Hey Betrayeds,
On Tuesday, September 29, 2009, I posted three blog entries, my first of what would become 1,178 posts, which would garner 5,694,079 views by readers, 32,630 comments, and 632 loyal followers who signed up to receive notifications of each new post.
It was closing in on three years when I first created the site and during that three years, though I'd had a fabulous therapist and was starting to feel the earth beneath my feet solidify a bit more each day, I nonetheless felt profoundly lonely. And that's the thing with betrayal. Yes, it's excruciating and confusing and discombobulating ... but it's also isolating. We just don't talk about it, not even, sometimes, with our closest friends. And I was desperate to talk about it. I wanted to know how others were dealing with it: Was I the only one who experienced crazy sex with my husband after finding out about his affair? (Nope.) Was anyone else blinded and scared by just how angry they got? (Yep.) And so the conversation began. And it went on for about a decade and included a book and a three-day retreat where a dozen of us gathered in North Carolina to meet in person and lean into the relief of being with others who know exactly what we've gone through — what we continue to go through — and with whom we could be completely honest.
And then, well, Covid hit. And I began working full-time for a media company after 25 years of freelancing. And Betrayed Wives Club languished. But every now and again, I would duck back in and see that people continued to come to the site. They continued to post their stories on the site. There's something about Betrayed Wives Club, the site I created to address my own isolation, that fed a hunger out there.
And so ... I've come to the decision to resurrect Betrayed Wives Club but as a newsletter on Beehiiv. It will give me a chance to deliver posts right into your inbox and to create a tiered system of subscriptions that will allow me to earn some income and step away from my full-time job to free up the time to give to BWC. (I will always ensure that BWC is free to those who need it to be.)
As I work with another Betrayed Wives Club member with whom I've become friends over the years to create this new version, I hope you'll consider signing up. It will be a few weeks until it's up and running.
In the meantime, please comment below with your thoughts and ideas of what worked for you with this site and what you'd like more of/less of.
I am eternally grateful to all of you with whom I've been on this terrible, brutiful, liberating ride. See you soon.
Love,
Elle
This site is very important to me and I would like to be a part of following whatever form it takes in the future. I know one of the things most helpful to me was to be able to read all the comments and past entries sometimes late at night. I think I have read almost everything at least twice. I hope there will be some kind of archive that is kept. When I did post, I would wait in anticipation of a response. The interactive nature of this was important also. It made me feel less alone. One thing I like about the website versus email or social media is that it is more discreet. At one point I signed up for something on social media and didn't realize my friends would see it. I would also be a little concerned if I was responding in an email. I will look forward to whatever comes next. What you offered with this site has helped me more than any therapy or other guidance I received . It has been invaluable to me. I know it has helped so many women and in turn their children and families. Thank you for considering ways to continue this very important work.
ReplyDeleteHi Elle and Still Standing. It's Emily from the NC Beach Retreat. I can never forget that weekend and how it took me from my dark night of the soul to the hope light and love that carries me to this day. Please let me know how to follow you to the next chapter. Much love.
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ReplyDeleteHi Elle and Still Standing. It's Emily from the North Carolina Beach Retreat. Please let me know how I can follow you to the next chapter. I may have posted this already but it looked like it deleted when I tried to publish. Yea, that Emily!!!
Emily!! You have no idea how often I think of you (and hope you're still hanging with your revenge ponies). I will absolutely let everyone know where you can find me next.
DeleteThe link is not yet working. Will you be updating how to follow
ReplyDeleteYes, sorry. It's a work in progress. Will definitely be posting an update soon. Thanks!!
DeleteHi Elle
ReplyDeleteI do come here to read every so often. Glad to hear you will be continuing in another form and I will definitely sign up.
Life as a divorcee has so many positives, but financially it is a shit show.
BTW. I still hate my ex.
Hugs
Gabby xo
This page has always been a light for me throughout the darkest days of healing. I will subscribe to your newsletter, it’s been such a lifesaver for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad. One thing I desperately craved for myself was community. Being able to create that for others has been a gift to me.
DeleteHow do we sign up?
ReplyDeleteI'll post the link here when it's live. Working on it!!
DeleteHi Ellie, I come back to this site to see if you have posted anything new from time to time, it absolutely gave me a beacon of light when I was going through one of my darkest times in my life, which l’lll always be profoundly grateful. And I know I’m not alone in that. It’s a lifeline to anybody that finds themselves in our situation and so needs to continue I too would be interested in your newsletter x
ReplyDeleteWonderful. Coming soon!
DeleteI have just found you and would really like to follow you going forward.
ReplyDeleteI'll make sure that I post the new link here when it goes live.
DeleteI will absolutely sign up. I purchased your book when I was going through my darkest days in late 2020. There are no words to express my profound gratitude for this site and what you have created. This site was key to my ability to navigate one of the most painful experiences of my lifetime, and I continue to believe there is a tremendous need for ongoing support and community.
ReplyDeleteThank-you so much. Glad the site and the book helped you out. And I agree re. continued support and community. So many years later, I find comfort in talking with those who know exactly what I went through.
DeleteBetrayed Wives Club was the lifeline I desperately needed. Before finding this incredible group, I had spent many sleepless nights scouring the internet, looking for a support group. The ones I found had a buried-hard-to-find religious agenda (they were not upfront on their site about their motives), encouraging the wives to stay with their husbands because, no matter what, that was the godly thing to do. Somehow, it was 'ok' for the men to cheat, somehow, this was acceptable by 'god,' and they could expect their women to return to them. What the heck. Also, those sites wanted $$$ for 'counseling.' It was disgusting and discouraging. BWC was and is a beacon for us all, for us seeking much-needed support through women who all share the same horrid experience of betrayal. Please let us know when you launch your newsletter and what the fees will be? Can the betrayed still write to you and have their stories shared? Many thanks! -Z
ReplyDeleteHey Z, Yeah, I found the religious-ish sites a bit of a turnoff too and mildly misogynistic (sometimes not so mildly). I also found the "dump him, he's a loser" sites not very helpful. Hence ... what I hoped was something of a goldilocks site where everyone felt welcome (hopefully) no matter what you decided to do. I'm hoping to create community where we can still chat with each other. Working out the details. Stay tuned.
Delete9 years later, feeling much stronger. Just returned from a beautiful family trip where our now adult children photographed a reenactment of my husband proposing in an ancient theater. Today I received news he is positive for an STI. Denies unfaithfulness with impressive ability to lie with evidence right in front of him. Feeling crushed. I really thought we were past this but maybe the lies never stopped. I am hoping you might see this Elle. I need this group again.
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