Establish No Contact
If your husband wants you to even consider sticking around his cheating self, then he needs to establish NO CONTACT with his affair partner and that starts right NOW. No negotiation. He makes a phone call and follows it up with a letter. He must state unequivocally that the affair was wrong and that it’s over. He must make it clear that there is to be absolutely no contact going forward. Of course, there are going to be complications. My husband worked with his affair partner and it was messy (and expensive) to extricate her from our lives. The BWC has heard of affairs with sisters, sisters-in-law, kids’ teachers, coaches, professors… So, let me add this: When possible, there must be NO CONTACT with the affair partner, especially by the offending (offensive!) party.
The catch is, you need to respect the No Contact agreement too. No drink-and-dial phone calls to tell her she’s a bitch (on some level, she knows). No nasty e-mails. No FaceBook postings designed to be inflammatory. No snarky remarks when you run into her at the PTA meeting. Your issue is not with her, but with your husband. He’s the one who made promises to you. Just hope the whole experience has been sufficiently painful for her to resolve to NEVER again get involved with a married man. Don’t count on it…but hope nonetheless.