I am amazed lately about how many things I suddenly want to change about my life now 10 months out. Of course the big things like how I interact with my H (that's all I concentrated on at first), but also tons of little things. My house is decorated with things other people were "done with" that they handed off to me along with some things my MIL picked out to "help" me (to decorate according to her tastes). I've been scared to choose for myself because I thought I'd make a mistake. It's true that decorating is not my strong suit (yet!), but I suddenly don't give a shit if I make a "mistake". We're painting the whole house, and I didn't ask for one opinion about the color I chose. It may turn out badly, but I will love my poorly coordinated house even more. Besides, it's just stuff, and I can change my mind as much as I want. Feels good to have changed in these ways. I didn't expect that when I was face down in the dirt! Sometimes when you stand back up you can find that things look very different! Off to throw out these dried flower arrangements I've always hated!...
Ann - good for you! I have done the same exact thing! I now don't display something just because my mom or MIL or stepmom gave me something. If I don't like it, it doesn't decorate my home. I am certainly no decorator - actually I don't like to do it but once I get going it's not so bad - and always questioned my decisions. No more! I decorate for ME now. Oh I'll ask my H and sometimes he agrees and sometimes not. But oh well, I am in competition with no one so I'll decorate how I want to :)
I, too, changed from how I was before. I didn't expect it either when I was curled up in a ball on the floor and thinking I'd never be the same. And I was right. I won't be the same. I will be BETTER! I was so far down I thought I'd never get up, but up I got!
I bet it felt good to throw out those dried flower arrangements!
My car is currently full of crap that was given to me by my MIL and just as soon as my flat tire gets fixed I'm dropping it off at the donation site ��. That will make me very happy ��
Ann, I once painted the living/dining room of our old house this deep brick red. Everyone tried to talk me out of it, including my husband. I had to find three real estate agents who insisted it wouldn't make our house unsellable when the time came. The painter said to me, "If you're going to begin taking risks in your life, start with a can of paint." I loved that. And it looked gorgeous. In fact, it was a selling point when we finally put the house on the market. So you just take your risks with decorating. Trust yourself. If you change you mind, then you change your mind. Make this house about your healing, about expressing who you are and what matters to you. Create your oasis in this world with whatever damn colours you want!
Ann I threw out glasses I knew she drank coffee in (the one on her Facebook page that she sent me) along with completely redoing the kitchen and the bathroom that they showered together in, she really enjoyed shoving all her memories in my face. But the house is no longer a whore house, I tossed out the sofa they watched tv together and both beds they had their passionate sex in. I guess I didn't give a shit or damn how much money this all cost but by God it feel great each and every time I open the door to my/our home! I reclaimed the entire space she contaminated with my stupid ch! Keep tossing out and replacing until your heart sings! Hugs!
I have a red room and love it. My paint wss my bathroom the smudge mark on the can looked black and my H ... are u sure? Its the coolest gray blue color once dried and i love everything about it one of my fav in the house. Amazing how much better u can feel when your bathrooms pretty. Paint on warriors! I cut 6 inches off my hair too ... my h commented are you having u breakdown r u ok? Im fucking fabulous taking care of me again. Its work everyday but yiur damn right we can and are doing it even if its some days a sparkle in the distance and others the lights so bright it will blind u. Tgif sisters.
I'm working really really hard on being happy again. My H mentioned that I don't laugh like I used to. It's been 13 months tomorrow and I am choosing to be happy. I want the happy me back. It is now up to me to be happy. Things can't make me happy. My H can't make me happy. I have to make ME happy. I have to make the decision to be happy. And I'm going to happy (and okay) no matter what happens.
I'm no longer feeling as lost as I was. I'm coming back and I'm coming back stronger than ever!
I remember having happy moments but feeling happy internally was different and really if was only recently I felt thaf at around 20 months past dday. And I happened to say it to my husband and I think it was probably the best thing I could say to him. He has been really happy since around 14 months past dday. His reaction surprised me. What I realize now is he used to be so selfish where now he considers me and our kids and he said he is always happier instead of when he only thought of himself first.
Oh Feeling Lost, I feel you. I am only 10 weeks out but the few times I have laughed, whether at the situation or my CH or a funny TV show I have felt so good even if it's just brief. Laughter is such good medicine. When CH suggests we watch a movie I tell him only if it's a comedy and make sure there are no triggers in it. And, Ann, throwing out the dried flower arrangements gave me a good laugh! Thank you :)
Browneyedgirl, I'm so glad you're laughing when you can and understanding how important that is. I've always been a person who has a sense of humor and appreciates it so much in others. Dday was not funny in the slightest, but still I somehow managed to laugh again as soon as I was able.--took a while. If you're laughing some at 10 weeks out, you are doing very well in that department! Let yourself laugh as soon and as often as you can. My H and I even laughed when we ran into one of the OW's best friends this weekend and how stupid the whole thing is. After we laughed we just looked at each other. He said, "was it wrong to laugh about that?" (worried). I told him no that I'd done enough crying for a while--the threat is over, might as well laugh! Laughing together felt really good. I highly recommend that if/when possible. It felt like an accomplishment because it took so much work to get to that point!
I just wanted to say how much I love and value site and all the women here!!! You all make my heart full and encourage me every day! Thank you. Much love sisters - together we rise!
