Honestly, there is rarely a day go by when I do NOT remind myself how far I've come. I've no idea how long this road may be but I do have two years worth of "survival" to look back and reflect on. The hardest part for me is just knowing that I see this as "my" journey, not "our" journey. I try very hard to not think about or ask about his journey anymore because he never asks about mine. I am so happy to have this site. So darn happy.
Beach girl It's a daily choice to recognize how far we've come from the shit-fest our h brought to our relationships! It's a pity when I hear about the h that's still afraid to face his own demons! I'm with you, this blog helps hold the hard days together! Hugs!
Beach Girl, I feel the same way about the post Dday journey being about 'me' not 'us'. I think H wants more 'us' from me, but I am still with him and this is the best I can do. For now.
BG, I hear you! I'm on a 'my' journey also. H seems able to pretend that what's in the past never happened. (Hmm, Sir, you still look like you and I still feel like me.) Seems counterproductive as it just causes me to move farther into my own camp and uninterested in moving closer to his. Add some more grieving of the death of the soul mate fantasy. It stinks, but guess it's just one more thing I can congratulate myself for surviving. Yay me!
I started journaling shortly after DDay. I still do, but not every day. Periodically I will re-read it and am amazed at how far I've come, but still have a long way to go. Even my penmanship gives clues about how I was feeling at the moment. Journaling has helped me through anxiety attacks, has helped me see through his gaslighting and grooming, and has helped me be thankful for the good things in my life. I agree with you Beach Girl, it is very sad that this is "my journey" not "our journey".
Beachgirl, so very true. I look back and read where I thought I wanted to die, that I would die from this...and I have come so far from that point. Not totally as I'm a work in progress each and every day. I think we all are, but I HAVE come so far. And I'm glad I didn't die :)
I would like to say that I've found this blog immediately after I found out . The blog showed me that there is no shame to try to save your marriage. I was brought up thinking that if a husband cheats you divorce thier ass. I'm still here with him. But every day there's an hour or two where I want to run the other way. Then I cry. Then something happens and I stay. This is day 24 for me. Do you always feel like that. I'm not threatening him when I tell him I should leave you. Well part of me is. But really I don't know what I'm thinking. What I'm supposed to think.i know why I should stay. And I know why I should end the marriage. These are two completely opposite things. It's like a war inside me. How much longer will I stay like this. It's day 24 and I feel like I just found out yesterday. Like I will never put this behind me.
Hi Anonymous July 24, I am so sorry you have had your heart broken. What you are feeling is completely normal. I think we all felt that way at < 1 month from Dday. I think many of us feel that way much further out. You will never put this behind you. I remember wanting a case of amnesia about that time. I am 8 mos out and I can tell you this - like any other post-traumatic stress or greif it gets better very slowly. You don't notice so much improvement from day to day but at some point you will start to sleep better, eat more, focus on taking good care of yourself. One day you will recognize that although it still hurts like hell and that you still cry that you cry for 5 minutes a day instead of 5 hours a day. Your H needs to understand you will be "healing" but this is a wound that never completely "heals", that you can't just "get over it" or "move past it". You have to work on it and through it - together and individually. When I felt like I wanted to run away I sometimes slept in the guest room, or took a walk, or went shopping alone. If you feel like you need a break for your own health take one. Please think about giving yourself a nick name and come back, read, post. You will be supported here, no matter what you decide is best for YOU.
Dear anon, Sorry you've been betrayed. We know how you feel. This is a safe place for you to share and vent. These women have compassion and experience to help with your healing. I'm over two years out and I can assure you the shock and pain does get better. I've named myself 'Truth' as I am now forced to look at my h, marriage, and myself with truth. It's been a lonely, painful journey with many long hopeless days. But like I said, it has gotten better. I've discovered that h is his own problem and I can't make his choices for him. I've discovered many things about myself. I have strength and dignity I didn't know I had. I survived my biggest fear! I've started some 'just me' things and value who I am and how I live my life. This blog was a lifesaver! I was so relieved that what I was feeling was normal! Keep reading and dig in archives. Take care of yourself. Hugs to you.
