Saturday, May 29, 2010
Top Ten Reasons Why Infidelity Sucks
1. Thanks to the Infidelity Diet, I became as skinny as I was in high school. Which would have been great, except that I felt like I'd been run over by a truck. Which I had. Figuratively speaking.
2. I can no longer watch ANY movie or TV show that has infidelity as even a minor part of the storyline without hating it. I've walked out of theatres because my reaction to it is so visceral.
3. I can no longer meet anyone named Sara without immediately casting her as a vile dirtbag. (Sorry, ladies named Sara.)
4. I can no longer wear certain clothes (even faves) from the "betrayal era" without being transported back, even briefly.
5. I can no longer wear my wedding ring, look at wedding pictures or feel proud of my anniversary.
6. I find it hard to hide my incredulity when my husband gets freaky about the kids not washing their hands before eating. "You had unprotected sex with the most visited vagina in the city," I want to scream. Except that my kids are there and then I'd have to explain what Mommy meant.
7. There is a certain model and color of car that will forever be branded in my brain, turning an otherwise lovely day into a lovely day with a stab of pain. And, of course, it's an enormously popular make and color.
8. I can no longer join in the conversation when people talk disparagingly of cheaters and their dumb/pathetic/self-righteous/insert-adjective-here wives. Because I'm married to a cheater. And I'm the insert-adjective-here wife.
9. Every frigging song on the radio is about falling in love. Or being cheated on. Except – thank-you radio gods – Lady GaGa.
10. And finally, because I will never be free to completely trust anyone ever again. Except myself. So maybe that makes it a good thing.