I was lucky -- if you can call it that. When I confronted my husband, I got the truth. Sorta. It took a long, protracted phone call and increasing threats ("If you want this marriage, you will tell me EVERYTHING!"). It took a therapist insisting to him that he come completely clean. But, because even he was sick of his double life, he was ready to tell me the truth.
One BWC member, Sandra, spent years feeling something was up between her husband and his business partner. The two were close. Travelled together for business. Acted flirty when together. But her concerns were dismissed as "crazy". She was "jealous" of "too suspicious." Six months after her son was born, her husband returned home late one night and announced he wanted out of the marriage. But still no disclosure. It took another year before he could admit they were living together and utter an apology, directed at the floor. Turns out she wasn't crazy at all.
If you suspect your husband is cheating but he's insisting he's not, you're either right...or delusional. And most of us know exactly where we are on that continuum. I'm often asked what I've learned from this whole experience and I say, without hesitation, "I've learned to trust my instincts."
So often as women we dismiss our gut feelings. And others are often complicit in it. I confided in a few friends about my suspicions and was assured that my husband "would never do that." I'm sure their intentions were good. Finally, another friend asked me simply, "what do you know?" upon which I laid out all my "evidence" -- which didn't amount to much more than a gut feeling. Her response? "I think you're right."
That was all I needed to confront.
My advice to you if you're wondering if you know what you think you know? Trust your gut, but gather as much evidence as you can because many men act like cornered cats. They'll deny, hiss, fight back, accuse you. Get cell phone records, hide a voice activated recorder if possible, ask around at work, with friends... Find the weak link and use it.
Then, buckle up. You're in for a rough ride.
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- Share Your Story: Finding Out (This section is full.)
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- Share Your Story: Feeling Stuck: Part Two (This section is full.)
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- Share Your Story: Finding Out Part Two