Honestly, there is rarely a day go by when I do NOT remind myself how far I've come. I've no idea how long this road may be but I do have two years worth of "survival" to look back and reflect on. The hardest part for me is just knowing that I see this as "my" journey, not "our" journey. I try very hard to not think about or ask about his journey anymore because he never asks about mine. I am so happy to have this site. So darn happy.
ReplyDeleteBeach girl
DeleteIt's a daily choice to recognize how far we've come from the shit-fest our h brought to our relationships! It's a pity when I hear about the h that's still afraid to face his own demons! I'm with you, this blog helps hold the hard days together! Hugs!
Beach Girl, I feel the same way about the post Dday journey being about 'me' not 'us'. I think H wants more 'us' from me, but I am still with him and this is the best I can do. For now.
DeleteBG,
DeleteI hear you! I'm on a 'my' journey also. H seems able to pretend that what's in the past never happened. (Hmm, Sir, you still look like you and I still feel like me.) Seems counterproductive as it just causes me to move farther into my own camp and uninterested in moving closer to his. Add some more grieving of the death of the soul mate fantasy.
It stinks, but guess it's just one more thing I can congratulate myself for surviving. Yay me!
Here here beach girl ... xx
ReplyDeleteI started journaling shortly after DDay. I still do, but not every day. Periodically I will re-read it and am amazed at how far I've come, but still have a long way to go. Even my penmanship gives clues about how I was feeling at the moment. Journaling has helped me through anxiety attacks, has helped me see through his gaslighting and grooming, and has helped me be thankful for the good things in my life. I agree with you Beach Girl, it is very sad that this is "my journey" not "our journey".
ReplyDeleteBeachgirl, so very true. I look back and read where I thought I wanted to die, that I would die from this...and I have come so far from that point. Not totally as I'm a work in progress each and every day. I think we all are, but I HAVE come so far. And I'm glad I didn't die :)
ReplyDeleteI would like to say that I've found this blog immediately after I found out . The blog showed me that there is no shame to try to save your marriage. I was brought up thinking that if a husband cheats you divorce thier ass. I'm still here with him. But every day there's an hour or two where I want to run the other way. Then I cry. Then something happens and I stay. This is day 24 for me. Do you always feel like that. I'm not threatening him when I tell him I should leave you. Well part of me is. But really I don't know what I'm thinking. What I'm supposed to think.i know why I should stay. And I know why I should end the marriage. These are two completely opposite things. It's like a war inside me. How much longer will I stay like this. It's day 24 and I feel like I just found out yesterday. Like I will never put this behind me.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous July 24, I am so sorry you have had your heart broken. What you are feeling is completely normal. I think we all felt that way at < 1 month from Dday. I think many of us feel that way much further out. You will never put this behind you. I remember wanting a case of amnesia about that time. I am 8 mos out and I can tell you this - like any other post-traumatic stress or greif it gets better very slowly. You don't notice so much improvement from day to day but at some point you will start to sleep better, eat more, focus on taking good care of yourself. One day you will recognize that although it still hurts like hell and that you still cry that you cry for 5 minutes a day instead of 5 hours a day. Your H needs to understand you will be "healing" but this is a wound that never completely "heals", that you can't just "get over it" or "move past it". You have to work on it and through it - together and individually. When I felt like I wanted to run away I sometimes slept in the guest room, or took a walk, or went shopping alone. If you feel like you need a break for your own health take one. Please think about giving yourself a nick name and come back, read, post. You will be supported here, no matter what you decide is best for YOU.
DeleteThank you
DeleteI will :)
Dear anon,
DeleteSorry you've been betrayed. We know how you feel. This is a safe place for you to share and vent. These women have compassion and experience to help with your healing.
I'm over two years out and I can assure you the shock and pain does get better. I've named myself 'Truth' as I am now forced to look at my h, marriage, and myself with truth. It's been a lonely, painful journey with many long hopeless days. But like I said, it has gotten better. I've discovered that h is his own problem and I can't make his choices for him. I've discovered many things about myself. I have strength and dignity I didn't know I had. I survived my biggest fear! I've started some 'just me' things and value who I am and how I live my life.
This blog was a lifesaver! I was so relieved that what I was feeling was normal! Keep reading and dig in archives. Take care of yourself. Hugs to you.