We think so much of our happiness hinges on others telling us the truth. We betrayed wives likely spent countless days and, in some cases, countless dollars trying to get to the truth. Is he having an affair? With whom? Where has he taken her? What have they done? And on and on. And while there's wisdom in the adage that the truth will set us free, it's not his truth that's being talked about...but yours.
It's an understanding that makes all the "he said, she said" become background noise. It's about living your own truth. And when you're doing that, you're more likely to walk away from anyone who isn't respecting your truth. Not easily. Or painlessly. But surely. Because there can be no other way.
I recently came across this on a newsletter I get via e-mail. Ronna Detrick offers up her "RENEGADE Conversations...about faith, feminism, and telling the truth." It's always inspiring, frequently thought-provoking and often challenging. And here's what she included this week:
My favorite conversations are ones in which I know deep and vulnerable truths are being spoken - mine and others'. When that occurs, relationship forms, strengthens, and becomes a glue that bonds in ways unexplainable, undefinable, and often undeserved. It's beautiful. It changes everything. I'm grateful.
Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe. Barbara De Angelis
Anytime I am looking to somebody else as my source, I'm coming from scarcity. I am no longer trusting God, or the Universe, for my harvest. It's reasonable for me to have expectations based on what somebody I trust has committed to. And it's natural for me to feel disappointed when that somebody doesn't come through. But when I feel more than disappointment, when I also feel anger, it's because I deviated from my truth. It's because I compromised my truth to get what somebody else promised. Because when I'm really following my truth, I will be at peace with the consequences - whatever they are. I can accept somebody else's truth, but I must live my own truth. And sometimes that means walking away from a relationship. Jan Denise
The TRUTH: It may not lead you to where you thought you were going, but it will always lead you somewhere better. When ignored, it will eventually show itself. The closeness of your relationships is directly proportional to the degree to which you have revealed the truth about yourself. Unknown
Consider these notions next time you're desperately seeking the truth outside of yourself. Are you "compromising your truth to get what somebody else promised," as Jan Denise suggests? I know I have, far too many times to count. But now I'm learning that I held the truth within me all along. Maybe not the facts...but the truth. And it's most certainly not the same thing.
How about you? How has betrayal altered your convictions about truth and truth-telling? Share your stories here...