I subscribe to a "daily inspiration", which is usually just a line or two. But often those few words give me the strength or clarity that I need. Like a gentle push in the right direction. This one stopped me cold. I'd love to hear your thoughts:
The Thing Is
to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.
~ Ellen Bass
The kickass survival site for anyone who's ever been lied to, cheated on and left for dead.
Yeah... five months out from D-Day I am not quite ready for this conversation with Life but I am sure a little ways into the future I do see a light at the end of the tunnel, or at least a break in between tunnels. The other question to ask is "what choice do we really have?" It's either embrace life again and strive for happiness - alone or reconciled or in a new relationship - or die. And really, why should WE die when we are done unto? We deserve to hold that face and love it again.
ReplyDeleteI'm personally 14 months out from D-day and I don't think I've made such a positive statement. I've always known I'd carry on as happy as I could be on a day to day basis, but maybe I should get a little more positive about my life...
ReplyDeleteIt will come if you keep working towards it. I honestly thought I would never, EVER feel joy again. I had pretty much accepted that my task was to put in time until I died.
ReplyDeleteIt was around that time that my counsellor put me on ADs, though I had resisted them. She maintains that chronic stress/anxiety can alter your brain chemistry...and that you can't "will" it back into health. I finally relented and I do think they made a difference.
And I do think it's also a matter of "glass half-full/half-empty". Life will never be the same...there's no denying that. But my guess is there are still blessings in your life. By focussing on the hurt and not the joy, we often deprive ourselves of such pleasure.
Hang in there...it'll come.