This, I believe, is where I happen to be at the current moment in time. I'm going to be happy and I am not going to give up.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed lately about how many things I suddenly want to change about my life now 10 months out. Of course the big things like how I interact with my H (that's all I concentrated on at first), but also tons of little things. My house is decorated with things other people were "done with" that they handed off to me along with some things my MIL picked out to "help" me (to decorate according to her tastes). I've been scared to choose for myself because I thought I'd make a mistake. It's true that decorating is not my strong suit (yet!), but I suddenly don't give a shit if I make a "mistake". We're painting the whole house, and I didn't ask for one opinion about the color I chose. It may turn out badly, but I will love my poorly coordinated house even more. Besides, it's just stuff, and I can change my mind as much as I want. Feels good to have changed in these ways. I didn't expect that when I was face down in the dirt! Sometimes when you stand back up you can find that things look very different! Off to throw out these dried flower arrangements I've always hated!...
ReplyDeleteAnn - good for you! I have done the same exact thing! I now don't display something just because my mom or MIL or stepmom gave me something. If I don't like it, it doesn't decorate my home. I am certainly no decorator - actually I don't like to do it but once I get going it's not so bad - and always questioned my decisions. No more! I decorate for ME now. Oh I'll ask my H and sometimes he agrees and sometimes not. But oh well, I am in competition with no one so I'll decorate how I want to :)
DeleteI, too, changed from how I was before. I didn't expect it either when I was curled up in a ball on the floor and thinking I'd never be the same. And I was right. I won't be the same. I will be BETTER! I was so far down I thought I'd never get up, but up I got!
I bet it felt good to throw out those dried flower arrangements!
My car is currently full of crap that was given to me by my MIL and just as soon as my flat tire gets fixed I'm dropping it off at the donation site ��. That will make me very happy ��
DeleteAnn, I once painted the living/dining room of our old house this deep brick red. Everyone tried to talk me out of it, including my husband. I had to find three real estate agents who insisted it wouldn't make our house unsellable when the time came. The painter said to me, "If you're going to begin taking risks in your life, start with a can of paint." I loved that. And it looked gorgeous. In fact, it was a selling point when we finally put the house on the market. So you just take your risks with decorating. Trust yourself. If you change you mind, then you change your mind. Make this house about your healing, about expressing who you are and what matters to you. Create your oasis in this world with whatever damn colours you want!
DeleteAnn
DeleteI threw out glasses I knew she drank coffee in (the one on her Facebook page that she sent me) along with completely redoing the kitchen and the bathroom that they showered together in, she really enjoyed shoving all her memories in my face. But the house is no longer a whore house, I tossed out the sofa they watched tv together and both beds they had their passionate sex in. I guess I didn't give a shit or damn how much money this all cost but by God it feel great each and every time I open the door to my/our home! I reclaimed the entire space she contaminated with my stupid ch! Keep tossing out and replacing until your heart sings! Hugs!
I have a red room and love it. My paint wss my bathroom the smudge mark on the can looked black and my H ... are u sure? Its the coolest gray blue color once dried and i love everything about it one of my fav in the house. Amazing how much better u can feel when your bathrooms pretty. Paint on warriors! I cut 6 inches off my hair too ... my h commented are you having u breakdown r u ok? Im fucking fabulous taking care of me again. Its work everyday but yiur damn right we can and are doing it even if its some days a sparkle in the distance and others the lights so bright it will blind u. Tgif sisters.
DeleteI'm working really really hard on being happy again. My H mentioned that I don't laugh like I used to. It's been 13 months tomorrow and I am choosing to be happy. I want the happy me back. It is now up to me to be happy. Things can't make me happy. My H can't make me happy. I have to make ME happy. I have to make the decision to be happy. And I'm going to happy (and okay) no matter what happens.
ReplyDeleteI'm no longer feeling as lost as I was. I'm coming back and I'm coming back stronger than ever!
This makes me so happy to read that you're feeling less lost! Laughter is helping in our world too! Hugs for happy!
DeleteI remember having happy moments but feeling happy internally was different and really if was only recently I felt thaf at around 20 months past dday. And I happened to say it to my husband and I think it was probably the best thing I could say to him. He has been really happy since around 14 months past dday. His reaction surprised me. What I realize now is he used to be so selfish where now he considers me and our kids and he said he is always happier instead of when he only thought of himself first.
DeleteThe fact that we can see the good changes in ourselves is just one more step in the right direction! Keep pushing and pulling us forward Elle!
ReplyDeleteOh Feeling Lost, I feel you. I am only 10 weeks out but the few times I have laughed, whether at the situation or my CH or a funny TV show I have felt so good even if it's just brief. Laughter is such good medicine. When CH suggests we watch a movie I tell him only if it's a comedy and make sure there are no triggers in it. And, Ann, throwing out the dried flower arrangements gave me a good laugh! Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteBrowneyedgirl,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're laughing when you can and understanding how important that is. I've always been a person who has a sense of humor and appreciates it so much in others. Dday was not funny in the slightest, but still I somehow managed to laugh again as soon as I was able.--took a while. If you're laughing some at 10 weeks out, you are doing very well in that department! Let yourself laugh as soon and as often as you can. My H and I even laughed when we ran into one of the OW's best friends this weekend and how stupid the whole thing is. After we laughed we just looked at each other. He said, "was it wrong to laugh about that?" (worried). I told him no that I'd done enough crying for a while--the threat is over, might as well laugh! Laughing together felt really good. I highly recommend that if/when possible. It felt like an accomplishment because it took so much work to get to that point!
I just wanted to say how much I love and value site and all the women here!!! You all make my heart full and encourage me every day! Thank you. Much love sisters - together we rise!
ReplyDeleteBecky