How to Start Your Own Infidelity Support Group

At the BWC retreat in September, I had the great fortune of meeting LilyLove in person. And I was delighted to learn from her that she was planning a Betrayed Wives Club support group in her city. She bought a whole bunch of Encyclopedia for the Betrayed books to use as a resource, put out word and organized.
It's a work in progress, she reported not long ago. A couple of women showed up the first meeting and again the second. LilyLove dispensed hard-won advice, which she told me was really helpful to one of the women, which made her feel good. She plans to continue, anticipating a group that will grow with time and continued outreach.
I I love the idea of local support groups and really admire what LilyLove is doing. If a support group had existed in my city, I would have gone (I might also have never created BWC though so...). I attended a Partners of Sex Addicts group but it felt disorganized and lacking in leadership and fell apart shortly after.
So as I cheer on LilyLove from afar, I reached out for advice from a Twitter friend who's been running a support group for a while. I invited her to share her advice here for anyone else who'd like to create one. 

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Starting a Support Group

by Hil Barry

Where two or more are gathered you can create support. My first Hope and Healing meeting began with myself, my co-leader and one participant. We met every week with the belief that if we kept showing up, women would find us. We were a small group of three to four women for two months. Then ladies started to find us. Some women stayed for years and others came for weeks or months to get through the early pain and loneliness. 

Our meetings are focused on God’s healing power, but it is the community of women combined with a good book that helps move the ladies toward acceptance and healing. Although I needed God to heal, being in community with women who understood my pain, was key. 

One of the most important things in our meetings is that we do not get stuck in negative discussions about our husbands. We each write a single anger letter that we share with the group once and then we move on. The books help us focus on the important aspects of healing. 

My husband also leads a group for the men. We talked our church into letting us do it there. I told the women about it. Met them at Celebrate Recovery. Our church put flyers in the lobby. Getting the word out is the hardest part. It's been 2 1/2 years. Since my husband needs his group to stay sober, I'll probably be in it for a good while. I lead most of the time but I also have co-leaders. I try to move women up into leadership. 
No coffee yuck. But that would work as a job. I have had ladies bring music to start the meeting, greeter, bible sharing. Did have to report a husband using child porn to the police. We use a timer for our three-minute check in (so that no one person can monopolize the conversation). We don't necessarily stop when the timer goes off but we are more aware of the time.

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Me again: If you're interested in starting a support group, please let me know if there's any way I can help. I'm happy to help or even do a Skype call with the group of whatever else might work. If I learn about enough groups, I'll begin listing them on this site so that women coming here might find something close to them.

Kudos to the work that you women do to lift others up. Every single day, I'm humbled by the kindness here.