Thursday, January 7, 2010
E = Emotional Intelligence? Or...Exploited Trust
Most of us have a strong desire to take at face value what our partner has to say. Trust is the very foundation of a healthy relationship. We crave the sense of security and comfort trust brings into our lives – and we will fight to keep it there.
No one really wants to think a spouse may be lying. Rather than assume the worst, it was much easier to absorb my disbelief (and feel crazy) than acknowledge the possibility I had stumbled upon a devastating truth packaged up in barely believable lie. I lived with an active alcoholic and I never saw him openly drinking for many years …something clearly wasn’t adding up.
I worked hard to believe my husband's fabrications, perhaps because I needed time to acknowledge the painful truth to myself. He exploited my desire to trust by telling me exactly what I needed to hear – and I heard whatever I needed to keep the panic away. We exploited each other for different reasons, and we did it very well.
A word to the wise; stay in touch with your feelings. Keep it real. Look for signs of emotional overload and/or emotional numbing. Learn strategies to help you overcome them if they’re present. And finally, even if you have high EI – well, there’s always room for improvement.
Take this EI quiz.