know I'm here and I'm fine and I'm just too f#%king busy and I really need to figure out what this life balance thing is that people keep talking about.
I'm also something of a empty nester. All three kids are doing great and doing their thing and finding their ways in the world, which is so great as so many of you know there have been mental health struggles. But they are absolutely killing it and I am so proud.
I know there are still many of you struggling with the pain of betrayal – finding out, wondering what to do, feeling frightening and alone and confused. You will continue to find a lot of wisdom and compassion on this site. Read the comments! The women here are so smart and so incredible. And they are proof that you will survive this and move on yourselves. It doesn't matter if a post and comments are ten yours old or ten months old. The feelings are the same.
So...welcome to those of you who are new here. And thank-you to you long-haulers who've been with me over the months and years. I'm still figuring out what this next stage of Betrayed Wives Club will look like (maybe it will look just the same!) but you will all be the first to know.
Love, Elle
Im so glad that you and your family are well. Congrats on the new job!
ReplyDeleteThanks. Miss all of you and this weird little place we've created.
DeleteElle, a little while ago you took time to give me some feedback that was desperately needed. Thank you. I think I have read and reread it at least 1\2 to a dozen times. Knowing you have been somewhat time constrained adds to my gratefulness. Stay sane and safe.
ReplyDeleteManaging to do both, though currently getting over COVID (thrice vaxxed so pretty mild!). And that's the beauty of this site -- we've all been through it and we know your pain and we know the value of someone reaching across the net to remind you that will get through this, that you are worth fighting for, that you never deserved this.
DeleteHi Elle!
ReplyDeleteI too agree, that all these women have helped me when I felt the world was crumbling underneath me. I felt complete solice when I would spend hours reading all these posts along with everyone's comments about the pain, heartache, betrayal, and confusion. I would come to your site almost DAILY to help myself get some clarity and now I visit maybe once every 3 months! I have come a long way and I am forever grateful to you and this beautiful page! to all my lovely ladies stay strong!! this too shall pass, and i promise it might not be pretty but you will be better, Stand tall my dears!
A Woman's World,
DeleteThat's what we all hope for – that the day comes when this site becomes something you no longer need. I always love when those who've moved on can occasionally come back and offer their wisdom/guidance to those new to our shores but completely get that lots just want to leave it in the rear-view mirror.
I have actually copied and pasted posts to read and reread. Many late nights when I could not sleep I read every single post on this entire site. This site saved me in many ways. I think it helped me more than the counseling I received. I understand it may look different going forward but I so hope all the posts remain for the next person who needs to read them as I did. It is true that even the old posts are so helpful. I, too am so grateful Elle for your talents and for all you have given to keep it going. Wishing you all the best with your new job and new season
ReplyDeleteThanks Anonymous. I was so desperate for info when I was first dealing with the discovery of my husband's infidelity. And I'm so so glad that this site has provided that for you. I just wanted to hear that I would be okay, that this was survivable, that it was possible to rebuild a marriage. Thank-you for your kind words. They mean so much to me.
DeleteGlad you are okay... take care.
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DeleteElle, Congratulations on your new job and thank you so much for your update. I would check from time to time and got a little worried about you. You have helped so many of us, I want to thank you for that. Especially for getting us (me) through thinking I was the only one who felt my pain. Best of luck with your future plans! Carol, the First
ReplyDeleteHey Carol, the First,
DeleteThank-you so much. Hoping I can carve out some time to post, maybe not as frequently. Stay tuned.
Yes thanks Elle and all for all the insights and reassurances when I needed them most. You and all the women here have been complete lifesavers!
ReplyDeleteI too had been able to reduce my need to read through posts from daily to weekly to monthly to several mos. Am almost a year out and was doing so well. Then caught my husband in a lie again - seemingly not important but the same pattern - hiding things to "keep me from getting upset" and avoid conflict since was just a "friendship" that I agree is not threatening but the lying brought me right back. And then he decided to go radical honesty and I got details about his one time encounter 2 yrs ago (to be fair I asked for some) that sent me ALL the way back. So awful after so much progress and so much hard work.
But it is all of you that remind me I will get through and rebuild my sense of self worth...again. It is just so hard and exhausting and painful sometimes. I know he's trying so hard and owning things now but I see we still have a long way to go (with our ICs and MC). It is YOUR stories that give me hope - the only hope I have that I will get through this. Thanks for being there Elle and everyone. Congrats on you new job too - so happy for you.
Well thanks for the lovely update and good to know you are well and moving on. Thanks for the years of help you offered me. I am great, still with the spouse, and thriving in my new world. I owe so much of my healing to you and your wisdom. Best of luck with everything moving forward. Beach Girl
ReplyDeleteHi Elle … I have no idea if this is going to come through; I have not been here in so long. I don’t even recall what my name was on this site? Happy to hear that all is well in your family. This site and you, and the ladies on here, have been priceless for my recovery from my husband‘s affair. Strange now, the words “my husband‘s affair” came out… But now I more think of it as “our affair”. As in, the time in our life that was ours to struggle through… Not just mine to struggle through. The point you made in your post is so true… Reading back on old posts and thoughts from others is extremely healing. To all my comrades on this site… Wherever you stand in the healing process… You will get through this! Not only ‘get through’ but shine and thrive!
ReplyDeleteLove and light to you all. Elle, my heartfelt gratitude… You are a gem, a blessing. ♥️
2 years ago I discovered my husband of 40 years was having an affair with someone he was in love with before he met me. He’d had a crush on her which wasn’t reciprocated then although she’s rewritten history claiming she was always in love with him. They had never dated but did spend a drunken night together that never resulted in sex and he’d told me all about her when we first got together. She’s also been in a relationship for 40 years but claims her partner is a horrible man who never gives her any affection, yep that ole chestnut! My husband when confronted actually told me he was in love with two women. After 18 months of pure torture it finally ended but I think she ended it because she was scared I’d tell her partner. If that’s true I’m second best!
ReplyDeleteIt’s been six months and I’m still not sure what to do. I’m not sure I can love the man that told me he’s in love with two women. The man who refused to give up his lover even though he saw the effect it was having on my health. He’s definitely stopped seeing her but I’m not sure that’s because he wants to be with me more than her. He always defends her if I bring up the affair which makes me question if he’s still in love with her. My life will never ever be the same, I’ll never know the happiness I once knew. I’m living on a knife edge with the knowledge that they could start up their affair at any point in time and I’ll never know any security.
I now really wish I had told her partner for several reasons, one is definitely for revenge but the main reason is because I won’t survive if I don’t! If I tell her partner now then there is no reason for them not to be together if that’s what they really want. I actually told my husband that and he said I’d be destroying another family like ours had been destroyed. I had to remind him that I didn’t have an affair I didn’t lie to anyone and it was him and his lover who destroyed everyone’s life not me! I told him if I did it then her partner would throw her out and they could finally be together. I wanted him to say I want to be with you but he didn’t! Now I can’t shake the feeling he wants me to do it.
Please anyone reading this tell me what your thoughts are, I don’t have anyone to confide in and it’s a heavy burden. Should I tell her partner and end my uncertainty, or do I have to spend the rest of my life waiting for them to rekindle their affair? If I tell her partner and it ends her relationship she will reach out to my hubby and I will know once and for all who he really loves and I can finally start putting my life back together. Doesn’t he have a right to know? If it starts up again won’t he be even more gutted that no one told him.
I would like to know people's opinions on telling the other spouse too. I feel he has a right to know, especially if they had unprotected sex. I would want to know if I was the spouse in the dark.
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