Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Don't Blame Facebook
So what changed my mind?
For one thing, I wanted to join the Facebook group Canadian Against Proroguing Parliament. (If you're not Canadian all you need to know is that our prime minister, Stephen Harper, is a scary, scary man.) And, after a few years of healing from betrayal, I was better able to see that, after all, Facebook wasn't to blame. I do think social networking sites make it easier for all the reasons outlined in this great blog post here. But, ultimately, spouses are responsible for their own actions.
What's more, while Facebook et al might make it easier to cheat, they also make it easier to catch a cheat. I had never felt the need to constantly check my husband's computer history, e-mail bills, VISA statements... If I had, well, the proverbial s#@t might have hit the fan a whole lot earlier. If you do find yourself wanting to check up, I think you need to come clear on a few things: Is your gut trying to tell you something that your head and heart aren't quite ready to know? Is the memory of past betrayals making you unnecessarily suspicious? Are there trust issues throughout your relationship that need addressing?
While I don't think that a spouse's e-mail accounts, computers, etc are off-limits, I do think we all deserve a certain measure of privacy and respect of personal space. Until, that is, we don't deserve it anymore.
For months following D-Day, I felt the need to randomly check my husband's cell phone and computer history. After all, those had been his tools for betrayal (except, of course, for that other tool. Ahem...). After repeatedly discovering nothing, I began to relax my own need to check up.
Do you snoop into your spouse's e-mail accounts, Facebook and other social networking sites? What did you discover?