Monday, February 22, 2010

Would You Rather Be the Cheater? Or the Cheated Upon?

It's something of a rhetorical question. And I'm not encouraging anyone to act on their choice. (Indeed, I'd strongly discourage anyone from having a revenge affair!)
But it's a question I've considered before. And it's currently being asked on the BeyondAffairs site...which got me thinking again.
Even in the midst of the most excruciating pain I'd known, I never wished to be in my husband's shoes. In spite of sometimes feeling he'd been "rewarded" for his cheating by the sex, the variety, the excitement, I knew that the shame and guilt and self-disgust he was experiencing hardly made it worth it.
However, that was my situation. What about you? Knowing what you now know, which side of the affair would you choose? Perhaps you've been on both sides? Share your thoughts...


  1. i agree. i have so little to cling to, at least i know i'm a "good person." i've made mistakes, but none like that. i can move on (if i need to, at this point i don't know) with a clear conscience.

  2. I think I see both sides, but probably won't ever know for sure. I like what Twice Bitten said about knowing that you're taking the high road, which i am. But I'm jealous. I wish I got to experience the intensity and excitement, even if it came with guilt and drama.

    1. Yes, the desire to experience that excitement can be soooo tempting. But frankly, I think the pricetag – my integrity – is too high.


  3. I rather b the cheater. The way I see it the cheater is the only one that knows the real truth!!!! From all the stories , all the half truths, all the cover ups, all the blush it's out there in the universe the cheateri is the only one who knows their real truth, feelings, reality,. The one cheated on is left with all the doubts, the feeling of what else is left unsaid, what else is going to come out, the truth and all the truth. The cheater will have remorse I guess but there the only one who really knows it all. Being cheated on will always be filled with doubt, questions, insecurities, lack of self worth.. Etc...

  4. Even if I was a despicable person to cheat right now it feels like the better option. At least I wouldn't be wishing I'd die in my sleep instead of dealing with this pain and the uncertainty of my idiot WH trying to decide if we even have enough to save.

  5. I would definitely rather be cheated on. One day we will all be accountable for our actions. Some may feel guilty right away and some may not - but they will eventually. I feel a whole lot of pain from being cheated on, but at least I have a clean conscience.



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