"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are too heavy."
~C. JoyBell C.
The kickass survival site for anyone who's ever been lied to, cheated on and left for dead.
The kickass survival site for anyone who's ever been lied to, cheated on and left for dead.
Simply for the reason they are too heavy....But also because I have chosen to move on, albeit an inch or so by myself and under my terms. That package can also be too heavy for children of betrayers and the parents, I decided to lighten the load for everyone. When those closest see that it is times for me to let certain things go, I think it can lighten their load too.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter unfortunately took on that load when she found out. May she get through this and never have to face infidelity herself.
There will still be work to do, tears to shed, anger to vent, suspicion to allay, and questions to ask, but that load IS and WILL get lighter.
I could never have got through this battle without Elle and the wonderful members of this club. My husband has also learnt so much from this site.
May I ask what your husband has learned? I want to but am afraid to show mine. His reactions are so immediately angry. I cannot imagine what he will say about the name, but there is such good stuff here and I think he may understand when reading things in someone else's words.
ReplyDeleteYou sound good, I am an inchworm too.
Thank you Anon. It took a while before I showed my husband this site, my husband has wanted to do everything to get me through this, and yes, at first, I think he was thinking, why can't we move on. And actually, I was beginning to think the same. This is when I found this site and it was like balm on my wounds; I wasn't going mad, my anger was entirely normal, my deep sadness was entirely justified and finding out that 1 year, 2 years and even 3 years after there will be triggers or days when you just don't want to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteMy husband has read the story about a woman's friend on this site who admitted she was having an affair but not knowing her friend was going through betrayal, for some reason I think it hit my husband quite hard how conned they can be as adulterers; they kinda think they've got away with something and that they are the only ones to be doing this and they must be so special.
My husband is totally humiliated about what he's done, but I think it helps him to see he's not the only gullible fool out there and also the pain he caused me and the hurt the other betrayed on this site are going through. He really has seen things in a different light.
I would imagine if I had found this site and showed him straight away he may just of read it without taking it all in. But, when he asked that he wanted to do anything possible to help or understand the pain he's caused, then I got this site up for him to read. He has found it very hard and wonders how I've managed to survive it all.
He has a deep hatred for his affair partner and can only put the affair down to flattery, opportunity and depression. Recently he saw a photo of her on some networking site, he couldn't believe with affair goggles off that he went within a mile of her and he said he had never felt so sick and angry at what he had done.
One of these days, I will ask if he feels able to post something on here.
Good luck to you fellow inchworm and choose the right moment to show your husband.
At the risk of sounding like a drunk teenager…I love you guys. You're just so great. And I'm so happy when I see each of you reaching out to others and sharing your experience. That's how we heal.
DeleteElle
Hi Elle, You're the conductor of this orchestra, and don't we come together to make a wonderful symphony.
DeleteI am in an airport crying with laughter and everyone is looking at me. One drunk teenager to another...hugs, hugs (with open arms and flicking fingers)...I love you too for all you are doing.
DeleteFellow inchworm,
DeleteThank you so very much for your reply. I will try to chose that moment well.
Wishing continued inching for you.
I have just recently found this site and what you wrote sounds like my husband and I exactly. He thought he was falling in love with her and now can't stand to look at her. Unfortunately we live in the same community so it feels like she is every where. I think I am going to really like being here though and can hopefully show him someday. We are 6 months for dday and celebrating our 11 year anniversary this weekend
DeleteKelly and Inchworm,
DeleteInchworm, Good luck with it all. It may be weeks or months before you can show him and take a good look through this site and pick a couple of pertinent ones to show him. Elle is so eloquent, intelligent, and balanced that her replies are never anything other than sensible and encouraging.
Kelly, My husband told this stupid woman the silliest crap on earth, and the narcissistic whore was too needy to realise it was CRAP. I know what she looks like and it is very embarrassing for him. I haven't run into her in town yet but I have my security blanket ready for when I do, which is that I see not the o/w but a dog dressed in silly girls clothes with a big piece of poo hanging from her bottom and a sign saying " I'm anyone's"
Completely juvenile I know, but it will help me if I do see her. Happy 11th Anniversary and Yay, you're 6 months d day. Well done.
I found out a little over a month ago about my husband's affair. She's a co-worker of his except she works in a different city about 2 hrs away. When I confronted him there was no emotion. There still is no emotion. He has said numerous times that he will always love me but he is in love with her. He sees himself with her for the rest of his life. The affair started from what either are willing to admit about 2 months before I found out. I believe it actually started with the emotional connection in July when she came to my son's birthday party and stayed until 230 in the morning. He even asked if he could invite her down after the affair started. Of course until now I have always fully trusted him. So she came into my home with me and my son there while she had been sleeping with my husband. As much as I want to hate him I simply cant. He is a different person but I still love the person he was and I miss him tremendously. I want to save our marriage. The good thing about this is I have realized I have some issues of my own to work on which I am doing. I've been through a lot of loss which I believe has kept me from fully loving anyone. I know I have to work on myself but how do I reconnect with my husband? I don't want to loose him because I know in a way I pushed him. I know I didnt make the decision for him to sleep with her but the problems in our marriage made him vulnerable to her.
ReplyDeleteDon't even convince yourself that you pushed him away . betrayel is an instinct that you could totally forbid yourself even if your partner sucks. Don't blame yourself be yourself love yourself even if you have mistakes
DeleteYou cannot accept a man who will not cut off the other woman. Your only chance is to walk away and make him choose you.
ReplyDelete25 years in the makibg of my marriage, 3 teens.Let me take a deep breath waooo...To me is sick disgusting an absolute disgrace of all the years thinking we are HAPPY..But guess what the only one happy was me.I put all my kove heart and hard work raising my kids and still serving my marriage. I mean I love you ("YES) Well it happened like this..all these things for the sake of happiness for the heart of the other
ReplyDelete